Back!

Hah.. yes, I've not been blogging for a while. For some strange reason, I thought that I'd be more free after the exams, but no! For a few days, I was hardly at my desk... Running around from class to class, doing relief and then invigilating for the O-level practical exam.

So, that got me busy for a while, then it was just meetings and meetings and more meetings!

Yes, I'm finally seated in front of my trusty notebook, trying to recall any significant events...

HIHS had their thanksgiving mass today. I love masses. Somehow, I feel that it's my moment with God. I speak to him, and pretend I'm leaning by his knee, resting my heavy head and pouring out my heavy heart of worries. Sometimes, I feel comfort just knowing he's there.

These few days saw me crying each time I talk to God. Maybe there's just too much in me to pour out. Maybe I've been keeping my thoughts and feelings in me for too long, and now, I'm just pouring it all out. Well, at least I know the big one up there is listening!

Somehow, I am looking forward to the hols. The last day of school on 19 Nov marks a significant day for me where I intend to run away and hide and hibernate. I just feel tired. No, don't get me wrong. I haven't lost the zest for the work I do. I find tremendous fulfilment in teaching my kids, in seeing them laugh, in seeing them achieve. It pains me to see them cry, or get into trouble. I see them as my friends. Friends whose lives I want to nurture and develop into mature thoughtful adults who will be able to contribute to society and for the good of others. I see myself as a beacon of inspiration for them, to show them that they can succeed in life no matter what happens in their lives.

This afternoon, one teacher realised that I came from a single-parent family. Slowly, she realised how I struggled through uni financially. It brought back memories. I'd rather leave it there behind, but somehow, it gets back to me. "It's OK." I said. "Eveything happens for a reason." She agreed.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter what backgrounds we come from, whether we are rich or poor, or whether our families are perfect or not. What matters is that we are unique individuals that have our talents and gifts. It is really up to us to make use of our talents to drive us to high levels of achievement. It is up to us to decide if we want to take things in our stride, or make that difference. I decided the day my dad walked out on us that I wanted to make that difference - and I did it.

I remember in sociology class, I read about how divorce and deaths can affect children negatively. Sociologist found a clear link bewteen children from divorce families and delinquency. But yet, they also found another group of children they termed as superteens. This group, as obsorved, seem to display exceedingly postive habits, and even excel beyond normal standards despite the trauma in the family.

When I read that, I made up my mind - I want to be a superteen. And I worked towards that.

Think about it - when was the last time you said you wanted to be something, do something, be someone, and did something about it? It's called challenging yourself.

I've been challenging myself in more ways than one thought possible, even right now. It's not easy, but I know I'm learning.

Learning. It's not all about books, sometimes...