I almost cried in class

I promised myself when I started teaching that I will never cry in class. Well, today, I almost broke that promise.

Today was the first day I saw my Sec 3 Integrity class after their camp. Much as Joanne had told me that there's no change in their attitude after the camp, I chose to think otherwise. And so, with printed worksheets and my trusty picnic basket of chocolates and chuppa chops, I entered the class with a smile. It was great seeing the familiar faces I've grown accustomed to over the weeks.

I let them cheer their class cheer which they had learnt at the camp. I asked them for a silent clap, and they responded. Some wondered how I was in the know of their camp activities. They decided to welcome me with a sexy clap, followed by the sotong clap. It humoured them, it made them laugh, and to see the joy in their faces made me feel happy they were back. Maybe Joanne was wrong. Maybe they had changed.

After distributing the chocolates and chuppa chops, I could see the delight in their faces. I'm going to have a good class today, I told myself. And so, I continued with the lesson proper. I asked them to whisk out their Marine Parks article and went through with them the structure of an argumentative essay again. I distributed the first worksheet, and I could see a few bodies beginning to slump on their tables. As I spoke and explained, I felt I was losing the class again. Joanne was right. They have not changed.

As I explained and re-explained, and guided them through the worksheets, I struggled with deciding whether to continue the lesson as planned - give out the rest of the worksheets, explain more and make them hand it all in at the end of the lesson - or to stop and walk out of the class. In a way, I felt like giving up.

I didn't do either. I put the worksheet down and I looked at them. I asked them - Can I share with you thoughts from a teacher? They looked puzzled. I asked again - Can I share some of my personal thoughts with you? They nodded. I tried to hold back my tears when I began speaking. I don't know if it was out of frustration, or was it because it pained my heart to see all of them so aimless in their lives.

I began my story, and told them that I had stayed up til 2.30am last night, just to do worksheets for them so that they will understand. I told them that I didn't understand why they reacted the way they did. I told them I thought I'd see a different class when I came in today. I told them I chose not to believe other teachers when they told me Sec 3 Integrity did not change. I told them that while other teachers have told me that this is a "challenging" class, I chose to see the potential in each and every one of them. I told them I wanted so badly to teach them so that they would learn. I told them that I was not there just to perform my role, but to ensure that they learn. I told them that I walk out of the class every time, wondering how I can motivate this class, and I have yet to find the answer. Then I asked them - Can you give me that answer? Tell me - what do you want out of the class? What do you want to learn? What makes you more interested? Do you hate English? Or do you hate the teacher? What is it?

I told them I was not there to work against them, but with them. So they will have to work with me too, to let me know what works and what doesn't work for them.

For a moment, I think they were wondering if I was scolding them. I wasn't. Once again, I held back my tears as I told them how I cared for each and every one of them, that I felt there was so much more they could be doing. "I see little stars shining in the classroom, some brighter than others. But instead of polishing your stars til they shine bright, why do you choose to overshadow each other?"

I felt there was no point in the lesson going on. I was not up to it. They were not up to it. Marine Parks was boring them as much as it was boring me. I asked them to take out a sheet of paper, and on it, write all their thoughts - why do I hate English? What do I want out of the English lesson? Why do I not hand in my work? Why do I not pay attention in class? If I had a dream English teacher, what would he or she be like? How do I want English lessons to be conducted?

As I went on with question after question, I could see my Sec 3 Integrity kids filling up their foolscap sheets. They wrote and wrote and wrote. It was as if it was their form of release. It was as if for once, a teacher was listening to them.

I left them to write while I called out a few students individually who had not submitted their work. I told one of them who wrote in his journal that he aims to get into a JC - I want to see you get there, I know you can. Come to me if you need help, ok? He nodded. I could see from his facial expression that he was touched. Well, at least I have one starfish thrown into the sea today...

I collected all 36 sheets of paper when the bell rang. I thanked them for their frank comments and told them that hopefully, I would be able to engage them with my lesson tomorrow. I had mentally thrown out everything I had planned for them to do already. My mind was in a blank. I don't know what to teach tomorrow - and my cooperating teacher is going to observe my class tomorrow.

With a heavy heart, I flipped through their response. It made me smile and cry at the same time. One of them wrote, "English lesson is the best and having you as a teacher rocks!" Another wrote, "As for my dream teacher, you are my dream teacher already!" Most of them apologised for their lack of attention in class and for not handing in their work, while some gave good feedback on how they'd like lessons to be conducted. I hadn't realised that my lessons with them fell at the most awkward time slots that made them sleepy. Today's was right smack in the hot afternoon and after their PE lesson (which made them even hotter), and the other two lessons I have with them are first thing in the morning. They said all these made them sleepy. They asked for more games and group work and encouraged me. They thanked me for being so patient with them despite their behaviour.

In retrospect, maybe whatever happened today was for a reason. It helped me realise how I could improve on my lesson from a student's point of view. It didn't matter if my CTs or supervisor gave me strings of As. If my students didn't like the lesson, they would not have learnt. It challenged me to think harder on what I can do to engage them and at the same time meet the requirements of the curriculum. My mind is still in a blank, but I am encouraged. Today, I realised that I had perhaps thrown more starfish into the sea than I had imagined. It's just that they keep swimming back to shore. What I need to do is to throw further to make that difference.

Today, the very students that discouraged me are the very ones that have encouraged me. And for that, I am thankful.

All went well

Finally - I'm done with my two formal lesson observations with my NIE supervisor. What a relief! When my supervisor gave me the APT form, it didn't matter to me what grade I got. I was on a high that I managed to engage the class. They were intrigued by the picnic basket I brought to class. "Cher, we going picnic ah?" "What's inside?"

I had brought a whole basket of chuppa chops, and chocolates for all my Sec 3 kids. It was my way of welcoming them back after their one week break. Guess in a way, I missed them. The lesson went on well as I highlighted important points on the functions of MS Access. I guess it helped that my CPA CT was around. He was all in support of me. He told me "Don't worry, I'll help you." I was glad he was there through it all, giving me little signals and hints of what to do.. and to think he was observing me too!

The day was a hectic one. I hardly sat on my chair. My table was filled with papers, worksheets and files. By the time I ended my last debrief with my English CT, it was 4pm. Hungry and sleepy, I decided to head home, thinking I'd sleep. But til now, I haven't even caught a wink!

I have hardly had enough sleep. Friends came over to my home yesterday, celebrating Easter with a feast of laksa and popiah - thanks to mum. It was a whole day of feasting starting with breakfast with my uncle, lunch with a few other friends and my cousin and her husband, then dinner with yet more friends! Wendy brought her godiva cocoa powder covered tiramisu, which was a hit! Thanks, Wendy... so, our theory's right after all, huh? *wink*

We ended the night with chocolate fondue laced with Baileys! Yummmmmmm...... For a while, all of us wished it wasn't Sunday. I almost forgot I had a formal observation today!

As always, it is always a joy for me to be with my friends, and feed them! Pris said she was so full she had to roll from the kitchen to the living room! If only Lee Yee and Keith could come.... I found it a great joy baking the brownies and sugee cake and assembling the salads and dips... Guess it took my mind off school for a while!

Thanks my friends for spending Easter with me - and for being so much part of my life.

:)

Meeting up again...

I had a good day yesterday.

Despite more surprise emails from my NIE supervisor that he wanted to see by Monday, all the detailed lesson plans for all the lessons I had taught, and that one of the students in a Sec One class that I relieved for shouted "Kiss my ass" when I was writing on the whiteboard, everything after that made the day.

I met up with my friends whom I've known for the longest time - since Primary One. Pris, Lee Yee and I hogged yet another table at Starbucks in Tampines, ordered three big cups of tea, and three cups of hot water, a brownie, and a chocolate biscotti and sat and talked close to midnight. Pris smuggled in a bag of nachos which we wiped out too. :)

It has been a while since we met up, so it was good catching up on each others' lives, knowing the plans we have in store, what we'd like to do in the future and all the latest gossips. Pris and I exchanged teacher stories while Lee Yee listened with amusement. And when all was said, we came to the conclusion that we too were once like the students I now teach. It's a phase we all go through in different intensities, I guess. Whilst Pris marvelled at how I could handle Secondary school kids, I was amazed at how she could handle her little Primary school terrors.

It amazes me that despite the fact that each of us are leading our own lives, we still keep in touch and are very much part of each others' lives. We learn from each other and share in each others' worries and happiness. And thinking that our friendship dates back to the days where ice popsicles and kacang puteh costs only 10 cents, I find it all very heart-warming. We've come so far and yet we've still have a whole journey ahead of us. It's comforting to know that I am not alone in this journey. I can always count on these, my friends. Thanks, pals! :)

I have developed a habit of writing poems whenever I can, especially whilst waiting. And in the process, it triggered one of my childhood dreams to write cards like those from Hallmark. Here's one I wrote yesterday whilst waiting for Pris and Lee Yee...

Sharing in your happiness

A smile edged across your face
Lets me know that everything's better
It makes my heart warmer; it feels lighter.
It is probably also a reflection
Of how you are feeling right now.
And I am glad that I'm one of the first to see
That delight in your eyes
And the joy you are feeling
Knowing that things are going well for you.

The storm is over
And a rainbow has come forth
As the sun peeps through the sky
You and I know
That a new day's begun
And I celebrate that new beginning with you
I share in your happiness
Because nothing matters more to me
Than to see you truly happy.

- Deborah Anne Chew

What tomorrow brings

I can never tell what tomorrow may bring, but I can appreciate all I have today, and thank God for all that He's given me - every single thing.

I was inspired to write this poem when I reflected on all that has been happening to me for the past few months. If anything, I think I am living a mystery and a miracle. And if anything, I am thankful and looking forward to His grand plans, whatever it may be. All I ask for as always, is the strength to undertake what's to come, and patience to let His plan be revealed to me in its full goodness.

Hope you enjoy this poem. It holds a special meaning for me, and is one of my personal favourites...

Tomorrow

If what I see today
Is an indication of what is to come
Then I'd be enjoying the moment
And looking forward to the day
Where tomorrow will reveal itself
Into something beautiful -
Something that I've been dreaming of
Almost all my life.

And when that day comes
I will know
That the wait was worth every single minute
The journey, worth every single step
Because I will never experience
The best thing that I have found
If I had chosen
To walk any other way.

- Deborah Anne Chew

Little Sec One Angels...

I started the day with a vision in my head. A vision that the day will be a fulfilling one. One that will leave me smiling and rejuvenated again. One that will reconfirm my conviction that I have chosen the right path - to teach.

I knew my day will be occupied with piles of marking which I had accumulated since last week. With the Sec 3 teachers away at the camp, I knew I'd have to relief a few classes. I just wondered which.

Sec 1 Charity. I read the slip of paper with my name on it. I had been assigned to take the first two periods of the day for that class. I quickly searched the materials I had on my desk. I decided I'd make them do either the Nuclear Activity, or the Cartoon Activity. Quickly, I made sets of materials, and planned out a lesson in my head. I think I'm beginning to get good at this.

I entered the class with anticipation. My class looked at me with anticipation. As they stood behind their desks, I took out my trusty marker and wrote my name on the whiteboard. "Good Morning, Ms Chew" followed.

The class settled down into chatter amongst themselves. On the board again, I wrote the word in big bold capital letters "SILENCE". "Shhhhhh...." came forth in reply. Then, silence. I smiled and continued writing, "What do you want to do today?" "Listen to ghost stories" was their unanimous reply.

I gathered them in front of the classroom, switched off some lights. They closed the doors and shutters of the windows. With earnest eyes, they kept silent and looked at me as I enthralled them with real life ghost stories I encountered since my working days at Raffles Hotel.

I soon found myself telling them about my experience at the CDC during the SARS period. They asked and enquired, "What was the food like? what did you eat? what did you eat for breakfast?"

It wasn't before long that the bell rang, which signalled the end of the stories. I ended off the class recommending them to read the three books by Dave Peltzer - A Child called It, The Lost Boy, and A Man Called Dave.

As I prepared myself to walk out of the classroom, I thanked the class. And the reply from them warmed my heart and made me smile. "Thank you, and God Bless You, Miss Chew!" They smiled as they said that, as though thankful that I had shared a part of me with them. "God Bless you too!" I said, and left the class with a sense of joy in my heart.

It may have been a rehearsed reply that they say to every teacher that leaves the classroom, but for me, it was extra special. It was a sign for me, reminding me that despite it all, the frustrations, the stress and students getting on my nerves, at the end of the day, these are the very same young minds that make teaching all so fulfilling.

Today, I am reminded of my vision of being the best teacher I can be, one that inspires, motivates and touch lives.

Silence speaks a thousand words

I had the best class with my Sec 4 Acad students today. They are the bunch of students whose favourite topic is none other than sex. As I entered the class, they were just being themselves - noisy and all over the place. Somehow, I felt that after three lessons, they have gotten used to me. They have stopped asking where my CT was, and why she didn't come teach them anymore.

In my previous lesson, I had reminded them to bring their project materials - which as I have anticipated, they did not. I just didn't feel like shouting at the class, or raising my voice. And so, once again, I did the unexpected. I started writing on the board - sentence after sentence of what I would have said. I wrote..

"Did you bring your project materials?" Then, I turned and looked at them. Shouts of yes and nos came across. I continued writing, "So, what do you want to do?" Once again, shouts of "I want to go to the library do research" and "Sleep" came forth. I continued writing. "We will not go anywhere until you have followed these instructions." The class fell silent. They looked intently as I wrote more on the board without saying a word.

1. Take out a sheet of writing paper.

I turned and looked. Almost everyone took out their foolscap paper. Then they looked at me. I noticed two guys in the corner who refused to do so. Then I wrote:

"We will not continue with the lesson unless everyone follows the instructions." Then I turned around and pointed to the two guys who were having their own conversation. Almost the whole class pressured the two guys to follow suit. They had no choice. It wasn't before long that I got the whole class to "listen" to me. I continued...

2. Take out a pen (any colour).

3. Uncap the pen, or click it such that you can use it to write.

4. Now, write your name, index number, class and date on the paper.

5. Next, write this: After my visit to the Old Folks' Hoime, I felt....

6. (This is where you start thinking... no need to talk). Then, I drew a happy face with a thinking cloud. In it, I drew a light bulb, and labelled the happy face "ME".

After each step, I turned periodically to look at them. Only when they finish the previous step did I begin on a new step. All these while, my students were for once, quiet and reading my instructions and following every single step. If they had any quesiton, I answered them with words and pictures on the whiteboard. I even used msn icons to add facial expressions that I could not conjure up.

They wondered why I wasn't talking. "Cher, you sick ah? You lost your voice issit? Talk to us leh!" And all I did was smile and gestured and played with facial expressions.

I continued writing on the board.

7. Fill up your sheet of paper with your thoughts.

8. Only when you fill up your sheet of paper do we then discuss what to do with the extra time.

Something magical must have happened because for a moment, I saw everyone scribbling on their paper. The class was for once silent. No talking, no pushing and shoving, no Mandarin, no Hokkien. I smiled to myself. How in the world did I come up with such a strategy!!??!!

For some reason, each and every one of them became motivated to fill in that sheet of paper. I didn't have to scream. I didn't have to shout. I didn't have to go from person to person nagging at them to complete the worksheet like I had done for the past three weeks. When they finished their written pieces, they came up to me and handed their work to me. They then sat down and helped their classmates that hadn't completed their work.

The bell rang just when almost the whole class finished their work. When some of them got a little noisy, all I did was to point to the word "SILENCE" which I wrote on the board. And they "Shhhhh" each other.

I smiled as I ended the class. I wrote on the board "Thank you class", and they replied. When I finally spoke, I told them "see you next week with your project materials!" "Wah!!! Ms Chew got voice already!!".

I went back to the staff room feeling high. Somehow, I knew I had won them over. I have begun to love this class, the class that used to drain me dry cos I'd be competing with their noise level most of the time. Today, I didn't have to exert my voice at all. I spoke personally to the two problematic boys and realised their love for computer games. I talked to them about how they can pursue their interest in computers but they will have to study hard first. Soon, we were talking about how they can improve their English and what they'd like to be in the future.

It got me thinking - sometimes, silence does speak a thousand words... and the effect is much greater too! Once again, the unexpected worked...! Yes, it even surprised me!

:)

Reconnecting with old friends...

Yesterday, I found myself soaking in the sun and the sea again. This time, it's with Wendy. After two hours worth of rollerblading by the sea (not to mention two unglam falls that left me bruised), Wendy was proud of me that I had improved tremendously in my rollerblading skills. :) I was just gliding on. Strips, humps and uneven terrain don't scare me anymore!

After that, we headed for the sea! Soaking in the salt water and enjoying the massage of the sea waves felt invigorating. I felt myself leaving what was troubling me behind, letting the waves wash it all away.

The day went on with me and Wendy heading down town with our beach gear and rollerblades. The two hours' worth of rollerblading must have burnt quite a lot of calories cos between the both of us, we ate three person's worth of food... excluding dessert! And to think that when both of us headed home, we ate yet more!

We headed home after that, feeling tired. We could barely keep our eyes open. But there were smiles on our faces. It has been a while since the both of us enjoyed the whole day together. The beach brought back fond memories of the holiday we had in Hawaii two years back. We agreed we should do this more often... :)

The night before, we had spent the evening catching up over fish and chips, chunks of meat, lots of bread and a sinful slice of chocolate cake at Cafe Cartel. We sat through the remaining of the evening at Starbucks over camomile tea and iced latte. We must have had tonnes to talk about as before we knew it, it was past midnight. Then, Grace called to say she was coming over to meet us. I continued the night talking to Grace in her car after she sent Wendy home. It was close to 3am before I reached home.

It felt good reconnecting with Grace and Wendy again. Although we kept in touch ever so often over the phone, it has been a while since I had spent time with them. We were each busy with our own lives that we hardly had time to meet up and just enjoy the day. I felt bad that I could not attend Wendy's ROM cos I was teaching, and didn't quite plan a party for Grace's birthday cos I was too busy finishing up lesson plans. And so, the past two days were indeed a treat.

Lee Yee and I met over msn yesterday. It was good to hear from her that Keith's fever has gone down, but the rashes are still there. Hopefully, he'd fully recover so that his poor mummy can get some rest. She also updated me on the diploma course she's going to take up, and we made tentative plans to meet up later this week with Pris. Can't wait for that! It's been a while...

I am glad that I still kept in touch with my closest friends. These friendships, built over time, are the pillars of strength as I proceed through life's journey. Like wine, the friendships get even better with age. It has matured, and what's resulting is extraordinary - and nobody throws out extraordinary wines... Naturally, I guard them with my soul, and in the depths of my heart, I thank God for them. You know who you are - thanks for caring, and sharing more than a part of you to make our friendship a beautiful one!

As I go along life's journey, I know I will build more pillars of strength, collect more varieties of wine. But I will never forget you, my friends - and all the precious moments we've shared. I will not be who I am if not for you... Thanks, pals!

:)

Walking by your side

I was inspired to write this poem when I thought about what I could do to inspire and motivate those around me - my friends, family and students.

Life's journey is never predictable. In the pursuit of my goals, in my quest for reaching my dreams, I realise that obstacles bring me down and zaps the energy out of me. During these times, I am thankful for those around me for giving me comfort of a short rest, a shoulder to cry on, a push of encouragement - and that gets me going. In return, I'd like to do the same to those around me too as they proceed on life's long journey.

To you who had given me the spark of life, ignited my passion, and set my soul aflame with enthusiasm and positivity, this is for you. Let us share the fire when the wind attempts to blow the flame of our dreams out..! :)

Walking by your side
What can I do to make you smile?
To see that delight in your eyes
The excitement; the passion
That reflects what you're feeling inside?

What can I do for a while?
To know that you're doing fine
Taking baby steps towards your goal
That you've been holding back for so long?

What can I say to make you feel?
The warmth of love of those around you
From people you thought you never knew
Yet they've kept you close to their hearts?

What can I write to touch your soul?
To reach out to you; to bring you joy
Filling your world with rays of hope
As you persevere through life's journey?

What can I do?
What can I say?
What can I write?
To let you know that no matter what
I will always be walking by your side.

Deborah Anne Chew

Here's another poem I wrote while waiting for Chris last week. I was inspired by all the hard work we trainee teachers put in as we prepare ourselves for the real word of teaching... You'd certainly identify with the words in it! Hang in there, pals!! You are not alone!

Thoughts of a teacher

The lesson has been planned
After sleepless nights over paper and pen
Materials prepared, worksheets typed
Methods are new, not tested nor tried.

Schema knowledge; Scaffolding
Classroom management and discipline
We teach the how and not the what
Engaging students right from the start.
Factors we consider, making teaching an art.

We enter the classroom with anxious anticipation
Wondering if we'd be greeted with equal enthusiasm
Will pupils take to the lesson as planned?
Will they learn? Will they understand?

Our hard work executed; our students respond
The look in their eyes tell us we have won
Their attention we've gained, the concepts they've got
They have learnt what is right, and realized what is not.

We leave the class at the ring of the bell
How ecstatic we are, no one can tell
Smiles on our faces; we feel thrilled
A sense of achievement, we are fulfilled.

Thoughts of a teacher at lessons' end
Tomorrow we'll mull over the process all over again.
But for today, we take courage and pride
Of the students we teach, and the joy we feel inside.

Deborah Anne Chew

What gives?

I am back early for once! I told myself I'll leave the school early, and give myself a well-deserved break. I had been having less than three hours' sleep for the past few days, preparing lesson plans and materials. This morning, I woke up with materials ready for my English lesson, but not my lesson plan for the CPA lesson observation. I was too tired to think of what I could do to make kids learn MS Access better. In the end, I spoke with my CT who readily agreed to postpone the lesson observation. He could see that I was really drained, and it didn't help that I had also come down with a bad migraine. "You ok? You want me to take over the class for you?" Haiz... so nice :)

I should be happy, but I've come back not only tired, but affected by my students. Uncle Joel had warned me not to let my students affect me. He has warned me that given my giving character, I will be emotionally drained soon if I don't manage it well. I've tried, but it's tough. I have begun to fully understand when parents say "It pains me to scold you."

I walked into my English class feeling really tired. I tried not to let my lack of sleep affect me, but my students seemed equally jaded, tired, unmotivated. Perhaps it's because my English lesson fell on the first two periods of the morning. Maybe they have not fully awaken yet. Whatever it was, I found myself agitated as I saw almost a third of the class slumped into classroom slumber. Was it me? Or were they really tired?

Soon, I found myself giving them a pep talk. The whole class was silent - perhaps in quiet defiance. Some had decided to switch off. It didn't matter that I went to them to wake them up. They got up, and slumped back into sleep when I walked away. I continued. I made them do the stand up and reach out as high up as you can thing I did with my other Sec 3 class. But I was disappointed this time. Nobody reached out. Some didn't even want to raise their hands. I even stood on the chair to show how I could reach higher. They looked at me, probably wondering why this young crazy teacher was standing on the chair on a Thursday morning.

Whatever it was, I made my point. I asked them - Are you giving your best? Do you want to give your best? No response.

I continued on with my lesson. In stark contrast to yesterday, today's class fell into a deep silence as I spoke. They did the work I told them to, but a handful of them just went back to sleep. I tried to contain my anger, my frustration. The sleep I had sacrificed doing up the worksheets just so that they could understand better didn't seem worth it. At one point, I asked myself, "Why bother?"

I left the class telling my students that they had to stay back after school for their bad behaviour - sleeping in class. They argued. I told them I didn't care. They grumbled. I always told myself, if the classroom is a stage, then I am the actress. And actress I did become. With a straight face, I told them - "I hope you remember everything I said today because I mean every single word of it... except... (silence).... that you have to stay back - Happy April Fool's Day!"

I didn't stay long enough to get their expressions, but from what I heard, I think I made some smile at themselves. I would have wanted to make more smile, perhaps laugh. I don't know what I could have done to make a bigger difference in their lives today. And I ask myself the same question I asked them - Did I give my best? As I slumped into my chair back in the staff room, I wondered what I could do to make these kids all motivated again? Why was it that I can grab their attention on one day, and not the next? What gives? Me? Them?

It helped speaking with my CT about the class. She told me not to take things to hard. They were perhaps tired preparing for the camp. In retrospect, perhaps I should have been more empathetic? I left school with the faces of my students in my mind, listless, unmotivated and totally uninterested. On the other side, I picture happy, excited faces filled with energy. I ask myself, what can I do to make them all have these happy faces?

As I take a break from them for a week cos they'd be at Malaysia for their camp, it is perhaps a good time for me to reflect and brainstorm how else I can reach out to them. At the same time, I say a little prayer for all of them.

Today, I may not have thrown any starfish into the sea, but at least I was combing the beach...

Technology fails... But I didn't!

What could possibly go wrong on a day where I had planned for both my CT and NIE Supervisor to come observer my lesson? After all, I had it all planned and prepared - I did up nice powerpoint slides, rehearsed what I was going to say, printed the jigsaw pieces on nice lime green colour, slipped these into bright orange envelopes. I even bought coloured index cards so my kids could build a card tower as a pre-activity, brought in my movie soundtrack CD to play during the activities. And to get the kids out of the classroom, I had even booked the language lab, which was more spacious so they could enjoy their activities! And most of all, it was air-conditioned!

So, what could possibly go wrong?

Well, for one, technology failed me right from the start. The class IT rep was helping me set up my laptop and realised I didn't have the cable to link the laptop to the LCD panel. Didn't they always have it? Well, apparently not! So, the kind soul ran to the technical guy in the school to get the cable for me, while I got the class settled down, and distributed the index cards for their pre-activity. I tried to play for time by bringing back things they did in the previous lesson and how it related to the present lesson. By the time the cable was set up, I was done with my little show and tell. But, technology had to fail me again. For some strange reason, the projection was just too faint. Nothing on screen could be seen.

I had to think on my toes immediately, and decided to run the activity just with the music. Thank God the speakers in the room worked! So, the kids busied themselves building the most stable and strong tower using coloured index cards with the tune of Mission Impossible in the background.

The activity went on fine, but all the points that I needed to highlight to the kids on nice PowerPoint slides could not be shown. The only tool I had was the whiteboard, and my coloured markers. So, there I went - big nice handwriting on the board, drawings, figures, underline - what have you.... It was a good thing I brought my own duster too!

The next activity went on - got the kids to rearrage a jigsaw of an argumentative piece. I would show them the correct answer on the visualiser, I told myself. And so, the activity went on with the tune of Superman - much to the amusement of the kids who wondered where I got all those songs from!

And so, I prepared myself - now, how do I work this visualiser? I called upon my IT rep again. He fiddled and fiddled with the plugs and wires. Finally, he said, "Cher, cannot work la."

My heart dropped. Not again?

Oh well. There I went again. It was a good thing I got little whiteboards for the kids to write on. They gave me their answers on their whiteboards, together with other unrequested artwork. There I went again. Back to the whiteboard and markers, explaining the whole structure. Draw, underline, big letters... Clean, clean, clean... Write again.. clean, clean..

The boys were making noise again. They were more disruptive than they were in class. I managed to get them to quieten down once in a while, but a while later, they were at it again.

It must have been one of the longest lesson I've ever had. It felt so. I was relieved when my NIE sup packed his stuff and left just when I gave the worksheets to my kids to complete. My CT felt relieved too. I went around from table to table to make sure my kids knew what they were supposed to do. It broke my heart to realise that although they could give me examples of what supporting and opposing arguments were, they could not identify these in the worksheets. :( I had to go through briefly again, group by group, and got them to do peer teaching. It worked. Phew!

I must admit I didn't feel like the top of the world at the end of the lesson. I gathered my things, thanked my IT rep, and counselled a few guys after the lesson. I plonked my stuff down onto my desk before rushing for the next lesson at the CPA lab.

It felt nice for a moment that my CPA kids - the ones that are supposedly in the most notorious class - missed me. "Cher! You come already! Where you go?". It didn't matter that I am an English teacher, who really should be correcting their grammar. I smiled. "Yes? Have you done your work?" "I print already. See?" "OK, good. Hand in your work to Mr Tan". Victor, my fellow trainee teacher who co-teaches the class with me was being observed today for that lesson. The one girl that had a bad reputation for spewing vulgarities in class was at it again - in Hokkien. I went up to her, and in my sweetest voice said, "You can only speak English in class, you know?" "Cher, I don't know how to." "There.. you're speaking English now." She smiled in embarrassment. She knew I got her.

The moment of truth came some two hours later. My NIE sup was doing the debriefing for another trainee teacher, so I had to wait. Finally, I met up with him. "How do you think you did today?" "Not too good. I felt I could have done better in..... and ..... and... Furthermore....." "Well.." my sup said, "I think you're being too hard on yourself. I think you did well in ...... but you could have done better in ......." I tried to glance at the sheet of paper he had in front of him. It was scribbled with words and ticks and circles. I tried not to look too hard. Finally, he showed it to me. "See, not too bad." I glanced at the first column - A, B++, A, A, B, A - and Yes was ticked for all the professional qualities of a teacher. He ended off his comments with "An effective teacher!!!"

Wow!

Technology may have failed me, but I didn't. In my heart, I thank God for helping me think on my feet and making the best out of the situation. It was perhaps a blessing that my sup could see that strength in me - to be able to reinvent when option A doesn't work.

It also helped that the night before, a friend of mine told me to just focus on the kids, not the people observing me. Keeping that in mind, I felt less stressed and a greater challenge to reach my teaching objectives, not the distinctions. At the end of the day, it matters not how many As I got, but how many of my students learn.

I had a good chat with my CT too. We discuss about students, how to deal with them and the tonnes of work to be done. My CPA CT was proud of me when I showed him my formal observation form. He was worried for me when I told him what had happened.. "Very good, very good." was what he said. "Eat your lunch already? You want biscuits?"

So nice of them... :)

I left school close to 7pm, only cos the school's attendant kept saying "Teacher, I want to go home..." I got the hint, packed up, told her sorry and thanks in Malay, and left with my laptop. I have two more lesson plans for tomorrow's formal observation - again!!

I am bracing myself for my classes again tomorrow. At the back of my head, I worry too for my godson, Keith. Lee Yee sent me an SMS past midnight saying he's in hospital with a high fever. I hope he's OK now...

Teaching is draining, but the rewards are fulfilling...

And before I get to my lesson plans, I'd like to share with you a thought that came to my mind as I started the day today... "If I have to choose how I'd like my day to be, then I'll choose it to be one where I can touch the lives of as many as I can."

To all of you whom I do not know, and yet have been inspired by my blog, thanks for dropping by... Tips, Maxine, and others.... I hope through what I write, you'll be inspired, and in turn inspire those around you! :) Drop me an email if you wish!

Take care!!

:)

Coincidental?

I really should be doing my lesson plan for the CPA class later today. But I just have to share my excitement with you...!

I started the day early, deep in thoughts. I wondered what the day would bring. I said my little prayer, taking comfort in the silence of the morning. The weekend had been a long one, and I felt the effects of the lack of sleep draining me. In my mind, all I wanted to do was to sleep. Even before classes had begun, I promised myself that I'd be leaving school early today - to get back home to sleep.

As the school gathered for the morning assembly, my mind was once again deep in thought. But it wasn't on what I would accomplish for the day. A teacher started the morning prayer, like they do everyday.

She said, "I'd like to share with you a story." The starfish story was shared with the whole school.

I smiled. Yes, once again, I am reminded - that little by little, I can make a difference. With that in mind, I start my day with a mission again - to throw more starfish in the sea today. Join me in the throw, will you?

:)

The starfish again? And a full Saturday!

I sacrificed my Saturday yesterday in the morning to accompany a bunch of 80 Sec 1 kids to Pasir Ris Beach to pick up litter as part of their CIP - oh yes, now that I'm into teaching, there's all these acronyms we must get so used to!

Anyway, amidst chasing these 12 year olds to pick up litter, telling them not to go too near the water, watching their safety, and reiterating to them that coconut husks and leaves are not litter to be picked, I watched in amusement as I saw the kids excited over the little shells, clams and crabs they stumbled upon. As I was deep in thought, one girl came up to me and asked, "Cher, if I see a starfish, can I throw it back into the sea?"

I smiled at her. "Yes, of course. Throw them back into the sea."

The Starfish Story came back to my mind. I smiled in amazement, and wondered, "Is this a sign or message? Why does the Starfish story keep coming back?"

Whatever it was, that was the highlight of the morning, and although I realised that Sec One kids are no angels to handle, I felt the extra trip down on a Saturday morning was worth the effort!

Another starfish made it to the sea

It made me smile to read one of my student's journals today. She was one of the girls that I had singled out from class yesterday. In her journal entry, she wrote about how she was motivated to work hard this term. She knows it's not going to be easy, but she sees it as a challenge to prepare herself for the O Levels next year. She wrote about how she will persevere to succeed. She also wrote a line of apology to me for being "tardy" with her work previously.

It wasn't so much the line of apology that made me smile, but rather her new sense of conviction and commitment to want to do well for her studies. I guess it hit her when I told her yesterday that she didn't belong in the bottom class, but that she should be at the top class. I told her, "I think you know you can be at the top." Somehow, I sense another starfish being thrown into the sea, and that makes me smile. :)

Today was the first day of my formal observations by my CT. I had my materials prepared since Tuesday, so I wasn't quite nervous. I was actually just excited to screen my little slideshow introduction to the Nuclear Bomb Activity which I did yesterday. I thought of the idea on my way home, and did it in the evening. It came complete with a loud explosive sound at the beginning, followed by the Theme from Mission Impossible as the slides went on auto-mode to set the scenario and assign the task set for the kids. As I saw all 36 pairs of eyes glued to the screen, I knew the additional work was worth it.

But I felt the lesson could have gone on better. My kids still didn't acquire the habit of speaking out loud in class, and the same problematic boys kept making noise even though my CT was there. Besides the frequent nudging to speak louder and stares to get the boys to stop talking, the discussion went on fairly well. But the class came more alive as I encouraged them to counter-argue each other's arguments. They were suddenly an animated lot altogether! I just loved the way they were spouting out argument after argument! And just at the climax of the discussion, I pulled it all together and asked them what they had learnt for the day. "How to argue!" was the reply. I guess they were shocked when I agreed with them – and tied it in with what makes a good argument. As I gave my show and tell of the structure of what makes a good argumentative essay, I was surprised to see all of them attentive and looking at me. For once, I could hear my own solitary voice when I taught. It felt empowering!

I got my book reviews my class owed me and an explanation of why didn't do it yesterday. So, the detention threat and little scolding worked! These kids are really cute. Most of them actually apologised in their little "excuse" letter on why they didn't hand in their work. And when I dropped by their class again after recess, they all "Hi, Ms Chew!" me! I think they're beginning to get the hang of me as their English teacher, and that they know I can play, yet when I mean business, I mean business. They were perhaps amused by the fact that when I announced the results of votes for the Nuclear Bomb Activity, I did it ala survivor-style. "I'm sorry, Mr Seow Lee Der. The group has spoken. You have to leave the shelter."

I saw one of my CPA students in the canteen just as I was about to leave school. He was a wreck of nerves yesterday when the test was administered. He kept saying that he would fail although I could see he was doing pretty well in the practical section of the test. I kept encouraging him and told him he'd pass. His face was downcast when the test ended. He told me he was sure to fail. So earlier today, when I saw him in the staff room, I called him and told him he passed the test. He thought I was lying till I showed him his paper. I smiled as he saw his grades - 41/50. He told me in Mandarin, "the price of my stocks just went up". I urged him on in Mandarin, "Well, you have to keep making it go up. I told you that you could do it!" He smiled at me shyly, and said thanks. As I was walking out of the school, he called to me from where he was sitting in the canteen. He was busily scribbling on a sheet of paper. I asked him what he was doing so late in school. He continued scribbling, and when he was done, he handed me the sheet of paper. On it, he wrote in faint red ink, "Teacher, thank you for helping me. May God bless you."

I guess it wasn't so much of me helping him pass the test, but the confidence I had just given him. In his eyes, I could see a new sense of confidence. For once, perhaps, he probably thought that someone believed in him, and that helped him believe in himself. "Can you help me revise my work?" he asked earnestly. I told him he could come find me if he didn't understand anything taught in class. He smiled. I smiled.

Earlier, my Principal stopped by my desk for a chat. She shared with me the joys and pains of the school. It felt nice sharing stories with her and learning more and more about the school. As I listened, I felt that there's so much to do, in motivating and injecting positivity not only into the students, but also the teachers in the school. All the more, I felt a stronger conviction that I had a mission to accomplish at the school.

I guess my Principal is yet another person throwing starfish into the sea. Once in a while, she gets tired, and stops. I think I will get tired too one day. But knowing that I have others around me who are on this starfish throwing mission, gives me strength to go on - they pick up when I get tired, and I pick up when I've rested enough. I shared with her my Starfish Story. I may have been wrong, but I thought I saw her eyes welling up with tears. She added, "I love to talk to people because I always learn new things from them."

I learned too.

Feeling like a teacher already!

My CT told me I was beginning to get the hang of things. Today, I had a nice chat with her about lessons, about scolding, about being fierce in class, and even threatening with detention! She shared with me about how long her day will be, and how much things more she had to do. Maybe, in a way, she was glad that I was there to provide all the materials for her other Sec 3 class - and to relieve her of one English class, plus all the marking.

Today, I administered the CPA test that I had painstakingly designed for my Normal Tech kids. They said I sounded so serious, it was as if they were in a formal exam. My CT looked through my paper and said it may too tough for them. I told him we had to prepare them for the real thing at the N Levels. It's good to start right now. He agreed with me, and we decided to throw them to the deep end, and see who will sink, and who will float. I'm almost halfway done with the marking already (cos we all have a deadline of submitting in marks for the month by month's end!). I'm glad that most of them are floating! An achievement considering they didn't even bring the textbook home to study! But yet again, my other trainee teacher, Victor, and I reckoned that even if they did, they'd probably not even touch it!

And today, I learnt from my CPA CT, that the autistic guy in my class is also suffering from ADHD! He grabbed my hand today and dragged me to his PC and forced me to teach him how to do his test! Good thing I got some tips from my counselling tutor back at NIE on how to deal with autistic kids.. Now, I've got to ask her how to deal with the same kid that has ADHD as well!

The HOD of PCCG came to my table today and apologised for the short notice, but I may have to accompany the Sec 3s to their 5 day camp at Kota Rainforest the week after. She said the VP chose me of all the NIE trainees. Come Monday, I will know if it's confirmed that I'd be spending one week with some 300 15-year-olds in Malaysia. It'd be a real experience! Am wondering if I'll be allowed to climb up the mountain with the kids... :)

My Sec 3 English class disappointed me this morning. Not only were they not ready for the class, they did not prepare their presentations even after being reminded yesterday. One by one, I questioned those who were not prepared with a whole series of "WHY?" Why didn't you do prepare? Because I didn't get the book. Why didn't you get the book? I didn't know where to get it. Why didn't you know where to get it? Silence. Why are you silent? (Evil...) I felt like I was the wicked witch of Harlem! Anyway, I praised those who prepared, and made the rest who didn't write me two essays - one on the book they were supposed to review, and the other on "Why I didn't do my book review". They are to hand me the essays by tomorrow or all of them will be sent for detention!

After class, I singled out two girls. I spoke to them and told them that I expected more out of them. I told them that I could see so much potential in them in the way they participated in class. But I just could not condone their lack of responsibility in not handing in their work on time. I told them they should not be in the lower end class cos they are capable of greater things.

I don't know if what I said sunk into them, but at least I know I have begun to take the first step to change their mindsets. I want them to know that there is someone out there who believes in their potential, and hopefully, they too will realise the potential in them.

Slowly, I am picking up more starfish and throwing them into the sea. Some may swim back to the shore, but I will turn back and throw them back in again. Tiring as it may be, it is fulfilling to know that I am taking baby steps to making that difference. Like what my mum always says, "Little drops of water make a mighty ocean".

One day, I will get my ocean! :)

Random philosophical thoughts....

I had a thought on my way home today. In my life, I've known friends whose lives seem so similar to mine, it's almost creepy. These friends seem to be the reflection of me, or perhaps, I am the reflection of them. Whatever it is, I wonder why life presents itself as such. Is it a way for me to see who I am in the reflection of others?

Maybe it's true. If the old adage of "Birds of a feather flock together" is true, then it is possible that people who are similar would naturally attract each other. But then I thought of mirrors and parallel lines. One can touch a mirror but one can never touch the image on the other side of the mirror. Parallel lines run along each other, but they never meet.

I asked myself - What does this say about friendships and relationships?

Maybe what it says is that even when two different people are so similar, they are still two different individuals. The real person and his image in the mirror are but two separate entities. So are the set of parallel lines.

It brought me to the puzzling question, that if this premise is accepted, then does it entail that the lines will never meet? That the image and the real object will never touch? Unlike two jigsaw pieces that are so different yet they meet to form a complete whole, the pair of parallel lines don't.

Does this mean that friends who lead similar lives will never come together? I think not. Experience tells me otherwise. My closest friends are those who share how I feel, how I think, how I act. Sometimes, words are not even necessary to convey a message! We speak as though we're connected by some cosmic force.

So, perhaps, friendships and relationships are not really like parallel lines or mirror images. It's perhaps about two lines running along each other, but that will eventually converge no matter what happens - perhaps like a pair of chopsticks? Separate yet similar, and laid down side by side, they work well only when used in unison. They cross and meet when that happens, and part again when the job is done. But no matter what, you won't find them far from each other.

Chopsticks or a pair of parallel lines? Only time will tell...

The Starfish Story

My NIE classmates will probably be most familiar with the Starfish Story. But I'm retelling it here anyway cos today, I experienced the essence of it.

The Starfish Story
There was a man who would take his dog on a walk along the beach before nightfall each day.

One day as he was out, he saw in the distance a figure moving back and forth along the shoreline, almost dancing. He was curious and he walked nearer to get a closer look. As he got nearer, he saw that it was a young man in his late 20's, who was running back and forth from the tide, and it looked like he was tossing something in the water each trip.

When he got up to the young man, he asked him what he was doing. The young man didn't stop what he was doing but as he ran back from the shore he picked up a starfish that was on the sand and said" The sun is setting and the tide is going out, so I am throwing the starfish back into the water. He jogged up to the water and tossed that starfish just past the tide and began his search for another one.

But, son the man said. Look up and down, there are hundreds of miles of shoreline and thousands and thousands of starfish, you can't possible make a difference.

The young man didn't reply and found another and jogged out to the water and tossed it in past the tide and as he jogged back toward the old man. He said, "I made a difference to that one!"

The man just turned around and walked home. That night, those words rang in his ears. He couldn't concentrate or sleep very well. "I made a difference to that one" the young man's voice called out to him.

The next evening as the beautiful sun was setting; off in the distance you could see two dancing figures off in the distance. This time both the young man and old man were running back and forth finding and saving starfish.

The other Starfish Story
It saddened me to step into a class that was not prepared for the task that they had been assigned. As a result, the lesson could not continue as planned. I had exhausted all the questions that I was to ask, and did all I could. The class was non-responsive and presented a "I don't care attitude".

Left with 30 minutes with them, I decided to take things into my own hands and taught out of the curriculum. After making them promise that they'd be prepared for their presentations in the next lesson, I turned onto the topic of responsibility, and eventually, about doing the best they could.

I must have shocked the class as I made them all stand up. They probably expected another punishment or scolding, but I had them raise their right hands as high up as they could. Some reached up high whilst some raised their hands half-heartedly. I asked them, "Can you reach any higher?" Some attempted to reach higher. Some tip-toed. I asked again, "Is that the best you can do?" A girl at the back of the class stood on her chair. The rest of the class looked. I challenged them again, "Can anyone reach higher than that?" A guy climbed onto his desk and reached higher. I challenged them again, "Can anyone else beat that?" The tallest guy in the class stood on his table and reached for the ceiling. The rest of the students wowed at his achievement whilst he smiled in shy pride.

I got them all to sit down again, and asked them if they thought they could get any higher than that. They said yes. They said they'd get to the third floor. Some said they'd get to the roof, whilst others said they'd get on the plane, or even to space. I linked them back to the Values Inculcation Programme in the morning about thinking innovatively and out of the box, to find solutions to their problems. I drew them back to get them thinking that with everything they did, do they ask themselves, "Is this my best? What can I do to reach higher, to do better?"

I asked them about life. I asked them who they were living their life for. Some said parents, some said for food, some said for the sake of living, some said for nothing. But one girl up front whispered, "For myself." I probed. I asked her what she meant by that. She said, "It means living my life to the best I can and doing the best I can."

When I said she was right, the whole class became silent. It seemed as though that thought never occured to them.

As I allowed the last five minutes of the lesson to the class to do what they wished, I spoke to a few students personally. I stopped by the girl who gave the reply. I asked about her school work. She shyly told me that she only passed two subjects last term. I told her that she had a very good outlook to life, and that she should use that to push herself to achieve bigger things. She promised to do her best. She nodded her head with commitment when I told her I'd love to see her do better this term.

After all the things I said to that class of 40 kids, I wouldn't be surprised if they had already forgotten what I had said when I stepped out of the class. But I knew I had touched that one girl, and made a difference in her life.

It got me thinking about the Starfish Story that MOE so proudly used to attract us trainee teachers into the teaching profession. Yes, it'd be a mammoth task to touch the lives of all my students all at once. I look at all my students and I see that there's so much to do, so much potential to tap on, so many lives to touch. But I take comfort in the Starfish Story, and it makes me smile to know that I can touch them slowly, one by one. And that itself is an achievement.

Today, I made a difference to one. Tomorrow, perhaps more.

Survived today!

I started the day feeling nervous. Today was the first day I'd be teaching computer applications to the so called "challenging" class. It didn't help that there would be two other teachers and a fellow trainee teacher sitting in my class to see how I teach. I had taught through my English and CME classes without much problem. I wondered why I was feeling the nerves for the CPA class.

It didn't help that I had a full day. I had a total of 8 periods to cover and a department meeting in the afternoon. Teaching back to back lessons, I only had an hour break in between, which was used to read material which my CT had just churned out for the next CME lesson.. I was to cover the current debate about women not producing enough babies. Amidst reading pages of newspaper clippings, I juggled with filling in the scheme of work, and debating with my other two trainee teachers of what an argumentative essay should be.

I was a wreck of nerves when the bell rang for me to teach my CPA class. Thankfully, all went well, except for the fact that my students were lost at the beginning. I was going too fast. I soon realised I had to repeat steps and speak slowly. I did best when I dealt with the students one to one. One guy told me "I cannot do this." I told him "Of course you can. You're a smart boy! Now, let's go through this slowly." It felt great to see him smile when he finally got the answers to the questions. I hope he felt a sense of achievement.

The CME class that spoke of nothing but sex at the last session didn't quite get over the topic still. It didn't help that the topic was on babies, so I entertained them by asking them how are babies made. I threw them into a debate of whether or not women take the sole responsibility of taking care of children. One guy said men should work, women should stay at home. I wrote the statements big and clear on the board, and challenged their thinking. The girls opposed. I asked them why. They gave a list of reasons. I brought up stereotypes and explained why the goverrnment is encouraging more babies. It felt good to see the this Secondary Four Normal class debating on a topic that was beyond their syllabus.

But what made me smile more was the ability to speak to a few of them personally. I soon learnt their passion for music and the arts. They loved to sing. They asked if I could sing cos they said I had a unique voice in class. They thought I was 22 and was intrigued by the fact that I had worked in a hotel before. They discussed with me their career options and asked why I wanted to teach. "Teaching no good leh. Teacher all very stressed." They were surprised when I told them I came into teaching so that I could inspire young people like them, to maximise their potential. I can't erase the picture of shy grins on their faces as I said that. I think I touched them in some way.

I ended the day feeling drained and tired. The meeting took two hours long as teachers discussed how best to teach English. I got to know the other teachers better, and learnt how they tapped on each other's resources to make work lighter.

I walked out of school in quiet reflection. I survived today. It is perhaps a close reflection of what the real teaching world is. I comforted myself that in contrast to how nervous I felt in the morning, I left school feeling stronger and more confident. As I think about all my students I taught and spoke with today, I feel I have to much more to do to inspire them. It brings me to look forward to seeing them again at school, so that I can reach out more to them. This is what I envisioned before I started teaching, and I am more than happy that it's all becoming real for me.

Feeling the pressure

It finally dawned on me that the holidays have ended. Finally feeling like any other teacher, I am suddenly faced with the harsh reality that come Monday, I have eight periods to cover - all with Normal Tech kids. I will meet my Secondary Four class again, that spoke of nothing but sex in the previous lesson. I'm hoping I can control them better this time.

I have just been told today that I am also to join the English Department's meeting on Monday afternoon. Then comes compiling the whole package and scheme of work for the Secondary Three Express English lessons. Sometimes, I wonder if I can blame myself for being too perfect, too efficient. After long hours of research and hard work to get everything done by today, I realised that my other team-mates have not been doing their part. I tried to hold back my displeasure and kept calm as I requested for them to send me their lesson plans and materials by Monday so that I can compile it all into a CD. Did I ask for such a responsibility? No. Then why am I doing it? Perfectionism.

I am beginning to feel the heat as I sat through today's staff meeting at HIHS. I was in school at 7am to print out notes and worksheets that I had prepared for the upcoming lessons next week. Then it was a solid four and a half hour meeting consisting briefings and sharings by the P, VP and HODs. They spoke about what was coming up, the shifting of the school, the sports day, the harmony day, the school camp, the exams.... As I listened, I found myself fitting more and more into the school's culture. I found myself calling myself a teacher - not just a trainee teacher. In a large way, I was glad I made the effort to speak to the P about a permanent posting prior to the practicum posting. But feeling that I belonged to HIHS also meant that I'd soon be involved in all the activities that was mentioned at the meeting!

After the meeting, I saw myself speaking to two other teachers, running through with them the lessons for the coming week. I'd be doing this and that. I'd be setting this paper and that. I'd be attending this meeting and that. We have no time to talk about Monday's CME lesson, my CT tells me. We'll decide on Monday itself what you will teach. OK, I said. Then I ran through with her the students' work, housekeeping matters, discipline problems and how to deal with students who don't hand in their work.

I sat down finally at my desk, faced my laptop and dabbled with the microLESSON which I had painstakingly designed over the last two days. What was supposed to be an NIE project that used to be done over 8 weeks by 2 or 3 trainees, I did alone in two days.

Tomorrow, I will meet two friends to discuss yet more work outside of my teaching portfolio. Whilst excited about the plans that are brewing, and knowing that I can see myself contributing to make someone's vision real, I must admit that I am also struck by a subtle sense of fear - that I will not be able to cope with all the work that's to come. That the work that I have chosen to undertake may not be as perfect as I'd like it to be.

The fear is real. I can feel it in my bones. After all, I am human. The pressure is building up. I am feeling the heat. Have I bitten off more than I could chew this time?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Lesson plans and afterthoughts...

I think I'm beginning to get good at this. For the whole of today, I plonked myself in front of my PC with jazz music in the background and churned out lesson plans after lesson plans, worksheets, powerpoint slides and activity materials. And in less than 5 hours' time, I will be up and about again, meeting my fellow teachers from HIHS for a staff meeting that will last us from 8.30am to 1pm. Having a low threshold of keeping still in my seat for long, I am praying I do not nod off during the meeting!

In a way, I can't wait for school to start. Yes, I do forsee lots of work from Monday onwards as formal observations begin. I have not really prepared myself to teach the CPA class on Monday as yet. I will do my best, and make the best of the situation! But more so, I look forward to school because I want to reach out to my kids again. I will be returning their journals, and look forward to reading their next journal entries. I only wish I had time to talk to each and every one of them, to infect them with positive energy. It's sad to see these young minds having so much negativity in them! I hope the words I left in their journals will touch them in some way...

I guess the day would have been less eventful if not for Chris, who happened to have taken the day off today. He was a constant companion over the msn, sharing songs with me - thanks, Chris! Yes, now I am addicted to that song, even if it's in Chinese! I will learn to sing it! And thanks too for sharing with me the story on your blog, about 10-year old Hafique. Children more often than not, say the most honest things that hit your heart. I guess the moment you exprienced is just an instance of this. It hit my heart too, and made me realise once again, why I did ever choose to come into teaching of all jobs.

And Pam, thanks for the message on the chatterbox too.. You just made me smile.. Yes, I'll be on the road with the both of you still.. until you both get married! :)

Just as I was about to end the day, I checked my email, and there was an email from T'ern. It read, "Thanks for the inspiring mail. It made my day!". I couldn't help but smile as I read it. I don't know what I did or wrote that warranted the reply, but I am glad that I made his day! At the back of my head, I am thinking about the mystery of inspiration too. I never can tell when or why or what inspires, but when it happens, it's almost magical... and infectious too!

As for now, I'm looking forward to Sunday. I look forward to facing the vast sea, caressed by the ocean breeze, and kissed by the morning sun. I look forward to yet another day of inspiration and creativity as ideas are thrown out, shaped and perfected. I look forward to spending time with two friends who have taught me how to laugh in spite of it all. I look forward.

That's just how I look at life now. I just look forward.

Another late night with friends...

I met up with a bunch of friends last night. We were supposed to get into some night spot with free tickets, but the crowd wasn't quite our type. So we ended up some other place instead, and laughed over corny jokes and an exchange of Hainanese phrases.

As I sat at the table, I realised how small the world was. Our group got together because I was connected with each of them in some way, and they in turn connected with some other people in some other way. There was this guy at the table which was a friend of one of my friends. We spoke and got to know each other better, and it turned out, he knew another friend of mine!

It was great meeting up with a friend of mine whom I've not met since last year. His world has changed since I last met him, and I realised that we haven't been catching up. Perhaps it was too noisy last night to have a decent coversation to know what was happening in his life, although I knew he was in the midst of changing jobs. I could see that he was a changed person, probably because of the friend of mine whom I introduced to since I last met him. I felt happy to see them together, and at the same tme, a feeling of fulfilment crept in me. It was the same feeling I had when I decided to leave NUS. It was a feeling of "I've been here and did what I needed to do. It's time for me to move on."

As I looked at my friend, I understood why we came into each other's lives some six years back. Seeing him and my other friend together, I had a feeling of "Now, it's time for the both of you to move on together in your journey, as I take my gradual leave." Just like I had taken a step to be the side dish of mushy peas for Pris and Roy, I find myself doing the same for these two friends of mine. I almost could hear myself saying like a proud parent, "You're on your own now."

I find myself in this scenario over and over again. I enter someone's life, make a difference, then leave. But as I make my exit, I leave a trail of foot steps, so that even I am not seen, that someone will know I am still there.

It leaves me to wonder about my teaching career. Three years is the timeline I'm given. I feel I am in this line for a reason. I find that as I teach my kids, I am helping them spread their wings to fly. One day, I'd like to see a flock of eagles in the sky, soaring high without fear. Perhaps when that happens, I'd smile to myself, and say it again, "You're on our own now. It is time to take my leave and move on."

I realise that friends come in and out of my life along life's journey. Some stay longer than others, some create bonds stronger and deeper than others. But I treasure every moment I have with each of them, because I know they have come into my life for some reason. And if reason should not show itself to be at that point in time, all I do is to enjoy the moment, do what needs to be done, and live life's journey. I could almost hear someone shout Carpe Diem! at this point in time.

Yes, seize the day!

Envisioning

Someone once told me, "If you want something bad enough, you'd get it. You have to envision it, picture it in your head."

Yesterday, I understood what that meant.

I had set out to jam pack my holidays this week with as many things to do as possible, among which was to do up all the lesson plans for the next few weeks so that when formal observations are scheduled, I wouldn't have to worry so much about them. I knew I'd be busy. I wanted to make full use of my holidays with constructive things to do. I pictured myself busy, but I didn't realise that the week would be filled up with other commitments so fast!

Yesterday, I saw myself back at HIHS at 8.30am. Met up with Jo and Suet Ferng to discuss on the scheme of work for the next six weeks for the Sec 3 Express kids in the school. I had set up an elaborate plan, alternating between the four skills to be taught, intertwining them into a tight schedule, and even incorporating a MicroLesson! And so, when we met, all we did was to split up the work, and within an hour, our meeting was over! Cool! Over the next few days, I'd see myself doing up the MicroLesson, worksheets, games, and yet more lesson plans.

Then, I went on to do marking of my students' journals, newspaper review and corrections for their compositions. Marking the journals was the best. I could read what was going on in my kids' heads. It saddened me to see them give up so easily. One girl gave up her dream of running competitively because she hated the teacher in charge of track and field! For each journal, I wrote in my comments, with words of encouragement, words of kindness, words of care. I hope it'll touch them in some way...

Done with marking, I did yet more research in school for the lessons.. Printed, printed, printed... Spoke with Jennifer Gala from Harvard over the phone, made a breakfast meeting with her on Friday, then packed my laptop home, braved the heavy downpour and was home by 4pm. Had a quick change of clothes as I was partially drenched, and headed for Sheraton Towers for dinner at 5.30pm with two friends from my Raffles Hotel days. One of the guys is the Front Office Manager there now. Had a nice big meal of sliced fish hor fun (which really was chunky fish hor fun!) whilst catching up on the latest news in the hotel industry.

I shared my day with Wendy over the phone. She too was on a high because she found the exact right colour paint she had wanted for her wall in her new home. She had envisioned how the colour should be, and she got it.

Spooky? Not really. It's all in your mind, and how you use it to drive you towards your goal.

The power of envisioning. I have begun to believe in it.

I learn something new each day

I admit it. I am anal. I couldn't live with the fact that the blog looks less than satisfactory. That the music did not come out at all, and that the photos come out as blank squares with little red crosses.

And so, amidst doing my research for my English lessons on harp seals, working on my dream project number two, and filing my notes, I rummaged through the website for blog skins and html codes to understand it all. And there did learning begin.

The new song that I uploaded was a midi file, and according to what I read, web browsers usually have problems reading this file... something along the lines that they are not able to recognise the file type. And so, that explains the silence...

As for the pictures, well, I'll load them up as and when there are new ones.. Think all of you are tired of looking at the same old pictures, ya? Gotta make better use of my digital camera!

And then, I decided to download this new blog skin cos I wanted something new and refreshing. Couldn't change the words that came with it cos it's part of the graphic file, but hey, I like the colours... soothing to the eyes, yah? Had to adjust the rest of the colours of the chatterbox and counter too to match the current colour theme... Learnt something new again!

I realise that the challenge to do websites get bigger with each step I take. The task gets more complicated and I see myself having to learn yet more things. But maybe I had forgotten that if I do take up the challenge, I'd be benefitting more in the end? I'd be learning more, able to do more, manifest my creativity more, and perhaps make real my dream of running a corporate communications company one day? A dream that I had pushed aside since I graduated?

I realise that challenges present itself in many forms each day. What we want to do with these challenges is up to us. But I have learnt to realise that things that really do matter, and things that I must learn in life will present itself to me over and over again, til one day I pluck up the courage to face it. It is only then that I learn and experience the fullness of life.

Each time I am faced with challenges in life, I remember what Pam told me when I was rollerblading with her and Chen Ying months back. I complained that the terrain we were blading on was not smooth. That it was rough, and full of holes. I told her I was sure to fall. But she told me, it's good that it's rough, Deb. Otherwise you'd be going too fast.

She probably didn't realise that what she said taught me something about life. Today,each time I rollerblade, I am reminded that in life, things are never always smooth sailing. I should be thankful of the little pot holes and rough terrain as I travel through the path of life. It is the resistance that the rough terrain offers that I am tested on my strength, my resilence, and my perseverance. Without it, I'd probably would have taken life for granted. It would have been too easy.

These days, when I blade, I head on for the rough terrain. It is a constant reminder to me to be thankful of the challenges that face me. Much as I subscribe to my little philosophy that "It is only in darkness that I will see light", I have also come up with another one "It is through difficulties that I know how strong I am".

Battered, bruised, cut, and hurt. But I am still standing with my head up high, stronger than ever.

No sound, no pictures

I give up. The music and pictures I've put up on my blog keeps disappearing. For some strange reason, they have decided not to cooperate any longer.

And so, in retaliation, I've taken off the pictures - since most of you would have seen them already (or go to my link on photos if you want to see more pictures), and have left the new song on the blog still - just in case the music decides to come on again.

In the meantime, do bear with the silence if you don't hear the music...

It's what we want to see

My new English teacher back in Secondary One had wanted to get to know the class better, and asked us to write about ourselves. Amidst the usual description, I remember writing this about myself. "I have a positive outlook to life. Whilst others choose to see the glass as half empty, I choose to see it as half full."

I lived by that maxim from then on. Over the years, I fluttered through the various stages of life like a happy butterfly despite the dark and down moments. I chose not to look at what I lacked, but be thankful of the little I got.

When I graduated from the University, I continued to be bursting with ideals and dreams. I would be this. I would be that. Nothing was going to stop me. So, I thought.

I felt my wings clipped when I began to work in the rough and tough corporate world. Hated, treated like a maid, and backstabbed by the least expected were some of the things I experienced in less than a year of working. But being resilient, I pushed on. With injured wings, I fluttered from leaf to leaf still, hoping to find my ground. But over the years, it must have been tiring cos I began to look at the glass as half empty instead of half full.

I began to ask myself if I could ever achieve anything. I backed down to asking myself "Why bother?". Three years after graduation, I met up with a university friend of mine. As he spoke to me, he felt frustrated. He asked, "Deb, what happened to you? You were bursting with ideals and energy and with so much life when I last saw you. Now, you're so practical and almost disillusioned!"

I remember feeling disturbed after my meeting with him. What had happened to me? I reasoned it must have been all the things that I had experienced throughout my life - the divorce, the break up, the loans, the debts, the downgrading, the resignation. I found all kinds of reasons to justify my change. I was battered, torn, injured. How could I flutter around anymore?

And so, the butterfly stopped moving. Out of sheer tiredness. she decided to stay on the one leaf she felt so comfortable on. It didn't matter if she would not be experiencing everything else life has to offer. She thought she'd had enough to last her a lifetime.

But it's strange how life evolves. Still staying on my solitary leaf, I looked at others and saw them filling their glasses up. Then my heart tugged and I felt a need to fill up my glass too. How can I make it fuller?

And so came a storm of thoughts and internal conflicts. I had a constant debate going through my mind. It was a struggle for balance between being contented with what I had, or pushing myself to the limits. I settled for the former - still. Until the one day I met another fluttering butterfly, who opened my eyes to a whole new dimension of the world. "There is so much more for me. There is so much more to see", as he puts it.

With much apprehension, I spread out my wings again, and began to take flight. My eyes began to see the myriad of colours in the world. It was a refreshing change from the dark shadows of green I had grown accustomed to on my comfortable leaf.

The change was timely as I embarked on my teaching career. I feel myself fluttering from leaf to leaf as I take on more challenges now. In the process, I have visited other butterflies and spurred them on to take flight too. I tell them of the colourful world I am expriencing now and convince them that they too can have this magical experience.

It is tiring fluttering around all day, but I still feel there's so much more to explore, so many more butterflies to visit. My eyelids are heavy, but people tell me they see a sparkle in my eyes these days. They say I look refreshed. It's ironical. It's amazing.

Now, as I look at my glass, I not only see it as half full, I also see the possibility of filling in the other half. It's a matter of perspective. This is what I have chosen to do. This is what I want to do.

What do you see in your glass today?

My students

After my second lesson teaching the class I have been assigned to teach, I have taken an affinity to my students. No, they are not your darling bunch of students that respond to your every single call, nor do they participate in class. They talk when they're not supposed to, and keep quiet when they're supposed to talk. The limerick activity I had prepared for them didn't go too well with them today. They must have been wondering what I was up to making them read poems about Betty and her butter and some flea and fly in some soup. For a moment in class today, I felt lost. I didn't know what to do to get their attention like the last time I did when I wowed them with pronunciation.

But why do I have this affinity to them then?

I feel happy that despite how much I feel drained each time I step out of their class, I also feel a sense of fulfilment - that I was able to reach out to some of them, bit by bit. Extra time today in class allowed me to give them some pep talk. I pointed out their strengths and commended them for being responsible young adults. They must have been surprised. What in the world is this teacher talking about?! If I could, I would have gone on longer, but the bell rang. After lessons, I went up to the girl that usually sleeps in all lessons for staying awake in my class. She gave me a shy smile. I think she was proud of herself too.

Two guys in one corner were thankful I didn't embarrass them in class by scolding them for plugging in their earphones at when I was speaking. They thought I didn't notice the wires that came out from their bag to their ears. They looked at me as I spoke, acting as though they didn't do anything wrong. All I did was to simply address the whole class while looking at them that I do notice the little wrongs they do in class sometimes. But by me keeping quiet does not mean I condone it. It is because I treat them as young adults capable of knowing right from wrong. Almost immediately, the earphones came off. After class, I went up to the two boys and told them I didn't want to see them repeating that behaviour again. They looked apologetically at me. I hope I got the message across to them.

I'm hoping that as the days pass, I am able to touch the lives of my kids - one by one. After reading their journals, I realise that there is so much angst in them - anger, frustration, hatred and confusion. I don't blame them. It is at this age that they experience change in their lives. I step out of my class each day, and ask myself "What can I do to inspire them? What can I do to make them see the positive side of things?"

These thoughts motivate me, and reinforce my calling to teach. I feel I need to do something to make a difference in their lives. I know I can. I believe I can. And if I ever get discouraged along the way, may I never fail to remember that there is always something to love in every child. There is always something good. I just have to focus on this good, and magnify it a thousand times.

I can't believe I'm saying this - but I'm beginning to love these kids that drain me out every day.

Of teaching and of taking risks

Looks like I'm not the only one whose not in the mood to blog. Addie too.

But it's raining cats and dogs outside and I am stuck here in HIHS looking for a suitable word list of minimal pairs to continue teaching my oral communication lesson tomorrow. Feeling bored, I've decided to blog instead... Didn't manage to do limericks today in class, so I will do so tomorrow. Think I need to handle my time better. Once again today, Deb became a tyrant teacher. Made the class stand while I layed down my rules and expectations. They were in for a rude shock. I could sense them rebelling internally. "Not another scolding-type teacher", I could almost hear them say. The stern face and black shirt worked well. It was all part of my act. I think I should consider drama if I ever leave teaching.

The lesson went on well as I engaged them in how they can improve their communication skills.. I touched on my all time favourite word - "salmon". They were surprised. You mean it's not "sell - mern"?, they quizzed. No - it's "sair - mern". Tomorrow, I hope to get through to a few more students. I managed to work my way through a few problem kids. Hopefully, tomorrow they will continue to give me their cooperation.

At the back of my head, something else haunts me. I try to keep it away as far as possible, promising myself that I will deal with it over the weekend. It gets me down, and I'm hoping it doesn't drain me out. While keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best, I've also said a prayer to give me strength, faith and trust should the worst happen. I don't know what to make out of the situation, and I don't know how it has come to this. Things just evolved so fast, I didn't even realise it has come to this - til reality struck. I think I must overestimated my emotional strength along the way, thinking that I could have endured it all. But alas, time has proven me wrong. I feel defeated, but I will not back down. I gather all the courage that's left, and weakly push forward. It's hard, but at least I know I've tried. I cotinue to look for the silver lining amidst the thick grey clouds. It's difficult, but hanging on to that glimmer of hope gives me comfort, that maybe things are better than I have pictured it to be.

At the end of the day, if nothing else should come out of it, at least I know I have taken a step forward.

Yesterday, I was told, "Risk is essential. There is no growth of inspiration in staying within what is safe and comfortable." (Alex Nobel)

I have chosen to step out of my safe zone. For I know, only when I do so, can I grow.

Missing entry, and my first lessons at HIHS

For some reason, my blog entry for 5 March has strangely disappeared. And being anal like I am, I cannot seem to live with such imperfectionism on my blog. That, and the fact that some pictures are not appearing too makes me cringe again. Arghh!!!

Oh well, the mind has other things to think about. I have begun teaching a little. My first lesson was with a class of Sec 4 Normal Academic class - highly boisterous and disinterested in learning. When I entered the class, the tables weren't even in place! They continued strolling in and out of the class. It didn't help that it was my first time seeing them, without my cooperating teacher (CT). They asked question after question, and finally settled down only when I asked them if they were ready for their lesson.

The lesson didn't progress on too well. The VCD I was to show made the laptop hang. The rain outside drowned the sound. It was obvious the students were not engaged by the video at all. They started chatting amongst themselves right under my nose, oblivious to my presence. But I had my wild card. I paused the video clip. They still didn't notice. I stopped the video. Closed the programme. Did a shut down. The more steps I took with the laptop, the quieter the class became. Finally, I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't say a word. I switched on the lights and asked the AV rep to switch off the LCD projector. Silence. In my heart, I was laughing. My silent treatment worked again.

So, I said. Looks like you don't need to video cos you know all these stuff. Now, tell me - What are the factors you need to consider before marriage? An onslaught of answers came forth. I was glad. I got them interested! The next 40 minutes or so saw me discussing with them issues of what they need to consider before marriage, pre-marital sex, sex, more sex, sex yet again. Yes - I guess that's what all 16-year old boys think about.. Or should I just say all men? :P

I ended off the CME lesson thanking God I wasn't observed for that class. For a small class of 23 students only, that one hour drained me. I lost control of the class once in a while, had to get them back, and lost them again. The last 5 minutes saw them restless and moving about on their own as they realised the discussion ended. Phew! 8 more weeks of them? I'm praying really hard.

The other challenging class that I've been assigned is a Sec 3 Normal Tech class. My P and VP go "Wah - challenging class" when they realised I was teaching them. "But I managed to silence them," I said. They looked surprised. "Good for you!" my VP said. He asked me what I did. I told him about my "silent treatment" wild card. Amazing.. he said. My P said the rest of the teachers should learn from me. I think not... my fellow NIE mates said it's my face. They said I look fierce when I don't smile.. Oh well, nature gave that to me!

Tomorrow will be my first time teaching an English class. Sec 3 Express. My CT have already identified a few problem kids. I hope I can win them over. I'm planning an oral comm class for the next 7 lessons for the rest of the week. It will see them doing sketching, role-playing, doing limericks, and all things to do with talking! I've yet to do up the materials for the lesson!!! Which is why I'm back home now, hopefully being able to do everything by tonight.

The one positive thing I noticed today - to see the smile on a student's face when my CT praised her for a good oral presentation. It got me reflecting - How often do we pick to say what is good, than what is bad? What we say and do impacts our students for the rest of their lives. What then, do we want to say to them?

Where have I been?

Alright - I've been missing since Thursday. I've been neglecting blogging, and I felt guilty. So, in between lessons now in the staff room of HIHS, I'm doing what I have been neglecting to do...

Where have I been? I met up with Pris on Friday evening over chocolate cake and bagel at our usual coffee bean and tea leaf. We must have had loads to catch up on since we last met cos we were there til past midnight! It was great just talking and talking and talking, while Pris teased me on how different I was since our last meeting right at that same place. :) Oh well, I'm glad I've moved on since those times, Pris! I've put that old chapter behind, closed the book, stored it at the archive section in my life, and am now onto a clean page. The story I am writing now is filled with highs and an occasional low. But the fact that I know I am not living in my past and that I am now always looking forward to the sun peeping through the horizon gives me hope in what is to come. Nobody knows for certain if there'll be clear skies ahead. Not me. It's scary with the thought of uncertainty. But I am living for the moment, and enjoying every single minute of it while it lasts.

Saturday saw me out again - to NIE to hand in yet another assignment, then off to Kinokuniya for 3 solid hours as I ploughed through design books for inspiration and ideas.

Went for Mass early on Sunday, but the lack of sleep was getting into me. I met up with Wendy anyway. Followed her down to Swissotel Merchant Court where she was handling an executive programme. It was great meeting up with Ju again, and the banquet staff at the hotel - people I used to work with. I had wanted to stay til the rest of the lecturers from Harvard came, but my eyes decided to have a life of its own. Gravity began to pull the eyelids down... I grabbed a cab, and slept all the way home! The nice taxi driver said he was driving at a "cruising" speed (as he calls it) so that he won't wake me up.. How nice.. I always seem to meet nice cab drivers.. Oh, did I mention it was a Mercedez taxi?

Played around with more design work (I actually miss doing it having not done it for a while!) and tried to prepare for lessons for this week. At the same time, I spoke with wendy over the phone and msned Chris...

Finally went to sleep at 11.30pm, and woke up at 4.30am this morning...

A brand new day. A brand new week. I don't know what's to come, but I look forward to it. Today, I set my mind to look on the positives of each day, because I believe that there is always something good to celebrate everyday. I just have to look harder.

Here's wishing you have a good week ahead too!

Finally! - and a car ride to NIE...

Yes, it's finally over. I've handed in assignment PCE 513 this afternoon after the cross country run at MacRitchie Reservoir. With less than 2 hours' sleep, I resembled very much like China's national animal. But hey, it's over! Tomorrow, I'll hand in the assignme������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������

Race to the finish line

Since yesterday, I've had a bout of verbal diarrhoea. From a blank MS Word document, I have increased the essay portion of Assignment PCE 513 to a 2100 word piece of art, 100 more than I should be writing. I don't really know what I wrote, but I have been criticising the way present and past participles are taught in the textbook.

And now, what's left is the lesson plan which I have yet to draw up. Planning the lesson is easy. Finding the materials to substatiate the lesson plan is another matter altogether. Since 5pm, I have been flipping through the latest copy of 8-days, not looking at the 8 girls left standing vying for the latest bachelor on the block, but at every advertisement there is in the trusty old toilet companion. I don't think I've scrutinized advertisements as closely as I have been, looking at every word to see if I can spot some grammar pattern to teach my students the concept of adjectives - a typical language feature in advertisements.

I am beginning to think teaching English is itself an occupational hazard. I think I speak for my fellow NIE classmates when I say that ever since we started our training in NIE, we've been more sensitive to mispronounced words, grammatical errors, and typo errors. It's almost like getting into a fit as we cringe in embarrassment when we hear someone say or write something wrongly. I can't even stand to see typos on my blog! And I'm thankful for the watchful eyes of my fellow classmates who tell me all the typo errors I've made. And like a typical anal-retentive English teacher, I'd edit and correct those typos immediately!

But enough said. Back to the assignment.

I feel like I'm running a marathon, and I'm approaching the finishing line. I see it, but my legs are tired from the long run. I feel myself being dragged down by the weight of my perfectionism. The last lap is the most exhilarating as I imagine cheers of encouragement from those around me. Yet, it is also the most draining as I anticipate with anxiousness the euphoria of reaching the end. Against the backdrop of a ticking clock, I pull myself away from doing what I like to do best -writing on my blog. :)

Excuse me now while I complete my race.

Assignment PCE 513

I am faced with piles of paper and grammar books, wondering how to do the dreaded PCE 513 assignment. Like may of my NIE classmates, I am absolutely clueless as to what is expected of me in this assignment.... what pedagogical theory are they talking about???!!! Process, Product, Skill... what's the difference? Definitions in the lecture notes don't tell me a single thing! They are as bad as the grammar rules that define grammar! Arghhhh!!!

And so, as I sit in front of my PC for the third consecutive day, I am still faced with a blank MS Word document. Well, almost. At least I had this typed out - "PCE 513 Assignment Part I".

As I shuttle between school and home these days, I wonder why I still have to do this dreaded assignment despite the fact that I'd already be teaching. Why do I need all these theories, and do a critique on the textbook? It doesn't help that my co-operating teacher told me today that she doesn't believe in using the textbook cos it really doesn't teach the students anything! Old news... We all know that.

But what's the use of quoting my CT as part of my essay to substantiate my argument, right? After all, we also need to redesign a lesson plan to teach grammar just cos the textbook doesn't teach anything! And to think our students pay for those textbooks? And those writers get paid? And we're doing all the work? Something's not right somewhere...

Alright. I should stop moaning and get started on something right now. Amidst blogging, msning, smsing, calculating kharma points and talking on the phone, I think I should get something done up by tomorrow... I hope!

Something for teachers

As I was flipping through a book I picked up at HIHS, I came across this prayer that was dedicated to a teacher. I thought I'd share it with all of you who teachers out there. I hope we'll keep this prayer in our hearts as we enter into the real world of teaching, that it will motivate us and keep ourselves in high spirits when the going gets tough...

May we be blessed with the grace, strength and wisdom
To recoginise the differences in everyone
Who come to us for knowledge and guidance
And yet love them as we love ourselves.
May we touch a life in every step we take
And every word we say.
May the world be a more pleasant place for all
Because of our willingness to stretch out our hands
To welcome those who need
Our love, care, concern, empathy, compassion,
Understanding and guidance.