With just a week before the end of the school practicum, I am overwhelmed with mixed emotions. On one hand, I am relieved and glad that I would have passed through 10 weeks of practicum without any major hiccups (cross my fingers and hope nothing major turns out at the last week here at HIHS!), on the other hand, I realise that my journey of a teacher has only just begun. I still have a long way to go!
I recall 10 weeks back, or even before that. I remember telling my NIE mates that I was in a way afraid of the practicum. They shared my fears. It was a fear of uncertainty, and whether or not we could handle the real life outside as a teacher. What are the kids like these days? Are all the "horror" stories we've heard true? Can we even apply anything we've learnt at NIE to the real classroom? At one moment, I was even questioning myself if I had made the right decision to leave the corporate world outside, and answer the call to touch young minds.
Today, in reflection, I don't have the answer if I've made the correct decision. It doesn't matter. Over the weeks here at HIHS, I have learnt to answer the questions I've asked before practicum. I've learnt about dealing with students, about teaching, about dealing with teachers, about meetings, about school procedures... and the works. I have had my share of ups and downs, of good days and bad days, and I've learnt to pick myself up each time I fall. I've learnt to reach out for the support of my cooperating teachers, armed with their years of experience each time I fall. They have been so supportive during my weeks here, I feel blessed.
But what I have learnt is but a fraction of what is to come. As I anticipate the full workload of a teacher in two months' time, I can't help but feel the same fear I had prior to practicum. Questions race through my mind once again. Will I....?
On a lighter note, I must say I will miss seeing the kids I've come to know over the 10 weeks. Yes, they have made or broken my day along the way, but I have learnt to own them like my own in some way. Like I have mentioned before - the very same students that make your heart ache on some days, are the very same students that make you smile on other days. In retrospect, I sometimes find myself asking, "Weren't I like that before?"
As the practicum draws to an end, I'm beginning to feel a little tired. Perhaps I have not learnt to cut the threads as well as I should - the way Uncle Joel taught me. I hope that when the new term starts, and when I become a full-fledged teacher come July, I will be recharged and re-energized again. If anything, I only want to pass positive vibes to the kids I teach. I want to motivate them, inspire them, and stretch them to their limits.
But before I do that, I'd need to recharge...
30 April 2004
27 April 2004
My Sec 4 Class
When I first stepped into my Sec 4 class some 8 weeks back, I recalled having to raise my voice, and setting a strict tone. I was puzzled and unsympathetic as to why the class was so small, and yet there were so many absentees. I didn't understand why instead of neat rows, the tables was arranged haphazardly. I couldn't comprehend why the boys in the class were so rowdy, choosing to talk when I wanted to say something. And that they were interested in nothing except the topic on SEX. That was 8 weeks back.
I recalled my CT saying to me - They are noisy, but they are harmless. And soon enough, I realised for myself, that they are indeed an endearing bunch. I have learnt through them, that sometimes, silence speaks more than for itself than raising one's voice. I have learnt that despite their apparent misbehaviour, they are like each and every one of us, with their own dreams and aspirations. I have learnt, that behind the boisterous mischief in class, they have a caring heart.
As the weeks went by, I got to know some of them better than others. I remember one girl in class who hopes to work in the hotel line one day, and another who hopes to pursue her dream of being in the music industry. I just found out yesterday that another aims to get into the poly and then the University, so that he can take over his father's business. Yet others had short term goals, like improving on his English, and doing well for his exams. Another is a computer guru who hopes he can make it in the IT line one day.
Simple hearts with big dreams. Dreams that make them out to be who they are. Young minds yearning for guidance, and careful moulding, so that they can fulfill these dreams. As I listened to them, and looked at them in class yesterday, my heart went out to them. If only I could do something to nudge each and every one of them closer to their dreams.
With two weeks left, I feel I don't have much time. My wish is that they will persevere in all they do, and never give up. If I could, I'd tell each and every one of them to always believe in themselves. I'd tell them to think about what they'd want to do in their lives, focus on that goal, and trace their steps towards that goal. I'd tell them that nothing can stop them except themselves.
One of them asked me over the msn yesterday why I looked sad in class. I guess all the thoughts I had in my head showed in my eyes. There's so much I want to do, but there's just so little time. If only I could cast a magic spell and touch their lives in some way somehow...
Today, during the Values Inculcation Programme, when I saw some of the guys and girls from the class participate in a tug-of-war, I felt proud of them. As they exerted their strength and pulled the thick rope just to win, I realised the fighting spirit they had in them. Despite the rope burns, and the occasional slips and falls, they still got up, and pulled harder. They didn't win in the end. But that didn't matter. They did their best, and they knew they did. Like a proud parent, I told Joanne, "See those boys? They are from my Sec 4 Peace class." Joanne probably couldn't quite comprehend why I was so proud of them. I was all smiles. It was probably because I realised that these boys had a fighting spirit in them.
If I could say something to them right now, I'd tell them - Fight on, guys, in whatever you do! Remember the tug-of-war each time you're faced with difficulties. Remember how hard you pulled, and picked yourself up each time you fell. And you gave it all, your best shot - because you believed in yourself, because you believed you could win.
Nothing's going to stop you now. The sky's the limit. One day, I know when you each have your success stories to tell, I'd say to someone else, "See those boys? They were from my Sec 4 Peace class."
:)
I recalled my CT saying to me - They are noisy, but they are harmless. And soon enough, I realised for myself, that they are indeed an endearing bunch. I have learnt through them, that sometimes, silence speaks more than for itself than raising one's voice. I have learnt that despite their apparent misbehaviour, they are like each and every one of us, with their own dreams and aspirations. I have learnt, that behind the boisterous mischief in class, they have a caring heart.
As the weeks went by, I got to know some of them better than others. I remember one girl in class who hopes to work in the hotel line one day, and another who hopes to pursue her dream of being in the music industry. I just found out yesterday that another aims to get into the poly and then the University, so that he can take over his father's business. Yet others had short term goals, like improving on his English, and doing well for his exams. Another is a computer guru who hopes he can make it in the IT line one day.
Simple hearts with big dreams. Dreams that make them out to be who they are. Young minds yearning for guidance, and careful moulding, so that they can fulfill these dreams. As I listened to them, and looked at them in class yesterday, my heart went out to them. If only I could do something to nudge each and every one of them closer to their dreams.
With two weeks left, I feel I don't have much time. My wish is that they will persevere in all they do, and never give up. If I could, I'd tell each and every one of them to always believe in themselves. I'd tell them to think about what they'd want to do in their lives, focus on that goal, and trace their steps towards that goal. I'd tell them that nothing can stop them except themselves.
One of them asked me over the msn yesterday why I looked sad in class. I guess all the thoughts I had in my head showed in my eyes. There's so much I want to do, but there's just so little time. If only I could cast a magic spell and touch their lives in some way somehow...
Today, during the Values Inculcation Programme, when I saw some of the guys and girls from the class participate in a tug-of-war, I felt proud of them. As they exerted their strength and pulled the thick rope just to win, I realised the fighting spirit they had in them. Despite the rope burns, and the occasional slips and falls, they still got up, and pulled harder. They didn't win in the end. But that didn't matter. They did their best, and they knew they did. Like a proud parent, I told Joanne, "See those boys? They are from my Sec 4 Peace class." Joanne probably couldn't quite comprehend why I was so proud of them. I was all smiles. It was probably because I realised that these boys had a fighting spirit in them.
If I could say something to them right now, I'd tell them - Fight on, guys, in whatever you do! Remember the tug-of-war each time you're faced with difficulties. Remember how hard you pulled, and picked yourself up each time you fell. And you gave it all, your best shot - because you believed in yourself, because you believed you could win.
Nothing's going to stop you now. The sky's the limit. One day, I know when you each have your success stories to tell, I'd say to someone else, "See those boys? They were from my Sec 4 Peace class."
:)
26 April 2004
A wonderful weekend
It's been a while since I last enjoyed a weekend like this. Having the whole Saturday to myself was a rare treat. I had voluntarily kept myself at home to finish a whole pile of marking - and was proud of myself that I did. It has also been a while since I did my 30 laps in the pool, so it was a minor accomplishment to be able to do so finally. Plunging into the pool and just mechanically swimming enabled me to just zone out for a moment - and reflect about all that has been happening around me.
If anything, I should be thankful of the teaching experience I've had at HIHS. The students can be draining some times, but they are the very same people that make you smile at the end of the day. I think I've been blessed with good heads in the school, and very good CTs, who are not only encouraging, but understanding too. They have never failed to provide me with tricks of the trade, and teaching pedagogy. And my fellow NIE mates at HIHS have also been really nice, especially Joanne and Victor... In a way, I think Sec 3 Int have begun to change their attitude cos of what Jo said to them. I think I have to thank her for that!
Sunday was reserved for a lunch meeting at my home. It started out early with Mass, and then to NTUC to get groceries to cook lunch. I had a simple home-cooked food menu planned - nothing too fancy.
The meeting went on well and good. We brainstormed for ideas and decided on a certain look that we wanted for our project. It had to be something that identifies the whole entity - something that will flow throughout the collaterals. It was a quick meeting and LC decided that she would come up with a few designs for us to choose from... Can't wait to see it this Thursday! :)
The day went on with my other friends after LC left for her meeting at Sentosa. We spoke and talked - heart to heart. Something we haven't done for a while. Putting work aside for a moment, it was a sharing of the deepest emotions and advice. What resulted was yet another afternoon of developing the friendships between us to a deeper level.
I hadn't expected my friends to stay til close to midnight, but I was glad they did. Maybe it was the company, maybe it was the conversations, maybe it was the joy and laughter we all felt that made time pass so quickly. At the end of the day, I said my prayer and thanked the good One above for the blessings he has given me though the gift of my family and friends. Truly, if anything, I am experiencing true joy in my life now.
:)
If anything, I should be thankful of the teaching experience I've had at HIHS. The students can be draining some times, but they are the very same people that make you smile at the end of the day. I think I've been blessed with good heads in the school, and very good CTs, who are not only encouraging, but understanding too. They have never failed to provide me with tricks of the trade, and teaching pedagogy. And my fellow NIE mates at HIHS have also been really nice, especially Joanne and Victor... In a way, I think Sec 3 Int have begun to change their attitude cos of what Jo said to them. I think I have to thank her for that!
Sunday was reserved for a lunch meeting at my home. It started out early with Mass, and then to NTUC to get groceries to cook lunch. I had a simple home-cooked food menu planned - nothing too fancy.
The meeting went on well and good. We brainstormed for ideas and decided on a certain look that we wanted for our project. It had to be something that identifies the whole entity - something that will flow throughout the collaterals. It was a quick meeting and LC decided that she would come up with a few designs for us to choose from... Can't wait to see it this Thursday! :)
The day went on with my other friends after LC left for her meeting at Sentosa. We spoke and talked - heart to heart. Something we haven't done for a while. Putting work aside for a moment, it was a sharing of the deepest emotions and advice. What resulted was yet another afternoon of developing the friendships between us to a deeper level.
I hadn't expected my friends to stay til close to midnight, but I was glad they did. Maybe it was the company, maybe it was the conversations, maybe it was the joy and laughter we all felt that made time pass so quickly. At the end of the day, I said my prayer and thanked the good One above for the blessings he has given me though the gift of my family and friends. Truly, if anything, I am experiencing true joy in my life now.
:)
23 April 2004
When your students make you smile...
I think one of the greatest things a teacher can get out of all the long hours, nagging and sleepless nights of preparing for lessons, is an acknowledgement from her student that she's doing a fine job. Today, I received the one of the nicest notes in one of my student's journal. It read:
"Hello Miss Chew. I'd like to apologise for always handing in my work late and being inattentive in class sometimes. I'd like you to know that I am very very very very happy to have you as my English teacher. I'd like to thank you for always being so patient with us and not giving up hope on us, and meeting to the needs of the brats in the class. Miss Deborah Chew is the most wonderful and lovely teacher! :)"
That came from one of the "brats" in my class. He's actually a really talented guy. Has his own rock band outside in which he is a drummer. He loves to pierce his body parts, so he's got like sticks all over his face to keep the holes open during school hours.
In any case, I couldn't help but feel happy when I read that. It is one of those moments where I knew I had done something right in that class. I had noticed a change in his attitude since I first taught some 8 weeks back. Now, I can see he's making an effort to do the work he's assigned, and even influencing those around him to do the same.
Today's lesson went on well. My kids did their work, and filled up their worksheets duly. Hardly anyone surfed the net for their personal stuff. All was on task finding and reading information on the harp seals. They even came in early for class! Maybe what Joanne said to them a few days back had an impact on them. Maybe they have begun to realise that they really have been taking things for granted.
At the back of my head, my mind worries for Chen Ying. She's been sending me smses for the past few days. Things for her at her school hasn't been a bed of roses. The last I heard, her VP did not give her a favourable grade. Things got so bad that her supervisor had to come down to the schoola again. As I spoke to her yesterday, she was beginning to lose confidence in herself. I don't blame her. Her VP and CT weren't too nice with their words to her. I comforted her and told her that she will not fail. I encouraged her to believe in herself and not bother about what her VP had said. I guess it's easy for me to say. I know it's not easy for her. I hope she's feeling much better today. I hope the silver line to the cloud will show soon. She told me that only comfort she got out of the school so far, was when one student came up to her and asked her to continue teaching his class because "we prefer you to teach us".
I guess it's moments like these that encourage you, and push you to carry on, no matter how difficult it is.
Uncle Joel has been a dear correspondent and mentor in my teaching career lately. He's been sending me the nicest notes and tips on how I can deal with my students at a different level. I've yet to try out certain strategies, but I believe they will work. Also, he's been giving me advice on how I can handle my stress levels too. In the latest email I got from him, amongst all the things he wrote, I was particularly struck by a quote he got from a book. It goes, "Sometimes, when you feel you're going backwards, maybe it's because you're giving yourself space to make a running leap forward."
It struck me hard, especially over the last few days when I was pondering if I had made the right choice in going into teaching. I was beginning to feel I was getting bad at handling my Sec 3 kids. When I see my kids improving in their behaviour these days, I tell myself... maybe I have made that leap forward?
When we are discouraged by the failures that hit us, I hope it helps to know that maybe, we are just making space to make that leap forward.
:)
"Hello Miss Chew. I'd like to apologise for always handing in my work late and being inattentive in class sometimes. I'd like you to know that I am very very very very happy to have you as my English teacher. I'd like to thank you for always being so patient with us and not giving up hope on us, and meeting to the needs of the brats in the class. Miss Deborah Chew is the most wonderful and lovely teacher! :)"
That came from one of the "brats" in my class. He's actually a really talented guy. Has his own rock band outside in which he is a drummer. He loves to pierce his body parts, so he's got like sticks all over his face to keep the holes open during school hours.
In any case, I couldn't help but feel happy when I read that. It is one of those moments where I knew I had done something right in that class. I had noticed a change in his attitude since I first taught some 8 weeks back. Now, I can see he's making an effort to do the work he's assigned, and even influencing those around him to do the same.
Today's lesson went on well. My kids did their work, and filled up their worksheets duly. Hardly anyone surfed the net for their personal stuff. All was on task finding and reading information on the harp seals. They even came in early for class! Maybe what Joanne said to them a few days back had an impact on them. Maybe they have begun to realise that they really have been taking things for granted.
At the back of my head, my mind worries for Chen Ying. She's been sending me smses for the past few days. Things for her at her school hasn't been a bed of roses. The last I heard, her VP did not give her a favourable grade. Things got so bad that her supervisor had to come down to the schoola again. As I spoke to her yesterday, she was beginning to lose confidence in herself. I don't blame her. Her VP and CT weren't too nice with their words to her. I comforted her and told her that she will not fail. I encouraged her to believe in herself and not bother about what her VP had said. I guess it's easy for me to say. I know it's not easy for her. I hope she's feeling much better today. I hope the silver line to the cloud will show soon. She told me that only comfort she got out of the school so far, was when one student came up to her and asked her to continue teaching his class because "we prefer you to teach us".
I guess it's moments like these that encourage you, and push you to carry on, no matter how difficult it is.
Uncle Joel has been a dear correspondent and mentor in my teaching career lately. He's been sending me the nicest notes and tips on how I can deal with my students at a different level. I've yet to try out certain strategies, but I believe they will work. Also, he's been giving me advice on how I can handle my stress levels too. In the latest email I got from him, amongst all the things he wrote, I was particularly struck by a quote he got from a book. It goes, "Sometimes, when you feel you're going backwards, maybe it's because you're giving yourself space to make a running leap forward."
It struck me hard, especially over the last few days when I was pondering if I had made the right choice in going into teaching. I was beginning to feel I was getting bad at handling my Sec 3 kids. When I see my kids improving in their behaviour these days, I tell myself... maybe I have made that leap forward?
When we are discouraged by the failures that hit us, I hope it helps to know that maybe, we are just making space to make that leap forward.
:)
22 April 2004
A load being lifted
I struggled to stay awake last night. I had two lesson observations today, both of equal importance. I tapped on my laptop as I tried to do up the lesson plan and figure out what I would be teaching for today's CPA lesson. It was way past midnight and all I could think of was sleep. I had stayed up late for the past few nights til the wee hours of the morning and the lack of sleep was taking its toll on me. I looked clearly tired, and felt thoroughly drained. Even meeting up with my favourite friends at the FHA didn't help jolt me back to the cheery smiley Deborah. I seemed to have a million and one things on my mind. Wendy said to me, "Where's my friend, Deb? Give me back my friend! Who are you?" She learns fast - That's my line to her each time she acts "non-Wendy".
I am indeed blessed. My CPA CT understood my stress. After my English lesson observation at the first two periods of the day, I rushed back to the staff room and with a guilty look, told my CPA CT that I hadn't typed out my lesson plan - and the lesson was going to be conducted, and observed in less than 2 hours' time! He told me to take my time, as long as I had something for him before the lesson.
And so, I rushed and typed and typed and went through my lesson. At 10.30am sharp, when the bell rang, I handed to him my lesson plan, and said my thanks. "You'd do fine", he said. He always says that... :)
The lesson went on well. In a way, I think my Normal Technical kids have taken a liking to me. I think the chuppa chops and chocolates did the trick. Today, one student asked me, "Cher, how come no more sweet?" I told him I'd give them sweets on my last day in school. He replied, "I thought when you leave, we are supposed to give you things, not the other way." Ha.. cute logic...
As usual, my CPA CT graded me well. He gave me pointers on how I could have improved, and said that they way I teach is similar to how he teaches... Great... Great minds think alike! :)
Earlier in the morning, my heart nearly dropped when I went to the computer lab where my English lesson would be held and found that the files for the microLESSON was not loaded up into the PCs. I had asked the lab technician to load it up yesterday afternoon. It wasn't there. I panicked. Has technology failed me again? In the middle of the value inculcation programme, I rushed to find the lab technician.. phew! Within minutes, all was settled.
The lesson went on well. My kids came in late - as usual, and got a shelling from me - as usual. I started by showing them the video of how the harp seals were mercilessly killed. That raised some emotions. Then I gave out "secret envelopes" - pictures of harp seals, both cute and white, as well as those soaked in their own blood. Those raised more emotions. At the end of half an hour, I got them stirred up enough to want to find out more information on the website about harp seals. They wanted to know why they were killed, who kills them, why were they so mercilessly killed. To see them so engaged and ethusiastic about the issue made me feel redoing all microLESSON to suit them better all worthwhile. For once, I could see them filling up the worksheets without much probing... ah... almost heaven.
Tomorrow, they will continue with their Internet reseach on harp seals. I pray and hope heaven will continue.. :)
It really feels like a heavy load has been lifted after these two observations. I have just one more to go - for CPA. Slowly, we're all counting down til 7 May. All of us trainee teachers will graduate. We will all meet once again to share our woes and joys of practicum, and to the realisation that we have three more years to go! Way to go pals! Our journey has just begun....
Feeling rejuvenated, I find my old cheery chirpy self once again.... Wendy - Deborah's back! :)
I am indeed blessed. My CPA CT understood my stress. After my English lesson observation at the first two periods of the day, I rushed back to the staff room and with a guilty look, told my CPA CT that I hadn't typed out my lesson plan - and the lesson was going to be conducted, and observed in less than 2 hours' time! He told me to take my time, as long as I had something for him before the lesson.
And so, I rushed and typed and typed and went through my lesson. At 10.30am sharp, when the bell rang, I handed to him my lesson plan, and said my thanks. "You'd do fine", he said. He always says that... :)
The lesson went on well. In a way, I think my Normal Technical kids have taken a liking to me. I think the chuppa chops and chocolates did the trick. Today, one student asked me, "Cher, how come no more sweet?" I told him I'd give them sweets on my last day in school. He replied, "I thought when you leave, we are supposed to give you things, not the other way." Ha.. cute logic...
As usual, my CPA CT graded me well. He gave me pointers on how I could have improved, and said that they way I teach is similar to how he teaches... Great... Great minds think alike! :)
Earlier in the morning, my heart nearly dropped when I went to the computer lab where my English lesson would be held and found that the files for the microLESSON was not loaded up into the PCs. I had asked the lab technician to load it up yesterday afternoon. It wasn't there. I panicked. Has technology failed me again? In the middle of the value inculcation programme, I rushed to find the lab technician.. phew! Within minutes, all was settled.
The lesson went on well. My kids came in late - as usual, and got a shelling from me - as usual. I started by showing them the video of how the harp seals were mercilessly killed. That raised some emotions. Then I gave out "secret envelopes" - pictures of harp seals, both cute and white, as well as those soaked in their own blood. Those raised more emotions. At the end of half an hour, I got them stirred up enough to want to find out more information on the website about harp seals. They wanted to know why they were killed, who kills them, why were they so mercilessly killed. To see them so engaged and ethusiastic about the issue made me feel redoing all microLESSON to suit them better all worthwhile. For once, I could see them filling up the worksheets without much probing... ah... almost heaven.
Tomorrow, they will continue with their Internet reseach on harp seals. I pray and hope heaven will continue.. :)
It really feels like a heavy load has been lifted after these two observations. I have just one more to go - for CPA. Slowly, we're all counting down til 7 May. All of us trainee teachers will graduate. We will all meet once again to share our woes and joys of practicum, and to the realisation that we have three more years to go! Way to go pals! Our journey has just begun....
Feeling rejuvenated, I find my old cheery chirpy self once again.... Wendy - Deborah's back! :)
20 April 2004
My students
I really should be doing up the worksheets that accompany the microLESSON that I created for my English class right now, but I can't help it. I need to blog!
Today started out gloomy. I wasn't feeling like the top of the world. I couldn't quite put my finger on what was bothering me. All I knew was that I was feeling a little low. Maybe it's the effects of burn out creeping in. Maybe I was just tired, both physically and mentally. As I mentally calculated the number of weeks left til 7 May, I realised that I had loads of work to be done before I can celebrate the mark of my practicum. Heavy, was how I felt.
I was glad the day began to brighten as I entered another Sec 3 class. Having some spare time after their presentations, some students decided to play with my laptop. They squealed in delight as they realised I had piano pieces of all their favourite songs.. "Eh, cher! You have Pachebel's Canon in D!" "I want to hear Somewhere over the rainbow!" "Hey, there's Forrest Gump!" The chatter went on and on as I saw my students enjoying the music. It warmed my heart to see these young minds appreciating the very best of music.
"Cher, what's Track Number 5?" It was almost coincidental, cos the student that asked me that was the very same one who told me a few weeks back that she was living her life for herself - and that meant doing whatever she could in the best way she could. "That's a song my friend wrote", I said. "It's called Living this Life for Me". I told her what the song was about and how it relates to the her. "Can I hear it?" "Sure!" I said.
I smiled as I saw her placing her ear close to the laptop's speakers so that she could hear every word of the song. She ; asked if she could buy the CD; she asked if she could have the lyrics of the song; she asked if she could have the scores of the song. It was evident that she loved the song.
As the day passed, my students touched me more and more. I didn't know what quite changed the class of Sec 3 Integrity, but one by one, they came to me to hand in their journals. Did someone say something to them?
Joanne came back from her lessons, and told me she gave Sec 3 Integrity a piece of her mind. She scolded them for taking things for granted, for taking me for granted, and for not cherishing what they had. She told me she could see remorse in their eyes. She told me she thinks they've been shaken.
I felt bad. I hadn't wanted Joanne to scold the class. Much as I was affected, I knew they didn't do it on purpose. It's just that they've yet to come to a realisation. Maybe Joanne made them realise something.
The school day ended with yet two more students coming to see me. "Ms Chew, when's your last day?" I told them I'd be here til 7 May only. "Why so early? Can you stay longer? Where will you be going after that?" I told them I'd be going back to school. "Will you come back after that?" I told them I don't know. "Come back and teach us, OK?" I smiled.
It's things like these that make staying back in school til 7pm, and staying up late til 3am doing worksheets for your students so that they'll learn all worthwhile.
Back to worksheets now!
:)
Today started out gloomy. I wasn't feeling like the top of the world. I couldn't quite put my finger on what was bothering me. All I knew was that I was feeling a little low. Maybe it's the effects of burn out creeping in. Maybe I was just tired, both physically and mentally. As I mentally calculated the number of weeks left til 7 May, I realised that I had loads of work to be done before I can celebrate the mark of my practicum. Heavy, was how I felt.
I was glad the day began to brighten as I entered another Sec 3 class. Having some spare time after their presentations, some students decided to play with my laptop. They squealed in delight as they realised I had piano pieces of all their favourite songs.. "Eh, cher! You have Pachebel's Canon in D!" "I want to hear Somewhere over the rainbow!" "Hey, there's Forrest Gump!" The chatter went on and on as I saw my students enjoying the music. It warmed my heart to see these young minds appreciating the very best of music.
"Cher, what's Track Number 5?" It was almost coincidental, cos the student that asked me that was the very same one who told me a few weeks back that she was living her life for herself - and that meant doing whatever she could in the best way she could. "That's a song my friend wrote", I said. "It's called Living this Life for Me". I told her what the song was about and how it relates to the her. "Can I hear it?" "Sure!" I said.
I smiled as I saw her placing her ear close to the laptop's speakers so that she could hear every word of the song. She ; asked if she could buy the CD; she asked if she could have the lyrics of the song; she asked if she could have the scores of the song. It was evident that she loved the song.
As the day passed, my students touched me more and more. I didn't know what quite changed the class of Sec 3 Integrity, but one by one, they came to me to hand in their journals. Did someone say something to them?
Joanne came back from her lessons, and told me she gave Sec 3 Integrity a piece of her mind. She scolded them for taking things for granted, for taking me for granted, and for not cherishing what they had. She told me she could see remorse in their eyes. She told me she thinks they've been shaken.
I felt bad. I hadn't wanted Joanne to scold the class. Much as I was affected, I knew they didn't do it on purpose. It's just that they've yet to come to a realisation. Maybe Joanne made them realise something.
The school day ended with yet two more students coming to see me. "Ms Chew, when's your last day?" I told them I'd be here til 7 May only. "Why so early? Can you stay longer? Where will you be going after that?" I told them I'd be going back to school. "Will you come back after that?" I told them I don't know. "Come back and teach us, OK?" I smiled.
It's things like these that make staying back in school til 7pm, and staying up late til 3am doing worksheets for your students so that they'll learn all worthwhile.
Back to worksheets now!
:)
18 April 2004
My mum
My dear mum came to my room yesterday evening after work. With a stack of letters in her hand, and cup of tea, she decided to make herself comfortable in my papasan chair. In the most animated voice, she asked, "Do you want to know what I think of all your friends that I've met?"
My mind was in a blur as that came out of nowhere. I glanced at her as if enquiring where that came from. "I'm serious." she said. "OK", I said. And so, I pulled myself away from the design work I was doing, and listened to her.
What followed for the next hour, was the best conversation I have had with my mum for a long time. I agreed with her that she never did tell me how she felt about my friends. It was only yesterday that I learnt how she felt. She said, "I think I have a gift. I can size people out very fast, and I'm usually right." She was quick to add, "But that makes me too judgemental sometimes, so I keep it to myself."
"Sounds like me", I told her. Now I know where I got it from!
Mum went on evaluating almost everyone whom she's met, and eventually told me that she never thought Adrian was the right guy for me, though she didn't want to say it. She told me that it was his loss and our gain that he decided to be with someone else instead. She didn't think Mark would be right too, although we were very close friends, and a Catholic! I was surprised. I always thought mum liked Mark... Hmmm... ?!
In between, we talked about the past, the present, and the future. We talked about our worries and my brother. We talked about her friend's children, and about how she feels so strongly for young adults and the elderly. As we spoke, I realised whom I learnt about unconditional giving from. I learnt and re-learnt about positivity, and about compassion. I also learnt that mum and I were more similar in thinking than I had thought.
Mum ended off the conversation by telling me that she's been praying very hard for me. And that my Godma has been praying hard too. In fact, Godma added that if only she had another son, she'd make him marry me! Pris - that's Leo's mum for you! Can you imagine? Singing St Pat's school song at my wedding??!! No...!! :)
I asked mum why the sudden evaluations. She told me she was touched by what one of my friends said to her on that Easter sunday. It was something different, and it got her thinking. She told me, "I think you've found a really good friend."
I smiled as I heard that. I think I did too. Thanks, mum!
:)
My mind was in a blur as that came out of nowhere. I glanced at her as if enquiring where that came from. "I'm serious." she said. "OK", I said. And so, I pulled myself away from the design work I was doing, and listened to her.
What followed for the next hour, was the best conversation I have had with my mum for a long time. I agreed with her that she never did tell me how she felt about my friends. It was only yesterday that I learnt how she felt. She said, "I think I have a gift. I can size people out very fast, and I'm usually right." She was quick to add, "But that makes me too judgemental sometimes, so I keep it to myself."
"Sounds like me", I told her. Now I know where I got it from!
Mum went on evaluating almost everyone whom she's met, and eventually told me that she never thought Adrian was the right guy for me, though she didn't want to say it. She told me that it was his loss and our gain that he decided to be with someone else instead. She didn't think Mark would be right too, although we were very close friends, and a Catholic! I was surprised. I always thought mum liked Mark... Hmmm... ?!
In between, we talked about the past, the present, and the future. We talked about our worries and my brother. We talked about her friend's children, and about how she feels so strongly for young adults and the elderly. As we spoke, I realised whom I learnt about unconditional giving from. I learnt and re-learnt about positivity, and about compassion. I also learnt that mum and I were more similar in thinking than I had thought.
Mum ended off the conversation by telling me that she's been praying very hard for me. And that my Godma has been praying hard too. In fact, Godma added that if only she had another son, she'd make him marry me! Pris - that's Leo's mum for you! Can you imagine? Singing St Pat's school song at my wedding??!! No...!! :)
I asked mum why the sudden evaluations. She told me she was touched by what one of my friends said to her on that Easter sunday. It was something different, and it got her thinking. She told me, "I think you've found a really good friend."
I smiled as I heard that. I think I did too. Thanks, mum!
:)
Picking up again
I thank God that I have a strong support of friends I know I can count on when students suck the last drop of energy from me. You know who you are - thanks for the listening ear, the encouraging words, the empathy, the words of wisdom across the seas, the smses. I really appreciate all of it! I really don't know what I'd do if not for your encouragement.
Perhaps the week that had passed wasn't the best for a while. Somehow, everything that could go wrong went wrong. But instead of playing the blaming game, I'd rather see things in a positive light.
As I knelt down in prayer at Mass just a few hours ago, I began to reflect all that has happened. And with the belief that all things happen for a reason, I began to explain to myself why things happened the way it happened. Humility was the word that came out. Yes, I have been humbled. Perhaps, I had forgotten that about others when my plate was full. I was having a good time teaching so far. Perhaps, I hadn't empathised enough with my fellow NIE classmates, who weren't having so much a ball of a time. Perhaps I wasn't appreciative of the fact that I had a great working environment, and that my co-operating teachers are God-sent.
I thought I had it all figured out. This is the way you deal with kids, I'd say. This is the way you have to plan the lesson, I'd say. This is the way this and that should be done, I'd say. It was as if I knew everything. Well, apparently not. What had happened last week only proved to me that my teaching journey had just begun. It taught me that I have so much more to learn. It showed me that what works on one day need not necessarily work always. And so, I was humbled.
Closer to home, I realised and began to fully understand how my brother had been feeling on his low days for the past six years as a teacher. I had always thought he was exaggerating when he shared with me about the frustrations of teaching students these days. I didn't understand why he was so tired at the end of the day, as if all the energy had been sucked out of him. Now, I finally do.
Tomorrow, I will teach my Sec 3 Integrity class for one period, during which my CT will not only observe me, but the class as well. She will take note of the trouble makers and we'd sit down to discuss who to weed out from the class. Evil plan, but I think it'd work. It is so not me to punish, but I guess I have to learn to do it, and not think too much about it.
I'm picking up again... And counting down til 7 May!
:)
Perhaps the week that had passed wasn't the best for a while. Somehow, everything that could go wrong went wrong. But instead of playing the blaming game, I'd rather see things in a positive light.
As I knelt down in prayer at Mass just a few hours ago, I began to reflect all that has happened. And with the belief that all things happen for a reason, I began to explain to myself why things happened the way it happened. Humility was the word that came out. Yes, I have been humbled. Perhaps, I had forgotten that about others when my plate was full. I was having a good time teaching so far. Perhaps, I hadn't empathised enough with my fellow NIE classmates, who weren't having so much a ball of a time. Perhaps I wasn't appreciative of the fact that I had a great working environment, and that my co-operating teachers are God-sent.
I thought I had it all figured out. This is the way you deal with kids, I'd say. This is the way you have to plan the lesson, I'd say. This is the way this and that should be done, I'd say. It was as if I knew everything. Well, apparently not. What had happened last week only proved to me that my teaching journey had just begun. It taught me that I have so much more to learn. It showed me that what works on one day need not necessarily work always. And so, I was humbled.
Closer to home, I realised and began to fully understand how my brother had been feeling on his low days for the past six years as a teacher. I had always thought he was exaggerating when he shared with me about the frustrations of teaching students these days. I didn't understand why he was so tired at the end of the day, as if all the energy had been sucked out of him. Now, I finally do.
Tomorrow, I will teach my Sec 3 Integrity class for one period, during which my CT will not only observe me, but the class as well. She will take note of the trouble makers and we'd sit down to discuss who to weed out from the class. Evil plan, but I think it'd work. It is so not me to punish, but I guess I have to learn to do it, and not think too much about it.
I'm picking up again... And counting down til 7 May!
:)
16 April 2004
I cried
Yes, I cried in school today. Not in front of my class, but after. As I slumped into the chair in the staff room, I couldn't help but feel frustrated.
Once again, all my elaborate planning to get my students engaged during lessons came to nought. I felt helpless. I felt frustrated. I felt angry and I began to be self-blaming. I wondered what I could do, or what I have not done, to be able to control these kids. As I could see it, they were already beginning to take advantage of me. It didn't feel good that it was just the start of the day, and I felt rock bottom, all because my students failed to behave in class.
I couldn't tie up my lesson because most of the time, I was trying to discipline them, getting them to do the task assigned. It made me feel as though the one hour that had just passed came to nothing. What did they learn at the end of the day?
As I thought through what had just happened, I couldn't help but cry. I asked and asked, but there didn't seem to be an answer. I felt that instead of improving with more teaching experience, I felt myself just getting worse at controlling the class. What did I do? What did I not do? What's wrong?
As tears flowed uncontrollably down my cheeks, I walked my way to the grotto of the school where the statue of Our Lady was placed. In the silence of my heart, I said what I needed to say. I asked questions, and said a prayer for God to give me patience and perseverance.
Wendy was a real comfort as I spoke with her about the bad start to the day. I wondered how the rest of the day will be.
Somehow, my English CT heard about the bad start to my day. She grabbed her wallet and asked me if I were free for a chat. And so we did - out of the school's ground, into one of the nearby coffeeshops, where we discussed the problems of the class and what we could do. Over coffee and MILO-ping, we came up with an evil plan to split the class up such that only those who are not disruptive and show eagerness in learning can continue to attend my lessons. I can then continue to teach those who are motivated to learn.
After that, I bumped into my CPA CT who gave me yet more tips on teaching. Before he left he said, "Don't worry lah.. you can do it."
I came back to the staff room feeling like a load has been lifted from my heart since the English class ended. It helped to know that my CTs are so supportive. I received an SMS from a friend "Hang on there. The day will be better!" it read.
Yes, it is beginning to get better.
Tonight, I will listen to Uncle Joel - cut the threads. I will enjoy my weekend after I'm done with the PED 516 assignment that's due tomorrow. Rollerblading with Wendy's on the list... and yes, I can't wait to enjoy the beach once again!
As of now, I take a deep breath and gather all the positivity in me once again. It takes time, I know. But I look forward to the day where I will look at my Sec 3 Integrity students and pat myself on my back, because I had made a difference in their lives.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
:)
Once again, all my elaborate planning to get my students engaged during lessons came to nought. I felt helpless. I felt frustrated. I felt angry and I began to be self-blaming. I wondered what I could do, or what I have not done, to be able to control these kids. As I could see it, they were already beginning to take advantage of me. It didn't feel good that it was just the start of the day, and I felt rock bottom, all because my students failed to behave in class.
I couldn't tie up my lesson because most of the time, I was trying to discipline them, getting them to do the task assigned. It made me feel as though the one hour that had just passed came to nothing. What did they learn at the end of the day?
As I thought through what had just happened, I couldn't help but cry. I asked and asked, but there didn't seem to be an answer. I felt that instead of improving with more teaching experience, I felt myself just getting worse at controlling the class. What did I do? What did I not do? What's wrong?
As tears flowed uncontrollably down my cheeks, I walked my way to the grotto of the school where the statue of Our Lady was placed. In the silence of my heart, I said what I needed to say. I asked questions, and said a prayer for God to give me patience and perseverance.
Wendy was a real comfort as I spoke with her about the bad start to the day. I wondered how the rest of the day will be.
Somehow, my English CT heard about the bad start to my day. She grabbed her wallet and asked me if I were free for a chat. And so we did - out of the school's ground, into one of the nearby coffeeshops, where we discussed the problems of the class and what we could do. Over coffee and MILO-ping, we came up with an evil plan to split the class up such that only those who are not disruptive and show eagerness in learning can continue to attend my lessons. I can then continue to teach those who are motivated to learn.
After that, I bumped into my CPA CT who gave me yet more tips on teaching. Before he left he said, "Don't worry lah.. you can do it."
I came back to the staff room feeling like a load has been lifted from my heart since the English class ended. It helped to know that my CTs are so supportive. I received an SMS from a friend "Hang on there. The day will be better!" it read.
Yes, it is beginning to get better.
Tonight, I will listen to Uncle Joel - cut the threads. I will enjoy my weekend after I'm done with the PED 516 assignment that's due tomorrow. Rollerblading with Wendy's on the list... and yes, I can't wait to enjoy the beach once again!
As of now, I take a deep breath and gather all the positivity in me once again. It takes time, I know. But I look forward to the day where I will look at my Sec 3 Integrity students and pat myself on my back, because I had made a difference in their lives.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
:)
14 April 2004
I almost cried in class
I promised myself when I started teaching that I will never cry in class. Well, today, I almost broke that promise.
Today was the first day I saw my Sec 3 Integrity class after their camp. Much as Joanne had told me that there's no change in their attitude after the camp, I chose to think otherwise. And so, with printed worksheets and my trusty picnic basket of chocolates and chuppa chops, I entered the class with a smile. It was great seeing the familiar faces I've grown accustomed to over the weeks.
I let them cheer their class cheer which they had learnt at the camp. I asked them for a silent clap, and they responded. Some wondered how I was in the know of their camp activities. They decided to welcome me with a sexy clap, followed by the sotong clap. It humoured them, it made them laugh, and to see the joy in their faces made me feel happy they were back. Maybe Joanne was wrong. Maybe they had changed.
After distributing the chocolates and chuppa chops, I could see the delight in their faces. I'm going to have a good class today, I told myself. And so, I continued with the lesson proper. I asked them to whisk out their Marine Parks article and went through with them the structure of an argumentative essay again. I distributed the first worksheet, and I could see a few bodies beginning to slump on their tables. As I spoke and explained, I felt I was losing the class again. Joanne was right. They have not changed.
As I explained and re-explained, and guided them through the worksheets, I struggled with deciding whether to continue the lesson as planned - give out the rest of the worksheets, explain more and make them hand it all in at the end of the lesson - or to stop and walk out of the class. In a way, I felt like giving up.
I didn't do either. I put the worksheet down and I looked at them. I asked them - Can I share with you thoughts from a teacher? They looked puzzled. I asked again - Can I share some of my personal thoughts with you? They nodded. I tried to hold back my tears when I began speaking. I don't know if it was out of frustration, or was it because it pained my heart to see all of them so aimless in their lives.
I began my story, and told them that I had stayed up til 2.30am last night, just to do worksheets for them so that they will understand. I told them that I didn't understand why they reacted the way they did. I told them I thought I'd see a different class when I came in today. I told them I chose not to believe other teachers when they told me Sec 3 Integrity did not change. I told them that while other teachers have told me that this is a "challenging" class, I chose to see the potential in each and every one of them. I told them I wanted so badly to teach them so that they would learn. I told them that I was not there just to perform my role, but to ensure that they learn. I told them that I walk out of the class every time, wondering how I can motivate this class, and I have yet to find the answer. Then I asked them - Can you give me that answer? Tell me - what do you want out of the class? What do you want to learn? What makes you more interested? Do you hate English? Or do you hate the teacher? What is it?
I told them I was not there to work against them, but with them. So they will have to work with me too, to let me know what works and what doesn't work for them.
For a moment, I think they were wondering if I was scolding them. I wasn't. Once again, I held back my tears as I told them how I cared for each and every one of them, that I felt there was so much more they could be doing. "I see little stars shining in the classroom, some brighter than others. But instead of polishing your stars til they shine bright, why do you choose to overshadow each other?"
I felt there was no point in the lesson going on. I was not up to it. They were not up to it. Marine Parks was boring them as much as it was boring me. I asked them to take out a sheet of paper, and on it, write all their thoughts - why do I hate English? What do I want out of the English lesson? Why do I not hand in my work? Why do I not pay attention in class? If I had a dream English teacher, what would he or she be like? How do I want English lessons to be conducted?
As I went on with question after question, I could see my Sec 3 Integrity kids filling up their foolscap sheets. They wrote and wrote and wrote. It was as if it was their form of release. It was as if for once, a teacher was listening to them.
I left them to write while I called out a few students individually who had not submitted their work. I told one of them who wrote in his journal that he aims to get into a JC - I want to see you get there, I know you can. Come to me if you need help, ok? He nodded. I could see from his facial expression that he was touched. Well, at least I have one starfish thrown into the sea today...
I collected all 36 sheets of paper when the bell rang. I thanked them for their frank comments and told them that hopefully, I would be able to engage them with my lesson tomorrow. I had mentally thrown out everything I had planned for them to do already. My mind was in a blank. I don't know what to teach tomorrow - and my cooperating teacher is going to observe my class tomorrow.
With a heavy heart, I flipped through their response. It made me smile and cry at the same time. One of them wrote, "English lesson is the best and having you as a teacher rocks!" Another wrote, "As for my dream teacher, you are my dream teacher already!" Most of them apologised for their lack of attention in class and for not handing in their work, while some gave good feedback on how they'd like lessons to be conducted. I hadn't realised that my lessons with them fell at the most awkward time slots that made them sleepy. Today's was right smack in the hot afternoon and after their PE lesson (which made them even hotter), and the other two lessons I have with them are first thing in the morning. They said all these made them sleepy. They asked for more games and group work and encouraged me. They thanked me for being so patient with them despite their behaviour.
In retrospect, maybe whatever happened today was for a reason. It helped me realise how I could improve on my lesson from a student's point of view. It didn't matter if my CTs or supervisor gave me strings of As. If my students didn't like the lesson, they would not have learnt. It challenged me to think harder on what I can do to engage them and at the same time meet the requirements of the curriculum. My mind is still in a blank, but I am encouraged. Today, I realised that I had perhaps thrown more starfish into the sea than I had imagined. It's just that they keep swimming back to shore. What I need to do is to throw further to make that difference.
Today, the very students that discouraged me are the very ones that have encouraged me. And for that, I am thankful.
Today was the first day I saw my Sec 3 Integrity class after their camp. Much as Joanne had told me that there's no change in their attitude after the camp, I chose to think otherwise. And so, with printed worksheets and my trusty picnic basket of chocolates and chuppa chops, I entered the class with a smile. It was great seeing the familiar faces I've grown accustomed to over the weeks.
I let them cheer their class cheer which they had learnt at the camp. I asked them for a silent clap, and they responded. Some wondered how I was in the know of their camp activities. They decided to welcome me with a sexy clap, followed by the sotong clap. It humoured them, it made them laugh, and to see the joy in their faces made me feel happy they were back. Maybe Joanne was wrong. Maybe they had changed.
After distributing the chocolates and chuppa chops, I could see the delight in their faces. I'm going to have a good class today, I told myself. And so, I continued with the lesson proper. I asked them to whisk out their Marine Parks article and went through with them the structure of an argumentative essay again. I distributed the first worksheet, and I could see a few bodies beginning to slump on their tables. As I spoke and explained, I felt I was losing the class again. Joanne was right. They have not changed.
As I explained and re-explained, and guided them through the worksheets, I struggled with deciding whether to continue the lesson as planned - give out the rest of the worksheets, explain more and make them hand it all in at the end of the lesson - or to stop and walk out of the class. In a way, I felt like giving up.
I didn't do either. I put the worksheet down and I looked at them. I asked them - Can I share with you thoughts from a teacher? They looked puzzled. I asked again - Can I share some of my personal thoughts with you? They nodded. I tried to hold back my tears when I began speaking. I don't know if it was out of frustration, or was it because it pained my heart to see all of them so aimless in their lives.
I began my story, and told them that I had stayed up til 2.30am last night, just to do worksheets for them so that they will understand. I told them that I didn't understand why they reacted the way they did. I told them I thought I'd see a different class when I came in today. I told them I chose not to believe other teachers when they told me Sec 3 Integrity did not change. I told them that while other teachers have told me that this is a "challenging" class, I chose to see the potential in each and every one of them. I told them I wanted so badly to teach them so that they would learn. I told them that I was not there just to perform my role, but to ensure that they learn. I told them that I walk out of the class every time, wondering how I can motivate this class, and I have yet to find the answer. Then I asked them - Can you give me that answer? Tell me - what do you want out of the class? What do you want to learn? What makes you more interested? Do you hate English? Or do you hate the teacher? What is it?
I told them I was not there to work against them, but with them. So they will have to work with me too, to let me know what works and what doesn't work for them.
For a moment, I think they were wondering if I was scolding them. I wasn't. Once again, I held back my tears as I told them how I cared for each and every one of them, that I felt there was so much more they could be doing. "I see little stars shining in the classroom, some brighter than others. But instead of polishing your stars til they shine bright, why do you choose to overshadow each other?"
I felt there was no point in the lesson going on. I was not up to it. They were not up to it. Marine Parks was boring them as much as it was boring me. I asked them to take out a sheet of paper, and on it, write all their thoughts - why do I hate English? What do I want out of the English lesson? Why do I not hand in my work? Why do I not pay attention in class? If I had a dream English teacher, what would he or she be like? How do I want English lessons to be conducted?
As I went on with question after question, I could see my Sec 3 Integrity kids filling up their foolscap sheets. They wrote and wrote and wrote. It was as if it was their form of release. It was as if for once, a teacher was listening to them.
I left them to write while I called out a few students individually who had not submitted their work. I told one of them who wrote in his journal that he aims to get into a JC - I want to see you get there, I know you can. Come to me if you need help, ok? He nodded. I could see from his facial expression that he was touched. Well, at least I have one starfish thrown into the sea today...
I collected all 36 sheets of paper when the bell rang. I thanked them for their frank comments and told them that hopefully, I would be able to engage them with my lesson tomorrow. I had mentally thrown out everything I had planned for them to do already. My mind was in a blank. I don't know what to teach tomorrow - and my cooperating teacher is going to observe my class tomorrow.
With a heavy heart, I flipped through their response. It made me smile and cry at the same time. One of them wrote, "English lesson is the best and having you as a teacher rocks!" Another wrote, "As for my dream teacher, you are my dream teacher already!" Most of them apologised for their lack of attention in class and for not handing in their work, while some gave good feedback on how they'd like lessons to be conducted. I hadn't realised that my lessons with them fell at the most awkward time slots that made them sleepy. Today's was right smack in the hot afternoon and after their PE lesson (which made them even hotter), and the other two lessons I have with them are first thing in the morning. They said all these made them sleepy. They asked for more games and group work and encouraged me. They thanked me for being so patient with them despite their behaviour.
In retrospect, maybe whatever happened today was for a reason. It helped me realise how I could improve on my lesson from a student's point of view. It didn't matter if my CTs or supervisor gave me strings of As. If my students didn't like the lesson, they would not have learnt. It challenged me to think harder on what I can do to engage them and at the same time meet the requirements of the curriculum. My mind is still in a blank, but I am encouraged. Today, I realised that I had perhaps thrown more starfish into the sea than I had imagined. It's just that they keep swimming back to shore. What I need to do is to throw further to make that difference.
Today, the very students that discouraged me are the very ones that have encouraged me. And for that, I am thankful.
12 April 2004
All went well
Finally - I'm done with my two formal lesson observations with my NIE supervisor. What a relief! When my supervisor gave me the APT form, it didn't matter to me what grade I got. I was on a high that I managed to engage the class. They were intrigued by the picnic basket I brought to class. "Cher, we going picnic ah?" "What's inside?"
I had brought a whole basket of chuppa chops, and chocolates for all my Sec 3 kids. It was my way of welcoming them back after their one week break. Guess in a way, I missed them. The lesson went on well as I highlighted important points on the functions of MS Access. I guess it helped that my CPA CT was around. He was all in support of me. He told me "Don't worry, I'll help you." I was glad he was there through it all, giving me little signals and hints of what to do.. and to think he was observing me too!
The day was a hectic one. I hardly sat on my chair. My table was filled with papers, worksheets and files. By the time I ended my last debrief with my English CT, it was 4pm. Hungry and sleepy, I decided to head home, thinking I'd sleep. But til now, I haven't even caught a wink!
I have hardly had enough sleep. Friends came over to my home yesterday, celebrating Easter with a feast of laksa and popiah - thanks to mum. It was a whole day of feasting starting with breakfast with my uncle, lunch with a few other friends and my cousin and her husband, then dinner with yet more friends! Wendy brought her godiva cocoa powder covered tiramisu, which was a hit! Thanks, Wendy... so, our theory's right after all, huh? *wink*
We ended the night with chocolate fondue laced with Baileys! Yummmmmmm...... For a while, all of us wished it wasn't Sunday. I almost forgot I had a formal observation today!
As always, it is always a joy for me to be with my friends, and feed them! Pris said she was so full she had to roll from the kitchen to the living room! If only Lee Yee and Keith could come.... I found it a great joy baking the brownies and sugee cake and assembling the salads and dips... Guess it took my mind off school for a while!
Thanks my friends for spending Easter with me - and for being so much part of my life.
:)
I had brought a whole basket of chuppa chops, and chocolates for all my Sec 3 kids. It was my way of welcoming them back after their one week break. Guess in a way, I missed them. The lesson went on well as I highlighted important points on the functions of MS Access. I guess it helped that my CPA CT was around. He was all in support of me. He told me "Don't worry, I'll help you." I was glad he was there through it all, giving me little signals and hints of what to do.. and to think he was observing me too!
The day was a hectic one. I hardly sat on my chair. My table was filled with papers, worksheets and files. By the time I ended my last debrief with my English CT, it was 4pm. Hungry and sleepy, I decided to head home, thinking I'd sleep. But til now, I haven't even caught a wink!
I have hardly had enough sleep. Friends came over to my home yesterday, celebrating Easter with a feast of laksa and popiah - thanks to mum. It was a whole day of feasting starting with breakfast with my uncle, lunch with a few other friends and my cousin and her husband, then dinner with yet more friends! Wendy brought her godiva cocoa powder covered tiramisu, which was a hit! Thanks, Wendy... so, our theory's right after all, huh? *wink*
We ended the night with chocolate fondue laced with Baileys! Yummmmmmm...... For a while, all of us wished it wasn't Sunday. I almost forgot I had a formal observation today!
As always, it is always a joy for me to be with my friends, and feed them! Pris said she was so full she had to roll from the kitchen to the living room! If only Lee Yee and Keith could come.... I found it a great joy baking the brownies and sugee cake and assembling the salads and dips... Guess it took my mind off school for a while!
Thanks my friends for spending Easter with me - and for being so much part of my life.
:)
09 April 2004
Meeting up again...
I had a good day yesterday.
Despite more surprise emails from my NIE supervisor that he wanted to see by Monday, all the detailed lesson plans for all the lessons I had taught, and that one of the students in a Sec One class that I relieved for shouted "Kiss my ass" when I was writing on the whiteboard, everything after that made the day.
I met up with my friends whom I've known for the longest time - since Primary One. Pris, Lee Yee and I hogged yet another table at Starbucks in Tampines, ordered three big cups of tea, and three cups of hot water, a brownie, and a chocolate biscotti and sat and talked close to midnight. Pris smuggled in a bag of nachos which we wiped out too. :)
It has been a while since we met up, so it was good catching up on each others' lives, knowing the plans we have in store, what we'd like to do in the future and all the latest gossips. Pris and I exchanged teacher stories while Lee Yee listened with amusement. And when all was said, we came to the conclusion that we too were once like the students I now teach. It's a phase we all go through in different intensities, I guess. Whilst Pris marvelled at how I could handle Secondary school kids, I was amazed at how she could handle her little Primary school terrors.
It amazes me that despite the fact that each of us are leading our own lives, we still keep in touch and are very much part of each others' lives. We learn from each other and share in each others' worries and happiness. And thinking that our friendship dates back to the days where ice popsicles and kacang puteh costs only 10 cents, I find it all very heart-warming. We've come so far and yet we've still have a whole journey ahead of us. It's comforting to know that I am not alone in this journey. I can always count on these, my friends. Thanks, pals! :)
I have developed a habit of writing poems whenever I can, especially whilst waiting. And in the process, it triggered one of my childhood dreams to write cards like those from Hallmark. Here's one I wrote yesterday whilst waiting for Pris and Lee Yee...
Sharing in your happiness
A smile edged across your face
Lets me know that everything's better
It makes my heart warmer; it feels lighter.
It is probably also a reflection
Of how you are feeling right now.
And I am glad that I'm one of the first to see
That delight in your eyes
And the joy you are feeling
Knowing that things are going well for you.
The storm is over
And a rainbow has come forth
As the sun peeps through the sky
You and I know
That a new day's begun
And I celebrate that new beginning with you
I share in your happiness
Because nothing matters more to me
Than to see you truly happy.
- Deborah Anne Chew
Despite more surprise emails from my NIE supervisor that he wanted to see by Monday, all the detailed lesson plans for all the lessons I had taught, and that one of the students in a Sec One class that I relieved for shouted "Kiss my ass" when I was writing on the whiteboard, everything after that made the day.
I met up with my friends whom I've known for the longest time - since Primary One. Pris, Lee Yee and I hogged yet another table at Starbucks in Tampines, ordered three big cups of tea, and three cups of hot water, a brownie, and a chocolate biscotti and sat and talked close to midnight. Pris smuggled in a bag of nachos which we wiped out too. :)
It has been a while since we met up, so it was good catching up on each others' lives, knowing the plans we have in store, what we'd like to do in the future and all the latest gossips. Pris and I exchanged teacher stories while Lee Yee listened with amusement. And when all was said, we came to the conclusion that we too were once like the students I now teach. It's a phase we all go through in different intensities, I guess. Whilst Pris marvelled at how I could handle Secondary school kids, I was amazed at how she could handle her little Primary school terrors.
It amazes me that despite the fact that each of us are leading our own lives, we still keep in touch and are very much part of each others' lives. We learn from each other and share in each others' worries and happiness. And thinking that our friendship dates back to the days where ice popsicles and kacang puteh costs only 10 cents, I find it all very heart-warming. We've come so far and yet we've still have a whole journey ahead of us. It's comforting to know that I am not alone in this journey. I can always count on these, my friends. Thanks, pals! :)
I have developed a habit of writing poems whenever I can, especially whilst waiting. And in the process, it triggered one of my childhood dreams to write cards like those from Hallmark. Here's one I wrote yesterday whilst waiting for Pris and Lee Yee...
Sharing in your happiness
A smile edged across your face
Lets me know that everything's better
It makes my heart warmer; it feels lighter.
It is probably also a reflection
Of how you are feeling right now.
And I am glad that I'm one of the first to see
That delight in your eyes
And the joy you are feeling
Knowing that things are going well for you.
The storm is over
And a rainbow has come forth
As the sun peeps through the sky
You and I know
That a new day's begun
And I celebrate that new beginning with you
I share in your happiness
Because nothing matters more to me
Than to see you truly happy.
- Deborah Anne Chew
07 April 2004
What tomorrow brings
I can never tell what tomorrow may bring, but I can appreciate all I have today, and thank God for all that He's given me - every single thing.
I was inspired to write this poem when I reflected on all that has been happening to me for the past few months. If anything, I think I am living a mystery and a miracle. And if anything, I am thankful and looking forward to His grand plans, whatever it may be. All I ask for as always, is the strength to undertake what's to come, and patience to let His plan be revealed to me in its full goodness.
Hope you enjoy this poem. It holds a special meaning for me, and is one of my personal favourites...
Tomorrow
If what I see today
Is an indication of what is to come
Then I'd be enjoying the moment
And looking forward to the day
Where tomorrow will reveal itself
Into something beautiful -
Something that I've been dreaming of
Almost all my life.
And when that day comes
I will know
That the wait was worth every single minute
The journey, worth every single step
Because I will never experience
The best thing that I have found
If I had chosen
To walk any other way.
- Deborah Anne Chew
I was inspired to write this poem when I reflected on all that has been happening to me for the past few months. If anything, I think I am living a mystery and a miracle. And if anything, I am thankful and looking forward to His grand plans, whatever it may be. All I ask for as always, is the strength to undertake what's to come, and patience to let His plan be revealed to me in its full goodness.
Hope you enjoy this poem. It holds a special meaning for me, and is one of my personal favourites...
Tomorrow
If what I see today
Is an indication of what is to come
Then I'd be enjoying the moment
And looking forward to the day
Where tomorrow will reveal itself
Into something beautiful -
Something that I've been dreaming of
Almost all my life.
And when that day comes
I will know
That the wait was worth every single minute
The journey, worth every single step
Because I will never experience
The best thing that I have found
If I had chosen
To walk any other way.
- Deborah Anne Chew
06 April 2004
Little Sec One Angels...
I started the day with a vision in my head. A vision that the day will be a fulfilling one. One that will leave me smiling and rejuvenated again. One that will reconfirm my conviction that I have chosen the right path - to teach.
I knew my day will be occupied with piles of marking which I had accumulated since last week. With the Sec 3 teachers away at the camp, I knew I'd have to relief a few classes. I just wondered which.
Sec 1 Charity. I read the slip of paper with my name on it. I had been assigned to take the first two periods of the day for that class. I quickly searched the materials I had on my desk. I decided I'd make them do either the Nuclear Activity, or the Cartoon Activity. Quickly, I made sets of materials, and planned out a lesson in my head. I think I'm beginning to get good at this.
I entered the class with anticipation. My class looked at me with anticipation. As they stood behind their desks, I took out my trusty marker and wrote my name on the whiteboard. "Good Morning, Ms Chew" followed.
The class settled down into chatter amongst themselves. On the board again, I wrote the word in big bold capital letters "SILENCE". "Shhhhhh...." came forth in reply. Then, silence. I smiled and continued writing, "What do you want to do today?" "Listen to ghost stories" was their unanimous reply.
I gathered them in front of the classroom, switched off some lights. They closed the doors and shutters of the windows. With earnest eyes, they kept silent and looked at me as I enthralled them with real life ghost stories I encountered since my working days at Raffles Hotel.
I soon found myself telling them about my experience at the CDC during the SARS period. They asked and enquired, "What was the food like? what did you eat? what did you eat for breakfast?"
It wasn't before long that the bell rang, which signalled the end of the stories. I ended off the class recommending them to read the three books by Dave Peltzer - A Child called It, The Lost Boy, and A Man Called Dave.
As I prepared myself to walk out of the classroom, I thanked the class. And the reply from them warmed my heart and made me smile. "Thank you, and God Bless You, Miss Chew!" They smiled as they said that, as though thankful that I had shared a part of me with them. "God Bless you too!" I said, and left the class with a sense of joy in my heart.
It may have been a rehearsed reply that they say to every teacher that leaves the classroom, but for me, it was extra special. It was a sign for me, reminding me that despite it all, the frustrations, the stress and students getting on my nerves, at the end of the day, these are the very same young minds that make teaching all so fulfilling.
Today, I am reminded of my vision of being the best teacher I can be, one that inspires, motivates and touch lives.
I knew my day will be occupied with piles of marking which I had accumulated since last week. With the Sec 3 teachers away at the camp, I knew I'd have to relief a few classes. I just wondered which.
Sec 1 Charity. I read the slip of paper with my name on it. I had been assigned to take the first two periods of the day for that class. I quickly searched the materials I had on my desk. I decided I'd make them do either the Nuclear Activity, or the Cartoon Activity. Quickly, I made sets of materials, and planned out a lesson in my head. I think I'm beginning to get good at this.
I entered the class with anticipation. My class looked at me with anticipation. As they stood behind their desks, I took out my trusty marker and wrote my name on the whiteboard. "Good Morning, Ms Chew" followed.
The class settled down into chatter amongst themselves. On the board again, I wrote the word in big bold capital letters "SILENCE". "Shhhhhh...." came forth in reply. Then, silence. I smiled and continued writing, "What do you want to do today?" "Listen to ghost stories" was their unanimous reply.
I gathered them in front of the classroom, switched off some lights. They closed the doors and shutters of the windows. With earnest eyes, they kept silent and looked at me as I enthralled them with real life ghost stories I encountered since my working days at Raffles Hotel.
I soon found myself telling them about my experience at the CDC during the SARS period. They asked and enquired, "What was the food like? what did you eat? what did you eat for breakfast?"
It wasn't before long that the bell rang, which signalled the end of the stories. I ended off the class recommending them to read the three books by Dave Peltzer - A Child called It, The Lost Boy, and A Man Called Dave.
As I prepared myself to walk out of the classroom, I thanked the class. And the reply from them warmed my heart and made me smile. "Thank you, and God Bless You, Miss Chew!" They smiled as they said that, as though thankful that I had shared a part of me with them. "God Bless you too!" I said, and left the class with a sense of joy in my heart.
It may have been a rehearsed reply that they say to every teacher that leaves the classroom, but for me, it was extra special. It was a sign for me, reminding me that despite it all, the frustrations, the stress and students getting on my nerves, at the end of the day, these are the very same young minds that make teaching all so fulfilling.
Today, I am reminded of my vision of being the best teacher I can be, one that inspires, motivates and touch lives.
05 April 2004
Silence speaks a thousand words
I had the best class with my Sec 4 Acad students today. They are the bunch of students whose favourite topic is none other than sex. As I entered the class, they were just being themselves - noisy and all over the place. Somehow, I felt that after three lessons, they have gotten used to me. They have stopped asking where my CT was, and why she didn't come teach them anymore.
In my previous lesson, I had reminded them to bring their project materials - which as I have anticipated, they did not. I just didn't feel like shouting at the class, or raising my voice. And so, once again, I did the unexpected. I started writing on the board - sentence after sentence of what I would have said. I wrote..
"Did you bring your project materials?" Then, I turned and looked at them. Shouts of yes and nos came across. I continued writing, "So, what do you want to do?" Once again, shouts of "I want to go to the library do research" and "Sleep" came forth. I continued writing. "We will not go anywhere until you have followed these instructions." The class fell silent. They looked intently as I wrote more on the board without saying a word.
1. Take out a sheet of writing paper.
I turned and looked. Almost everyone took out their foolscap paper. Then they looked at me. I noticed two guys in the corner who refused to do so. Then I wrote:
"We will not continue with the lesson unless everyone follows the instructions." Then I turned around and pointed to the two guys who were having their own conversation. Almost the whole class pressured the two guys to follow suit. They had no choice. It wasn't before long that I got the whole class to "listen" to me. I continued...
2. Take out a pen (any colour).
3. Uncap the pen, or click it such that you can use it to write.
4. Now, write your name, index number, class and date on the paper.
5. Next, write this: After my visit to the Old Folks' Hoime, I felt....
6. (This is where you start thinking... no need to talk). Then, I drew a happy face with a thinking cloud. In it, I drew a light bulb, and labelled the happy face "ME".
After each step, I turned periodically to look at them. Only when they finish the previous step did I begin on a new step. All these while, my students were for once, quiet and reading my instructions and following every single step. If they had any quesiton, I answered them with words and pictures on the whiteboard. I even used msn icons to add facial expressions that I could not conjure up.
They wondered why I wasn't talking. "Cher, you sick ah? You lost your voice issit? Talk to us leh!" And all I did was smile and gestured and played with facial expressions.
I continued writing on the board.
7. Fill up your sheet of paper with your thoughts.
8. Only when you fill up your sheet of paper do we then discuss what to do with the extra time.
Something magical must have happened because for a moment, I saw everyone scribbling on their paper. The class was for once silent. No talking, no pushing and shoving, no Mandarin, no Hokkien. I smiled to myself. How in the world did I come up with such a strategy!!??!!
For some reason, each and every one of them became motivated to fill in that sheet of paper. I didn't have to scream. I didn't have to shout. I didn't have to go from person to person nagging at them to complete the worksheet like I had done for the past three weeks. When they finished their written pieces, they came up to me and handed their work to me. They then sat down and helped their classmates that hadn't completed their work.
The bell rang just when almost the whole class finished their work. When some of them got a little noisy, all I did was to point to the word "SILENCE" which I wrote on the board. And they "Shhhhh" each other.
I smiled as I ended the class. I wrote on the board "Thank you class", and they replied. When I finally spoke, I told them "see you next week with your project materials!" "Wah!!! Ms Chew got voice already!!".
I went back to the staff room feeling high. Somehow, I knew I had won them over. I have begun to love this class, the class that used to drain me dry cos I'd be competing with their noise level most of the time. Today, I didn't have to exert my voice at all. I spoke personally to the two problematic boys and realised their love for computer games. I talked to them about how they can pursue their interest in computers but they will have to study hard first. Soon, we were talking about how they can improve their English and what they'd like to be in the future.
It got me thinking - sometimes, silence does speak a thousand words... and the effect is much greater too! Once again, the unexpected worked...! Yes, it even surprised me!
:)
In my previous lesson, I had reminded them to bring their project materials - which as I have anticipated, they did not. I just didn't feel like shouting at the class, or raising my voice. And so, once again, I did the unexpected. I started writing on the board - sentence after sentence of what I would have said. I wrote..
"Did you bring your project materials?" Then, I turned and looked at them. Shouts of yes and nos came across. I continued writing, "So, what do you want to do?" Once again, shouts of "I want to go to the library do research" and "Sleep" came forth. I continued writing. "We will not go anywhere until you have followed these instructions." The class fell silent. They looked intently as I wrote more on the board without saying a word.
1. Take out a sheet of writing paper.
I turned and looked. Almost everyone took out their foolscap paper. Then they looked at me. I noticed two guys in the corner who refused to do so. Then I wrote:
"We will not continue with the lesson unless everyone follows the instructions." Then I turned around and pointed to the two guys who were having their own conversation. Almost the whole class pressured the two guys to follow suit. They had no choice. It wasn't before long that I got the whole class to "listen" to me. I continued...
2. Take out a pen (any colour).
3. Uncap the pen, or click it such that you can use it to write.
4. Now, write your name, index number, class and date on the paper.
5. Next, write this: After my visit to the Old Folks' Hoime, I felt....
6. (This is where you start thinking... no need to talk). Then, I drew a happy face with a thinking cloud. In it, I drew a light bulb, and labelled the happy face "ME".
After each step, I turned periodically to look at them. Only when they finish the previous step did I begin on a new step. All these while, my students were for once, quiet and reading my instructions and following every single step. If they had any quesiton, I answered them with words and pictures on the whiteboard. I even used msn icons to add facial expressions that I could not conjure up.
They wondered why I wasn't talking. "Cher, you sick ah? You lost your voice issit? Talk to us leh!" And all I did was smile and gestured and played with facial expressions.
I continued writing on the board.
7. Fill up your sheet of paper with your thoughts.
8. Only when you fill up your sheet of paper do we then discuss what to do with the extra time.
Something magical must have happened because for a moment, I saw everyone scribbling on their paper. The class was for once silent. No talking, no pushing and shoving, no Mandarin, no Hokkien. I smiled to myself. How in the world did I come up with such a strategy!!??!!
For some reason, each and every one of them became motivated to fill in that sheet of paper. I didn't have to scream. I didn't have to shout. I didn't have to go from person to person nagging at them to complete the worksheet like I had done for the past three weeks. When they finished their written pieces, they came up to me and handed their work to me. They then sat down and helped their classmates that hadn't completed their work.
The bell rang just when almost the whole class finished their work. When some of them got a little noisy, all I did was to point to the word "SILENCE" which I wrote on the board. And they "Shhhhh" each other.
I smiled as I ended the class. I wrote on the board "Thank you class", and they replied. When I finally spoke, I told them "see you next week with your project materials!" "Wah!!! Ms Chew got voice already!!".
I went back to the staff room feeling high. Somehow, I knew I had won them over. I have begun to love this class, the class that used to drain me dry cos I'd be competing with their noise level most of the time. Today, I didn't have to exert my voice at all. I spoke personally to the two problematic boys and realised their love for computer games. I talked to them about how they can pursue their interest in computers but they will have to study hard first. Soon, we were talking about how they can improve their English and what they'd like to be in the future.
It got me thinking - sometimes, silence does speak a thousand words... and the effect is much greater too! Once again, the unexpected worked...! Yes, it even surprised me!
:)
04 April 2004
Reconnecting with old friends...
Yesterday, I found myself soaking in the sun and the sea again. This time, it's with Wendy. After two hours worth of rollerblading by the sea (not to mention two unglam falls that left me bruised), Wendy was proud of me that I had improved tremendously in my rollerblading skills. :) I was just gliding on. Strips, humps and uneven terrain don't scare me anymore!
After that, we headed for the sea! Soaking in the salt water and enjoying the massage of the sea waves felt invigorating. I felt myself leaving what was troubling me behind, letting the waves wash it all away.
The day went on with me and Wendy heading down town with our beach gear and rollerblades. The two hours' worth of rollerblading must have burnt quite a lot of calories cos between the both of us, we ate three person's worth of food... excluding dessert! And to think that when both of us headed home, we ate yet more!
We headed home after that, feeling tired. We could barely keep our eyes open. But there were smiles on our faces. It has been a while since the both of us enjoyed the whole day together. The beach brought back fond memories of the holiday we had in Hawaii two years back. We agreed we should do this more often... :)
The night before, we had spent the evening catching up over fish and chips, chunks of meat, lots of bread and a sinful slice of chocolate cake at Cafe Cartel. We sat through the remaining of the evening at Starbucks over camomile tea and iced latte. We must have had tonnes to talk about as before we knew it, it was past midnight. Then, Grace called to say she was coming over to meet us. I continued the night talking to Grace in her car after she sent Wendy home. It was close to 3am before I reached home.
It felt good reconnecting with Grace and Wendy again. Although we kept in touch ever so often over the phone, it has been a while since I had spent time with them. We were each busy with our own lives that we hardly had time to meet up and just enjoy the day. I felt bad that I could not attend Wendy's ROM cos I was teaching, and didn't quite plan a party for Grace's birthday cos I was too busy finishing up lesson plans. And so, the past two days were indeed a treat.
Lee Yee and I met over msn yesterday. It was good to hear from her that Keith's fever has gone down, but the rashes are still there. Hopefully, he'd fully recover so that his poor mummy can get some rest. She also updated me on the diploma course she's going to take up, and we made tentative plans to meet up later this week with Pris. Can't wait for that! It's been a while...
I am glad that I still kept in touch with my closest friends. These friendships, built over time, are the pillars of strength as I proceed through life's journey. Like wine, the friendships get even better with age. It has matured, and what's resulting is extraordinary - and nobody throws out extraordinary wines... Naturally, I guard them with my soul, and in the depths of my heart, I thank God for them. You know who you are - thanks for caring, and sharing more than a part of you to make our friendship a beautiful one!
As I go along life's journey, I know I will build more pillars of strength, collect more varieties of wine. But I will never forget you, my friends - and all the precious moments we've shared. I will not be who I am if not for you... Thanks, pals!
:)
After that, we headed for the sea! Soaking in the salt water and enjoying the massage of the sea waves felt invigorating. I felt myself leaving what was troubling me behind, letting the waves wash it all away.
The day went on with me and Wendy heading down town with our beach gear and rollerblades. The two hours' worth of rollerblading must have burnt quite a lot of calories cos between the both of us, we ate three person's worth of food... excluding dessert! And to think that when both of us headed home, we ate yet more!
We headed home after that, feeling tired. We could barely keep our eyes open. But there were smiles on our faces. It has been a while since the both of us enjoyed the whole day together. The beach brought back fond memories of the holiday we had in Hawaii two years back. We agreed we should do this more often... :)
The night before, we had spent the evening catching up over fish and chips, chunks of meat, lots of bread and a sinful slice of chocolate cake at Cafe Cartel. We sat through the remaining of the evening at Starbucks over camomile tea and iced latte. We must have had tonnes to talk about as before we knew it, it was past midnight. Then, Grace called to say she was coming over to meet us. I continued the night talking to Grace in her car after she sent Wendy home. It was close to 3am before I reached home.
It felt good reconnecting with Grace and Wendy again. Although we kept in touch ever so often over the phone, it has been a while since I had spent time with them. We were each busy with our own lives that we hardly had time to meet up and just enjoy the day. I felt bad that I could not attend Wendy's ROM cos I was teaching, and didn't quite plan a party for Grace's birthday cos I was too busy finishing up lesson plans. And so, the past two days were indeed a treat.
Lee Yee and I met over msn yesterday. It was good to hear from her that Keith's fever has gone down, but the rashes are still there. Hopefully, he'd fully recover so that his poor mummy can get some rest. She also updated me on the diploma course she's going to take up, and we made tentative plans to meet up later this week with Pris. Can't wait for that! It's been a while...
I am glad that I still kept in touch with my closest friends. These friendships, built over time, are the pillars of strength as I proceed through life's journey. Like wine, the friendships get even better with age. It has matured, and what's resulting is extraordinary - and nobody throws out extraordinary wines... Naturally, I guard them with my soul, and in the depths of my heart, I thank God for them. You know who you are - thanks for caring, and sharing more than a part of you to make our friendship a beautiful one!
As I go along life's journey, I know I will build more pillars of strength, collect more varieties of wine. But I will never forget you, my friends - and all the precious moments we've shared. I will not be who I am if not for you... Thanks, pals!
:)
03 April 2004
Walking by your side
I was inspired to write this poem when I thought about what I could do to inspire and motivate those around me - my friends, family and students.
Life's journey is never predictable. In the pursuit of my goals, in my quest for reaching my dreams, I realise that obstacles bring me down and zaps the energy out of me. During these times, I am thankful for those around me for giving me comfort of a short rest, a shoulder to cry on, a push of encouragement - and that gets me going. In return, I'd like to do the same to those around me too as they proceed on life's long journey.
To you who had given me the spark of life, ignited my passion, and set my soul aflame with enthusiasm and positivity, this is for you. Let us share the fire when the wind attempts to blow the flame of our dreams out..! :)
Walking by your side
What can I do to make you smile?
To see that delight in your eyes
The excitement; the passion
That reflects what you're feeling inside?
What can I do for a while?
To know that you're doing fine
Taking baby steps towards your goal
That you've been holding back for so long?
What can I say to make you feel?
The warmth of love of those around you
From people you thought you never knew
Yet they've kept you close to their hearts?
What can I write to touch your soul?
To reach out to you; to bring you joy
Filling your world with rays of hope
As you persevere through life's journey?
What can I do?
What can I say?
What can I write?
To let you know that no matter what
I will always be walking by your side.
Deborah Anne Chew
Here's another poem I wrote while waiting for Chris last week. I was inspired by all the hard work we trainee teachers put in as we prepare ourselves for the real word of teaching... You'd certainly identify with the words in it! Hang in there, pals!! You are not alone!
Thoughts of a teacher
The lesson has been planned
After sleepless nights over paper and pen
Materials prepared, worksheets typed
Methods are new, not tested nor tried.
Schema knowledge; Scaffolding
Classroom management and discipline
We teach the how and not the what
Engaging students right from the start.
Factors we consider, making teaching an art.
We enter the classroom with anxious anticipation
Wondering if we'd be greeted with equal enthusiasm
Will pupils take to the lesson as planned?
Will they learn? Will they understand?
Our hard work executed; our students respond
The look in their eyes tell us we have won
Their attention we've gained, the concepts they've got
They have learnt what is right, and realized what is not.
We leave the class at the ring of the bell
How ecstatic we are, no one can tell
Smiles on our faces; we feel thrilled
A sense of achievement, we are fulfilled.
Thoughts of a teacher at lessons' end
Tomorrow we'll mull over the process all over again.
But for today, we take courage and pride
Of the students we teach, and the joy we feel inside.
Deborah Anne Chew
Life's journey is never predictable. In the pursuit of my goals, in my quest for reaching my dreams, I realise that obstacles bring me down and zaps the energy out of me. During these times, I am thankful for those around me for giving me comfort of a short rest, a shoulder to cry on, a push of encouragement - and that gets me going. In return, I'd like to do the same to those around me too as they proceed on life's long journey.
To you who had given me the spark of life, ignited my passion, and set my soul aflame with enthusiasm and positivity, this is for you. Let us share the fire when the wind attempts to blow the flame of our dreams out..! :)
Walking by your side
What can I do to make you smile?
To see that delight in your eyes
The excitement; the passion
That reflects what you're feeling inside?
What can I do for a while?
To know that you're doing fine
Taking baby steps towards your goal
That you've been holding back for so long?
What can I say to make you feel?
The warmth of love of those around you
From people you thought you never knew
Yet they've kept you close to their hearts?
What can I write to touch your soul?
To reach out to you; to bring you joy
Filling your world with rays of hope
As you persevere through life's journey?
What can I do?
What can I say?
What can I write?
To let you know that no matter what
I will always be walking by your side.
Deborah Anne Chew
Here's another poem I wrote while waiting for Chris last week. I was inspired by all the hard work we trainee teachers put in as we prepare ourselves for the real word of teaching... You'd certainly identify with the words in it! Hang in there, pals!! You are not alone!
Thoughts of a teacher
The lesson has been planned
After sleepless nights over paper and pen
Materials prepared, worksheets typed
Methods are new, not tested nor tried.
Schema knowledge; Scaffolding
Classroom management and discipline
We teach the how and not the what
Engaging students right from the start.
Factors we consider, making teaching an art.
We enter the classroom with anxious anticipation
Wondering if we'd be greeted with equal enthusiasm
Will pupils take to the lesson as planned?
Will they learn? Will they understand?
Our hard work executed; our students respond
The look in their eyes tell us we have won
Their attention we've gained, the concepts they've got
They have learnt what is right, and realized what is not.
We leave the class at the ring of the bell
How ecstatic we are, no one can tell
Smiles on our faces; we feel thrilled
A sense of achievement, we are fulfilled.
Thoughts of a teacher at lessons' end
Tomorrow we'll mull over the process all over again.
But for today, we take courage and pride
Of the students we teach, and the joy we feel inside.
Deborah Anne Chew
01 April 2004
What gives?
I am back early for once! I told myself I'll leave the school early, and give myself a well-deserved break. I had been having less than three hours' sleep for the past few days, preparing lesson plans and materials. This morning, I woke up with materials ready for my English lesson, but not my lesson plan for the CPA lesson observation. I was too tired to think of what I could do to make kids learn MS Access better. In the end, I spoke with my CT who readily agreed to postpone the lesson observation. He could see that I was really drained, and it didn't help that I had also come down with a bad migraine. "You ok? You want me to take over the class for you?" Haiz... so nice :)
I should be happy, but I've come back not only tired, but affected by my students. Uncle Joel had warned me not to let my students affect me. He has warned me that given my giving character, I will be emotionally drained soon if I don't manage it well. I've tried, but it's tough. I have begun to fully understand when parents say "It pains me to scold you."
I walked into my English class feeling really tired. I tried not to let my lack of sleep affect me, but my students seemed equally jaded, tired, unmotivated. Perhaps it's because my English lesson fell on the first two periods of the morning. Maybe they have not fully awaken yet. Whatever it was, I found myself agitated as I saw almost a third of the class slumped into classroom slumber. Was it me? Or were they really tired?
Soon, I found myself giving them a pep talk. The whole class was silent - perhaps in quiet defiance. Some had decided to switch off. It didn't matter that I went to them to wake them up. They got up, and slumped back into sleep when I walked away. I continued. I made them do the stand up and reach out as high up as you can thing I did with my other Sec 3 class. But I was disappointed this time. Nobody reached out. Some didn't even want to raise their hands. I even stood on the chair to show how I could reach higher. They looked at me, probably wondering why this young crazy teacher was standing on the chair on a Thursday morning.
Whatever it was, I made my point. I asked them - Are you giving your best? Do you want to give your best? No response.
I continued on with my lesson. In stark contrast to yesterday, today's class fell into a deep silence as I spoke. They did the work I told them to, but a handful of them just went back to sleep. I tried to contain my anger, my frustration. The sleep I had sacrificed doing up the worksheets just so that they could understand better didn't seem worth it. At one point, I asked myself, "Why bother?"
I left the class telling my students that they had to stay back after school for their bad behaviour - sleeping in class. They argued. I told them I didn't care. They grumbled. I always told myself, if the classroom is a stage, then I am the actress. And actress I did become. With a straight face, I told them - "I hope you remember everything I said today because I mean every single word of it... except... (silence).... that you have to stay back - Happy April Fool's Day!"
I didn't stay long enough to get their expressions, but from what I heard, I think I made some smile at themselves. I would have wanted to make more smile, perhaps laugh. I don't know what I could have done to make a bigger difference in their lives today. And I ask myself the same question I asked them - Did I give my best? As I slumped into my chair back in the staff room, I wondered what I could do to make these kids all motivated again? Why was it that I can grab their attention on one day, and not the next? What gives? Me? Them?
It helped speaking with my CT about the class. She told me not to take things to hard. They were perhaps tired preparing for the camp. In retrospect, perhaps I should have been more empathetic? I left school with the faces of my students in my mind, listless, unmotivated and totally uninterested. On the other side, I picture happy, excited faces filled with energy. I ask myself, what can I do to make them all have these happy faces?
As I take a break from them for a week cos they'd be at Malaysia for their camp, it is perhaps a good time for me to reflect and brainstorm how else I can reach out to them. At the same time, I say a little prayer for all of them.
Today, I may not have thrown any starfish into the sea, but at least I was combing the beach...
I should be happy, but I've come back not only tired, but affected by my students. Uncle Joel had warned me not to let my students affect me. He has warned me that given my giving character, I will be emotionally drained soon if I don't manage it well. I've tried, but it's tough. I have begun to fully understand when parents say "It pains me to scold you."
I walked into my English class feeling really tired. I tried not to let my lack of sleep affect me, but my students seemed equally jaded, tired, unmotivated. Perhaps it's because my English lesson fell on the first two periods of the morning. Maybe they have not fully awaken yet. Whatever it was, I found myself agitated as I saw almost a third of the class slumped into classroom slumber. Was it me? Or were they really tired?
Soon, I found myself giving them a pep talk. The whole class was silent - perhaps in quiet defiance. Some had decided to switch off. It didn't matter that I went to them to wake them up. They got up, and slumped back into sleep when I walked away. I continued. I made them do the stand up and reach out as high up as you can thing I did with my other Sec 3 class. But I was disappointed this time. Nobody reached out. Some didn't even want to raise their hands. I even stood on the chair to show how I could reach higher. They looked at me, probably wondering why this young crazy teacher was standing on the chair on a Thursday morning.
Whatever it was, I made my point. I asked them - Are you giving your best? Do you want to give your best? No response.
I continued on with my lesson. In stark contrast to yesterday, today's class fell into a deep silence as I spoke. They did the work I told them to, but a handful of them just went back to sleep. I tried to contain my anger, my frustration. The sleep I had sacrificed doing up the worksheets just so that they could understand better didn't seem worth it. At one point, I asked myself, "Why bother?"
I left the class telling my students that they had to stay back after school for their bad behaviour - sleeping in class. They argued. I told them I didn't care. They grumbled. I always told myself, if the classroom is a stage, then I am the actress. And actress I did become. With a straight face, I told them - "I hope you remember everything I said today because I mean every single word of it... except... (silence).... that you have to stay back - Happy April Fool's Day!"
I didn't stay long enough to get their expressions, but from what I heard, I think I made some smile at themselves. I would have wanted to make more smile, perhaps laugh. I don't know what I could have done to make a bigger difference in their lives today. And I ask myself the same question I asked them - Did I give my best? As I slumped into my chair back in the staff room, I wondered what I could do to make these kids all motivated again? Why was it that I can grab their attention on one day, and not the next? What gives? Me? Them?
It helped speaking with my CT about the class. She told me not to take things to hard. They were perhaps tired preparing for the camp. In retrospect, perhaps I should have been more empathetic? I left school with the faces of my students in my mind, listless, unmotivated and totally uninterested. On the other side, I picture happy, excited faces filled with energy. I ask myself, what can I do to make them all have these happy faces?
As I take a break from them for a week cos they'd be at Malaysia for their camp, it is perhaps a good time for me to reflect and brainstorm how else I can reach out to them. At the same time, I say a little prayer for all of them.
Today, I may not have thrown any starfish into the sea, but at least I was combing the beach...