Crying..

I've been crying quite a bit lately. I don't think it's PMS, nor is it depression. It's just me being in touch with my heart.

Just yesterday, I fought back my tears as I heard a fellow teacher of mine air her views about how youngsters these days take things for granted. About how they don't have the drive to work like the people of their age. About how because parents now provide for everything, the young these days don't see any need to want to study hard so that they can do well in society and earn their keeps in the future. She sounded exasperated as she aired her views, citing examples from her children, then looking at me, she said that it's because of young people like me who have everything in life that take things for granted that there is a lack of drive to want to work hard.

I kept quiet and controlled myself as I tried not to let the rest in the group see the tears that were welling up in my eyes. I wasn't as much angry with her for generalizing, but the memories of old flooded my mind, and suddenly, I fely overwhelmed by the emotions that flowed through. It was a good thing that two other fellow teachers whom I am close to knew my past, and about what I have been through. One of them spoke.. "No, Deb, why don't you tell all of us what you've been through... You're different."

I tried hard not to let my voice quiver as I put it across as succinctly as possible. "I worked and studied at the same time. I paid my way through education. I paid my family's debts." There you have it.

A little voice in me cried victory as I saw her face change from one of arrogance to one of apology. She didn't apologize, but neither was I expecting one. I made my point.

The incident made me reflect on how often we generalise people based on what little facts we have. We assume that everyone's the same. We presume that all naughty kids are bad. We think they will fail in society if they don't do well in their studies. The very same teacher complained about how her children did not do well in school, and how she told them that with their results they will never make it to society. I aired my views. In not so many words, I questioned - why do you judge your kids based on your own yardstick? Why can't you accept your children for who they are, regardless of their results? Support them, nudge them, but don't enforce on them your expectations. Think with them - where can we go from here and guide them to THEIR goals, not yours.

It's very much the same with teaching. Sometimes, we tend to forget that we are teaching individuals. Individuals that happen to be in a class. Individuals that have their own goals, and dreams. Their own gifts and talents. Their own problems and tears. It takes time, and a whole lot of effort to cater to each of these needs. But shouldn't we? Why cut out a kid and label him as stupid just cos he can't make the grade? Why don't we seek to see the other talents the child has? And nuture this talent?

Surely, in Singapore, it's a paper chase world. Qualifications matter. But I believe if you find your passion, and put your heart and soul to it, it doesn't matter if you have a doctorate or not, you'd be an ace at it. Think about it....

Just at church just now, I teared again. This time, it was for a different issue. Mass had ended and Fr Bruno said that his bishop in France told him that before he sleeps each night, to thank God for three things for that day. He asked us to thank God for three things. It brought me to tears as I realised how much God has blessed me. Three wasn't enough. He has given me so much. Suddenly, I felt unworthy of his great love for me. Still, I thanked him...

1. Thank you, God, for my family. For helping us stay together despite the odds.

2. Thank you, Lord, for my friends. For always being there for me, my inspiration, my pillars of strength, and my guiding light.

3. Thank you, Lord, for the love you have shown me. In all the manifestations of all I have been bestowed with, I cannot quanitfy the wonders of your gifts.

I ended my prayer by asking God for wisdom to know how to lead the flock he has given me, and for me to be his guiding light. In the silence of my heart, I offered up a few treasured friends in prayer, that God will bless them too with his strength and love.

Today, start counting your blessings, and be thankful for them.