Yesterday afternoon, I was told that I'd be invigilating today. Once again, I will miss teaching my kids.
As I sat in the cold computer lab this morning from 7.30am to 11.30am, I began to miss teaching my kids, especially my Sec 2 kids. Though I was in the lab, my mind was thinking about them, wondering if they were doing what I had set them out to do - an exercise on Newspaper Report writing. It's going to come out for the exams so I hope they will learn it well and get the hang of things.
Time seems to fly this semester and I hope they feel the same urgency as I do that there is not much time left to study. Half of me just want to drill them on comprehension and composition work, but looking at the piling piles of marking to do, I have second thoughts. I wonder if there can be a better way to do this.
The countdown begins. Come 1 October, they will sit for their English paper. For me, it's a countdown too. I'm counting down til the holidays where I can rejuvenate and recharge so that I will be more ready for next year. I wonder which classes I'd be allocated then....
As for now, I will just return to my marking. There's too much to be done in too little time. Later on, I'm giving my Sec 1 kids remedial...
Apart from teaching, I'm glad that I was able to speak to a fellow teacher yesterday. It was by chance that we engaged in a conversation that saw me getting know more about him. Well, you know who you are (if you are ever reading this), we all go through our own journeys in life. Some get it harder than others. But it's a path we all must take to mould us and make us a better person, the person we ought to be. I have learnt that there are no failures in life, just lessons to be learnt. And lessons are brought to you in life through various modes and medium over and over again until you finally learn it.
It takes time, but one day, I know you would have learnt the lesson of learning to let go, learning to forgive, and learning to accept yourself the way you are. Don't be so hard on yourself because I know you have been blessed with talents that not many take note of. When times bring you down, look at your little gifts and talents, and celebrate your achievements in them. You'd get by. You're not the worse. Nobody is.
As for my other friend who dropped me an email - yes, I look forward to the day when I'll see you all grown up, confident, professional and standing tall with pride, leading in whatever you do. Cast aside your feelings of inferiority and know that you can be who you want to be. Remember, you're not struggling - you're pushing hard towards your goal! :)
Thanks again, Uncle J for your perspective of things. I never did realise the real essence of giving until you pointed it out. Yes, giving is giving and not expecting anything in return.
How many of us can truly say we give?
16 September 2004
12 September 2004
Crying..
I've been crying quite a bit lately. I don't think it's PMS, nor is it depression. It's just me being in touch with my heart.
Just yesterday, I fought back my tears as I heard a fellow teacher of mine air her views about how youngsters these days take things for granted. About how they don't have the drive to work like the people of their age. About how because parents now provide for everything, the young these days don't see any need to want to study hard so that they can do well in society and earn their keeps in the future. She sounded exasperated as she aired her views, citing examples from her children, then looking at me, she said that it's because of young people like me who have everything in life that take things for granted that there is a lack of drive to want to work hard.
I kept quiet and controlled myself as I tried not to let the rest in the group see the tears that were welling up in my eyes. I wasn't as much angry with her for generalizing, but the memories of old flooded my mind, and suddenly, I fely overwhelmed by the emotions that flowed through. It was a good thing that two other fellow teachers whom I am close to knew my past, and about what I have been through. One of them spoke.. "No, Deb, why don't you tell all of us what you've been through... You're different."
I tried hard not to let my voice quiver as I put it across as succinctly as possible. "I worked and studied at the same time. I paid my way through education. I paid my family's debts." There you have it.
A little voice in me cried victory as I saw her face change from one of arrogance to one of apology. She didn't apologize, but neither was I expecting one. I made my point.
The incident made me reflect on how often we generalise people based on what little facts we have. We assume that everyone's the same. We presume that all naughty kids are bad. We think they will fail in society if they don't do well in their studies. The very same teacher complained about how her children did not do well in school, and how she told them that with their results they will never make it to society. I aired my views. In not so many words, I questioned - why do you judge your kids based on your own yardstick? Why can't you accept your children for who they are, regardless of their results? Support them, nudge them, but don't enforce on them your expectations. Think with them - where can we go from here and guide them to THEIR goals, not yours.
It's very much the same with teaching. Sometimes, we tend to forget that we are teaching individuals. Individuals that happen to be in a class. Individuals that have their own goals, and dreams. Their own gifts and talents. Their own problems and tears. It takes time, and a whole lot of effort to cater to each of these needs. But shouldn't we? Why cut out a kid and label him as stupid just cos he can't make the grade? Why don't we seek to see the other talents the child has? And nuture this talent?
Surely, in Singapore, it's a paper chase world. Qualifications matter. But I believe if you find your passion, and put your heart and soul to it, it doesn't matter if you have a doctorate or not, you'd be an ace at it. Think about it....
Just at church just now, I teared again. This time, it was for a different issue. Mass had ended and Fr Bruno said that his bishop in France told him that before he sleeps each night, to thank God for three things for that day. He asked us to thank God for three things. It brought me to tears as I realised how much God has blessed me. Three wasn't enough. He has given me so much. Suddenly, I felt unworthy of his great love for me. Still, I thanked him...
1. Thank you, God, for my family. For helping us stay together despite the odds.
2. Thank you, Lord, for my friends. For always being there for me, my inspiration, my pillars of strength, and my guiding light.
3. Thank you, Lord, for the love you have shown me. In all the manifestations of all I have been bestowed with, I cannot quanitfy the wonders of your gifts.
I ended my prayer by asking God for wisdom to know how to lead the flock he has given me, and for me to be his guiding light. In the silence of my heart, I offered up a few treasured friends in prayer, that God will bless them too with his strength and love.
Today, start counting your blessings, and be thankful for them.
Just yesterday, I fought back my tears as I heard a fellow teacher of mine air her views about how youngsters these days take things for granted. About how they don't have the drive to work like the people of their age. About how because parents now provide for everything, the young these days don't see any need to want to study hard so that they can do well in society and earn their keeps in the future. She sounded exasperated as she aired her views, citing examples from her children, then looking at me, she said that it's because of young people like me who have everything in life that take things for granted that there is a lack of drive to want to work hard.
I kept quiet and controlled myself as I tried not to let the rest in the group see the tears that were welling up in my eyes. I wasn't as much angry with her for generalizing, but the memories of old flooded my mind, and suddenly, I fely overwhelmed by the emotions that flowed through. It was a good thing that two other fellow teachers whom I am close to knew my past, and about what I have been through. One of them spoke.. "No, Deb, why don't you tell all of us what you've been through... You're different."
I tried hard not to let my voice quiver as I put it across as succinctly as possible. "I worked and studied at the same time. I paid my way through education. I paid my family's debts." There you have it.
A little voice in me cried victory as I saw her face change from one of arrogance to one of apology. She didn't apologize, but neither was I expecting one. I made my point.
The incident made me reflect on how often we generalise people based on what little facts we have. We assume that everyone's the same. We presume that all naughty kids are bad. We think they will fail in society if they don't do well in their studies. The very same teacher complained about how her children did not do well in school, and how she told them that with their results they will never make it to society. I aired my views. In not so many words, I questioned - why do you judge your kids based on your own yardstick? Why can't you accept your children for who they are, regardless of their results? Support them, nudge them, but don't enforce on them your expectations. Think with them - where can we go from here and guide them to THEIR goals, not yours.
It's very much the same with teaching. Sometimes, we tend to forget that we are teaching individuals. Individuals that happen to be in a class. Individuals that have their own goals, and dreams. Their own gifts and talents. Their own problems and tears. It takes time, and a whole lot of effort to cater to each of these needs. But shouldn't we? Why cut out a kid and label him as stupid just cos he can't make the grade? Why don't we seek to see the other talents the child has? And nuture this talent?
Surely, in Singapore, it's a paper chase world. Qualifications matter. But I believe if you find your passion, and put your heart and soul to it, it doesn't matter if you have a doctorate or not, you'd be an ace at it. Think about it....
Just at church just now, I teared again. This time, it was for a different issue. Mass had ended and Fr Bruno said that his bishop in France told him that before he sleeps each night, to thank God for three things for that day. He asked us to thank God for three things. It brought me to tears as I realised how much God has blessed me. Three wasn't enough. He has given me so much. Suddenly, I felt unworthy of his great love for me. Still, I thanked him...
1. Thank you, God, for my family. For helping us stay together despite the odds.
2. Thank you, Lord, for my friends. For always being there for me, my inspiration, my pillars of strength, and my guiding light.
3. Thank you, Lord, for the love you have shown me. In all the manifestations of all I have been bestowed with, I cannot quanitfy the wonders of your gifts.
I ended my prayer by asking God for wisdom to know how to lead the flock he has given me, and for me to be his guiding light. In the silence of my heart, I offered up a few treasured friends in prayer, that God will bless them too with his strength and love.
Today, start counting your blessings, and be thankful for them.
Back to School
Tomorrow, it's back to school. The one-week break has ended, and like Cinderella, I feel like the fairy tale is over. Pass over the glass slippers and the pumkin chariot. It's back to bare feet and taking of the trusty old SBS bus? Whatever...
In a way, I feel that the hols were too short. For one, I felt cheated of it cos I spent most of it back at school either for some meeting or marking, not to mention more marking back home. Don't get me wrong. I still do enjoy teaching. It's just that sometimes, I feel that I need a break - a well-deserved break.
Well, as a consolation, the coming term will be really short. Two weeks, and it's the school end-of-year exams. There's not much rocket-science lesson plans that I have to think about. It's basically revision for the kids. Revision, and more revision. Which means marking, and more marking!!
Thanks Uncle J for your advice again. (Kids - notice: Advice is a noun, spelt with a "c". Advise is a verb, spelt with an "s") As always, I can count on you to give me another perspective of things. And I appreciate that in every way, really... :)
Watched Man on Fire on Friday night. Cool show! You can never go wrong with a Denzel Washington show. Gory, full of blood, disturbing but true. It grapples with morals - are the acts of revenge right or wrong? It's been a while since I caught a good show like this one. Certainly was a treat for myself over the hols... :)
Now, it's back to reality (ie marking). Is there a better way to do this?
Oh, just found out from a friend that she chanced upon my blog and liked it so much she read even all the archives! Well, welcome to my world, my friend... now you know part of my history!
In a way, I feel that the hols were too short. For one, I felt cheated of it cos I spent most of it back at school either for some meeting or marking, not to mention more marking back home. Don't get me wrong. I still do enjoy teaching. It's just that sometimes, I feel that I need a break - a well-deserved break.
Well, as a consolation, the coming term will be really short. Two weeks, and it's the school end-of-year exams. There's not much rocket-science lesson plans that I have to think about. It's basically revision for the kids. Revision, and more revision. Which means marking, and more marking!!
Thanks Uncle J for your advice again. (Kids - notice: Advice is a noun, spelt with a "c". Advise is a verb, spelt with an "s") As always, I can count on you to give me another perspective of things. And I appreciate that in every way, really... :)
Watched Man on Fire on Friday night. Cool show! You can never go wrong with a Denzel Washington show. Gory, full of blood, disturbing but true. It grapples with morals - are the acts of revenge right or wrong? It's been a while since I caught a good show like this one. Certainly was a treat for myself over the hols... :)
Now, it's back to reality (ie marking). Is there a better way to do this?
Oh, just found out from a friend that she chanced upon my blog and liked it so much she read even all the archives! Well, welcome to my world, my friend... now you know part of my history!
06 September 2004
Fatigue and sleep debt
I am supposed to be invigilating now as I am typing out this blog. But I'm at home resting after the doctor slapped me with a two-day MC to rest at home to sleep. She says it's an occupational hazard for teachers not to get enough sleep, and the aching shoulders I have is a result of bending too much to mark. She packed me off with vitamin B and muscle relaxers and told me to get sleep. She says 6 hours is not enough. I didn't tell her I was having less than that sometimes! 6 hours of sleep these days is like a luxury to me!
Yes, yes, I can almost imagine Uncle Joel wagging his finger at me right now all the way in Paris (Pah-reeee!) saying, "I told you so..." :)
Still, like a typical teacher, I dragged myself to Popular book shop to browse at assessment books for the kids I'd be giving remedial to. I just want to drill them on very basic grammar. It's funny how my Sec 1 kids all want to come for remedial.. I thought it'd be a chore to them... Guess times have really changed.
Tomorrow, I'd be sitting down with two groups of teachers - one to discuss the EOY comprehension paper, and the other to brainstorm on ideas to plan a 5-day work week. I guess with me having so little sleep, I'm certainly one of those who will be looking forward to that!
Marking - I went to Popular to replenish stocks of red-inked pen... Tomorrow onwards, I'd be "mega-marking"!
OK - my Sec 1 & 2 kids who are reading my blog... no, I will not be giving tips nor answers. You'd have to learn. Learn to study smart. Learn to anticipate what you think is important. Learn to observe. Observe what the teacher is teaching. Learn to focus. Learn to prioritise.
Education is not just about getting the correct answers. It's about a process of learning, bringing you from a state of not knowing, to a state of knowing. Knowledge makes you richer as a person as you have more things to talk about with in your interactions with others in the future. Education is about learning to pick yourself up when you fail, and learn to road to success. It's about learning to live and adapt to the contrains of society. It's about being flexible. It's about being creative.
So, although your exams is a guage of your learning process, I'd like you to focus on what you are doing - are you doing it right? Ask yourself - Have I planned my goals? Have I been focused and disciplined? Have I done all it takes to learn? Do reflections - What can I do better? Am I studying effectively? Is there a better way to present my notes for learning? What about distractions? Have I put them aside for the time being? Have I learnt to prioritise what's important now?
Ask yourself these questions, and you'd realise that when you've found the answers, and plan to take action, carry out the action, and find yourself succeeding, then learning will just come naturally. It doesn't matter what subject you've aced in - you'd have learnt what education means.
:)
Yes, yes, I can almost imagine Uncle Joel wagging his finger at me right now all the way in Paris (Pah-reeee!) saying, "I told you so..." :)
Still, like a typical teacher, I dragged myself to Popular book shop to browse at assessment books for the kids I'd be giving remedial to. I just want to drill them on very basic grammar. It's funny how my Sec 1 kids all want to come for remedial.. I thought it'd be a chore to them... Guess times have really changed.
Tomorrow, I'd be sitting down with two groups of teachers - one to discuss the EOY comprehension paper, and the other to brainstorm on ideas to plan a 5-day work week. I guess with me having so little sleep, I'm certainly one of those who will be looking forward to that!
Marking - I went to Popular to replenish stocks of red-inked pen... Tomorrow onwards, I'd be "mega-marking"!
OK - my Sec 1 & 2 kids who are reading my blog... no, I will not be giving tips nor answers. You'd have to learn. Learn to study smart. Learn to anticipate what you think is important. Learn to observe. Observe what the teacher is teaching. Learn to focus. Learn to prioritise.
Education is not just about getting the correct answers. It's about a process of learning, bringing you from a state of not knowing, to a state of knowing. Knowledge makes you richer as a person as you have more things to talk about with in your interactions with others in the future. Education is about learning to pick yourself up when you fail, and learn to road to success. It's about learning to live and adapt to the contrains of society. It's about being flexible. It's about being creative.
So, although your exams is a guage of your learning process, I'd like you to focus on what you are doing - are you doing it right? Ask yourself - Have I planned my goals? Have I been focused and disciplined? Have I done all it takes to learn? Do reflections - What can I do better? Am I studying effectively? Is there a better way to present my notes for learning? What about distractions? Have I put them aside for the time being? Have I learnt to prioritise what's important now?
Ask yourself these questions, and you'd realise that when you've found the answers, and plan to take action, carry out the action, and find yourself succeeding, then learning will just come naturally. It doesn't matter what subject you've aced in - you'd have learnt what education means.
:)
01 September 2004
Teacher's Day
The teacher's day celebration went well... Yes, my first ever teacher's day! I was touched by my kids that wrote me nice cards (thanks, Rebecca! I was really touched by your note... and Desiree too... love the starfish!)... And Wanping and Limin.. love the pink star pillow.. Huimin - thanks for the door sign.. It's hanging on my room door now! And Justin, Sebastian, Maryse, Rachel and Joanna... You just made me a few kilos heavier with those cookies and chocolates! Thanks, guys... And Phyllis - love the cute teddy bear that's sitting on my desk... And all of you who sent me your wishes and other gifts... thank you so much! :) Oh, and my Sec 2 class - yes, I read the note on the wall at the cafe space.. so sweet of you.. really appreciate all your nice words!
And though I still had to finish marking so I could key in all the test marks, and then make my way all the way down to NIE just to return my convo gown, I felt it was a fruitful day. I visited four of my NIE lecturers - Raymond, Alex, Rebecca and Anthony Seow. Managed to speak briefly with Raymond and Alex. Had a good chat with Anthony Seow, but didn't manage to meet Rebecca. She sent me an email though, thanking me for the chocolates I left at her door. :) Yes, my mentor and inspiration... I want to be a teacher like her.
Rebecca taught me my counselling module. She got me so interested in it, I was reading up books on my own just to find out more! Of course, it helped that I scored a distinction for her paper, so I love the module even more! Ha!
Yesterday ended with a sumtuous dinner with teacher uncle, teacher brother, mum, aunt, grand-aunt and grand-uncle at Fish & Co. Yummy, but I think it set me back some mega more calories which I figured needed burning.. Burn I did this morning with a good swim, and just, an evening jog with Wendy. Happy...
I'm glad I refused to pull myself to work today, and decided to spend time doing my stuff. I think I was quite productive, but I wished I could have done more. Met up with Lee Yee too, and got myself another insurance policy through her. Don't ask me what I bought! I just signed and signed... She knows everything so I left it to her to plan everything... All I know is that I'd have less to spend from now on! Bring on the bonus my dear government!! I so need it!!
Oh yes, I've posted a convocation picture of Addie, Chen Ying, Pam and I on the blog... I wonder how we'd look like some 5 years later... I think I looked quite OK in the picture, considering I had not slept the whole night!
Yes, I can't wait for the hols to start, although I've got a whole day on Saturday in school - how to rest? how to have 5-day work week? a real challenge, really...
Checking out to dreamland now....
And though I still had to finish marking so I could key in all the test marks, and then make my way all the way down to NIE just to return my convo gown, I felt it was a fruitful day. I visited four of my NIE lecturers - Raymond, Alex, Rebecca and Anthony Seow. Managed to speak briefly with Raymond and Alex. Had a good chat with Anthony Seow, but didn't manage to meet Rebecca. She sent me an email though, thanking me for the chocolates I left at her door. :) Yes, my mentor and inspiration... I want to be a teacher like her.
Rebecca taught me my counselling module. She got me so interested in it, I was reading up books on my own just to find out more! Of course, it helped that I scored a distinction for her paper, so I love the module even more! Ha!
Yesterday ended with a sumtuous dinner with teacher uncle, teacher brother, mum, aunt, grand-aunt and grand-uncle at Fish & Co. Yummy, but I think it set me back some mega more calories which I figured needed burning.. Burn I did this morning with a good swim, and just, an evening jog with Wendy. Happy...
I'm glad I refused to pull myself to work today, and decided to spend time doing my stuff. I think I was quite productive, but I wished I could have done more. Met up with Lee Yee too, and got myself another insurance policy through her. Don't ask me what I bought! I just signed and signed... She knows everything so I left it to her to plan everything... All I know is that I'd have less to spend from now on! Bring on the bonus my dear government!! I so need it!!
Oh yes, I've posted a convocation picture of Addie, Chen Ying, Pam and I on the blog... I wonder how we'd look like some 5 years later... I think I looked quite OK in the picture, considering I had not slept the whole night!
Yes, I can't wait for the hols to start, although I've got a whole day on Saturday in school - how to rest? how to have 5-day work week? a real challenge, really...
Checking out to dreamland now....
30 August 2004
Chronic Fatigue Sydrome
I must say I'm proud of myself for accomlishing much over the weekend. I finished marking four piles of comprehension, compositions, summary passages, a cloze passage, AND even set a full comprehension test paper for the Sec 2s. I even keyed in the marks in my Excel sheet so it'd be easier to compile it all.
Tomorrow's a half day for us, which is good cos I think I need a break. As I rush through yet four more piles of books to mark, I think I'm suffering from either the after effects of not sleeping much, or from chronic fatigue syndrome. I do not understand why I feel sleepy ever so often these days, so much so all I want to do is sleep... Struggling to keep my eyes open now...
Back to marking... I look forward to the hols somehow...
:)
Tomorrow's a half day for us, which is good cos I think I need a break. As I rush through yet four more piles of books to mark, I think I'm suffering from either the after effects of not sleeping much, or from chronic fatigue syndrome. I do not understand why I feel sleepy ever so often these days, so much so all I want to do is sleep... Struggling to keep my eyes open now...
Back to marking... I look forward to the hols somehow...
:)
27 August 2004
School life...
I must say I enjoyed leading the prayers in the morning this week. It was a little nerve-wrecking initially, but come Friday, I felt like a pro already. Of course, each time before I started the prayer, I asked God to let his words flow through me. And many teachers have come up to me to say they like my prayers, they like my voice... they said it's very clear.. said I should be the announcer for the next sport's day! Two students came up to me today to tell me they like my voice over the mike cos I sound very sweet and have a sweet face to match too... Aww.. thanks... *blush*
Back to reality, I have about six piles of scripts to mark by tomorrow cos I've got to get the test marks out by today (yes, I'm late!). I should be at the teacher's day dinner now, but I'm not feeling too good - gastric again. Mum's not too well too, so that's two unwell people at home...
Apart from that, school has brought me more excitement as I begin to get my Sec 2 kids better. It reminds me of my days back in school eons ago. Yes, the troubles teens face these days are very much the same as the ones I faced back then. BGR and friendship problems rule. I remember, it seemed like the world was crashing down on me, suffering one unrequitted crush after another. But the world went on, as other problems in life surfaced.
Now, a new set of problems face me as I feel the burden of teaching getting heavier and heavier. Sometimes, I'm just afraid I don't know when to draw the line to say no cos I know myself - there's no limit to my giving.
In a way, I'm glad that Teacher's Day's next week - that's practically two days of no lesson, which in turn isn't all that good cos I'm losing lots of lessons, and I've got to think of ways to make up for the lessons without getting my students to stay back. Anyhow, I'm glad that next term's lesson plans are pretty simple - just drilling the kids with comprehension and composition til they get it right.
Which brings me to a reflection of the PM's ND Rally speech - We should learn to teach our students less so that they will learn more. A powerful line which means lots of things - should we as teachers teach less to allow students to explore more? Or is it a case of less content knowledge at the end of the day?
Sometimes, I just wish schools could do away with formal exams. I showed my Sec 1 kids the musical Annie today. I've never seen a bunch of kids so attentive before as Annie belted out her songs in the orphanage. As I ended the lesson, the kids begged me to let them see the whole show, while some girls decided to make up their own songs as if they were acting in a musical. When I walked back to class, I was wondering - if only they had a subject like film criticism.
My Sec 3 Hope class I taught during practicum invited me for their class BBQ. The invitation came complete with a nicely printed invitation card (although with grammatical errors) and even a map! The name card of the liaison person was clipped onto the map, and the kid that used to sleep at the corner of the lab was bursting with enthusiasm as he told me that transport has also been arranged to the chalet! He had it all planned.
I was impressed. And it got me thinking... if only there was a subject on event management, this guy will get an A! I mean, if you think about it, if I throw him out into the world right now, he'll definitely do well! Now, what are we training our kids for? For the real world? Or the academic world?
All these things make me wonder if there can be an alternative form of education. A strong conviction in me believes that there is more to life than books. Ironical, ain't it, coming from a teacher?
I guess that's why, at the end of the day, I believe that every student has his or her potential one way or another. Instead of moulding them into fixed rigid moulds of the current system, why can't we mould them to what they should be - unique individuals to blossom they way they should?
There I go being philosophical again...
Oh well, I shall leave you with Tuesday's prayer as I return to my piles of marking. I AM ambitious to want to complete it all by tonight with this aching stomach, but I shall give it my best shot!
Here's Tuesday's prayer...
Yesterday, we learnt about GRATITUDE, about being thankful for the "ocean" of opportunities that God has given us. Today, I'd like to share with you a poem on FORGIVENESS.
When Jesus died upon the cross,
It was for gain, not our loss.
Crucified for what others had done,
God gave us His only Son.
We are often hurt by others, too,
And it's up to us on what we do.
Don't hang on, not one more day.
Let God take all your hurt away.
Don't be bitter, but be a better soul.
Don't let resentment take its toll.
Satan wants you hurting, for it's his way.
Free yourself from his bondage today.
If you truly do want to live,
Think of someone that you must forgive.
Is it parents, ex-spouse, children, a friend?
Forgive them today, and the pain will end.
Don't drag around a ball and chain.
Rid yourself of needless pain.
To be like Christ, it must be done.
Isn't it time that you forgive someone?
Let us reflect on this poem.
We all have been hurt before one way or another - be it by our friends, parents, or teachers. We get angry, and it spoils our mood. We hold the anger in our hearts and it disrupts our lives.
Today, this poem reminds us that we have a choice of how we can deal with this hurt. If we choose to dwell on it, the only person who will feel angry is ourselves. IF we choose to forgive and move on instead, then we have just rid ourselves of needless pain.
Let us pray
Dear God
You gave us your son to die on the cross for our sins. He did nothing wrong yet he forgave those who tormented him. Give us the grace to be like Jesus, to forgive those who have hurt us knowingly or unknowingly. Help us to let go of our past hurts, and appreciate the present life that you have given us.
Bless us all with your love as we say the Lord's prayer...
Back to reality, I have about six piles of scripts to mark by tomorrow cos I've got to get the test marks out by today (yes, I'm late!). I should be at the teacher's day dinner now, but I'm not feeling too good - gastric again. Mum's not too well too, so that's two unwell people at home...
Apart from that, school has brought me more excitement as I begin to get my Sec 2 kids better. It reminds me of my days back in school eons ago. Yes, the troubles teens face these days are very much the same as the ones I faced back then. BGR and friendship problems rule. I remember, it seemed like the world was crashing down on me, suffering one unrequitted crush after another. But the world went on, as other problems in life surfaced.
Now, a new set of problems face me as I feel the burden of teaching getting heavier and heavier. Sometimes, I'm just afraid I don't know when to draw the line to say no cos I know myself - there's no limit to my giving.
In a way, I'm glad that Teacher's Day's next week - that's practically two days of no lesson, which in turn isn't all that good cos I'm losing lots of lessons, and I've got to think of ways to make up for the lessons without getting my students to stay back. Anyhow, I'm glad that next term's lesson plans are pretty simple - just drilling the kids with comprehension and composition til they get it right.
Which brings me to a reflection of the PM's ND Rally speech - We should learn to teach our students less so that they will learn more. A powerful line which means lots of things - should we as teachers teach less to allow students to explore more? Or is it a case of less content knowledge at the end of the day?
Sometimes, I just wish schools could do away with formal exams. I showed my Sec 1 kids the musical Annie today. I've never seen a bunch of kids so attentive before as Annie belted out her songs in the orphanage. As I ended the lesson, the kids begged me to let them see the whole show, while some girls decided to make up their own songs as if they were acting in a musical. When I walked back to class, I was wondering - if only they had a subject like film criticism.
My Sec 3 Hope class I taught during practicum invited me for their class BBQ. The invitation came complete with a nicely printed invitation card (although with grammatical errors) and even a map! The name card of the liaison person was clipped onto the map, and the kid that used to sleep at the corner of the lab was bursting with enthusiasm as he told me that transport has also been arranged to the chalet! He had it all planned.
I was impressed. And it got me thinking... if only there was a subject on event management, this guy will get an A! I mean, if you think about it, if I throw him out into the world right now, he'll definitely do well! Now, what are we training our kids for? For the real world? Or the academic world?
All these things make me wonder if there can be an alternative form of education. A strong conviction in me believes that there is more to life than books. Ironical, ain't it, coming from a teacher?
I guess that's why, at the end of the day, I believe that every student has his or her potential one way or another. Instead of moulding them into fixed rigid moulds of the current system, why can't we mould them to what they should be - unique individuals to blossom they way they should?
There I go being philosophical again...
Oh well, I shall leave you with Tuesday's prayer as I return to my piles of marking. I AM ambitious to want to complete it all by tonight with this aching stomach, but I shall give it my best shot!
Here's Tuesday's prayer...
Yesterday, we learnt about GRATITUDE, about being thankful for the "ocean" of opportunities that God has given us. Today, I'd like to share with you a poem on FORGIVENESS.
When Jesus died upon the cross,
It was for gain, not our loss.
Crucified for what others had done,
God gave us His only Son.
We are often hurt by others, too,
And it's up to us on what we do.
Don't hang on, not one more day.
Let God take all your hurt away.
Don't be bitter, but be a better soul.
Don't let resentment take its toll.
Satan wants you hurting, for it's his way.
Free yourself from his bondage today.
If you truly do want to live,
Think of someone that you must forgive.
Is it parents, ex-spouse, children, a friend?
Forgive them today, and the pain will end.
Don't drag around a ball and chain.
Rid yourself of needless pain.
To be like Christ, it must be done.
Isn't it time that you forgive someone?
Let us reflect on this poem.
We all have been hurt before one way or another - be it by our friends, parents, or teachers. We get angry, and it spoils our mood. We hold the anger in our hearts and it disrupts our lives.
Today, this poem reminds us that we have a choice of how we can deal with this hurt. If we choose to dwell on it, the only person who will feel angry is ourselves. IF we choose to forgive and move on instead, then we have just rid ourselves of needless pain.
Let us pray
Dear God
You gave us your son to die on the cross for our sins. He did nothing wrong yet he forgave those who tormented him. Give us the grace to be like Jesus, to forgive those who have hurt us knowingly or unknowingly. Help us to let go of our past hurts, and appreciate the present life that you have given us.
Bless us all with your love as we say the Lord's prayer...
25 August 2004
Morning Prayer
Today, another two teachers came up to me to say that they really like the way I prayed with the school. I am glad. But what I've failed to say was that it wasn't me. It was God working through me. Each time, before I lead the prayer, I'd ask God to bless me, and use me to convey his message. This was what I shared with the school on Monday...
The Little Fish
"Excuse me," said the ocean fish to the older fish, "You are older than I so can you tell me where to find this thing called the Ocean?"
"The Ocean," said the older fish, "is the thing you are in now."
"Oh, this? But this is water. What I'm seeking is the Ocean," said the disappointed fish as he swam away to search elsewhere.
Reflection
How many times have we searched and wished we had this and that - the latest handphones, the most fashionable wear? Or we wished we were in a better school, had better teachers? Or even better friends?
The world we live in doesn't always seem right for us, so we continuously seek the elusive "ocean". Everything surrounding us seems to be wrong. Everything, except the way we think.
Today, let us not be like the little fish. Let us learn to stop searching for that "ocean", and instead begin to take a look around us. Let us be appreciative of what we have, and not be critical of what we do not.
The ocean has always been surrounding us. Today, let us thank God for that ocean that he's given us all these while, the ocean that we've taken for granted.
Prayer
Dear God,
We thank you for all that you've given us - the opportunity to come to school, our family, and our friends. We thank you too for all the trials that come our way because it is through them that we learn invaluable lessons in life.
As we begin this day, may you open our eyes to see the ocean that you've given to us, and be appreciative of it.
Bless us all with your love as we say the prayer that Jesus taught us....
I really like the fish story. I think it says a lot. Many people have asked where I get my stories from.. well, it's from this book by Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest. The book's called Song of the Bird. It's a collection of short stories without explanation. It makes you meditate on the stories.
Here's one of the stories that gets the book started. It goes something like this:
The disciple asked the Master, "Why is there no explanation to your stories"
The Master replied, "How would you like it if someone gives you some fruit, but masticates it before presenting it to you?"
Says a lot, doesn't it?
I think I'd want to write a book one day...
:)
The Little Fish
"Excuse me," said the ocean fish to the older fish, "You are older than I so can you tell me where to find this thing called the Ocean?"
"The Ocean," said the older fish, "is the thing you are in now."
"Oh, this? But this is water. What I'm seeking is the Ocean," said the disappointed fish as he swam away to search elsewhere.
Reflection
How many times have we searched and wished we had this and that - the latest handphones, the most fashionable wear? Or we wished we were in a better school, had better teachers? Or even better friends?
The world we live in doesn't always seem right for us, so we continuously seek the elusive "ocean". Everything surrounding us seems to be wrong. Everything, except the way we think.
Today, let us not be like the little fish. Let us learn to stop searching for that "ocean", and instead begin to take a look around us. Let us be appreciative of what we have, and not be critical of what we do not.
The ocean has always been surrounding us. Today, let us thank God for that ocean that he's given us all these while, the ocean that we've taken for granted.
Prayer
Dear God,
We thank you for all that you've given us - the opportunity to come to school, our family, and our friends. We thank you too for all the trials that come our way because it is through them that we learn invaluable lessons in life.
As we begin this day, may you open our eyes to see the ocean that you've given to us, and be appreciative of it.
Bless us all with your love as we say the prayer that Jesus taught us....
I really like the fish story. I think it says a lot. Many people have asked where I get my stories from.. well, it's from this book by Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest. The book's called Song of the Bird. It's a collection of short stories without explanation. It makes you meditate on the stories.
Here's one of the stories that gets the book started. It goes something like this:
The disciple asked the Master, "Why is there no explanation to your stories"
The Master replied, "How would you like it if someone gives you some fruit, but masticates it before presenting it to you?"
Says a lot, doesn't it?
I think I'd want to write a book one day...
:)
24 August 2004
A few entries...
Laughing in Class!
My Sec 2 kids will testify to the humour in class today. The form teacher of my class (of which I am the co-form) walked straight into my English class today and decided to take up my lesson to give out some forms to the kids. Out of courtesy, I relented although I've always resented disruptions in my class. But I understood that the forms needed to be handed out, so I let her rule the class for a while as she spouted fluent lines of Mandarin (oh, she's a Mandarin teacher...).
And so, like a total schizophrenic, the class went from an English lesson to a Mandarin one. I was totally amused as she handed out the forms, and made a whole mess out of the procedure that resulted in students not receiving the correct forms. I witnessed the whole scenario as she scolded the class for the mess that was created. As I stood at one corner, I finally understood why my Sec 2 kids detested her. They have been telling me about her, but I didn't quite understand what they were going through til today.
As I saw the scenario unfold before me, I couldn't help but find the whole scene amusing. I stifled my laughter, but I couldn't control it, and burst out laughing in one corner. Some of my kids saw and also burst out laughing. Well, she wasn't as amused cos she made those kids stand. (Sorry, guys...:P)
I began to see that I am certainly an unorthodox teacher - and proud of it. My Sec 3 student told me just last Friday - Miss Chew, you're not like a teacher. You're like our friend.
I guess I've always started out with that premise. I tell my kids right from the start - I treat you like adults, and I expect you to behave like adults. In other words, I treat them as my equal, if they are capable of handling that responsibility that is! Once in a while, I'd need to whip them back to shape, and assert my authority. But at the end of the day, I realise that much as they have much to learn, I too have much to learn from them. Mutually beneficial, I'd call it.
After the teacher left, I spoke with my class on how to handle their emotions. I told them that it is up to them to decide how they want to react to her irritating them. They can sit there, complain their hearts out and be miserable for the rest of their lives. And the only person that's feeling like that is yourself. Why bother then? Choose to be happy instead, and look at the brighter side of life. Don't let what she says or do affect you, my kids... Remember what I told you - it's really up to you how you want to deal with the situation. Don't let it eat you.
Thanks to you guys for buying me lunch today when I was conducting the oral exam. No, you will not get extra marks!! :)
Morning Prayer
Today, two teachers came up to me and told me they liked my morning prayer. I have started to lead the morning prayer since yesterday. I was nervous initially, but got over it soon, except for the shivering hand which I cannot seem to contol. It's as if it was an extension of my body I had no control of.
Yesterday, I dealt with GRATITUDE. Today, it's FORGIVENESS. Tomorrow, PATIENCE... When I've got all of it consolidated, I'd post it up on the blog.
And my Sec 2 kid told me today that I'm one of the few teachers they listen to during morning prayer.
Well, I thank God that some lives have been touched. I pray each day that he will use me as an instrument to touch the lives of people surrounding me.
A message....
I've been reading someone else's blog on and off. And I can't help but feel that he's not gotten over the incident. I don't blame him. I can empathise with how he feels considering the amount of emotions invested. I've been through it myself, and I know it's not easy.
And though I may not know the full details of what happened, what I can say to him is that things happen for a reason. You really don't know why it happens until later on in your life.
I never understood why he walked out of my life after six years, but now I do. And I'm glad he did.
Things will find a way of coming back to you if it's meant to be. I know cos I've witnessed it through Pris & Roy.
And so I've learnt to appreciate the present instead. Yes, I may not have that one thing that I want right now, but I have a lot more surrounding me. Ask yourself - what have you learnt from this experience? Why did it happen? What lessons can you gain out of this?
Walk out of it, my friend. I'm sure you can do it. Someday, you'd understand why you had to walk this journey, and you'd be thankful for this experience.
My Sec 2 kids will testify to the humour in class today. The form teacher of my class (of which I am the co-form) walked straight into my English class today and decided to take up my lesson to give out some forms to the kids. Out of courtesy, I relented although I've always resented disruptions in my class. But I understood that the forms needed to be handed out, so I let her rule the class for a while as she spouted fluent lines of Mandarin (oh, she's a Mandarin teacher...).
And so, like a total schizophrenic, the class went from an English lesson to a Mandarin one. I was totally amused as she handed out the forms, and made a whole mess out of the procedure that resulted in students not receiving the correct forms. I witnessed the whole scenario as she scolded the class for the mess that was created. As I stood at one corner, I finally understood why my Sec 2 kids detested her. They have been telling me about her, but I didn't quite understand what they were going through til today.
As I saw the scenario unfold before me, I couldn't help but find the whole scene amusing. I stifled my laughter, but I couldn't control it, and burst out laughing in one corner. Some of my kids saw and also burst out laughing. Well, she wasn't as amused cos she made those kids stand. (Sorry, guys...:P)
I began to see that I am certainly an unorthodox teacher - and proud of it. My Sec 3 student told me just last Friday - Miss Chew, you're not like a teacher. You're like our friend.
I guess I've always started out with that premise. I tell my kids right from the start - I treat you like adults, and I expect you to behave like adults. In other words, I treat them as my equal, if they are capable of handling that responsibility that is! Once in a while, I'd need to whip them back to shape, and assert my authority. But at the end of the day, I realise that much as they have much to learn, I too have much to learn from them. Mutually beneficial, I'd call it.
After the teacher left, I spoke with my class on how to handle their emotions. I told them that it is up to them to decide how they want to react to her irritating them. They can sit there, complain their hearts out and be miserable for the rest of their lives. And the only person that's feeling like that is yourself. Why bother then? Choose to be happy instead, and look at the brighter side of life. Don't let what she says or do affect you, my kids... Remember what I told you - it's really up to you how you want to deal with the situation. Don't let it eat you.
Thanks to you guys for buying me lunch today when I was conducting the oral exam. No, you will not get extra marks!! :)
Morning Prayer
Today, two teachers came up to me and told me they liked my morning prayer. I have started to lead the morning prayer since yesterday. I was nervous initially, but got over it soon, except for the shivering hand which I cannot seem to contol. It's as if it was an extension of my body I had no control of.
Yesterday, I dealt with GRATITUDE. Today, it's FORGIVENESS. Tomorrow, PATIENCE... When I've got all of it consolidated, I'd post it up on the blog.
And my Sec 2 kid told me today that I'm one of the few teachers they listen to during morning prayer.
Well, I thank God that some lives have been touched. I pray each day that he will use me as an instrument to touch the lives of people surrounding me.
A message....
I've been reading someone else's blog on and off. And I can't help but feel that he's not gotten over the incident. I don't blame him. I can empathise with how he feels considering the amount of emotions invested. I've been through it myself, and I know it's not easy.
And though I may not know the full details of what happened, what I can say to him is that things happen for a reason. You really don't know why it happens until later on in your life.
I never understood why he walked out of my life after six years, but now I do. And I'm glad he did.
Things will find a way of coming back to you if it's meant to be. I know cos I've witnessed it through Pris & Roy.
And so I've learnt to appreciate the present instead. Yes, I may not have that one thing that I want right now, but I have a lot more surrounding me. Ask yourself - what have you learnt from this experience? Why did it happen? What lessons can you gain out of this?
Walk out of it, my friend. I'm sure you can do it. Someday, you'd understand why you had to walk this journey, and you'd be thankful for this experience.
22 August 2004
My colour
I found this test on Dionne's blog and I thought I'll just do it for the fun of it. I'm surprised, but how true!
Looking forward to leading the morning prayer in school tomorrow. Hope I don't get the jitters!
Hey - thanks to all of you who have been filling in your notes in my chatterbox. I really appreciate all of your notes! :) It really encourages me to pursue my dream of touching the lives of youths in every way I can!
In the meantime, back to work now...
#00BFFF |
Your dominant hues are cyan and blue. You like people and enjoy making friends. You're conservative and like to make sure things make sense before you step into them, especially in relationships. You are curious but respected for your opinions by people who you sometimes wouldn't even suspect. Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right. Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation. |
Looking forward to leading the morning prayer in school tomorrow. Hope I don't get the jitters!
Hey - thanks to all of you who have been filling in your notes in my chatterbox. I really appreciate all of your notes! :) It really encourages me to pursue my dream of touching the lives of youths in every way I can!
In the meantime, back to work now...
19 August 2004
Happy students again...
I glad to know that my Sec 2 kids are back to their happy selves again. Although I didn't manage to teach them today because of the composition test, I knew they were doing OK. Thanks for your note, Jo. It's great to know you're back to your smiley self again! :) And thanks to the rest of you that left sweet notes in my chatterbox. You're really a bunch of wonderful kids! :)
Yesterday, it dawned on me that I have just about three months to get to know my class better, then it's a brand new year again. Will I get back the same form class? In a way, it saddens me to know that I've barely got to know them, and then I have to inherit a new class again. Maybe it's God's way of letting me touch the lives of as many students as I can whilst here.
Today, on my way back, I met a student from Sec 4 Peace. I taught his class CME during my practicum. He asked why I didn't teach their class any more. At the bus stop, I met four cheery girls from Sec 3 Integrity. They were equally excited to see me. We chatted for a while before the got up their bus.
I could have brushed it off as an ordinary meeting, but I think it's God's little way of reminding me that these are the fruits of my labour. I recalled the hard times I had establishing the rapport with the kids. Now, I have that rapport, and I thank God for it.
It brings me back to think about my current Sec 3 Peace class. Have I done enough to reach out to them? Maybe, I haven't tried hard enough? Do I pick a few to focus my energy on, or do I cast the net wide? I look at each one of them every day, and I ask myself - why? What can I do to make that difference in their lives?
Maybe the poem I went through with the class today touched the hearts of some, I think. I saw one girl copying the whole poem out! It talks about how life seems unfair, but it's really up to us to deal with it. I think God spoke through me when I went through the poem with them! I was thoroughly unprepared! I hadn't even read the whole poem when I started explaining phrase by phrase what it meant. At the end of it all, I surprised even myself on how I had interpreted the poem! Let me share it with you here. It's called...
After a While
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman,
Not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
In stead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth,
and you learn and learn...
With every good bye you learn.
Veronica Shoffstall 1971
Yesterday, it dawned on me that I have just about three months to get to know my class better, then it's a brand new year again. Will I get back the same form class? In a way, it saddens me to know that I've barely got to know them, and then I have to inherit a new class again. Maybe it's God's way of letting me touch the lives of as many students as I can whilst here.
Today, on my way back, I met a student from Sec 4 Peace. I taught his class CME during my practicum. He asked why I didn't teach their class any more. At the bus stop, I met four cheery girls from Sec 3 Integrity. They were equally excited to see me. We chatted for a while before the got up their bus.
I could have brushed it off as an ordinary meeting, but I think it's God's little way of reminding me that these are the fruits of my labour. I recalled the hard times I had establishing the rapport with the kids. Now, I have that rapport, and I thank God for it.
It brings me back to think about my current Sec 3 Peace class. Have I done enough to reach out to them? Maybe, I haven't tried hard enough? Do I pick a few to focus my energy on, or do I cast the net wide? I look at each one of them every day, and I ask myself - why? What can I do to make that difference in their lives?
Maybe the poem I went through with the class today touched the hearts of some, I think. I saw one girl copying the whole poem out! It talks about how life seems unfair, but it's really up to us to deal with it. I think God spoke through me when I went through the poem with them! I was thoroughly unprepared! I hadn't even read the whole poem when I started explaining phrase by phrase what it meant. At the end of it all, I surprised even myself on how I had interpreted the poem! Let me share it with you here. It's called...
After a While
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman,
Not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
In stead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth,
and you learn and learn...
With every good bye you learn.
Veronica Shoffstall 1971
18 August 2004
Emotions of students
My Sec 2 class has been rather emotional lately, and I wonder why. Yesterday, I stepped into class to find some girls in tears. Today, I found an angry girl in class. She decided that she wanted to be left alone while the rest of the class did their work. I tried getting her to talk, but she didn't want to tell me more. Respecting her decision, I decided to let her be. But deep in me, I wondered why. In a large way, I miss her usual smile.
Sometimes, I wished I had more time to talk to them individually to know what's been happening in their lives. I want to know what their feelings are - their joys, fears, anger, hurts and pain. Why are they feeling like that? I may not be able to fully understand how they feel, but I can offer a guiding hand to pull them through these teenage years. I know it's a tough period of time, having to grapple with friends, relationships, family, parents, school work, CCAs, raging hormones and physiological changes. In a way, I'm glad I've passed that stage.
Well, my Sec 2s - Take heart. You are not alone in this journey. One day, you'd look back like I am doing now, and realise that you did OK. One day, you'd look back and realise that in life, everything happens for a reason. We learn out of everything that happens, and we will continuously be presented with "lessons" until we finally learn. Some of us get it faster than others, but it's OK. What we all need is a positive attitude. Look at the glass as half full, not half empty. It's a matter of perspective.
I wish I can see my class smiling again...
Sometimes, I wished I had more time to talk to them individually to know what's been happening in their lives. I want to know what their feelings are - their joys, fears, anger, hurts and pain. Why are they feeling like that? I may not be able to fully understand how they feel, but I can offer a guiding hand to pull them through these teenage years. I know it's a tough period of time, having to grapple with friends, relationships, family, parents, school work, CCAs, raging hormones and physiological changes. In a way, I'm glad I've passed that stage.
Well, my Sec 2s - Take heart. You are not alone in this journey. One day, you'd look back like I am doing now, and realise that you did OK. One day, you'd look back and realise that in life, everything happens for a reason. We learn out of everything that happens, and we will continuously be presented with "lessons" until we finally learn. Some of us get it faster than others, but it's OK. What we all need is a positive attitude. Look at the glass as half full, not half empty. It's a matter of perspective.
I wish I can see my class smiling again...
14 August 2004
Convocation
It was a joy seeing my NIE mates again. As we gathered in our gowns and took pictures prior to the ceremony, much to the chagrin of the ushers who tried to keep us in our seats, it seemed like a happy reunion of sorts. Hey - great to see all of you again!!
The applause was thunderous as the last name out of 800 plus names was read out. We had sat through over an hour of name-calling after taking turns to be on stage for only some three seconds to receive our certificates. It was a relief when it was all finally over. Most of us had rumbling tummies as we had rushed down from school without lunch. By the time the ceremony ended, it was close to 5pm!
For me, the ceremony was different from the one I had back in my NUS days - and I was thankful. I was in the company of friends, and I was particularly thankful for Grace and mum to be there. As I put on my nicely-ironed gown, I felt thoroughly appreciative of mum who had taken over an hour to make sure that my gown didn't have a single crease on. Grace was my camera woman as she insisted that I took pictures.
The three of us headed down to East Coast Lagoon for dinner after the ceremony. Mum was craving for oyster omelette. We also ordered rojak and three big cups of sugar cane juice. Satay was particularly tempting on a Friday when we couldn't eat meat... Hmmm...
I must have been very exhausted cos I zonked out when I reached home. When I awoke again, Grace had left. I had my second dinner (cos mum also cooked fried bee hoon), did some work on the computer then, the Z monster hit me again...
Thanks, mum. Thanks Grace - for being there for me. And to my NIE mates - hey, hang in there! We'll catch up over the hols!
:)
The applause was thunderous as the last name out of 800 plus names was read out. We had sat through over an hour of name-calling after taking turns to be on stage for only some three seconds to receive our certificates. It was a relief when it was all finally over. Most of us had rumbling tummies as we had rushed down from school without lunch. By the time the ceremony ended, it was close to 5pm!
For me, the ceremony was different from the one I had back in my NUS days - and I was thankful. I was in the company of friends, and I was particularly thankful for Grace and mum to be there. As I put on my nicely-ironed gown, I felt thoroughly appreciative of mum who had taken over an hour to make sure that my gown didn't have a single crease on. Grace was my camera woman as she insisted that I took pictures.
The three of us headed down to East Coast Lagoon for dinner after the ceremony. Mum was craving for oyster omelette. We also ordered rojak and three big cups of sugar cane juice. Satay was particularly tempting on a Friday when we couldn't eat meat... Hmmm...
I must have been very exhausted cos I zonked out when I reached home. When I awoke again, Grace had left. I had my second dinner (cos mum also cooked fried bee hoon), did some work on the computer then, the Z monster hit me again...
Thanks, mum. Thanks Grace - for being there for me. And to my NIE mates - hey, hang in there! We'll catch up over the hols!
:)
10 August 2004
Hating Convocation Ceremonies
I never did want to go for this Friday's convocation ceremony til I heard they are slapping me with a two day pay cut and a letter of warning if I didn't go. I told Wendy a few days back why. I can't remember if I've ever mentioned to anyone, but here's why.
When I graduated from NUS, I thought that convocation was a big deal. In a way, I felt proud that I had crossed three years of one the most difficult times in my life. It didn't matter that I wasn't doing my honours by choice because of the opportunity cost incurred. I was proud that I was graduating.
Mum and a family priest were going to watch me as I received my degree scroll on stage, and I was thankful for their presence. They said they'd be at Kallang Theatre later since I had to report some two hours prior to the ceremony. But what I didn't expect when I reached three was to be greeted not only by graduates like myself, but a whole herd of accompanying parents, fussing over their sons and daughters about how they should look in their convo gowns. I was the only graduate standing alone with her gown, not even knowing if I looked OK in it.
I may have been a little emotional at that point in time, but I felt like crying. No, I didn't blame mum for not being there to make sure I looked OK, but I guess deep in my heart, I was reminded of the incomplete family I had. As I stood there in line alone without a friend (cos most of my close friends were scheduled for other ceremonies), I must have been the saddest graduand. I fought hard to hold back the tears as another graduand's mother came to me to adjust my convo gown. Maybe God sent her...
I tried to look happy after the ceremony as mum and Fr John Lee brought me for a meal at Country Manna. I remember going back to work after the ceremony just to drown myself with work. That way, I could forget about how I felt in the morning.
I guess the feeling never did go away, and the reality of it didn't creep in until I realised a few days back I had to go for the NIE convo. I swept the letter informing us of the convo away under a pile of papers when I received it. I thought I could simply forget about it. Guess I can't.
And now, as I see the convo gown hung up in my room, waiting for me to don it come Friday, I told my mum it's OK if no one goes. I'm fine with it. It's no big deal. I've gotten over the worst of how I could have felt. I can't feel any worse. Maybe? Maybe not?
With a deep breath, I pluck up the courage to face the hurts and fears I've held in me all these years. Perhaps, it is time to let go. Perhaps...
When I graduated from NUS, I thought that convocation was a big deal. In a way, I felt proud that I had crossed three years of one the most difficult times in my life. It didn't matter that I wasn't doing my honours by choice because of the opportunity cost incurred. I was proud that I was graduating.
Mum and a family priest were going to watch me as I received my degree scroll on stage, and I was thankful for their presence. They said they'd be at Kallang Theatre later since I had to report some two hours prior to the ceremony. But what I didn't expect when I reached three was to be greeted not only by graduates like myself, but a whole herd of accompanying parents, fussing over their sons and daughters about how they should look in their convo gowns. I was the only graduate standing alone with her gown, not even knowing if I looked OK in it.
I may have been a little emotional at that point in time, but I felt like crying. No, I didn't blame mum for not being there to make sure I looked OK, but I guess deep in my heart, I was reminded of the incomplete family I had. As I stood there in line alone without a friend (cos most of my close friends were scheduled for other ceremonies), I must have been the saddest graduand. I fought hard to hold back the tears as another graduand's mother came to me to adjust my convo gown. Maybe God sent her...
I tried to look happy after the ceremony as mum and Fr John Lee brought me for a meal at Country Manna. I remember going back to work after the ceremony just to drown myself with work. That way, I could forget about how I felt in the morning.
I guess the feeling never did go away, and the reality of it didn't creep in until I realised a few days back I had to go for the NIE convo. I swept the letter informing us of the convo away under a pile of papers when I received it. I thought I could simply forget about it. Guess I can't.
And now, as I see the convo gown hung up in my room, waiting for me to don it come Friday, I told my mum it's OK if no one goes. I'm fine with it. It's no big deal. I've gotten over the worst of how I could have felt. I can't feel any worse. Maybe? Maybe not?
With a deep breath, I pluck up the courage to face the hurts and fears I've held in me all these years. Perhaps, it is time to let go. Perhaps...
07 August 2004
It's been a while
It's been a while since I had a full meal with my mum and friends. My mum cooked a big feast last night and invited Wendy over. Scrumptious!!! But I think we all overate. No good.. too much of such things is bad for the body.
Anyway, I enjoyed my walk and talk with Wendy after dinner. We decided to walk to Loyang Point just to feel less uncomfortable after eating so much. As we walked, I think we both had an enjoyable time trying to come up with the tune and lyrics of the next National Day song! I was telling her that this year, there isn't a new one, and that how National Day songs have evolved. I remember singing cheesy tunes like "There are five stars arising out of the stormy sea..!" Now, the songs are so much more inspirational. We have indeed improved!
When we walked back home, the breeze at Pasir Ris was just too good to waste. So both of us sat at the void deck of my block, and spoke til past midnight. We talked about everything. What I've been experiencing, what she's been experiencing, how we've moved on. It was heartening just reminiscing about the past.
I've been trying to contact Max for the longest time. Wendy and I wondered what ever happened to him. At the back of my head, I was wondering if he did ever keep his promise to me to keep the frienship. Looking back at my archives, I am proud to say that I've moved on. I've flipped the pages. I've started a new book. I wonder if he has.
Things change, and in a large way, I am thankful for the Big Guy above for showing me the way to walk. I'm thankful that despite not knowing what was in store for me some nine months back, I trusted that the decision made was for a reason. I didn't know what the reason was back then. But I chose to trust that He knows what's best for me.
I've walked and walked. I've not turned back since. If I do, it's only to check if my friend for 12 years is still OK. He promised, but I wonder if he'd keep it. If he doesn't, so be it. It's perhaps for a reason. Sure, I'd feel sad having lost a friend. But I guess things like these take time. On my part, I've left the door open. It's up to him if he wants to enter it.
In the meantime, I'm kept busy with my goal in mind. It's been a while since I started doing things not because of someone else, but because of me. It's my dream, and I want it.
Now, I'm working hard to fulfill my dream!
:)
Anyway, I enjoyed my walk and talk with Wendy after dinner. We decided to walk to Loyang Point just to feel less uncomfortable after eating so much. As we walked, I think we both had an enjoyable time trying to come up with the tune and lyrics of the next National Day song! I was telling her that this year, there isn't a new one, and that how National Day songs have evolved. I remember singing cheesy tunes like "There are five stars arising out of the stormy sea..!" Now, the songs are so much more inspirational. We have indeed improved!
When we walked back home, the breeze at Pasir Ris was just too good to waste. So both of us sat at the void deck of my block, and spoke til past midnight. We talked about everything. What I've been experiencing, what she's been experiencing, how we've moved on. It was heartening just reminiscing about the past.
I've been trying to contact Max for the longest time. Wendy and I wondered what ever happened to him. At the back of my head, I was wondering if he did ever keep his promise to me to keep the frienship. Looking back at my archives, I am proud to say that I've moved on. I've flipped the pages. I've started a new book. I wonder if he has.
Things change, and in a large way, I am thankful for the Big Guy above for showing me the way to walk. I'm thankful that despite not knowing what was in store for me some nine months back, I trusted that the decision made was for a reason. I didn't know what the reason was back then. But I chose to trust that He knows what's best for me.
I've walked and walked. I've not turned back since. If I do, it's only to check if my friend for 12 years is still OK. He promised, but I wonder if he'd keep it. If he doesn't, so be it. It's perhaps for a reason. Sure, I'd feel sad having lost a friend. But I guess things like these take time. On my part, I've left the door open. It's up to him if he wants to enter it.
In the meantime, I'm kept busy with my goal in mind. It's been a while since I started doing things not because of someone else, but because of me. It's my dream, and I want it.
Now, I'm working hard to fulfill my dream!
:)
06 August 2004
Song..
I wonder what ever happened to the song I had put up on my blog - the one the handsome Filipino guy sang... Christian Bautista? Anyway, I've been thinking about inspirational songs ever since the National Day concert at my school today, and I can't help but recall a song a friend of mine composed some time back. My NIE mates would have probably heard this song before - It's called Living This Life for Me.
Living This Life for Me is about living your life to your fullest potential. You are responsible for your life. You live it the way you want it to. And when you do so, never shortchange yourself by putting in anything less, because you will only get less. I live my life for myself, not because I am selfish, but because I am responsible and I am empowered to live it the way I want it to - and the way I want it is to live life to the max - and in the process, touching as many lives as I can.
For those of you who can hear the song (cos the audio clip doesn't always come out right), this one's for you. This also goes out especially to all my students who visit my blog. Listen carefully to the lyrics.
Today, decide... How do you want to live your life?
Living This Life for Me is about living your life to your fullest potential. You are responsible for your life. You live it the way you want it to. And when you do so, never shortchange yourself by putting in anything less, because you will only get less. I live my life for myself, not because I am selfish, but because I am responsible and I am empowered to live it the way I want it to - and the way I want it is to live life to the max - and in the process, touching as many lives as I can.
For those of you who can hear the song (cos the audio clip doesn't always come out right), this one's for you. This also goes out especially to all my students who visit my blog. Listen carefully to the lyrics.
Today, decide... How do you want to live your life?
04 August 2004
The classroom is a stage...
Today, my co-teacher called me in the morning to tell me that I had to handle my Sec 3 class alone - again. It didn't help that we hadn't quite discussed what we'd be teaching the class. And so, with a 2 minute brief of what I could do, I gathered some resource materials and came up with a lesson to teach them summary skills. I figured that could keep them occupied for the two periods.
I entered the class feeling feverish. I feel sick on and off these days (I think I'm down with a slight viral fever), and I wondered if it was class related. The more I dreaded teaching the class, the more feverish I'd feel... no? Hmm... Anyway, almost half the class was under suspension or absent, so I was left with 17 students out of 40. Even then, I only managed to get a handful to do the summary the way I wanted them to.
But one thing happened in class that got me thinking about my teaching. One of the boys in class said to me, "Miss Chew, your mood change very fast. Just now you smile at us, now you so fierce." It's true. They were talking when they were supposed to do their work. I showed them my "Lucy Liu" face - minus the whip in hand. :)
Then it reminded me of one of my philosophies about teaching which I've been sharing since my NIE days. I remember telling some of my NIE mates - the classroom is a stage, and we are mere actors. I've extended that analogy to the staffroom being the backstage, and perhaps the staff lounge the green room?
What do I mean by that? I'm not advocating heartless teaching, but a method in which to take care of the emotional state of us teachers - that at the end of the day, we don't get too drained because of the emotions we engage in whilst teaching. Yes, we do get angry, we do get frustrated, we do get affected by what our students say and do. But like any actor, we get out of the role once we leave our "stage". We retreat to the backstage and resume our persona - the real us.
Yes, Uncle Joel. I still remember all about cutting the threads, and am actually teaching my friends to learn to do it too. I think it's a cool way to take care of our emotional well-being. If we don't, we'd get burnt out one day.
At the end of each day, I'm thankful that I can still smile. And as long as the fire of enthusiasm keeps burning, that I feel the need and urge and conviction to guide and motivate the kids I teach, I feel happy - happy that I've chosen to walk this route; happy that it is perhaps an indication from the one above that I'm walking the right way.
Looking back at the Sec 3 class, I feel that I've not put in enough effort to get through to them. I know it'll take lots of patience, lots of time. Perhaps, even tears. I don't know. All around, I hear negativity, and as much as I prefer not to listen to it, I cannot help but succumb to what I hear sometimes, and use it as a reason for the lack of effort put in in guiding these kids. In short, I could be taking the easy way out.
And many a times, I guess most of us are like that. We'd rather take the easy way out because - well, it's easier. It requires less effort. It doesn't require us to leave our comfort zone. After all, why rock the boat when we're comfortable sitting on it, right? But I've learnt that the easy way out isn't always the best way out. If we decide to keep ourselves in our own world, then we'd never see the potential of what the world can offer.
The next time we're challenged to do something out of our comfort zone, why don't we give it a shot?
I entered the class feeling feverish. I feel sick on and off these days (I think I'm down with a slight viral fever), and I wondered if it was class related. The more I dreaded teaching the class, the more feverish I'd feel... no? Hmm... Anyway, almost half the class was under suspension or absent, so I was left with 17 students out of 40. Even then, I only managed to get a handful to do the summary the way I wanted them to.
But one thing happened in class that got me thinking about my teaching. One of the boys in class said to me, "Miss Chew, your mood change very fast. Just now you smile at us, now you so fierce." It's true. They were talking when they were supposed to do their work. I showed them my "Lucy Liu" face - minus the whip in hand. :)
Then it reminded me of one of my philosophies about teaching which I've been sharing since my NIE days. I remember telling some of my NIE mates - the classroom is a stage, and we are mere actors. I've extended that analogy to the staffroom being the backstage, and perhaps the staff lounge the green room?
What do I mean by that? I'm not advocating heartless teaching, but a method in which to take care of the emotional state of us teachers - that at the end of the day, we don't get too drained because of the emotions we engage in whilst teaching. Yes, we do get angry, we do get frustrated, we do get affected by what our students say and do. But like any actor, we get out of the role once we leave our "stage". We retreat to the backstage and resume our persona - the real us.
Yes, Uncle Joel. I still remember all about cutting the threads, and am actually teaching my friends to learn to do it too. I think it's a cool way to take care of our emotional well-being. If we don't, we'd get burnt out one day.
At the end of each day, I'm thankful that I can still smile. And as long as the fire of enthusiasm keeps burning, that I feel the need and urge and conviction to guide and motivate the kids I teach, I feel happy - happy that I've chosen to walk this route; happy that it is perhaps an indication from the one above that I'm walking the right way.
Looking back at the Sec 3 class, I feel that I've not put in enough effort to get through to them. I know it'll take lots of patience, lots of time. Perhaps, even tears. I don't know. All around, I hear negativity, and as much as I prefer not to listen to it, I cannot help but succumb to what I hear sometimes, and use it as a reason for the lack of effort put in in guiding these kids. In short, I could be taking the easy way out.
And many a times, I guess most of us are like that. We'd rather take the easy way out because - well, it's easier. It requires less effort. It doesn't require us to leave our comfort zone. After all, why rock the boat when we're comfortable sitting on it, right? But I've learnt that the easy way out isn't always the best way out. If we decide to keep ourselves in our own world, then we'd never see the potential of what the world can offer.
The next time we're challenged to do something out of our comfort zone, why don't we give it a shot?
03 August 2004
Back with a vengeance!
I don't care. What the mind wants, the mind gets. I refuse to fall ill. And though the throat hurts each time I swallow, I take it all in my stride and ignore the pain. I have found what it means to have mind over matter. This is mind over matter!
And as I'm nibbling down bits of chocolate-coated raisins while planning for my lessons, I am giving new definition to the Chinese saying, "treating poison with poison". Ha! I want to win this war against the flu bug!
Thanks to all of you for dropping by and sending me your get well notes. Really appreciate it. Yes, even to my Sec 2 students... Yes, you are the ones that make so much noise... but it's OK. It's just that you guys have to listen when I speak.. Not speak when I speak! And actually, it wasn't the noise that made me angry. It was because some of you decided not to hand in your work on time.. Same with my Sec 1 class. So many of them didn't hand in their work despite reminders... Sigh.. Where is the sense of responsibility in kids these days?
Call me patriotic, but I can't wait to sing the National Day songs! My school kids have been training hard for the NDP display. I hear the school band play these days when I'm in the staff room and it brings back fond memories of the days I was in the band. I played the cornet, but my heart was always with the percussion section. It still is!
I must say I'm proud of my Sec 1 kids who have put in lots of time and effort in doing their project work as Ambassadors of HIHS. I made them conduct a tour of the new school to teach them procedural texts as well as hone their communication skills. They really did a good job and was quite professional about it too. They actually did up brochures to accompany the tour! I think this out-of-the-classroom oral presentation worked really well. I'm happy... :)
Now, I'm planning for the next unit on newspaper reports - and thanks to Alex for sending the slides! I'm so excited to get my kids to do the fractured fairy tales!
Today, I learnt that even if I'm having a bad day, there is always someone out there who cares. And for that, I should be thankful.
Thanks to you who have touched my heart, and added an extra spark to my day. You know who you are. *wink*
:)
And as I'm nibbling down bits of chocolate-coated raisins while planning for my lessons, I am giving new definition to the Chinese saying, "treating poison with poison". Ha! I want to win this war against the flu bug!
Thanks to all of you for dropping by and sending me your get well notes. Really appreciate it. Yes, even to my Sec 2 students... Yes, you are the ones that make so much noise... but it's OK. It's just that you guys have to listen when I speak.. Not speak when I speak! And actually, it wasn't the noise that made me angry. It was because some of you decided not to hand in your work on time.. Same with my Sec 1 class. So many of them didn't hand in their work despite reminders... Sigh.. Where is the sense of responsibility in kids these days?
Call me patriotic, but I can't wait to sing the National Day songs! My school kids have been training hard for the NDP display. I hear the school band play these days when I'm in the staff room and it brings back fond memories of the days I was in the band. I played the cornet, but my heart was always with the percussion section. It still is!
I must say I'm proud of my Sec 1 kids who have put in lots of time and effort in doing their project work as Ambassadors of HIHS. I made them conduct a tour of the new school to teach them procedural texts as well as hone their communication skills. They really did a good job and was quite professional about it too. They actually did up brochures to accompany the tour! I think this out-of-the-classroom oral presentation worked really well. I'm happy... :)
Now, I'm planning for the next unit on newspaper reports - and thanks to Alex for sending the slides! I'm so excited to get my kids to do the fractured fairy tales!
Today, I learnt that even if I'm having a bad day, there is always someone out there who cares. And for that, I should be thankful.
Thanks to you who have touched my heart, and added an extra spark to my day. You know who you are. *wink*
:)
02 August 2004
I'm sick....
My throat hurts. I'm coming down with a fever. I've got ulcers in my mouth. And I've lost my appetite. This morning I came down with a slight sniffle. It doesn't help that I've got books to mark and more oral exams to conduct. I've got to stay back late almost every day for some reason or other. Nights are left for lesson planning and preparation of teaching materials. Arghhh... I need a break!
And just when I was so looking forward to the National Day weekend, I have to come down with a flu? NO!!! I am determined to be well for the hols. But alas, the body is not co-operating. My whole body aches... yes, the first signs of a flu. The flu bug is going around in the staff room. Probably that's why teachers are taking turns to fall sick.
I don't like being sick. But I am. No good.
And just when I was so looking forward to the National Day weekend, I have to come down with a flu? NO!!! I am determined to be well for the hols. But alas, the body is not co-operating. My whole body aches... yes, the first signs of a flu. The flu bug is going around in the staff room. Probably that's why teachers are taking turns to fall sick.
I don't like being sick. But I am. No good.