I must say it has sure been a while since I last ran, and so this morning's mass run with my students was a refreshing one, and one that brought back fond memories of old school days. It also got me reflecting about life...
As I observed whilst running, some students refused to run, deciding that they are not the "running type". Some chose to walk instead. Some were influenced by others, either to walk or run. Some were coerced, yet some were motivated just to do the best they could to do the run.
It got me reflecting about how we pursue our goals in life's journey. Each time we watch a sport's meet, we marvel at how someone else can run, or swim, or jump. Somewhere deep inside us, we wished we could be like that someone else.
In the very same way, I think some of my students and colleagues wished they could run faster. They wished they were fitter. They wished. But don't most of us do? I think the difference made is do we just wish, or do we do something about that wish?
For the runners who decided they were not the "running type", could they be a reflection of those of us who decide right from the start that we will fail even before trying? How do we know we are not the "running type" if we never try to put in all our best efforts to run? Similarly, how do we know we will succeed in anything if we never did try? Mostly, we are afraid to attempt anything because we are afraid to fail. Failing mars our image. Failing mars our perfect score. Failing highlights our weaknesses. Yes? No!
Failing per se is not good or bad, but what led to the failure and how we deal with it determines its value or non-value. If we tried our best yet we failed, we can stand proud and say - well, at least I tried. If we didn't put in our best effort, then hasn't it already given us the answer of what we should do? We deal with failure constructively. I once read somewhere that there is no such thing as failures, only lessons to be learnt. What have we learnt if we failed? Can we do anything about it? Have we put in our best?
Yet on the other hand, there is another group of people who haven't quite decided for themselves where they'd like to stand. And so they follow all those around them. If one runs, they will run. If one stops, they will stop.. Yes, my friend calls this the "Titanic Sydrome" - "You jump, I jump" *cringe*.
The problem with such a group of people is that they have not begun to develop their individualism. They are influenced by peer pressure. They cannot stand on their own two feet and say proudly - yes, this is what I stand for and believe in. It's about being confident about who you are and what you do.
I've told my students many a time when they are disruptive in class - if you want to fail, then go fail, don't pull your friends along with you. Someone who has a mind of his/her own will be able to decide for oneself what he or she wants. It's a matter of focus. It's a matter of choice.
I remember when I was in Secondary One, after the year end examinations, when the rest of my friends were playing in class, I had my mind on how to take care of the home whilst mum remained in hospital after an overdose of sleeping pills. My friends planned on going out, of having a chalet, of shopping. But I had my mind focused on my mum and brother. I had to be there for them, not to mention the fear of my dad. I stood my ground. Nevermind if it was uncool not to go out then, or if I wasn't included in the "in" group cos I couldn't afford their tea dances and expensive clothes, I stood my ground and believed in what I stood for and what I had to do.
If you think about it, life is like a run. Those who ran because they were forced to by their teachers were a reflection of those of us who go about in life because we were forced into such and such a job, such and such a life, such and such a partner.
But if you think about it, there were runners who were self-motivating as well. They just ran because they knew they could. They ran because they had their mind focused on it. And they did it well. And those that walked reminded us that we don't always need to rush through things to succeed, or do things in a haste. Somehow we will reach our goal as long as we're focused, systematic and persevering.
I want my students to think and reflect on their motivation level when they did the morning run - did you feel excited about the run?
- when you ran, how were you as a runner - passive, coerced, or active?
- use the running style you have identified and relate this back to your own life. How are you as a person as you go about achieving your life's goals.
Think about it the next time you run. What kind of runner in life are you? Run your life like a runner and head for the first always!
25 February 2005
13 February 2005
Valentine's Day
Tomorrow's Valentine's Day. It sure has been a while since I last experienced VDay being celebrated in school. I wonder what my kids will be up to. Let's see. The last I remembered celebrating that day in school was when I was in JC. I remember spending the night baking heart-shaped cookies to give away to my friends and classmates. The VDays that came after that were less memorable though along the way I did have that special someone to celebrate with. But somehow, it wasn't anything fancy since he didn't feel very strongly about celebrating it.
In any case, that was some 7 years back? I must say my most memorable Vday was the one last year, where I planned for Jeff to propose to Wendy - where I conspired to get her favourite food, music and flowers - set it all in her new home complete with tealight candles and jazz music. And how the taxi driver who sent me to her home said that "someday, somebody's gonna do the same thing for you." (You can read the whole story in February's archives if you know how to get there!)
Well, it's been a year since that happened, and hmmm... nobody has done that for me as yet. Well, I guess my gifts from God come in different packages!
Tomorrow, I will be celebrating VDay with three other girls - close friends of mine who reckon that being attached or married doesn't entail that they have to celebrate and be all romantic just on this particular day. They tell me love can be expressed on any other day just as well. I agree....
On another note, I guess on some other part of the island, two of my other friends will be celebrating this special day for the first time since he proposed to her. Yes, I've played cupid on my birthday two years back, and now I'm seeing the fruits of my labour! I'm glad for you, my friends!! I hear wedding bells!! How nice!!
Yes, I am still a romantic at heart!! Happy V Day to all my kids - I really shouldn't be encouraging teenage relationships, but go on, use this day to tell whoever you love that you love them, because you'll never know when the moment will slip you by.
:)
In any case, that was some 7 years back? I must say my most memorable Vday was the one last year, where I planned for Jeff to propose to Wendy - where I conspired to get her favourite food, music and flowers - set it all in her new home complete with tealight candles and jazz music. And how the taxi driver who sent me to her home said that "someday, somebody's gonna do the same thing for you." (You can read the whole story in February's archives if you know how to get there!)
Well, it's been a year since that happened, and hmmm... nobody has done that for me as yet. Well, I guess my gifts from God come in different packages!
Tomorrow, I will be celebrating VDay with three other girls - close friends of mine who reckon that being attached or married doesn't entail that they have to celebrate and be all romantic just on this particular day. They tell me love can be expressed on any other day just as well. I agree....
On another note, I guess on some other part of the island, two of my other friends will be celebrating this special day for the first time since he proposed to her. Yes, I've played cupid on my birthday two years back, and now I'm seeing the fruits of my labour! I'm glad for you, my friends!! I hear wedding bells!! How nice!!
Yes, I am still a romantic at heart!! Happy V Day to all my kids - I really shouldn't be encouraging teenage relationships, but go on, use this day to tell whoever you love that you love them, because you'll never know when the moment will slip you by.
:)
10 February 2005
New blog design and CNY so far...
I figured I'm tired of the old design, and I thought this one better reflects the starfish icon that I've been associated with... it took me a while to transfer the stuff over, and I must say, I'm quite proud of myself to able to do all of it in less than an hour!
Well, the new year has started out ok so far. I wouldn't say it's fantastic considering the fact that on new year's eve, my mum announced to all of us that her brother (my only uncle from my mum's side) has been diagnosed with nose cancer. It came as a shock to us as he has been well all along, disregarding the fact that he has lost 7kg over the past year. We didn't really think it was anything to take note of since he's always known to be thin.
And so when I got back from school, mum gathered my brother and I in a room and asked us if it was OK if we pooled together what we had to help cover for uncle's medical bills. She asked us if it was OK if we let uncle and his wife stay over at our place. She asked if it was OK if she stopped work for a while to take care of uncle as he undergoes radiotherapy and possibly, chemotherapy. My brother and I were of course supportive of whatever mum decided. We understood that uncle always treated us as his children, having no children on his own. It was the least we could do.
She was relieved to see that we were so supportive. Across the island, my cousin sent her an sms telling her not to worry cos she too will support in whatever way she could.
Reunion dinner was a little tense as nobody really knew if they should bring up the issue or not. Thankfully, the ice was broken and we all started talking as if it was nothing serious. Some brought out instances of friends suffering from cancer for the past 17 years. To uncle, it meant that he wasn't really going to die so soon. There was hope.
But deep in our hearts, we are preparing for the worst. If all works out well, we'll thank God for giving him the chance to live a longer life. If not, we'd thank God too for not prolonging his suffering.
Uncle told my mum that he dreamt of my grandmother, and she told him that she was going to take him "home". We all knew what that meant, but still, we pray, that uncle thinks positively and do what's best for him.
For now, for everything that has happened, it has brought me to reflect how precious life can be. I've begun to think if this were my last days on earth, what will I do?
I'm glad that my family has rose up to the occassion to show generosity, love and compassion. It isn't so bad a start of the new year after all on hindsight. I feel my family bonding together again.
Let's appreciate what we have, and count our blessings...
Well, the new year has started out ok so far. I wouldn't say it's fantastic considering the fact that on new year's eve, my mum announced to all of us that her brother (my only uncle from my mum's side) has been diagnosed with nose cancer. It came as a shock to us as he has been well all along, disregarding the fact that he has lost 7kg over the past year. We didn't really think it was anything to take note of since he's always known to be thin.
And so when I got back from school, mum gathered my brother and I in a room and asked us if it was OK if we pooled together what we had to help cover for uncle's medical bills. She asked us if it was OK if we let uncle and his wife stay over at our place. She asked if it was OK if she stopped work for a while to take care of uncle as he undergoes radiotherapy and possibly, chemotherapy. My brother and I were of course supportive of whatever mum decided. We understood that uncle always treated us as his children, having no children on his own. It was the least we could do.
She was relieved to see that we were so supportive. Across the island, my cousin sent her an sms telling her not to worry cos she too will support in whatever way she could.
Reunion dinner was a little tense as nobody really knew if they should bring up the issue or not. Thankfully, the ice was broken and we all started talking as if it was nothing serious. Some brought out instances of friends suffering from cancer for the past 17 years. To uncle, it meant that he wasn't really going to die so soon. There was hope.
But deep in our hearts, we are preparing for the worst. If all works out well, we'll thank God for giving him the chance to live a longer life. If not, we'd thank God too for not prolonging his suffering.
Uncle told my mum that he dreamt of my grandmother, and she told him that she was going to take him "home". We all knew what that meant, but still, we pray, that uncle thinks positively and do what's best for him.
For now, for everything that has happened, it has brought me to reflect how precious life can be. I've begun to think if this were my last days on earth, what will I do?
I'm glad that my family has rose up to the occassion to show generosity, love and compassion. It isn't so bad a start of the new year after all on hindsight. I feel my family bonding together again.
Let's appreciate what we have, and count our blessings...
07 February 2005
happy new year
I really should be baking right now. Every year at this time, my granduncle waits in anticipation as I deliver to him without fail since some six years ago freshly baked sugee cake complete with extra almonds, brandy and decorated with mandarin oranges made out of marzipan.
I bask in pride as I see my relatives relish my creation, a recipe inherited from one of my mum's friend who guarded it with much secrecy since many would want to make a living out baking the dying recipe. Fortunately for me, she favoured me, considering me "kwai" (or obedient in teochew). She told my mum, "I'll only give Deborah the recipe". I felt fortunate.
Since then, I've received requests from relatives and friends far and wide, asking me to sell the cake to them, but I refused. I didn't believe in selling anything I baked. Nevertheless, I didn't guard the recipe as much as my mum's friend did. I gladly faxed over or photocopied the handwritten recipe, now all yellow, crumpled and with stains from vanilla essence. Still I kept it as such. It felt more authentic keeping a recipe on a yellowish piece of paper.
Chinese New Year reminds me of the days when I resigned from Raffles Hotel without a job. Grace and I decided to sell pineapple tarts to make a living whilst finding another job. We started taking orders and sampled with recipes. We didn't know what we did but the orders started pouring in, and before we could say no, we had expanded our business to included other new year cookies too - all authetically made by hand. I was working 24/7. Going to the market every morning to get 10 fresh pineapples from the uncle at the fruit stall was de rigour. And when all was done, we did our calculations, split the profits and took home each about $100, not to mention a lack of sleep and life for two months.
Perhaps it was from that day on did I decide I would never sell what I baked. It's not worth it. But more so, I believe that when I bake, I have to add in lots of love in it for it to turn out nice. How can I put in love in something I'm making a profit from? It just didn't seem right.
And so, now I just give away the stuff I bake. Tonight, on the baker's list is four loaves of sugee cake and one loaf of banana bread. If time permits, maybe a batch of brownies.... I don't think I'd be sleeping much tonight. It's a good thing I don't have to teach tomorrow. I'll squeeze in some marking in between the baking...
To all my students - XING NIAN KUAI LE, XUE YE JIN BU, SHEN TI JIAN KANG!
(there you have it, me speaking mandarin to you!! :P)
:)
I bask in pride as I see my relatives relish my creation, a recipe inherited from one of my mum's friend who guarded it with much secrecy since many would want to make a living out baking the dying recipe. Fortunately for me, she favoured me, considering me "kwai" (or obedient in teochew). She told my mum, "I'll only give Deborah the recipe". I felt fortunate.
Since then, I've received requests from relatives and friends far and wide, asking me to sell the cake to them, but I refused. I didn't believe in selling anything I baked. Nevertheless, I didn't guard the recipe as much as my mum's friend did. I gladly faxed over or photocopied the handwritten recipe, now all yellow, crumpled and with stains from vanilla essence. Still I kept it as such. It felt more authentic keeping a recipe on a yellowish piece of paper.
Chinese New Year reminds me of the days when I resigned from Raffles Hotel without a job. Grace and I decided to sell pineapple tarts to make a living whilst finding another job. We started taking orders and sampled with recipes. We didn't know what we did but the orders started pouring in, and before we could say no, we had expanded our business to included other new year cookies too - all authetically made by hand. I was working 24/7. Going to the market every morning to get 10 fresh pineapples from the uncle at the fruit stall was de rigour. And when all was done, we did our calculations, split the profits and took home each about $100, not to mention a lack of sleep and life for two months.
Perhaps it was from that day on did I decide I would never sell what I baked. It's not worth it. But more so, I believe that when I bake, I have to add in lots of love in it for it to turn out nice. How can I put in love in something I'm making a profit from? It just didn't seem right.
And so, now I just give away the stuff I bake. Tonight, on the baker's list is four loaves of sugee cake and one loaf of banana bread. If time permits, maybe a batch of brownies.... I don't think I'd be sleeping much tonight. It's a good thing I don't have to teach tomorrow. I'll squeeze in some marking in between the baking...
To all my students - XING NIAN KUAI LE, XUE YE JIN BU, SHEN TI JIAN KANG!
(there you have it, me speaking mandarin to you!! :P)
:)
01 February 2005
Dear God...
Dear God
Thank you for today. Today's my brother's birthday and I pray that you will bless him.
God, I was angry today. Well, actually more like frustrated. Frustrated because one of my Sec 2 classes didn't seem to be listening during the presentation I had planned for them. This is not the first time they have acted this way. It's been five weeks since I started teaching them, and I thought I should be doing better in establishing rapport with them. Somehow, I can't seem to connect with them the way I want to.
But God, you are kind. Thank you for blessing me with the other two classes I teach. Today, one of the students from the other Sec 2 class reassured me that things will be better. He said, "Last year when you first taught us, it wasn't like this easy too." He is right. Rapport takes time to build. Maybe it's me being impatient again. I guess it's easier for me to connect with my form class too cos I taught some of them last year and I've spent more time with them as compared to the new Sec 2 class.
God, I'm beginning to feel drained teaching the new Sec 2 class. Thankfully, I have the other class to replenish the lost energy. Today, as I stepped into the old Sec 2 class, I looked at them in a different light. The faces were familiar, and they were familiar with my rules. As they completed their worksheets, I felt a need to want to nurture them more. In a way, I felt that I owned them. Yes, I think I'm beginning to be fond of this class. Reading through their answers on the inner monologue was a joy. Bless them, Lord. They have so much potential in them. Guide me so that I may guide them, to bring out the best in them, to help them fulfil their dreams.
Tomorrow is a new day, God. Please bless all my students with wisdom, patience and grace.
Thank you God for today. Please continue to give me patience as I journey through this life doing your work.
:)
PS - God, my optical mouse and mini hifi and microwave oven's spoilt... :(
Thank you for today. Today's my brother's birthday and I pray that you will bless him.
God, I was angry today. Well, actually more like frustrated. Frustrated because one of my Sec 2 classes didn't seem to be listening during the presentation I had planned for them. This is not the first time they have acted this way. It's been five weeks since I started teaching them, and I thought I should be doing better in establishing rapport with them. Somehow, I can't seem to connect with them the way I want to.
But God, you are kind. Thank you for blessing me with the other two classes I teach. Today, one of the students from the other Sec 2 class reassured me that things will be better. He said, "Last year when you first taught us, it wasn't like this easy too." He is right. Rapport takes time to build. Maybe it's me being impatient again. I guess it's easier for me to connect with my form class too cos I taught some of them last year and I've spent more time with them as compared to the new Sec 2 class.
God, I'm beginning to feel drained teaching the new Sec 2 class. Thankfully, I have the other class to replenish the lost energy. Today, as I stepped into the old Sec 2 class, I looked at them in a different light. The faces were familiar, and they were familiar with my rules. As they completed their worksheets, I felt a need to want to nurture them more. In a way, I felt that I owned them. Yes, I think I'm beginning to be fond of this class. Reading through their answers on the inner monologue was a joy. Bless them, Lord. They have so much potential in them. Guide me so that I may guide them, to bring out the best in them, to help them fulfil their dreams.
Tomorrow is a new day, God. Please bless all my students with wisdom, patience and grace.
Thank you God for today. Please continue to give me patience as I journey through this life doing your work.
:)
PS - God, my optical mouse and mini hifi and microwave oven's spoilt... :(