The beginning...

It's been two days since I started teaching at the new school at Punggol. It must have been the new environment and the familiarity of faces that makes me all so excited each morning to get to school way before 7am. Maybe it's just my desk that I love. I have begun to buy more and more stuff to make my desk look nice, but it's all still in the plastic bag cos I've just been too busy to do any thing!

My time-table has been driving me nuts for one - today is the fourth time my time-table has changed. And it's because of me that three HODs and the principal had to sit down and manually do up a time-table for me so that it doesn't screw up the rest of the time-tables in the school... well, it kinda makes me feel ... err... special?

Maybe not! It seems they think I have a special talent to deal with problem kids, so my principal has kindly put me to co-teach in two notorious classes in addition to my own two classes. Oh well, I hope I can make best use of the situation and that something good will come out of all this at the end of the day...

I had a brief session with my favourite Sec 3 Integrity yesterday. It's heartwarming to know that as I stepped into the class, there were cheers and claps... I guess they were happy to see me? As we were going through terms about the Internet, my co-teacher asked the class - what does HTML mean?

"How To Make Love" came the reply!

There you go... on some days, kids like these make teaching life so interesting, you just get addicted to it!

:)

School starts!

I don't believe it. The holidays just flew past me without me even noticing it! And as I begin to clear the mess that have been accumulating on my desk over the holidays, it has finally dawned on me that school starts tomorrow.

I brave myself to face three new classes tomorrow without a lesson plan in tow. I have no idea what I'd be doing, except to go with the flow. I hope I can survive my day one in new HIHS at Punggol, and cruise through the week without any hiccup until I begin to feel ground as to what I have to do.

Finally, I begin to feel like a full-fledged teacher.

The only thing that's nagging at me right now is the sore throat. I have been a naughty girl, sneaking in bars of chocolates and stacks of Lays Stacks potato chips (I can't help it, it's addictive... it says on the can, "Once you pop, you can't stop!"). It's probably time I stop!

Mum's in Bangkok, and it's good to hear from her that she's enjoying herself. It's funny staying at home over the weekend with my brother with him saying hardly 20 words to me. He complains I'm hardly at home, but when I'm home, he hardly talks to me... Hmmm...

Before I sign off and really start thinking about what I should do with my class tomorrow, I will commit myself once again to my conviction and goal - to touch the lives of my students in whatever way I can, in any way I can, to throw as many starfish as I can into the sea, and if I don't do it all in one day, I'll do it bit by bit - knowing that by doing so, I am already making a difference.

To all my teacher friends... All the best as you begin your new journey!

:)

For a moment...

Last night, for a moment, I questioned myself about my priorities. I didn't know if the direction I was heading was what I really wanted. After all, I decided to take up the project only to make some use of some free time I had back then. Now, as the months unfold, so did the project. And I find myself going deeper and deeper into it. In a way, you could say it feels like putting my foot into the well, and I can't quite feel the base of the well as yet. Without a foothold, it seemed tempting to take the easy way out and just back out. But I asked myself - Is this what I really want?

The night overwhelmed me as I thought about my teaching, my family, my friends and the project. Why was it all equally important to me? It didn't help make things easier as I fought a mental battle in silence. I held back tears as I struggled with my emotions. I didn't want to let anyone down. I didn't want to fail. I wasn't afraid to take on the challenge. It was just that I was afraid to disappoint.

School's starting next week and I haven't even shifted my teaching materials over to the new school. I should love that place. In fact I do. I love my new table, my new surroundings, my neighbouring teachers surrounding me. I couldn't ask for more. But why did I feel so unprepared? I haven't even asked for the scheme of work for the three levels I'd be teaching! Not to mention preparation?

My relations with my mum and brother hadn't been too good lately, considering I'm not home most of the time. They greet me with silence when I come home, and in a way, I feel bad for not spending more time with them.

My friends worry for me as I take on more and more responsibilities. They tell me not to overwork, and keep me grounded by asking me why I was doing all these. They know the answer, but yet at the same time, they know me well enough to know that I will not regret what I'm doing. They know I'm a go-getter. They know that if all comes to nought one day, I will still smile and ask - What did I learn from this? And though they don't say it, I know they are giving me their support in every way they can, and I can't thank them enough. Thanks, gals.. you know who you are! :)

I slept with a heavy heart. Although I was told not to worry, I still did. But I know I shouldn't worry too much. I've only got 5 worry credits per month. I can't afford more. And so, with new conviction, I headed for school early today, lugging with me two big bags of teaching materials. I sat myself down in the silence of the staff room, and laid down my plans. I looked through my notes, and figured out what I should be doing. Then I analysed my duties for the project and laid it down one by one. Looking through all of it, it didn't seem so bad.

I'd give it a shot, I told myself. I'll never know til I try.

The message at the workshop today went loud and clear. "It doesn't matter if you fail. At least you've tried."

With the emphasis on innovation and enterprise in the classroom these days, I see my vision in three years time becoming more real. I feel that this is training ground for me to test out my theories and methods.

I have a mission to complete in three years. And I will do all I can now to see my dreams come true.

:)

Not enough sleep...

What can I say? Late night suppers, meetings, more work when I come back home, and pending lesson plans for next week when term starts. I was assigned classes from Sec 1 to 3, which means I hardly get to repeat my lesson materials... And it's all packed everyday... I can't imagine the marking I have to do...!

As more responsibilities are piled on me, I wonder if I can be superwoman and take it all again. The task that I've been assigned to do is not easy. It needs a whole lot of skill, tact and understanding of people relations. It requires me to be tough, disciplined yet embracing at the same time.

I don't know if I'm up to the job, but I do know that I will never know if I never did try. And so, I'm giving it a shot, giving it my best. After all, it's in line with all the goals I have set up for myself as I began this eye-opening journey since last year.

Gotta get some sleep now.. Have to be awake in 3 hours' time!

See ya!
:)

Back to school

Tomorrow, after a long break, I will back to school... the brand new school at HIHS. In a way, I'm excited. It will be the first time that I will be going into school as capacity of a full-fledged teacher. Wow - finally, the journey has begun!

I really don't know what to expect. Just last year, I was excited about the idea of going back to school. I was full of energy and enthusiasm. I was firm on my belief that it was my calling to be a teacher, and I will be the best one that I can be. I recalled sitting alone in the big Nanyang Auditorium while everyone around me were in happy chatter. Looks like everyone else has a friend, except me.

One year has passed since, and not only did I have a swell time at NIE, I've also made wonderful friends that have walked the initial journey with me. Now, as all of us embark in our own respective schools, we are faced with yet more challenges (I am sure!). But knowing that we have each other to count on makes it more comforting... Glad you came into my life, guys! You know who you are!! *wink*

:)

Drama Drama!

I'm jumping for joy. My school called me up a few days back to say that they had put me to help out in the drama club! I was wondering which CCA they'd put me in charge of.. Chinese Orchestra? Chinese Dance? Band? Computer Club? God forbid!!

I feel myself clapping in glee like a happy sotong. I can see where all of this is going. I've always wanted to get involved in drama somehow, but the opportunity never really came. And now, I have it! Come Monday, I will be trotting down to school for the first meeting with a drama trainer and my students. Cool...! If I'm not wrong, I think they are getting the students ready for some Harmony Concert on 24 July where there will be a night of song, dance and drama... I sense a talent-spotting opportunity coming up! :) *smiles*

The nights have been long these days. Went home close to 3am the previous night after a supper of Char Kway Teow and dim sum. Yesterday, after sieving through piles of paper with two other friends, we headed for Swensens for yet another supper. I sure hope all these late night food will not add on the pounds! Didn't come home til close to 4am. It's a little tiring at the end of the day (or beginning of the next should I say!), but it gives me a sense of fulfilment knowing that I have touched lives somehow. When I see young minds grow, when I see a change in attitudes, when I see that they are finally able to stand on their feet and walk on their own, I smile.

Now, all I can't wait to do is to see them take flight, and find their journey through this road called LIFE.

:)

Being positive!

Someone threw a wet blanket at me a few days back when I told him that I quit my job to go into teaching because I wanted to inspire and motivate teenagers. "That's idealistic, don't you think?", he asked.

He told me that when he was younger, he had also wanted to do that too, but four years later, he figures, why bother? Apparently, he had been disillusioned by what he has seen, and experienced, so much so that his world now is filled with nothing but cynicism.

I shared with him my stories of teaching during practicum, and how I have been disillusioned. Like him, I have asked the question of "why bother?" when the kids I teach didn't seem to appreciate all the sleepness nights and hard work I had put in; the emotional energy expanded caring for them and worrying for their needs. But I also shared with him, "As long as I don't give up, there is still the possibility of touching lives and inspiring them."

He couldn't argue with that. He nodded in agreement, and told me that maybe, he should mix with people like myself more often to have positive energy rubbed onto him. In my heart, I was glad I made my point. It occurred to me that not only did I touch his life in some sense, but it also renewed my conviction and commitment in achieving this goal. It wasn't just words spoken. It was a commitment to be backed up by action, and hopefully, a living example to those around me so that they too, may be inspired to touch the lives of people around them, whoever they may be.

To a large extent, looking back at the things I've done lately, I must say I am proud of myself for being able to step out of my comfort zone, doing things I've not done before. I've approached new things with an open mind, with only the goal of doing it the best I can. And what I've gained is a whole myriad of experiences that I know I'd never have encountered if I had stayed in my comfort zone.

I read in Elle recently about stepping out of one's comfort zone. And rightfully so, it points out that we often stay in our safe zone because of fear. We fear FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real. Self-explanatory. We make up scenarios in our heads of what could go wrong, and it pulls us back. Why not make up scenarios of what could go right instead? I've never doubted the power of envisioning, and with positive thoughts in our heads, all it does is to push us forward towards our goals.

I subscribe to a simple theory that I made up myself. It's called the Pink Elephant Theory. This is how it works. First, think of a pink elephant. Got it in your head? Good. Now, don't think of the pink elephant. Can you get it out of your head? No? Bad thoughts are like the pink elephant. You can't get it out of your head if you keep focusing on it, no matter how hard you try. And it irks you to the point of frustration when you try even harder to get it out of your head. But the truth of the fact is that when you don't even focus on it, you can get it out of your head. You don't get frustrated not thinking about the pink elephant because it never did occur to you to think about it in the first place!

Similarly, failure will not escape you if you keep thinking about it, just like the pink elephant. Not to say that you be completely idealistic about things. It's different. It's about being positive, and looking at things from a different perspective. Even if the outcome isn't what I had expected it to be, does that point to failure? Or was it a lesson learnt?

I've also been sharing with my friends the concept of the Emotional Bank. We all each have one. And we have say 50 emotional credits a day in our bank. When we get angry, we lose one credit. When something frustrates us, we lose another one. But when we get happy, we earn more credits. It's like a savings bank. Ask yourself - do you want a fat nice bank at the end of the day? Or a completely empty one? With this in mind, ask yourself each time you get upset with someone, or frustrated - is that incident worth spending this emotional credit? No? Then move on. Don't let it eat into you. Cut the threads like Uncle Joel taught.

It's probably easier said than done. But what matters is that we try. I fall sometimes too, allowing myself to be drained, cynical and negative. But I keep in mind my goal, and I quickly pick myself up again. We have only one life to live. Don't waste it being cynical and angry.

:)

Fulfillng Day!

It sure has been a fulfilling day! Got up early with barely 3 hours' of sleep and started on my design project. Was glad that I managed to rush it out in time before I left for lunch with Su Ching at NUS. It sure has been a while since I took the NUS route from Pasir Ris to Clementi and boarded the trusty old 96..

Lunch with Su Ching brought us to Margaritas. They serve really good Mexican food there. The owner of the place is a bao gao liao guy who serves at every table, recommends food, and tells the chef how to cook it. We hardly saw the menu cos he just whipped up something special for us right there and there... For appetisers, we had grilled musrooms topped with some garlic cream sauce... Awesome! Then, for the maincourse, he gave us corn-fed cat fish, which he claims comes from the US, that was crusted, baked and topped with spinach and mozarella cheese... Heavenly! I just love the soft texture of the cheese going together with fish that was crispy on the outside, but tender and soft in the inside. And they are all so famous for the honey lemon drink too.. He even asks you if you want it hot or cold.. How thoughtful!

Caught up with loads of things with Su Ching over lunch. She filled me in with the latest in her life as well, frustrations she's facing as Vice-Dean of the School of Public Policy, and more. At the end of lunch, I could see she felt better venting out all the pent up frustrations. I guess she used to be able to do that when I was working there... Now, she's keeping it all to herself.

Caught up with Agnes too. She used to be a teacher! She's still as funny and bubbly as ever! So glad to be able to fill her in with the latest happenings in my life. She's really happy for me, and keeping her fingers crossed too! Ha ha.. Yes, Miss Tan.. I'll keep you in the loop of things! :)

Then off I left for town to meet up with Justin. After the meeting, I was glad that I plucked up the courage to speak to him about pursuing his interest in music. I guess at the end of the day, if he decides not to pursue his singing, I know I have touched a life in some way, and that makes me happy. I'd love to see that spark in his eyes one day. I'd love to see him smile, and say to himself, "Yes, this is my dream. This is what I've wanted all these while."

Finally back at home close to midnight, and I'm onto my design project again cos there's more changes to be made. My eyes are almost shut from the lack of sleep, but I'm too excited and happy to get to bed.

Just got this in my email message from the Fitness Magazine website, and I'd like to share it with you...

"It concerns us to know the purposes we seek in life, for then, like archers aiming at a definite mark, we shall be more likely to attain what we want.."
-- Aristotle.

Have you found what you want in your life?

:)

NIE results...

Ha! I completely forgot I had the results for last semester to look forward to! So when Chen Ying told me it was online, I was like.. hmmm... what if I failed?!! For a long while, I was trying to recall what modules I took last semester! So much for learning, heh?

Here it is - 2As, 3Bs and a credit for practicum. Actually, all that mattered to me was the counselling module I took up as my elective and the practicum. Scored an A for counselling, so was overjoyed, and I kinda expected the credit for practicum... My sup was pushing me for distinction, and I was like... "no, no... don't want so many observations..!" Anyway, like one of my NIE classmates said - distinction or not also same pay, right?

I guess at the end of the day, what matters most is if I make an effective teacher. So what if I have strings of As, or that I had gotten a distinction? If my methods don't work on my kids, or if I am not an empathetic teacher, or if I don't relate well to my kids, that what's with all the As on that sheet of result slip, right?

With the holidays now, I have effectively switched off my "teacher mode", and have for a moment, forgotten my profession. I think I'd seriously need to rev up my ethusiasm in teaching again a week before school starts... I need to pass positive energy to my kids!

The destination of my journey keeps me focused,
But it is the route I take that teaches me life's most valuable lessons.

:)

Half a year - so much has happened!

Wendy and I were having a late night conversation in Bangkok after our massage. She said, "Don't you think that a lot has already happened for this year for us?"

I couldn't quite agree more. In retrospect, I think loads had happened in all aspects of my life ever since the beginning of this year. It just occurred to me that it has been almost half a year since that conversation I had with Max that left me in tears. I've moved on, and flew. I've soared, and I'm aiming to fly higher. Like Wendy said, "He's missing out a lot in your life." That's OK... It's what he's chosen to do, and I've not lost anything in the process.

Practicum at HIHS has given me new insights to teaching. The 10 weeks had brought me new experiences, and it has shaped me to look at things from a different perspective. I've learnt to relate better to teenagers, something that I've always wanted to do as a step towards my goal. I've also learnt to understand my brother better, and the frustrations he's facing as a teacher.

But I think the greatest thing that made a difference in my life ever since February was what sparked after I decided to resend that email to a friend. Deciding to meet up after that has opened a whole new world for me, a world that I am currently passionate about, not only because of the potential I see in it, but because it has given me a new perspective of things. And what's more - because of it, I find myself connecting better with my friends and family and to new people. It has heightened my confidence, revved up my drive, and rejuvenated the spunky spirit I have been suppressing for a long time. It has challenged my preconceived ideas, confirmed my philosophies in life, and made me treasure more what I have been blessed with.

I never knew one solitary person could make such a big difference in another's life in such a short span of time, and that one can even create a ripple effect to others around. And so, I have learnt by example. I have begun to realise that my dream of doing something big isn't as impossible as it may seem as long as I have my heart in it. And the challenge is made even more exciting and comforting at the same time when I feel I have someone walking by my side, sharing the same vision, fulfilling the same goals. It's more than just being in a tag-team. It's almost like having found a soul mate.

I read somewhere that if you want to have your dream fulfilled, act as if it has already been fulfilled. That's almost what I'm doing now. It's kind of like pushing yourself to the limits and not holding yourself back. Why have limiting thoughts when you can have positive thoughts? Most of the time, fear sets me back, and I choose to stay in my comfort zone. But I've learnt that I can only do so much if I stay in my comfort zone - and that is why, I have decided to fly like an eagle, soar to great heights, and be the king of the skies. But I will not be flying alone. I will ensure that I make all around me eagles as well!

My friends, you know who you are - it's time to take flight. We all shouldn't just be hovering in the skies. We should be soaring now! Come fly with me now...

:)

Back from Bangkok!

Yes, I am back from Bangkok! Besides burning a big hole in my pocket shopping and shopping and shopping, I have also gained a few pounds from all the good food! And guess what? Straight from the airport, my mum, Grace and I went straight to Still Road to get some good pepper crabs. I wasn't a tad hungry but for some reason, I downed a whole big plate of hor fun and vegetables... where did that appetite come from?

Wendy was a great travel and shopping partner.. We browsed and walked and walked and walked... Everything seemed to tempt us, especially at The Loft at the Siam Discovery Centre.

I explored the Pratunam area with her too, and when we were at the market, it rained cats and dogs. Stuck, we decided to roam around the area. For a whole good hour, we learnt what bad fashion was. For once in my life, I actually felt nauseous looking at the rows of gaudy, loud and distasteful material cut into the most outrageous designs. I felt suffocated looking at mannequins dressed in fushia pink chiffon dress decked with matching sequins. What were they thinking? Yet again.. maybe it would be useful at Patpong.. I don't know...

MBK renovated their food court, so it was a real dining experience there. Wendy and I were craving for good Thai Tom Yum Gung, and there we found it! Although the sausage in the soup didn't quite fit in, but the broth was good. Ask for chilli padi if you want it hotter! And to down the fire caused by the chilli, order the Lemon Frostie... Heavenly!

Dragon Seafood Restaurant just before the Pratunam area didn't fail me again. I went there with Pris the last time I was there, and I got myself a 15% discount off the total bill. Ask for anything grilled. It wouldn't fail you. Our sotong was just heavenly with the green chilli and lime leaf sauce. The fried garouper with chilli sauce was also yummy! Pad Thai there was passable, tho the tau geh and cashew nuts made it somewhat more special. The place seems to be doing well cos they now have a whole new building on the opposite road!

We were hunting for good breads and pastries too... and here's the verdict. Head for the Amari Watergate Hotel. The chocolate chip macademia nut cookies are really really good. And they come packed in a nice metal tin that makes a perfect gift for anyone. The brownie is heavenly too. Ask them to warm it up for you... The chocolate will then just drizzle down the sides.. combined with the cashew nuts at the top, I think I just found a new definition of sin! The make great sandwiches (yes, you can order what you want in your sandwich too!), apple strudle and a whole lot of other yummy mousse cakes. We just loved the way the cut the loaf cakes into think one inch slices.. Looks really good!

The Oriental Hotel has set up four shops around Bangkok selling their pastries too. You can't miss it - It looks so Harrods! I tried the brownie for 80 baht. It's so nicely packed in white wax paper and sealed with a gold sticker, and they even give you a nice olive green paper bag to carry your slice of brownie in... And the brownie's so addictive! They sell nice fruit cakes and breads too!

Novotel at Siam Square where we stayed in also has nice pastries and breads. The pizza just looked so good when I saw it at the showcase this afternoon. Pity we had to leave for the airport already, or I think I'd have tried it! Pris and I really enjoyed the warm chunky fries they serve there! And our hotel also serves up a mean buffet spread for breakfast! Western, Asian, Japanese... you name it, they have it! Was really spoilt for choice!

Fruts are in season.. Lychees, rambutans, pomelos, pineapples, .... Really yummy - and very very cheap too!

Didn't manage to trod down to Chinatown and the Pahurat area, but Wendy and I did lots of walking in the all famous Chatuchak Weekend market. Had a swell time bargaining. I managed to get really nice papers for wrapping presents - and it was really cheap! Bought my 90 baht tops from the SUCCESS shop again... Got a top in my previous trip last year, and it was good, so I was replenishing my stock!

Hey Pris, guess what? The cashew nut shop that we were trying to hard to find the last time? Well, I found it!!! It's really at one corner! Managed to get a nice back cushion for my brother too. He's happy I got him so many things... :)

My biggest splurge - a custom made bustier dress in 100% Thai Silk from Jim Thomson. I'm not naming prices here, but it's my most expensive buy in my life. But I think it's worth it. I really loved it. Now, I'll corss my finges and pray that it'sll come to me in about 3 weeks' time.. and that it'll fit! My mum said I can keep the dress for my wedding... Wah... she's really thinking far! :)

Boots - I can never leave Bangkok if I don't go to Boots. It carries a real good range of toiletries imported from UK, and it's really cheap! I got nice sample sized body scrubs, essential oils, and all my mum's Loreal stuff from there. I just love that place!

And... I can never recommend any other massage place better than Chang's. The last time I was there, the branch beside my hotel was the only branch. Now, they have 4 shops scattered over Bangkok... They even have one in the airport. I had my favourite foot massage, which is totally cool after a long day shopping!

That's my Bangkok trip... yes, I still do love Bangkok and all the shopping. My mum is thinking of asking me to bring her there again, since I seem to know that place so well... We'll see!

Oh - and I do recommend Valuair. It's cheap, it's good, they have a nice funky crew, not to mention meals on board (and they come packed in nice cardboard boxes that serves and clears food away really swelly fast! The captain that we had was a nice tall man who came into the cabin to talk to us actually, instead of from the cockpit. At the end of the speech, the whole plane clapped for him!

Back in Singapore, and though Bangkok was great, there is nothing quite like the comforts of home, the sweet taste of PUB tap water, the great singapore sale, and my family and friends back home.

Glad to be home. Right now, I need to catch up on some ZZZZZs, and start on a light diet tomorrow.. All the good food has made my stomach go bonkers!

Starfish... OUT!... but will be back!

:)

Off to Bangkok!

Wendy and I will be making our way to the land of smiles, cheap massage and a shopping paradise. It'll be a well-deserved break, and I can't wait to have my third trip there!

To my dear friends who are left behind in Singapore... well, I'll be thinking of you! And yes, Grace, I won't forget your two "kong" of chilli flakes!

We may be miles apart, but we're always close at heart.

Take care, and will catch up with you all when I get back on Monday!

Starfish... OUT!

:)

Sawadi Kaa...

Of rock bands and young minds

It isn't always that I have rock music pounding in my ears so loud and the beat of the drums so hard that I can literally feel it thumping through my heart. Well, today that happened.

One of my HIHS kids is in a rock band, and he invited me to see another "awesome" rock band that was playing in town today. His friend's brother's in the band.. It's called Cross Bred, I learnt later...

And so, I rushed through cooking dinner for my brother, and headed down to town just to watch the gig. I've always wanted to support the passion of youths in anyway I could, just to see them grow into the individuals they ought to be. And so, I've always encouraged my students to pursue their passion... and it's not always studies! I can forsee myself being the unorthodox teacher as I encourage my students to do what they love - music, the arts, drama...

Well, back to the gig. I braved loud music and the smell of cigarette smoke, and who cares if I looked obviously older than the rest of the youths there. It was worth it. I saw my other students from other classes too, and they were pleasantly surprised to see me. From the faces of the youths, I could see that they were really passionate about their music. Pity they didn't have a vocalist or the "Sweet Child of Mine" would have sounded awesome... Of course, it brought back fond memories of my JC days.. Didn't Max sing that song too? Ha.. and to think he's a teacher now!

There, I also spotted a few other youths and asked them to go down for the auditions for the local film a friend of mine is shooting. Got a whole bunch of phone numbers at the end of the hour. When I get back from Bangkok, I think I'm gonna have a swell time scheduling the auditions for my friend! Will also arrange for the rock band to meet up with my other friends to see if anything can be worked out. Can't wait to see all of it happening!!

I'm just so excited seeing how I can make a difference in young people's lives just like that. I sure hope something good will come out of all of this. If anything, I think they'd have a wonderfully different learning journey in the lesson of life.