Alright, alright....

I hear the voices of my students - "Miss Chew, you've not been updating your blog!"

Yes, my dears. I've been so caught up with so many things on my hands that blogging becomes a luxury! And since it's a school holiday today, I figured I'd take some time off early this morning to pen down a few thoughts.

It's uncanny that the theme of "death" keeps popping up every now and then, I wonder if I am going to die soon. Tuesdays with Morrie was a book I decided to pick up and read again over the holidays because mum was watching the movie on the Hallmark Channel. One line struck a chord in my heart especially - "You only learn to live when you learn to die."

Indeed, we never know how much we should be doing, or how much we can do, until we are faced with death.

A friend of mine sent me an email on a speech by the CEO of Apple. He was diagnosed with cancer one day, and suddenly, it dawned on him how much he can do and should be doing. And fortunately, there was treatment to cure his cancer. With a new lease of life, he went on to do much more than he ever thought possible.

I shared with my three classes my reflections on Tuesdays with Morrie. I had hoped that through it, they would be motivated to want to do more with their lives, with their healthy bodies. I wonder how many fell on deaf ears, and how many fell on touched hearts. But it touched my heart, and made my day to see one of my students pull out a brand new copy of Tuesdays with Morrie during morning reading a few days after I introduced the book to them.

I look at my life and I wonder how much more time I'd have left to live. And taking stock, I wonder if I have done the best I could. I wonder if I have done enough. Suddenly, when faced with the possibility of death anytime, I find myself wanting to do more than I ever thought I wanted.

If I were to die tomorrow, would I have been satisfied with the way I had led my life? Would I have forgiven all that hurt me? Would I have been forgiven by those I hurt? Have I told those dear to me how much they mean to me? Have I shown my gratitude? Have I been generous in kind words? Have I been a true friend? Have I been a good teacher? Have I touched enough hearts? Have I made a difference? Would anyone remember me? Would they remember me for the legacy I would have left behind? Or would they remember me not? If I were to hear my eulogy today, what would I hear?

No, no, I'm not indulging myself here. I am not craving for praise. Rather, I am wondering if I am worthy of any. Really - what have I done?

And so, I urge you. Take a look at your life right now. Take stock. If death faces you today, and you don't have a tomorrow to live for, what will you be doing? Do all that you plan to do today. For if we have a tomorrow to live for, it is a bonus to do yet more things.