So much happening!

Wow! I didn't realise I haven't been blogging for 4 days! And to think so much things have been happening in my life!

Friday marked the end of my practicum at HIHS. Got treated to a little party by my Sec 3 Integrity class, the class that drained me all so much. The made me a nice card, in which they penned down their little messages.. "Sorry for making you cry, Ms Chew" "Sorry for sleeping in your class" "You are a great teacher" "Ms Chew rocks!"....

Us trainee teachers organised some food for the staff of HIHS and went around with gifts and cards, thanking the P, VP and teachers who have been so nice to us during the 10 weeks there.

As I began to clear my table and drawers, a sense of relief came over me. Yes, it's finally over. That will be the last time I will be seeing my desk which I had occupied for the last 10 weeks. When I return, it will be to the new school at Punggol. I'm just hoping that I'd see my fellow trainee teachers back at HIHS too. I've grown used to seeing their faces, I think I'll miss them loads if I don't see them when the new term starts!

Friday nite was spent at M Hotel for a charity party. Highlights include meeting up with Chen Ying and Pam again after so long, and of course spending time over jokes and laughs with old friends.... Oh yes, the charity auction.. I pooled in contributions from my friends, and managed to bid a date on behalf of my friends, a CLEO bachelor for the price of $180! But since all of them are attached, they have passed the date to me! Now, I have a date with Vernon Bay, voted Bachelor with the Sexiest Attitude in the latest CLEO Eligible Bachelor contest.. Nice guy.. Spoke with him for a while.. Man, he's got a winning smile! Thanks, my friends, for your generosity that nite!!

Another highlight was the lucky draw... Wendy, Chris and I had wanted to leave for our very delayed dinner close to midnight when we realised that Wendy had bought two cards for the lucky draw. We decided to stay back and wait, and see if lady luck was smiling on us that night.. And yes she was! We won not only a CD soundtrack, but also the top prize of a weekend stay at the M Hotel worth over $700! Before the last card was drawn, Wendy pushed her Queen of Hearts to me, and said, "This one belongs to you". After I collected the prize, we both hugged each other. It was a symbolic victory in more sense than one.

The night ended late.. really late. After supper at Oscars- yummy steak and fish and chips, we headed over to Kopitiam for more coffee and dessert. By the time each of us reached home, it was close to 5am. Wendy couldn't sleep so we continued our coversation on the phone. In between, I received an SMS from a dear friend, thanking me for the night, and saying that he was almost home. I smiled as I read the message. When we waved goodbye to each other, I had wanted so much to say "send me an sms when you reach home so I'll know you're OK", but for some reason, I didn't. So it was almost telepathic when he did. That's called rapport, Uncle Joel will tell me...

Yesterday, I got up early, got fruits and headed to Tan Tock Seng Hospital to visit my CT. She had a surgery done to her finger that was injured by some accident at home. It affected the nerves, and so teh surgery was quite a major one. She was surprised to see both Joanne and I. The three of us exchanged teacher stories, and laughter. I was glad we were able to spend time with her... I really do admire my CT.. A real gutsy woman with two kids, and looks and behaves like ten years younger than she actually is! And did I mention she's really cool?

I must have been really tired after I met Wendy in town later in the day. We had lunch at Cafe Cartel.. Ribs and lots of bread! When I came back, I downed my dinner and slouched on my papasan chair with "The Joy of Cooking" in my hands. When I woke this morning, I had the book in my arms. Did I sleep that long?

Today's Mother's Day. It will be spent with mum... Food again, what else?!

Monday, I will meet all my NIE mates again. What a joy! Chen Ying said I had put on weight... Yes, I have.. Too much good food lah! :) Well, I wonder if any of my NIE mates are in the same boat as I am! And I can't wait to exchange all the stories about our kids too!! Can't wait!!

:)

Cherishing Life

This morning, I skipped the morning assembly and stood close to Joanne in the staff room as she fought back her tears. Whilst the both of us stayed in the staff room, the whole school was listening to her story through another teacher. You see, Joanne's cousin passed away yesterday.

He was scheduled to undergo a brain operation after doctors found out that there was a growth that needed to be taken out. It was a risky procedure, but doctors were sure he would make it through, considering his youth. The operation was a success and doctors had even made arrangements to have him transferred out of ICU into the normal ward. But things took a turn for the worse within hours. He lapsed into a coma and soon was pronounced brain dead.

He was just 19 years old with a full life ahead of him. He had just completed his project at Ngee Ann Polytechnic and was presented with the Tan Kah Kee Award by his lecturer prior to his operation. In the hospital, despite his brain condition, he aspired to do something about his project, perhaps even sell the idea when he got better. He was optimistic, and enthusiastic. He was not a natural bright spark, but his perseverance and enthusiasm for learning brought him to where he was. Even before his condition turned for the worse, his last request was to sit for his exams.

Joanne asked me this morning - Why is God so unfair? Why didn't He give her cousin a chance of a longer life, to learn what he wanted? Why was his life short-changed when he had so much he could do ahead of him? Why him? She reflected on the students we teach and if only they had the same amount of enthusiasm in learning. Perhaps, they do not realise the opportunity that is presented to them all these while. Perhaps, they have failed to cherish life, and cherish what they have.

Thinking about Joanne's cousin got me reflecting on my life. Have I done enough with my life? If today would be my last day on earth, would I have done enough? Have I cherished all that I've got? Have I said my thanks enough, or have I made my peace to those I have hurt? It got me thinking that life is too short, too unpredictable for me to push things til tomorrow what I can do today. It is too much of a mystery for me to plan as though I will be able to direct life as I please.

And so, I begin to understand more fully the meaning of carpe diem, about living life to its fullest, about taking opportunities, and about cherishing life.

Like me, teachers and students of HIHS were touched in one way or another through the story of Joanne's cousin. It got them thinking, like it did me. And though his life has passed, I think he'd be glad to know that he has touched the lives of many, and will continue to do so by his example in his living years.

Think about Joanne's cousin. Then think about your life. What have you done?

Just worried

My student asked me today why my eyes looked sad. I told her it was because they had once again failed to hand in their projects. Well, that was part of the reason. I guess the other reason was that mum's at home sick.

Prior to the lesson, I called her. She was scheduled to go back to the polyclinic for a check up today. Last Friday, she scared the wits out of me when she told me that the doctor used some machine to clear her lungs as they were infected with virus. They changed the antibiotics she was on, and told her that by that night, if her breathing didn't get better, she was to get to the A & E immediately. I rushed back from school after seeking permission from my VP to leave school early. Thankfully, she got better over the weekend. But today, the congestion in the chest came back again.

My heart became heavy as mum told me that she was on the way to the hospital to get her lungs cleared up again. She told me how she slumped onto the doctors chair cos she was so weak. She said she was almost breathless. I've suffered from bronchitis once, so I fully understood how it feels being breathless. It's not a joke. She told me that they were going to take an x-ray of her chest. They made her do some breath test, and said there was "leaking".. whatever that meant!

I couldn't concentrate on marking at school. I packed my things as soon as I could, and headed home. I wanted to know if mum was OK. I was worried for her.. Did she have anything to eat? Is she OK? It didn't help that my handphone went dead, so I couldn't contact her. I was frustrated, agitated, worried... everything rolled into one. All I wanted was answers. For a moment, I wished I wasn't teaching, so that I could just take leave, accompany mum to the hospital and find out everything there is to know just to make mum well again. But I couldn't. I had to be in school.

As I reached home, I was relieved to see mum grabbing a bite. She looked weak. She was drowsy from the medication. As I pulled out the stacks of marking that I brought home to do, half my mind wished I had less one burden to carry. I recalled Uncle Joel telling me about thread cutting, about how occupations such as teaching and nursing draw the most out of an individual. I suddenly realise with mum sick, I have taken on these two roles. And for a moment, I felt overwhelmed.

Today hasn't exactly been the best school day. My Sec 3 Hope class was just rowdy and making as much noise as they could. It was only when I threatened to have their names recorded in the discipline file did they quieten down a little. Even though, when I left the class, I felt drained. It seemed that they had sapped every ounce of energy from Victor and myself. The Sec 2 class that I relieved for earlier in the day were no better. I spent the one period having a verbal battle with them on why there wasn't any PE lesson. I ended my day with my favourite Sec 4 Peace class. But by then, I was too drained to impart any inspirational thoughts to them. I wished I had done better to reach out to more of them, but I couldn't. Their noise overpowered me. I let them talk and do as they wished. It was after all my last lesson with them. Deep in me, I was reflecting if I had been a good teacher to them if anything...

As I face my piles of marking to do, and with the worries that fill my mind about my mum, I push away the thought of having ME time as soon as practicum ends. Now, all I want is for mum to get better again.

In the sun again...

Wendy and I packed our rollerblades at 8am in the morning yesterday, and by 9am, we were out of the house, heading towards the East Coast. She wanted a well-deserved break from work and her new home. I wanted a break from school and home. It was us just wanting have our moments of "ME" time, doing what we like - rollerblading by the sea, talking to each other and lazing in the sun... and oh, did I mention eat? :)

We did our usual route along the East Coast beach - up towards Fort Road, then back towards the East Coast Lagoon Food Centre where we'd always treat ourselves with big bags of thirst-quenching sugar cane juice. Yesterday, we sat at the food centre for almost an hour talking while sipping our drinks. There, Wendy poured out her frustrations. As I listened to her, I felt blessed with the way things have turned out in my life. It probably seemed as though that she was willing to trade places anytime. But it wasn't so much of the fact that she was unhappy with the way things were. It was more of the fact that she wished things were slightly different.

We headed for the beach to bask in the sun for a moment. For a while, the both of us just sat there in the sun, looking at the people around us. In the heat of the mid-day sun, a soothing cool breeze brushed us gently, almost in a comforting embrace. For a moment, the both of us thought we were back in Hawaii... well, if only..!

We couldn't resist the "chow-tah" looking pita bread as we passed by this restaurant near McDonald's. The guy at the counter was making the breads fresh from flour. We made our orders of chicken and pita bread immediately... and waited, and waited and waited and waited... and waited. When it finally came, it was probably worth the wait. The pita bread came "chow-tah" the way we liked it - and crispy on the outside, and soft and warm in the inside... Yum! It came served with an assortment of dips. We think the garlic one helped clear some impurities in our intestines!

As Wendy left to make her way to her new home, I couldn't help but noticed her down spirits again. I hope today, she'll feel better. I promised to spend the day with her. We'd go to IKEA to get some stuff for her new home, and for me, to eat the hot dog like I always do... Come to think of it, I had the same craving just last year when I was in the CDC! I remember telling Grace as I laid in the hospital bed that I was craving for the hot dog from IKEA! In any case, I rushed to complete setting my CPA paper til 3am this morning so that I could spend some time with a good old friend today... :)

Today, I hope Wendy will smile again...

:)

Thoughts of a trainee teacher...

With just a week before the end of the school practicum, I am overwhelmed with mixed emotions. On one hand, I am relieved and glad that I would have passed through 10 weeks of practicum without any major hiccups (cross my fingers and hope nothing major turns out at the last week here at HIHS!), on the other hand, I realise that my journey of a teacher has only just begun. I still have a long way to go!

I recall 10 weeks back, or even before that. I remember telling my NIE mates that I was in a way afraid of the practicum. They shared my fears. It was a fear of uncertainty, and whether or not we could handle the real life outside as a teacher. What are the kids like these days? Are all the "horror" stories we've heard true? Can we even apply anything we've learnt at NIE to the real classroom? At one moment, I was even questioning myself if I had made the right decision to leave the corporate world outside, and answer the call to touch young minds.

Today, in reflection, I don't have the answer if I've made the correct decision. It doesn't matter. Over the weeks here at HIHS, I have learnt to answer the questions I've asked before practicum. I've learnt about dealing with students, about teaching, about dealing with teachers, about meetings, about school procedures... and the works. I have had my share of ups and downs, of good days and bad days, and I've learnt to pick myself up each time I fall. I've learnt to reach out for the support of my cooperating teachers, armed with their years of experience each time I fall. They have been so supportive during my weeks here, I feel blessed.

But what I have learnt is but a fraction of what is to come. As I anticipate the full workload of a teacher in two months' time, I can't help but feel the same fear I had prior to practicum. Questions race through my mind once again. Will I....?

On a lighter note, I must say I will miss seeing the kids I've come to know over the 10 weeks. Yes, they have made or broken my day along the way, but I have learnt to own them like my own in some way. Like I have mentioned before - the very same students that make your heart ache on some days, are the very same students that make you smile on other days. In retrospect, I sometimes find myself asking, "Weren't I like that before?"

As the practicum draws to an end, I'm beginning to feel a little tired. Perhaps I have not learnt to cut the threads as well as I should - the way Uncle Joel taught me. I hope that when the new term starts, and when I become a full-fledged teacher come July, I will be recharged and re-energized again. If anything, I only want to pass positive vibes to the kids I teach. I want to motivate them, inspire them, and stretch them to their limits.

But before I do that, I'd need to recharge...

My Sec 4 Class

When I first stepped into my Sec 4 class some 8 weeks back, I recalled having to raise my voice, and setting a strict tone. I was puzzled and unsympathetic as to why the class was so small, and yet there were so many absentees. I didn't understand why instead of neat rows, the tables was arranged haphazardly. I couldn't comprehend why the boys in the class were so rowdy, choosing to talk when I wanted to say something. And that they were interested in nothing except the topic on SEX. That was 8 weeks back.

I recalled my CT saying to me - They are noisy, but they are harmless. And soon enough, I realised for myself, that they are indeed an endearing bunch. I have learnt through them, that sometimes, silence speaks more than for itself than raising one's voice. I have learnt that despite their apparent misbehaviour, they are like each and every one of us, with their own dreams and aspirations. I have learnt, that behind the boisterous mischief in class, they have a caring heart.

As the weeks went by, I got to know some of them better than others. I remember one girl in class who hopes to work in the hotel line one day, and another who hopes to pursue her dream of being in the music industry. I just found out yesterday that another aims to get into the poly and then the University, so that he can take over his father's business. Yet others had short term goals, like improving on his English, and doing well for his exams. Another is a computer guru who hopes he can make it in the IT line one day.

Simple hearts with big dreams. Dreams that make them out to be who they are. Young minds yearning for guidance, and careful moulding, so that they can fulfill these dreams. As I listened to them, and looked at them in class yesterday, my heart went out to them. If only I could do something to nudge each and every one of them closer to their dreams.

With two weeks left, I feel I don't have much time. My wish is that they will persevere in all they do, and never give up. If I could, I'd tell each and every one of them to always believe in themselves. I'd tell them to think about what they'd want to do in their lives, focus on that goal, and trace their steps towards that goal. I'd tell them that nothing can stop them except themselves.

One of them asked me over the msn yesterday why I looked sad in class. I guess all the thoughts I had in my head showed in my eyes. There's so much I want to do, but there's just so little time. If only I could cast a magic spell and touch their lives in some way somehow...

Today, during the Values Inculcation Programme, when I saw some of the guys and girls from the class participate in a tug-of-war, I felt proud of them. As they exerted their strength and pulled the thick rope just to win, I realised the fighting spirit they had in them. Despite the rope burns, and the occasional slips and falls, they still got up, and pulled harder. They didn't win in the end. But that didn't matter. They did their best, and they knew they did. Like a proud parent, I told Joanne, "See those boys? They are from my Sec 4 Peace class." Joanne probably couldn't quite comprehend why I was so proud of them. I was all smiles. It was probably because I realised that these boys had a fighting spirit in them.

If I could say something to them right now, I'd tell them - Fight on, guys, in whatever you do! Remember the tug-of-war each time you're faced with difficulties. Remember how hard you pulled, and picked yourself up each time you fell. And you gave it all, your best shot - because you believed in yourself, because you believed you could win.

Nothing's going to stop you now. The sky's the limit. One day, I know when you each have your success stories to tell, I'd say to someone else, "See those boys? They were from my Sec 4 Peace class."

:)

A wonderful weekend

It's been a while since I last enjoyed a weekend like this. Having the whole Saturday to myself was a rare treat. I had voluntarily kept myself at home to finish a whole pile of marking - and was proud of myself that I did. It has also been a while since I did my 30 laps in the pool, so it was a minor accomplishment to be able to do so finally. Plunging into the pool and just mechanically swimming enabled me to just zone out for a moment - and reflect about all that has been happening around me.

If anything, I should be thankful of the teaching experience I've had at HIHS. The students can be draining some times, but they are the very same people that make you smile at the end of the day. I think I've been blessed with good heads in the school, and very good CTs, who are not only encouraging, but understanding too. They have never failed to provide me with tricks of the trade, and teaching pedagogy. And my fellow NIE mates at HIHS have also been really nice, especially Joanne and Victor... In a way, I think Sec 3 Int have begun to change their attitude cos of what Jo said to them. I think I have to thank her for that!

Sunday was reserved for a lunch meeting at my home. It started out early with Mass, and then to NTUC to get groceries to cook lunch. I had a simple home-cooked food menu planned - nothing too fancy.

The meeting went on well and good. We brainstormed for ideas and decided on a certain look that we wanted for our project. It had to be something that identifies the whole entity - something that will flow throughout the collaterals. It was a quick meeting and LC decided that she would come up with a few designs for us to choose from... Can't wait to see it this Thursday! :)

The day went on with my other friends after LC left for her meeting at Sentosa. We spoke and talked - heart to heart. Something we haven't done for a while. Putting work aside for a moment, it was a sharing of the deepest emotions and advice. What resulted was yet another afternoon of developing the friendships between us to a deeper level.

I hadn't expected my friends to stay til close to midnight, but I was glad they did. Maybe it was the company, maybe it was the conversations, maybe it was the joy and laughter we all felt that made time pass so quickly. At the end of the day, I said my prayer and thanked the good One above for the blessings he has given me though the gift of my family and friends. Truly, if anything, I am experiencing true joy in my life now.

:)

When your students make you smile...

I think one of the greatest things a teacher can get out of all the long hours, nagging and sleepless nights of preparing for lessons, is an acknowledgement from her student that she's doing a fine job. Today, I received the one of the nicest notes in one of my student's journal. It read:

"Hello Miss Chew. I'd like to apologise for always handing in my work late and being inattentive in class sometimes. I'd like you to know that I am very very very very happy to have you as my English teacher. I'd like to thank you for always being so patient with us and not giving up hope on us, and meeting to the needs of the brats in the class. Miss Deborah Chew is the most wonderful and lovely teacher! :)"

That came from one of the "brats" in my class. He's actually a really talented guy. Has his own rock band outside in which he is a drummer. He loves to pierce his body parts, so he's got like sticks all over his face to keep the holes open during school hours.

In any case, I couldn't help but feel happy when I read that. It is one of those moments where I knew I had done something right in that class. I had noticed a change in his attitude since I first taught some 8 weeks back. Now, I can see he's making an effort to do the work he's assigned, and even influencing those around him to do the same.

Today's lesson went on well. My kids did their work, and filled up their worksheets duly. Hardly anyone surfed the net for their personal stuff. All was on task finding and reading information on the harp seals. They even came in early for class! Maybe what Joanne said to them a few days back had an impact on them. Maybe they have begun to realise that they really have been taking things for granted.

At the back of my head, my mind worries for Chen Ying. She's been sending me smses for the past few days. Things for her at her school hasn't been a bed of roses. The last I heard, her VP did not give her a favourable grade. Things got so bad that her supervisor had to come down to the schoola again. As I spoke to her yesterday, she was beginning to lose confidence in herself. I don't blame her. Her VP and CT weren't too nice with their words to her. I comforted her and told her that she will not fail. I encouraged her to believe in herself and not bother about what her VP had said. I guess it's easy for me to say. I know it's not easy for her. I hope she's feeling much better today. I hope the silver line to the cloud will show soon. She told me that only comfort she got out of the school so far, was when one student came up to her and asked her to continue teaching his class because "we prefer you to teach us".

I guess it's moments like these that encourage you, and push you to carry on, no matter how difficult it is.

Uncle Joel has been a dear correspondent and mentor in my teaching career lately. He's been sending me the nicest notes and tips on how I can deal with my students at a different level. I've yet to try out certain strategies, but I believe they will work. Also, he's been giving me advice on how I can handle my stress levels too. In the latest email I got from him, amongst all the things he wrote, I was particularly struck by a quote he got from a book. It goes, "Sometimes, when you feel you're going backwards, maybe it's because you're giving yourself space to make a running leap forward."

It struck me hard, especially over the last few days when I was pondering if I had made the right choice in going into teaching. I was beginning to feel I was getting bad at handling my Sec 3 kids. When I see my kids improving in their behaviour these days, I tell myself... maybe I have made that leap forward?

When we are discouraged by the failures that hit us, I hope it helps to know that maybe, we are just making space to make that leap forward.

:)

A load being lifted

I struggled to stay awake last night. I had two lesson observations today, both of equal importance. I tapped on my laptop as I tried to do up the lesson plan and figure out what I would be teaching for today's CPA lesson. It was way past midnight and all I could think of was sleep. I had stayed up late for the past few nights til the wee hours of the morning and the lack of sleep was taking its toll on me. I looked clearly tired, and felt thoroughly drained. Even meeting up with my favourite friends at the FHA didn't help jolt me back to the cheery smiley Deborah. I seemed to have a million and one things on my mind. Wendy said to me, "Where's my friend, Deb? Give me back my friend! Who are you?" She learns fast - That's my line to her each time she acts "non-Wendy".

I am indeed blessed. My CPA CT understood my stress. After my English lesson observation at the first two periods of the day, I rushed back to the staff room and with a guilty look, told my CPA CT that I hadn't typed out my lesson plan - and the lesson was going to be conducted, and observed in less than 2 hours' time! He told me to take my time, as long as I had something for him before the lesson.

And so, I rushed and typed and typed and went through my lesson. At 10.30am sharp, when the bell rang, I handed to him my lesson plan, and said my thanks. "You'd do fine", he said. He always says that... :)

The lesson went on well. In a way, I think my Normal Technical kids have taken a liking to me. I think the chuppa chops and chocolates did the trick. Today, one student asked me, "Cher, how come no more sweet?" I told him I'd give them sweets on my last day in school. He replied, "I thought when you leave, we are supposed to give you things, not the other way." Ha.. cute logic...

As usual, my CPA CT graded me well. He gave me pointers on how I could have improved, and said that they way I teach is similar to how he teaches... Great... Great minds think alike! :)

Earlier in the morning, my heart nearly dropped when I went to the computer lab where my English lesson would be held and found that the files for the microLESSON was not loaded up into the PCs. I had asked the lab technician to load it up yesterday afternoon. It wasn't there. I panicked. Has technology failed me again? In the middle of the value inculcation programme, I rushed to find the lab technician.. phew! Within minutes, all was settled.

The lesson went on well. My kids came in late - as usual, and got a shelling from me - as usual. I started by showing them the video of how the harp seals were mercilessly killed. That raised some emotions. Then I gave out "secret envelopes" - pictures of harp seals, both cute and white, as well as those soaked in their own blood. Those raised more emotions. At the end of half an hour, I got them stirred up enough to want to find out more information on the website about harp seals. They wanted to know why they were killed, who kills them, why were they so mercilessly killed. To see them so engaged and ethusiastic about the issue made me feel redoing all microLESSON to suit them better all worthwhile. For once, I could see them filling up the worksheets without much probing... ah... almost heaven.

Tomorrow, they will continue with their Internet reseach on harp seals. I pray and hope heaven will continue.. :)

It really feels like a heavy load has been lifted after these two observations. I have just one more to go - for CPA. Slowly, we're all counting down til 7 May. All of us trainee teachers will graduate. We will all meet once again to share our woes and joys of practicum, and to the realisation that we have three more years to go! Way to go pals! Our journey has just begun....

Feeling rejuvenated, I find my old cheery chirpy self once again.... Wendy - Deborah's back! :)

My students

I really should be doing up the worksheets that accompany the microLESSON that I created for my English class right now, but I can't help it. I need to blog!

Today started out gloomy. I wasn't feeling like the top of the world. I couldn't quite put my finger on what was bothering me. All I knew was that I was feeling a little low. Maybe it's the effects of burn out creeping in. Maybe I was just tired, both physically and mentally. As I mentally calculated the number of weeks left til 7 May, I realised that I had loads of work to be done before I can celebrate the mark of my practicum. Heavy, was how I felt.

I was glad the day began to brighten as I entered another Sec 3 class. Having some spare time after their presentations, some students decided to play with my laptop. They squealed in delight as they realised I had piano pieces of all their favourite songs.. "Eh, cher! You have Pachebel's Canon in D!" "I want to hear Somewhere over the rainbow!" "Hey, there's Forrest Gump!" The chatter went on and on as I saw my students enjoying the music. It warmed my heart to see these young minds appreciating the very best of music.

"Cher, what's Track Number 5?" It was almost coincidental, cos the student that asked me that was the very same one who told me a few weeks back that she was living her life for herself - and that meant doing whatever she could in the best way she could. "That's a song my friend wrote", I said. "It's called Living this Life for Me". I told her what the song was about and how it relates to the her. "Can I hear it?" "Sure!" I said.

I smiled as I saw her placing her ear close to the laptop's speakers so that she could hear every word of the song. She ; asked if she could buy the CD; she asked if she could have the lyrics of the song; she asked if she could have the scores of the song. It was evident that she loved the song.

As the day passed, my students touched me more and more. I didn't know what quite changed the class of Sec 3 Integrity, but one by one, they came to me to hand in their journals. Did someone say something to them?

Joanne came back from her lessons, and told me she gave Sec 3 Integrity a piece of her mind. She scolded them for taking things for granted, for taking me for granted, and for not cherishing what they had. She told me she could see remorse in their eyes. She told me she thinks they've been shaken.

I felt bad. I hadn't wanted Joanne to scold the class. Much as I was affected, I knew they didn't do it on purpose. It's just that they've yet to come to a realisation. Maybe Joanne made them realise something.

The school day ended with yet two more students coming to see me. "Ms Chew, when's your last day?" I told them I'd be here til 7 May only. "Why so early? Can you stay longer? Where will you be going after that?" I told them I'd be going back to school. "Will you come back after that?" I told them I don't know. "Come back and teach us, OK?" I smiled.

It's things like these that make staying back in school til 7pm, and staying up late til 3am doing worksheets for your students so that they'll learn all worthwhile.

Back to worksheets now!

:)

My mum

My dear mum came to my room yesterday evening after work. With a stack of letters in her hand, and cup of tea, she decided to make herself comfortable in my papasan chair. In the most animated voice, she asked, "Do you want to know what I think of all your friends that I've met?"

My mind was in a blur as that came out of nowhere. I glanced at her as if enquiring where that came from. "I'm serious." she said. "OK", I said. And so, I pulled myself away from the design work I was doing, and listened to her.

What followed for the next hour, was the best conversation I have had with my mum for a long time. I agreed with her that she never did tell me how she felt about my friends. It was only yesterday that I learnt how she felt. She said, "I think I have a gift. I can size people out very fast, and I'm usually right." She was quick to add, "But that makes me too judgemental sometimes, so I keep it to myself."

"Sounds like me", I told her. Now I know where I got it from!

Mum went on evaluating almost everyone whom she's met, and eventually told me that she never thought Adrian was the right guy for me, though she didn't want to say it. She told me that it was his loss and our gain that he decided to be with someone else instead. She didn't think Mark would be right too, although we were very close friends, and a Catholic! I was surprised. I always thought mum liked Mark... Hmmm... ?!

In between, we talked about the past, the present, and the future. We talked about our worries and my brother. We talked about her friend's children, and about how she feels so strongly for young adults and the elderly. As we spoke, I realised whom I learnt about unconditional giving from. I learnt and re-learnt about positivity, and about compassion. I also learnt that mum and I were more similar in thinking than I had thought.

Mum ended off the conversation by telling me that she's been praying very hard for me. And that my Godma has been praying hard too. In fact, Godma added that if only she had another son, she'd make him marry me! Pris - that's Leo's mum for you! Can you imagine? Singing St Pat's school song at my wedding??!! No...!! :)

I asked mum why the sudden evaluations. She told me she was touched by what one of my friends said to her on that Easter sunday. It was something different, and it got her thinking. She told me, "I think you've found a really good friend."

I smiled as I heard that. I think I did too. Thanks, mum!

:)

Picking up again

I thank God that I have a strong support of friends I know I can count on when students suck the last drop of energy from me. You know who you are - thanks for the listening ear, the encouraging words, the empathy, the words of wisdom across the seas, the smses. I really appreciate all of it! I really don't know what I'd do if not for your encouragement.

Perhaps the week that had passed wasn't the best for a while. Somehow, everything that could go wrong went wrong. But instead of playing the blaming game, I'd rather see things in a positive light.

As I knelt down in prayer at Mass just a few hours ago, I began to reflect all that has happened. And with the belief that all things happen for a reason, I began to explain to myself why things happened the way it happened. Humility was the word that came out. Yes, I have been humbled. Perhaps, I had forgotten that about others when my plate was full. I was having a good time teaching so far. Perhaps, I hadn't empathised enough with my fellow NIE classmates, who weren't having so much a ball of a time. Perhaps I wasn't appreciative of the fact that I had a great working environment, and that my co-operating teachers are God-sent.

I thought I had it all figured out. This is the way you deal with kids, I'd say. This is the way you have to plan the lesson, I'd say. This is the way this and that should be done, I'd say. It was as if I knew everything. Well, apparently not. What had happened last week only proved to me that my teaching journey had just begun. It taught me that I have so much more to learn. It showed me that what works on one day need not necessarily work always. And so, I was humbled.

Closer to home, I realised and began to fully understand how my brother had been feeling on his low days for the past six years as a teacher. I had always thought he was exaggerating when he shared with me about the frustrations of teaching students these days. I didn't understand why he was so tired at the end of the day, as if all the energy had been sucked out of him. Now, I finally do.

Tomorrow, I will teach my Sec 3 Integrity class for one period, during which my CT will not only observe me, but the class as well. She will take note of the trouble makers and we'd sit down to discuss who to weed out from the class. Evil plan, but I think it'd work. It is so not me to punish, but I guess I have to learn to do it, and not think too much about it.

I'm picking up again... And counting down til 7 May!

:)

I cried

Yes, I cried in school today. Not in front of my class, but after. As I slumped into the chair in the staff room, I couldn't help but feel frustrated.

Once again, all my elaborate planning to get my students engaged during lessons came to nought. I felt helpless. I felt frustrated. I felt angry and I began to be self-blaming. I wondered what I could do, or what I have not done, to be able to control these kids. As I could see it, they were already beginning to take advantage of me. It didn't feel good that it was just the start of the day, and I felt rock bottom, all because my students failed to behave in class.

I couldn't tie up my lesson because most of the time, I was trying to discipline them, getting them to do the task assigned. It made me feel as though the one hour that had just passed came to nothing. What did they learn at the end of the day?

As I thought through what had just happened, I couldn't help but cry. I asked and asked, but there didn't seem to be an answer. I felt that instead of improving with more teaching experience, I felt myself just getting worse at controlling the class. What did I do? What did I not do? What's wrong?

As tears flowed uncontrollably down my cheeks, I walked my way to the grotto of the school where the statue of Our Lady was placed. In the silence of my heart, I said what I needed to say. I asked questions, and said a prayer for God to give me patience and perseverance.

Wendy was a real comfort as I spoke with her about the bad start to the day. I wondered how the rest of the day will be.

Somehow, my English CT heard about the bad start to my day. She grabbed her wallet and asked me if I were free for a chat. And so we did - out of the school's ground, into one of the nearby coffeeshops, where we discussed the problems of the class and what we could do. Over coffee and MILO-ping, we came up with an evil plan to split the class up such that only those who are not disruptive and show eagerness in learning can continue to attend my lessons. I can then continue to teach those who are motivated to learn.

After that, I bumped into my CPA CT who gave me yet more tips on teaching. Before he left he said, "Don't worry lah.. you can do it."

I came back to the staff room feeling like a load has been lifted from my heart since the English class ended. It helped to know that my CTs are so supportive. I received an SMS from a friend "Hang on there. The day will be better!" it read.

Yes, it is beginning to get better.

Tonight, I will listen to Uncle Joel - cut the threads. I will enjoy my weekend after I'm done with the PED 516 assignment that's due tomorrow. Rollerblading with Wendy's on the list... and yes, I can't wait to enjoy the beach once again!

As of now, I take a deep breath and gather all the positivity in me once again. It takes time, I know. But I look forward to the day where I will look at my Sec 3 Integrity students and pat myself on my back, because I had made a difference in their lives.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

:)

I almost cried in class

I promised myself when I started teaching that I will never cry in class. Well, today, I almost broke that promise.

Today was the first day I saw my Sec 3 Integrity class after their camp. Much as Joanne had told me that there's no change in their attitude after the camp, I chose to think otherwise. And so, with printed worksheets and my trusty picnic basket of chocolates and chuppa chops, I entered the class with a smile. It was great seeing the familiar faces I've grown accustomed to over the weeks.

I let them cheer their class cheer which they had learnt at the camp. I asked them for a silent clap, and they responded. Some wondered how I was in the know of their camp activities. They decided to welcome me with a sexy clap, followed by the sotong clap. It humoured them, it made them laugh, and to see the joy in their faces made me feel happy they were back. Maybe Joanne was wrong. Maybe they had changed.

After distributing the chocolates and chuppa chops, I could see the delight in their faces. I'm going to have a good class today, I told myself. And so, I continued with the lesson proper. I asked them to whisk out their Marine Parks article and went through with them the structure of an argumentative essay again. I distributed the first worksheet, and I could see a few bodies beginning to slump on their tables. As I spoke and explained, I felt I was losing the class again. Joanne was right. They have not changed.

As I explained and re-explained, and guided them through the worksheets, I struggled with deciding whether to continue the lesson as planned - give out the rest of the worksheets, explain more and make them hand it all in at the end of the lesson - or to stop and walk out of the class. In a way, I felt like giving up.

I didn't do either. I put the worksheet down and I looked at them. I asked them - Can I share with you thoughts from a teacher? They looked puzzled. I asked again - Can I share some of my personal thoughts with you? They nodded. I tried to hold back my tears when I began speaking. I don't know if it was out of frustration, or was it because it pained my heart to see all of them so aimless in their lives.

I began my story, and told them that I had stayed up til 2.30am last night, just to do worksheets for them so that they will understand. I told them that I didn't understand why they reacted the way they did. I told them I thought I'd see a different class when I came in today. I told them I chose not to believe other teachers when they told me Sec 3 Integrity did not change. I told them that while other teachers have told me that this is a "challenging" class, I chose to see the potential in each and every one of them. I told them I wanted so badly to teach them so that they would learn. I told them that I was not there just to perform my role, but to ensure that they learn. I told them that I walk out of the class every time, wondering how I can motivate this class, and I have yet to find the answer. Then I asked them - Can you give me that answer? Tell me - what do you want out of the class? What do you want to learn? What makes you more interested? Do you hate English? Or do you hate the teacher? What is it?

I told them I was not there to work against them, but with them. So they will have to work with me too, to let me know what works and what doesn't work for them.

For a moment, I think they were wondering if I was scolding them. I wasn't. Once again, I held back my tears as I told them how I cared for each and every one of them, that I felt there was so much more they could be doing. "I see little stars shining in the classroom, some brighter than others. But instead of polishing your stars til they shine bright, why do you choose to overshadow each other?"

I felt there was no point in the lesson going on. I was not up to it. They were not up to it. Marine Parks was boring them as much as it was boring me. I asked them to take out a sheet of paper, and on it, write all their thoughts - why do I hate English? What do I want out of the English lesson? Why do I not hand in my work? Why do I not pay attention in class? If I had a dream English teacher, what would he or she be like? How do I want English lessons to be conducted?

As I went on with question after question, I could see my Sec 3 Integrity kids filling up their foolscap sheets. They wrote and wrote and wrote. It was as if it was their form of release. It was as if for once, a teacher was listening to them.

I left them to write while I called out a few students individually who had not submitted their work. I told one of them who wrote in his journal that he aims to get into a JC - I want to see you get there, I know you can. Come to me if you need help, ok? He nodded. I could see from his facial expression that he was touched. Well, at least I have one starfish thrown into the sea today...

I collected all 36 sheets of paper when the bell rang. I thanked them for their frank comments and told them that hopefully, I would be able to engage them with my lesson tomorrow. I had mentally thrown out everything I had planned for them to do already. My mind was in a blank. I don't know what to teach tomorrow - and my cooperating teacher is going to observe my class tomorrow.

With a heavy heart, I flipped through their response. It made me smile and cry at the same time. One of them wrote, "English lesson is the best and having you as a teacher rocks!" Another wrote, "As for my dream teacher, you are my dream teacher already!" Most of them apologised for their lack of attention in class and for not handing in their work, while some gave good feedback on how they'd like lessons to be conducted. I hadn't realised that my lessons with them fell at the most awkward time slots that made them sleepy. Today's was right smack in the hot afternoon and after their PE lesson (which made them even hotter), and the other two lessons I have with them are first thing in the morning. They said all these made them sleepy. They asked for more games and group work and encouraged me. They thanked me for being so patient with them despite their behaviour.

In retrospect, maybe whatever happened today was for a reason. It helped me realise how I could improve on my lesson from a student's point of view. It didn't matter if my CTs or supervisor gave me strings of As. If my students didn't like the lesson, they would not have learnt. It challenged me to think harder on what I can do to engage them and at the same time meet the requirements of the curriculum. My mind is still in a blank, but I am encouraged. Today, I realised that I had perhaps thrown more starfish into the sea than I had imagined. It's just that they keep swimming back to shore. What I need to do is to throw further to make that difference.

Today, the very students that discouraged me are the very ones that have encouraged me. And for that, I am thankful.

All went well

Finally - I'm done with my two formal lesson observations with my NIE supervisor. What a relief! When my supervisor gave me the APT form, it didn't matter to me what grade I got. I was on a high that I managed to engage the class. They were intrigued by the picnic basket I brought to class. "Cher, we going picnic ah?" "What's inside?"

I had brought a whole basket of chuppa chops, and chocolates for all my Sec 3 kids. It was my way of welcoming them back after their one week break. Guess in a way, I missed them. The lesson went on well as I highlighted important points on the functions of MS Access. I guess it helped that my CPA CT was around. He was all in support of me. He told me "Don't worry, I'll help you." I was glad he was there through it all, giving me little signals and hints of what to do.. and to think he was observing me too!

The day was a hectic one. I hardly sat on my chair. My table was filled with papers, worksheets and files. By the time I ended my last debrief with my English CT, it was 4pm. Hungry and sleepy, I decided to head home, thinking I'd sleep. But til now, I haven't even caught a wink!

I have hardly had enough sleep. Friends came over to my home yesterday, celebrating Easter with a feast of laksa and popiah - thanks to mum. It was a whole day of feasting starting with breakfast with my uncle, lunch with a few other friends and my cousin and her husband, then dinner with yet more friends! Wendy brought her godiva cocoa powder covered tiramisu, which was a hit! Thanks, Wendy... so, our theory's right after all, huh? *wink*

We ended the night with chocolate fondue laced with Baileys! Yummmmmmm...... For a while, all of us wished it wasn't Sunday. I almost forgot I had a formal observation today!

As always, it is always a joy for me to be with my friends, and feed them! Pris said she was so full she had to roll from the kitchen to the living room! If only Lee Yee and Keith could come.... I found it a great joy baking the brownies and sugee cake and assembling the salads and dips... Guess it took my mind off school for a while!

Thanks my friends for spending Easter with me - and for being so much part of my life.

:)

Meeting up again...

I had a good day yesterday.

Despite more surprise emails from my NIE supervisor that he wanted to see by Monday, all the detailed lesson plans for all the lessons I had taught, and that one of the students in a Sec One class that I relieved for shouted "Kiss my ass" when I was writing on the whiteboard, everything after that made the day.

I met up with my friends whom I've known for the longest time - since Primary One. Pris, Lee Yee and I hogged yet another table at Starbucks in Tampines, ordered three big cups of tea, and three cups of hot water, a brownie, and a chocolate biscotti and sat and talked close to midnight. Pris smuggled in a bag of nachos which we wiped out too. :)

It has been a while since we met up, so it was good catching up on each others' lives, knowing the plans we have in store, what we'd like to do in the future and all the latest gossips. Pris and I exchanged teacher stories while Lee Yee listened with amusement. And when all was said, we came to the conclusion that we too were once like the students I now teach. It's a phase we all go through in different intensities, I guess. Whilst Pris marvelled at how I could handle Secondary school kids, I was amazed at how she could handle her little Primary school terrors.

It amazes me that despite the fact that each of us are leading our own lives, we still keep in touch and are very much part of each others' lives. We learn from each other and share in each others' worries and happiness. And thinking that our friendship dates back to the days where ice popsicles and kacang puteh costs only 10 cents, I find it all very heart-warming. We've come so far and yet we've still have a whole journey ahead of us. It's comforting to know that I am not alone in this journey. I can always count on these, my friends. Thanks, pals! :)

I have developed a habit of writing poems whenever I can, especially whilst waiting. And in the process, it triggered one of my childhood dreams to write cards like those from Hallmark. Here's one I wrote yesterday whilst waiting for Pris and Lee Yee...

Sharing in your happiness

A smile edged across your face
Lets me know that everything's better
It makes my heart warmer; it feels lighter.
It is probably also a reflection
Of how you are feeling right now.
And I am glad that I'm one of the first to see
That delight in your eyes
And the joy you are feeling
Knowing that things are going well for you.

The storm is over
And a rainbow has come forth
As the sun peeps through the sky
You and I know
That a new day's begun
And I celebrate that new beginning with you
I share in your happiness
Because nothing matters more to me
Than to see you truly happy.

- Deborah Anne Chew

What tomorrow brings

I can never tell what tomorrow may bring, but I can appreciate all I have today, and thank God for all that He's given me - every single thing.

I was inspired to write this poem when I reflected on all that has been happening to me for the past few months. If anything, I think I am living a mystery and a miracle. And if anything, I am thankful and looking forward to His grand plans, whatever it may be. All I ask for as always, is the strength to undertake what's to come, and patience to let His plan be revealed to me in its full goodness.

Hope you enjoy this poem. It holds a special meaning for me, and is one of my personal favourites...

Tomorrow

If what I see today
Is an indication of what is to come
Then I'd be enjoying the moment
And looking forward to the day
Where tomorrow will reveal itself
Into something beautiful -
Something that I've been dreaming of
Almost all my life.

And when that day comes
I will know
That the wait was worth every single minute
The journey, worth every single step
Because I will never experience
The best thing that I have found
If I had chosen
To walk any other way.

- Deborah Anne Chew

Little Sec One Angels...

I started the day with a vision in my head. A vision that the day will be a fulfilling one. One that will leave me smiling and rejuvenated again. One that will reconfirm my conviction that I have chosen the right path - to teach.

I knew my day will be occupied with piles of marking which I had accumulated since last week. With the Sec 3 teachers away at the camp, I knew I'd have to relief a few classes. I just wondered which.

Sec 1 Charity. I read the slip of paper with my name on it. I had been assigned to take the first two periods of the day for that class. I quickly searched the materials I had on my desk. I decided I'd make them do either the Nuclear Activity, or the Cartoon Activity. Quickly, I made sets of materials, and planned out a lesson in my head. I think I'm beginning to get good at this.

I entered the class with anticipation. My class looked at me with anticipation. As they stood behind their desks, I took out my trusty marker and wrote my name on the whiteboard. "Good Morning, Ms Chew" followed.

The class settled down into chatter amongst themselves. On the board again, I wrote the word in big bold capital letters "SILENCE". "Shhhhhh...." came forth in reply. Then, silence. I smiled and continued writing, "What do you want to do today?" "Listen to ghost stories" was their unanimous reply.

I gathered them in front of the classroom, switched off some lights. They closed the doors and shutters of the windows. With earnest eyes, they kept silent and looked at me as I enthralled them with real life ghost stories I encountered since my working days at Raffles Hotel.

I soon found myself telling them about my experience at the CDC during the SARS period. They asked and enquired, "What was the food like? what did you eat? what did you eat for breakfast?"

It wasn't before long that the bell rang, which signalled the end of the stories. I ended off the class recommending them to read the three books by Dave Peltzer - A Child called It, The Lost Boy, and A Man Called Dave.

As I prepared myself to walk out of the classroom, I thanked the class. And the reply from them warmed my heart and made me smile. "Thank you, and God Bless You, Miss Chew!" They smiled as they said that, as though thankful that I had shared a part of me with them. "God Bless you too!" I said, and left the class with a sense of joy in my heart.

It may have been a rehearsed reply that they say to every teacher that leaves the classroom, but for me, it was extra special. It was a sign for me, reminding me that despite it all, the frustrations, the stress and students getting on my nerves, at the end of the day, these are the very same young minds that make teaching all so fulfilling.

Today, I am reminded of my vision of being the best teacher I can be, one that inspires, motivates and touch lives.

Silence speaks a thousand words

I had the best class with my Sec 4 Acad students today. They are the bunch of students whose favourite topic is none other than sex. As I entered the class, they were just being themselves - noisy and all over the place. Somehow, I felt that after three lessons, they have gotten used to me. They have stopped asking where my CT was, and why she didn't come teach them anymore.

In my previous lesson, I had reminded them to bring their project materials - which as I have anticipated, they did not. I just didn't feel like shouting at the class, or raising my voice. And so, once again, I did the unexpected. I started writing on the board - sentence after sentence of what I would have said. I wrote..

"Did you bring your project materials?" Then, I turned and looked at them. Shouts of yes and nos came across. I continued writing, "So, what do you want to do?" Once again, shouts of "I want to go to the library do research" and "Sleep" came forth. I continued writing. "We will not go anywhere until you have followed these instructions." The class fell silent. They looked intently as I wrote more on the board without saying a word.

1. Take out a sheet of writing paper.

I turned and looked. Almost everyone took out their foolscap paper. Then they looked at me. I noticed two guys in the corner who refused to do so. Then I wrote:

"We will not continue with the lesson unless everyone follows the instructions." Then I turned around and pointed to the two guys who were having their own conversation. Almost the whole class pressured the two guys to follow suit. They had no choice. It wasn't before long that I got the whole class to "listen" to me. I continued...

2. Take out a pen (any colour).

3. Uncap the pen, or click it such that you can use it to write.

4. Now, write your name, index number, class and date on the paper.

5. Next, write this: After my visit to the Old Folks' Hoime, I felt....

6. (This is where you start thinking... no need to talk). Then, I drew a happy face with a thinking cloud. In it, I drew a light bulb, and labelled the happy face "ME".

After each step, I turned periodically to look at them. Only when they finish the previous step did I begin on a new step. All these while, my students were for once, quiet and reading my instructions and following every single step. If they had any quesiton, I answered them with words and pictures on the whiteboard. I even used msn icons to add facial expressions that I could not conjure up.

They wondered why I wasn't talking. "Cher, you sick ah? You lost your voice issit? Talk to us leh!" And all I did was smile and gestured and played with facial expressions.

I continued writing on the board.

7. Fill up your sheet of paper with your thoughts.

8. Only when you fill up your sheet of paper do we then discuss what to do with the extra time.

Something magical must have happened because for a moment, I saw everyone scribbling on their paper. The class was for once silent. No talking, no pushing and shoving, no Mandarin, no Hokkien. I smiled to myself. How in the world did I come up with such a strategy!!??!!

For some reason, each and every one of them became motivated to fill in that sheet of paper. I didn't have to scream. I didn't have to shout. I didn't have to go from person to person nagging at them to complete the worksheet like I had done for the past three weeks. When they finished their written pieces, they came up to me and handed their work to me. They then sat down and helped their classmates that hadn't completed their work.

The bell rang just when almost the whole class finished their work. When some of them got a little noisy, all I did was to point to the word "SILENCE" which I wrote on the board. And they "Shhhhh" each other.

I smiled as I ended the class. I wrote on the board "Thank you class", and they replied. When I finally spoke, I told them "see you next week with your project materials!" "Wah!!! Ms Chew got voice already!!".

I went back to the staff room feeling high. Somehow, I knew I had won them over. I have begun to love this class, the class that used to drain me dry cos I'd be competing with their noise level most of the time. Today, I didn't have to exert my voice at all. I spoke personally to the two problematic boys and realised their love for computer games. I talked to them about how they can pursue their interest in computers but they will have to study hard first. Soon, we were talking about how they can improve their English and what they'd like to be in the future.

It got me thinking - sometimes, silence does speak a thousand words... and the effect is much greater too! Once again, the unexpected worked...! Yes, it even surprised me!

:)

Reconnecting with old friends...

Yesterday, I found myself soaking in the sun and the sea again. This time, it's with Wendy. After two hours worth of rollerblading by the sea (not to mention two unglam falls that left me bruised), Wendy was proud of me that I had improved tremendously in my rollerblading skills. :) I was just gliding on. Strips, humps and uneven terrain don't scare me anymore!

After that, we headed for the sea! Soaking in the salt water and enjoying the massage of the sea waves felt invigorating. I felt myself leaving what was troubling me behind, letting the waves wash it all away.

The day went on with me and Wendy heading down town with our beach gear and rollerblades. The two hours' worth of rollerblading must have burnt quite a lot of calories cos between the both of us, we ate three person's worth of food... excluding dessert! And to think that when both of us headed home, we ate yet more!

We headed home after that, feeling tired. We could barely keep our eyes open. But there were smiles on our faces. It has been a while since the both of us enjoyed the whole day together. The beach brought back fond memories of the holiday we had in Hawaii two years back. We agreed we should do this more often... :)

The night before, we had spent the evening catching up over fish and chips, chunks of meat, lots of bread and a sinful slice of chocolate cake at Cafe Cartel. We sat through the remaining of the evening at Starbucks over camomile tea and iced latte. We must have had tonnes to talk about as before we knew it, it was past midnight. Then, Grace called to say she was coming over to meet us. I continued the night talking to Grace in her car after she sent Wendy home. It was close to 3am before I reached home.

It felt good reconnecting with Grace and Wendy again. Although we kept in touch ever so often over the phone, it has been a while since I had spent time with them. We were each busy with our own lives that we hardly had time to meet up and just enjoy the day. I felt bad that I could not attend Wendy's ROM cos I was teaching, and didn't quite plan a party for Grace's birthday cos I was too busy finishing up lesson plans. And so, the past two days were indeed a treat.

Lee Yee and I met over msn yesterday. It was good to hear from her that Keith's fever has gone down, but the rashes are still there. Hopefully, he'd fully recover so that his poor mummy can get some rest. She also updated me on the diploma course she's going to take up, and we made tentative plans to meet up later this week with Pris. Can't wait for that! It's been a while...

I am glad that I still kept in touch with my closest friends. These friendships, built over time, are the pillars of strength as I proceed through life's journey. Like wine, the friendships get even better with age. It has matured, and what's resulting is extraordinary - and nobody throws out extraordinary wines... Naturally, I guard them with my soul, and in the depths of my heart, I thank God for them. You know who you are - thanks for caring, and sharing more than a part of you to make our friendship a beautiful one!

As I go along life's journey, I know I will build more pillars of strength, collect more varieties of wine. But I will never forget you, my friends - and all the precious moments we've shared. I will not be who I am if not for you... Thanks, pals!

:)

Walking by your side

I was inspired to write this poem when I thought about what I could do to inspire and motivate those around me - my friends, family and students.

Life's journey is never predictable. In the pursuit of my goals, in my quest for reaching my dreams, I realise that obstacles bring me down and zaps the energy out of me. During these times, I am thankful for those around me for giving me comfort of a short rest, a shoulder to cry on, a push of encouragement - and that gets me going. In return, I'd like to do the same to those around me too as they proceed on life's long journey.

To you who had given me the spark of life, ignited my passion, and set my soul aflame with enthusiasm and positivity, this is for you. Let us share the fire when the wind attempts to blow the flame of our dreams out..! :)

Walking by your side
What can I do to make you smile?
To see that delight in your eyes
The excitement; the passion
That reflects what you're feeling inside?

What can I do for a while?
To know that you're doing fine
Taking baby steps towards your goal
That you've been holding back for so long?

What can I say to make you feel?
The warmth of love of those around you
From people you thought you never knew
Yet they've kept you close to their hearts?

What can I write to touch your soul?
To reach out to you; to bring you joy
Filling your world with rays of hope
As you persevere through life's journey?

What can I do?
What can I say?
What can I write?
To let you know that no matter what
I will always be walking by your side.

Deborah Anne Chew

Here's another poem I wrote while waiting for Chris last week. I was inspired by all the hard work we trainee teachers put in as we prepare ourselves for the real word of teaching... You'd certainly identify with the words in it! Hang in there, pals!! You are not alone!

Thoughts of a teacher

The lesson has been planned
After sleepless nights over paper and pen
Materials prepared, worksheets typed
Methods are new, not tested nor tried.

Schema knowledge; Scaffolding
Classroom management and discipline
We teach the how and not the what
Engaging students right from the start.
Factors we consider, making teaching an art.

We enter the classroom with anxious anticipation
Wondering if we'd be greeted with equal enthusiasm
Will pupils take to the lesson as planned?
Will they learn? Will they understand?

Our hard work executed; our students respond
The look in their eyes tell us we have won
Their attention we've gained, the concepts they've got
They have learnt what is right, and realized what is not.

We leave the class at the ring of the bell
How ecstatic we are, no one can tell
Smiles on our faces; we feel thrilled
A sense of achievement, we are fulfilled.

Thoughts of a teacher at lessons' end
Tomorrow we'll mull over the process all over again.
But for today, we take courage and pride
Of the students we teach, and the joy we feel inside.

Deborah Anne Chew

What gives?

I am back early for once! I told myself I'll leave the school early, and give myself a well-deserved break. I had been having less than three hours' sleep for the past few days, preparing lesson plans and materials. This morning, I woke up with materials ready for my English lesson, but not my lesson plan for the CPA lesson observation. I was too tired to think of what I could do to make kids learn MS Access better. In the end, I spoke with my CT who readily agreed to postpone the lesson observation. He could see that I was really drained, and it didn't help that I had also come down with a bad migraine. "You ok? You want me to take over the class for you?" Haiz... so nice :)

I should be happy, but I've come back not only tired, but affected by my students. Uncle Joel had warned me not to let my students affect me. He has warned me that given my giving character, I will be emotionally drained soon if I don't manage it well. I've tried, but it's tough. I have begun to fully understand when parents say "It pains me to scold you."

I walked into my English class feeling really tired. I tried not to let my lack of sleep affect me, but my students seemed equally jaded, tired, unmotivated. Perhaps it's because my English lesson fell on the first two periods of the morning. Maybe they have not fully awaken yet. Whatever it was, I found myself agitated as I saw almost a third of the class slumped into classroom slumber. Was it me? Or were they really tired?

Soon, I found myself giving them a pep talk. The whole class was silent - perhaps in quiet defiance. Some had decided to switch off. It didn't matter that I went to them to wake them up. They got up, and slumped back into sleep when I walked away. I continued. I made them do the stand up and reach out as high up as you can thing I did with my other Sec 3 class. But I was disappointed this time. Nobody reached out. Some didn't even want to raise their hands. I even stood on the chair to show how I could reach higher. They looked at me, probably wondering why this young crazy teacher was standing on the chair on a Thursday morning.

Whatever it was, I made my point. I asked them - Are you giving your best? Do you want to give your best? No response.

I continued on with my lesson. In stark contrast to yesterday, today's class fell into a deep silence as I spoke. They did the work I told them to, but a handful of them just went back to sleep. I tried to contain my anger, my frustration. The sleep I had sacrificed doing up the worksheets just so that they could understand better didn't seem worth it. At one point, I asked myself, "Why bother?"

I left the class telling my students that they had to stay back after school for their bad behaviour - sleeping in class. They argued. I told them I didn't care. They grumbled. I always told myself, if the classroom is a stage, then I am the actress. And actress I did become. With a straight face, I told them - "I hope you remember everything I said today because I mean every single word of it... except... (silence).... that you have to stay back - Happy April Fool's Day!"

I didn't stay long enough to get their expressions, but from what I heard, I think I made some smile at themselves. I would have wanted to make more smile, perhaps laugh. I don't know what I could have done to make a bigger difference in their lives today. And I ask myself the same question I asked them - Did I give my best? As I slumped into my chair back in the staff room, I wondered what I could do to make these kids all motivated again? Why was it that I can grab their attention on one day, and not the next? What gives? Me? Them?

It helped speaking with my CT about the class. She told me not to take things to hard. They were perhaps tired preparing for the camp. In retrospect, perhaps I should have been more empathetic? I left school with the faces of my students in my mind, listless, unmotivated and totally uninterested. On the other side, I picture happy, excited faces filled with energy. I ask myself, what can I do to make them all have these happy faces?

As I take a break from them for a week cos they'd be at Malaysia for their camp, it is perhaps a good time for me to reflect and brainstorm how else I can reach out to them. At the same time, I say a little prayer for all of them.

Today, I may not have thrown any starfish into the sea, but at least I was combing the beach...

Technology fails... But I didn't!

What could possibly go wrong on a day where I had planned for both my CT and NIE Supervisor to come observer my lesson? After all, I had it all planned and prepared - I did up nice powerpoint slides, rehearsed what I was going to say, printed the jigsaw pieces on nice lime green colour, slipped these into bright orange envelopes. I even bought coloured index cards so my kids could build a card tower as a pre-activity, brought in my movie soundtrack CD to play during the activities. And to get the kids out of the classroom, I had even booked the language lab, which was more spacious so they could enjoy their activities! And most of all, it was air-conditioned!

So, what could possibly go wrong?

Well, for one, technology failed me right from the start. The class IT rep was helping me set up my laptop and realised I didn't have the cable to link the laptop to the LCD panel. Didn't they always have it? Well, apparently not! So, the kind soul ran to the technical guy in the school to get the cable for me, while I got the class settled down, and distributed the index cards for their pre-activity. I tried to play for time by bringing back things they did in the previous lesson and how it related to the present lesson. By the time the cable was set up, I was done with my little show and tell. But, technology had to fail me again. For some strange reason, the projection was just too faint. Nothing on screen could be seen.

I had to think on my toes immediately, and decided to run the activity just with the music. Thank God the speakers in the room worked! So, the kids busied themselves building the most stable and strong tower using coloured index cards with the tune of Mission Impossible in the background.

The activity went on fine, but all the points that I needed to highlight to the kids on nice PowerPoint slides could not be shown. The only tool I had was the whiteboard, and my coloured markers. So, there I went - big nice handwriting on the board, drawings, figures, underline - what have you.... It was a good thing I brought my own duster too!

The next activity went on - got the kids to rearrage a jigsaw of an argumentative piece. I would show them the correct answer on the visualiser, I told myself. And so, the activity went on with the tune of Superman - much to the amusement of the kids who wondered where I got all those songs from!

And so, I prepared myself - now, how do I work this visualiser? I called upon my IT rep again. He fiddled and fiddled with the plugs and wires. Finally, he said, "Cher, cannot work la."

My heart dropped. Not again?

Oh well. There I went again. It was a good thing I got little whiteboards for the kids to write on. They gave me their answers on their whiteboards, together with other unrequested artwork. There I went again. Back to the whiteboard and markers, explaining the whole structure. Draw, underline, big letters... Clean, clean, clean... Write again.. clean, clean..

The boys were making noise again. They were more disruptive than they were in class. I managed to get them to quieten down once in a while, but a while later, they were at it again.

It must have been one of the longest lesson I've ever had. It felt so. I was relieved when my NIE sup packed his stuff and left just when I gave the worksheets to my kids to complete. My CT felt relieved too. I went around from table to table to make sure my kids knew what they were supposed to do. It broke my heart to realise that although they could give me examples of what supporting and opposing arguments were, they could not identify these in the worksheets. :( I had to go through briefly again, group by group, and got them to do peer teaching. It worked. Phew!

I must admit I didn't feel like the top of the world at the end of the lesson. I gathered my things, thanked my IT rep, and counselled a few guys after the lesson. I plonked my stuff down onto my desk before rushing for the next lesson at the CPA lab.

It felt nice for a moment that my CPA kids - the ones that are supposedly in the most notorious class - missed me. "Cher! You come already! Where you go?". It didn't matter that I am an English teacher, who really should be correcting their grammar. I smiled. "Yes? Have you done your work?" "I print already. See?" "OK, good. Hand in your work to Mr Tan". Victor, my fellow trainee teacher who co-teaches the class with me was being observed today for that lesson. The one girl that had a bad reputation for spewing vulgarities in class was at it again - in Hokkien. I went up to her, and in my sweetest voice said, "You can only speak English in class, you know?" "Cher, I don't know how to." "There.. you're speaking English now." She smiled in embarrassment. She knew I got her.

The moment of truth came some two hours later. My NIE sup was doing the debriefing for another trainee teacher, so I had to wait. Finally, I met up with him. "How do you think you did today?" "Not too good. I felt I could have done better in..... and ..... and... Furthermore....." "Well.." my sup said, "I think you're being too hard on yourself. I think you did well in ...... but you could have done better in ......." I tried to glance at the sheet of paper he had in front of him. It was scribbled with words and ticks and circles. I tried not to look too hard. Finally, he showed it to me. "See, not too bad." I glanced at the first column - A, B++, A, A, B, A - and Yes was ticked for all the professional qualities of a teacher. He ended off his comments with "An effective teacher!!!"

Wow!

Technology may have failed me, but I didn't. In my heart, I thank God for helping me think on my feet and making the best out of the situation. It was perhaps a blessing that my sup could see that strength in me - to be able to reinvent when option A doesn't work.

It also helped that the night before, a friend of mine told me to just focus on the kids, not the people observing me. Keeping that in mind, I felt less stressed and a greater challenge to reach my teaching objectives, not the distinctions. At the end of the day, it matters not how many As I got, but how many of my students learn.

I had a good chat with my CT too. We discuss about students, how to deal with them and the tonnes of work to be done. My CPA CT was proud of me when I showed him my formal observation form. He was worried for me when I told him what had happened.. "Very good, very good." was what he said. "Eat your lunch already? You want biscuits?"

So nice of them... :)

I left school close to 7pm, only cos the school's attendant kept saying "Teacher, I want to go home..." I got the hint, packed up, told her sorry and thanks in Malay, and left with my laptop. I have two more lesson plans for tomorrow's formal observation - again!!

I am bracing myself for my classes again tomorrow. At the back of my head, I worry too for my godson, Keith. Lee Yee sent me an SMS past midnight saying he's in hospital with a high fever. I hope he's OK now...

Teaching is draining, but the rewards are fulfilling...

And before I get to my lesson plans, I'd like to share with you a thought that came to my mind as I started the day today... "If I have to choose how I'd like my day to be, then I'll choose it to be one where I can touch the lives of as many as I can."

To all of you whom I do not know, and yet have been inspired by my blog, thanks for dropping by... Tips, Maxine, and others.... I hope through what I write, you'll be inspired, and in turn inspire those around you! :) Drop me an email if you wish!

Take care!!

:)

Coincidental?

I really should be doing my lesson plan for the CPA class later today. But I just have to share my excitement with you...!

I started the day early, deep in thoughts. I wondered what the day would bring. I said my little prayer, taking comfort in the silence of the morning. The weekend had been a long one, and I felt the effects of the lack of sleep draining me. In my mind, all I wanted to do was to sleep. Even before classes had begun, I promised myself that I'd be leaving school early today - to get back home to sleep.

As the school gathered for the morning assembly, my mind was once again deep in thought. But it wasn't on what I would accomplish for the day. A teacher started the morning prayer, like they do everyday.

She said, "I'd like to share with you a story." The starfish story was shared with the whole school.

I smiled. Yes, once again, I am reminded - that little by little, I can make a difference. With that in mind, I start my day with a mission again - to throw more starfish in the sea today. Join me in the throw, will you?

:)

The starfish again? And a full Saturday!

I sacrificed my Saturday yesterday in the morning to accompany a bunch of 80 Sec 1 kids to Pasir Ris Beach to pick up litter as part of their CIP - oh yes, now that I'm into teaching, there's all these acronyms we must get so used to!

Anyway, amidst chasing these 12 year olds to pick up litter, telling them not to go too near the water, watching their safety, and reiterating to them that coconut husks and leaves are not litter to be picked, I watched in amusement as I saw the kids excited over the little shells, clams and crabs they stumbled upon. As I was deep in thought, one girl came up to me and asked, "Cher, if I see a starfish, can I throw it back into the sea?"

I smiled at her. "Yes, of course. Throw them back into the sea."

The Starfish Story came back to my mind. I smiled in amazement, and wondered, "Is this a sign or message? Why does the Starfish story keep coming back?"

Whatever it was, that was the highlight of the morning, and although I realised that Sec One kids are no angels to handle, I felt the extra trip down on a Saturday morning was worth the effort!

Another starfish made it to the sea

It made me smile to read one of my student's journals today. She was one of the girls that I had singled out from class yesterday. In her journal entry, she wrote about how she was motivated to work hard this term. She knows it's not going to be easy, but she sees it as a challenge to prepare herself for the O Levels next year. She wrote about how she will persevere to succeed. She also wrote a line of apology to me for being "tardy" with her work previously.

It wasn't so much the line of apology that made me smile, but rather her new sense of conviction and commitment to want to do well for her studies. I guess it hit her when I told her yesterday that she didn't belong in the bottom class, but that she should be at the top class. I told her, "I think you know you can be at the top." Somehow, I sense another starfish being thrown into the sea, and that makes me smile. :)

Today was the first day of my formal observations by my CT. I had my materials prepared since Tuesday, so I wasn't quite nervous. I was actually just excited to screen my little slideshow introduction to the Nuclear Bomb Activity which I did yesterday. I thought of the idea on my way home, and did it in the evening. It came complete with a loud explosive sound at the beginning, followed by the Theme from Mission Impossible as the slides went on auto-mode to set the scenario and assign the task set for the kids. As I saw all 36 pairs of eyes glued to the screen, I knew the additional work was worth it.

But I felt the lesson could have gone on better. My kids still didn't acquire the habit of speaking out loud in class, and the same problematic boys kept making noise even though my CT was there. Besides the frequent nudging to speak louder and stares to get the boys to stop talking, the discussion went on fairly well. But the class came more alive as I encouraged them to counter-argue each other's arguments. They were suddenly an animated lot altogether! I just loved the way they were spouting out argument after argument! And just at the climax of the discussion, I pulled it all together and asked them what they had learnt for the day. "How to argue!" was the reply. I guess they were shocked when I agreed with them – and tied it in with what makes a good argument. As I gave my show and tell of the structure of what makes a good argumentative essay, I was surprised to see all of them attentive and looking at me. For once, I could hear my own solitary voice when I taught. It felt empowering!

I got my book reviews my class owed me and an explanation of why didn't do it yesterday. So, the detention threat and little scolding worked! These kids are really cute. Most of them actually apologised in their little "excuse" letter on why they didn't hand in their work. And when I dropped by their class again after recess, they all "Hi, Ms Chew!" me! I think they're beginning to get the hang of me as their English teacher, and that they know I can play, yet when I mean business, I mean business. They were perhaps amused by the fact that when I announced the results of votes for the Nuclear Bomb Activity, I did it ala survivor-style. "I'm sorry, Mr Seow Lee Der. The group has spoken. You have to leave the shelter."

I saw one of my CPA students in the canteen just as I was about to leave school. He was a wreck of nerves yesterday when the test was administered. He kept saying that he would fail although I could see he was doing pretty well in the practical section of the test. I kept encouraging him and told him he'd pass. His face was downcast when the test ended. He told me he was sure to fail. So earlier today, when I saw him in the staff room, I called him and told him he passed the test. He thought I was lying till I showed him his paper. I smiled as he saw his grades - 41/50. He told me in Mandarin, "the price of my stocks just went up". I urged him on in Mandarin, "Well, you have to keep making it go up. I told you that you could do it!" He smiled at me shyly, and said thanks. As I was walking out of the school, he called to me from where he was sitting in the canteen. He was busily scribbling on a sheet of paper. I asked him what he was doing so late in school. He continued scribbling, and when he was done, he handed me the sheet of paper. On it, he wrote in faint red ink, "Teacher, thank you for helping me. May God bless you."

I guess it wasn't so much of me helping him pass the test, but the confidence I had just given him. In his eyes, I could see a new sense of confidence. For once, perhaps, he probably thought that someone believed in him, and that helped him believe in himself. "Can you help me revise my work?" he asked earnestly. I told him he could come find me if he didn't understand anything taught in class. He smiled. I smiled.

Earlier, my Principal stopped by my desk for a chat. She shared with me the joys and pains of the school. It felt nice sharing stories with her and learning more and more about the school. As I listened, I felt that there's so much to do, in motivating and injecting positivity not only into the students, but also the teachers in the school. All the more, I felt a stronger conviction that I had a mission to accomplish at the school.

I guess my Principal is yet another person throwing starfish into the sea. Once in a while, she gets tired, and stops. I think I will get tired too one day. But knowing that I have others around me who are on this starfish throwing mission, gives me strength to go on - they pick up when I get tired, and I pick up when I've rested enough. I shared with her my Starfish Story. I may have been wrong, but I thought I saw her eyes welling up with tears. She added, "I love to talk to people because I always learn new things from them."

I learned too.

Feeling like a teacher already!

My CT told me I was beginning to get the hang of things. Today, I had a nice chat with her about lessons, about scolding, about being fierce in class, and even threatening with detention! She shared with me about how long her day will be, and how much things more she had to do. Maybe, in a way, she was glad that I was there to provide all the materials for her other Sec 3 class - and to relieve her of one English class, plus all the marking.

Today, I administered the CPA test that I had painstakingly designed for my Normal Tech kids. They said I sounded so serious, it was as if they were in a formal exam. My CT looked through my paper and said it may too tough for them. I told him we had to prepare them for the real thing at the N Levels. It's good to start right now. He agreed with me, and we decided to throw them to the deep end, and see who will sink, and who will float. I'm almost halfway done with the marking already (cos we all have a deadline of submitting in marks for the month by month's end!). I'm glad that most of them are floating! An achievement considering they didn't even bring the textbook home to study! But yet again, my other trainee teacher, Victor, and I reckoned that even if they did, they'd probably not even touch it!

And today, I learnt from my CPA CT, that the autistic guy in my class is also suffering from ADHD! He grabbed my hand today and dragged me to his PC and forced me to teach him how to do his test! Good thing I got some tips from my counselling tutor back at NIE on how to deal with autistic kids.. Now, I've got to ask her how to deal with the same kid that has ADHD as well!

The HOD of PCCG came to my table today and apologised for the short notice, but I may have to accompany the Sec 3s to their 5 day camp at Kota Rainforest the week after. She said the VP chose me of all the NIE trainees. Come Monday, I will know if it's confirmed that I'd be spending one week with some 300 15-year-olds in Malaysia. It'd be a real experience! Am wondering if I'll be allowed to climb up the mountain with the kids... :)

My Sec 3 English class disappointed me this morning. Not only were they not ready for the class, they did not prepare their presentations even after being reminded yesterday. One by one, I questioned those who were not prepared with a whole series of "WHY?" Why didn't you do prepare? Because I didn't get the book. Why didn't you get the book? I didn't know where to get it. Why didn't you know where to get it? Silence. Why are you silent? (Evil...) I felt like I was the wicked witch of Harlem! Anyway, I praised those who prepared, and made the rest who didn't write me two essays - one on the book they were supposed to review, and the other on "Why I didn't do my book review". They are to hand me the essays by tomorrow or all of them will be sent for detention!

After class, I singled out two girls. I spoke to them and told them that I expected more out of them. I told them that I could see so much potential in them in the way they participated in class. But I just could not condone their lack of responsibility in not handing in their work on time. I told them they should not be in the lower end class cos they are capable of greater things.

I don't know if what I said sunk into them, but at least I know I have begun to take the first step to change their mindsets. I want them to know that there is someone out there who believes in their potential, and hopefully, they too will realise the potential in them.

Slowly, I am picking up more starfish and throwing them into the sea. Some may swim back to the shore, but I will turn back and throw them back in again. Tiring as it may be, it is fulfilling to know that I am taking baby steps to making that difference. Like what my mum always says, "Little drops of water make a mighty ocean".

One day, I will get my ocean! :)

Random philosophical thoughts....

I had a thought on my way home today. In my life, I've known friends whose lives seem so similar to mine, it's almost creepy. These friends seem to be the reflection of me, or perhaps, I am the reflection of them. Whatever it is, I wonder why life presents itself as such. Is it a way for me to see who I am in the reflection of others?

Maybe it's true. If the old adage of "Birds of a feather flock together" is true, then it is possible that people who are similar would naturally attract each other. But then I thought of mirrors and parallel lines. One can touch a mirror but one can never touch the image on the other side of the mirror. Parallel lines run along each other, but they never meet.

I asked myself - What does this say about friendships and relationships?

Maybe what it says is that even when two different people are so similar, they are still two different individuals. The real person and his image in the mirror are but two separate entities. So are the set of parallel lines.

It brought me to the puzzling question, that if this premise is accepted, then does it entail that the lines will never meet? That the image and the real object will never touch? Unlike two jigsaw pieces that are so different yet they meet to form a complete whole, the pair of parallel lines don't.

Does this mean that friends who lead similar lives will never come together? I think not. Experience tells me otherwise. My closest friends are those who share how I feel, how I think, how I act. Sometimes, words are not even necessary to convey a message! We speak as though we're connected by some cosmic force.

So, perhaps, friendships and relationships are not really like parallel lines or mirror images. It's perhaps about two lines running along each other, but that will eventually converge no matter what happens - perhaps like a pair of chopsticks? Separate yet similar, and laid down side by side, they work well only when used in unison. They cross and meet when that happens, and part again when the job is done. But no matter what, you won't find them far from each other.

Chopsticks or a pair of parallel lines? Only time will tell...

The Starfish Story

My NIE classmates will probably be most familiar with the Starfish Story. But I'm retelling it here anyway cos today, I experienced the essence of it.

The Starfish Story
There was a man who would take his dog on a walk along the beach before nightfall each day.

One day as he was out, he saw in the distance a figure moving back and forth along the shoreline, almost dancing. He was curious and he walked nearer to get a closer look. As he got nearer, he saw that it was a young man in his late 20's, who was running back and forth from the tide, and it looked like he was tossing something in the water each trip.

When he got up to the young man, he asked him what he was doing. The young man didn't stop what he was doing but as he ran back from the shore he picked up a starfish that was on the sand and said" The sun is setting and the tide is going out, so I am throwing the starfish back into the water. He jogged up to the water and tossed that starfish just past the tide and began his search for another one.

But, son the man said. Look up and down, there are hundreds of miles of shoreline and thousands and thousands of starfish, you can't possible make a difference.

The young man didn't reply and found another and jogged out to the water and tossed it in past the tide and as he jogged back toward the old man. He said, "I made a difference to that one!"

The man just turned around and walked home. That night, those words rang in his ears. He couldn't concentrate or sleep very well. "I made a difference to that one" the young man's voice called out to him.

The next evening as the beautiful sun was setting; off in the distance you could see two dancing figures off in the distance. This time both the young man and old man were running back and forth finding and saving starfish.

The other Starfish Story
It saddened me to step into a class that was not prepared for the task that they had been assigned. As a result, the lesson could not continue as planned. I had exhausted all the questions that I was to ask, and did all I could. The class was non-responsive and presented a "I don't care attitude".

Left with 30 minutes with them, I decided to take things into my own hands and taught out of the curriculum. After making them promise that they'd be prepared for their presentations in the next lesson, I turned onto the topic of responsibility, and eventually, about doing the best they could.

I must have shocked the class as I made them all stand up. They probably expected another punishment or scolding, but I had them raise their right hands as high up as they could. Some reached up high whilst some raised their hands half-heartedly. I asked them, "Can you reach any higher?" Some attempted to reach higher. Some tip-toed. I asked again, "Is that the best you can do?" A girl at the back of the class stood on her chair. The rest of the class looked. I challenged them again, "Can anyone reach higher than that?" A guy climbed onto his desk and reached higher. I challenged them again, "Can anyone else beat that?" The tallest guy in the class stood on his table and reached for the ceiling. The rest of the students wowed at his achievement whilst he smiled in shy pride.

I got them all to sit down again, and asked them if they thought they could get any higher than that. They said yes. They said they'd get to the third floor. Some said they'd get to the roof, whilst others said they'd get on the plane, or even to space. I linked them back to the Values Inculcation Programme in the morning about thinking innovatively and out of the box, to find solutions to their problems. I drew them back to get them thinking that with everything they did, do they ask themselves, "Is this my best? What can I do to reach higher, to do better?"

I asked them about life. I asked them who they were living their life for. Some said parents, some said for food, some said for the sake of living, some said for nothing. But one girl up front whispered, "For myself." I probed. I asked her what she meant by that. She said, "It means living my life to the best I can and doing the best I can."

When I said she was right, the whole class became silent. It seemed as though that thought never occured to them.

As I allowed the last five minutes of the lesson to the class to do what they wished, I spoke to a few students personally. I stopped by the girl who gave the reply. I asked about her school work. She shyly told me that she only passed two subjects last term. I told her that she had a very good outlook to life, and that she should use that to push herself to achieve bigger things. She promised to do her best. She nodded her head with commitment when I told her I'd love to see her do better this term.

After all the things I said to that class of 40 kids, I wouldn't be surprised if they had already forgotten what I had said when I stepped out of the class. But I knew I had touched that one girl, and made a difference in her life.

It got me thinking about the Starfish Story that MOE so proudly used to attract us trainee teachers into the teaching profession. Yes, it'd be a mammoth task to touch the lives of all my students all at once. I look at all my students and I see that there's so much to do, so much potential to tap on, so many lives to touch. But I take comfort in the Starfish Story, and it makes me smile to know that I can touch them slowly, one by one. And that itself is an achievement.

Today, I made a difference to one. Tomorrow, perhaps more.