Back!

Hah.. yes, I've not been blogging for a while. For some strange reason, I thought that I'd be more free after the exams, but no! For a few days, I was hardly at my desk... Running around from class to class, doing relief and then invigilating for the O-level practical exam.

So, that got me busy for a while, then it was just meetings and meetings and more meetings!

Yes, I'm finally seated in front of my trusty notebook, trying to recall any significant events...

HIHS had their thanksgiving mass today. I love masses. Somehow, I feel that it's my moment with God. I speak to him, and pretend I'm leaning by his knee, resting my heavy head and pouring out my heavy heart of worries. Sometimes, I feel comfort just knowing he's there.

These few days saw me crying each time I talk to God. Maybe there's just too much in me to pour out. Maybe I've been keeping my thoughts and feelings in me for too long, and now, I'm just pouring it all out. Well, at least I know the big one up there is listening!

Somehow, I am looking forward to the hols. The last day of school on 19 Nov marks a significant day for me where I intend to run away and hide and hibernate. I just feel tired. No, don't get me wrong. I haven't lost the zest for the work I do. I find tremendous fulfilment in teaching my kids, in seeing them laugh, in seeing them achieve. It pains me to see them cry, or get into trouble. I see them as my friends. Friends whose lives I want to nurture and develop into mature thoughtful adults who will be able to contribute to society and for the good of others. I see myself as a beacon of inspiration for them, to show them that they can succeed in life no matter what happens in their lives.

This afternoon, one teacher realised that I came from a single-parent family. Slowly, she realised how I struggled through uni financially. It brought back memories. I'd rather leave it there behind, but somehow, it gets back to me. "It's OK." I said. "Eveything happens for a reason." She agreed.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter what backgrounds we come from, whether we are rich or poor, or whether our families are perfect or not. What matters is that we are unique individuals that have our talents and gifts. It is really up to us to make use of our talents to drive us to high levels of achievement. It is up to us to decide if we want to take things in our stride, or make that difference. I decided the day my dad walked out on us that I wanted to make that difference - and I did it.

I remember in sociology class, I read about how divorce and deaths can affect children negatively. Sociologist found a clear link bewteen children from divorce families and delinquency. But yet, they also found another group of children they termed as superteens. This group, as obsorved, seem to display exceedingly postive habits, and even excel beyond normal standards despite the trauma in the family.

When I read that, I made up my mind - I want to be a superteen. And I worked towards that.

Think about it - when was the last time you said you wanted to be something, do something, be someone, and did something about it? It's called challenging yourself.

I've been challenging myself in more ways than one thought possible, even right now. It's not easy, but I know I'm learning.

Learning. It's not all about books, sometimes...

Marking Done..

Finally, markings done and scores tabulated. Along the way, I've learnt how to key in formulas on Excel sheets so that it automatically converts the scores into grades, and then another formula that tabulates the grades to churn out what we call MSG - no, it's nothing to do with the seasoning you put in your food. It's kinda like the average score of grades for the whole class... Yes, enlightenment...

I was busy prancing around from place to place helping teachers keying in the formula. I seemed like a guru for a moment.. Ha.

I've fulfilled my teaching objective for today. To mark one pile of journals. I could have done more if i didn't need to help with the formulas, but hey, as long as I can, why not? Tomorrow, I will continue with the next pile of journals. Then it's filing cos all the papers are all on my desks unfiled.
____________________

Babies...
Yes, two of my closest friends are pregnant. And they are both due next June! I will have my hands full as Godma again... But I'm so happy for them! :) I think my mum will have a nice time playing with two babies at the same time too

:)

Marking Humour

I really shouldn't be doing this, but I can't help it. Like Addie, I have begun to find humour in my students' work while marking their compositions... No names shall be mentioned here, but my Sec 2s - if you're guilty of it, you know it's you! :)

On writing about a traffic accident:

1. The police have classified the case as murdering. Fortunately, the boy did not die.
2. It was a fatal accident. The boy was sent to the hospital with only minor injuries.
3. Yesterday, Dennis Tan had a car crush.

On writing about "Students should never work part-time"

1. A student's role is to study. An adult's role is to work and raise a family.
2. Students will learn the value of money. They will save and be more spendthrift.

That being said, there were some words of wisdom...

"If you find yourself working so hard til you drop just to earn as much money as possible, then there is something wrong."

"If students work part-time, they will not have enough time to do their homework or spend time with their family."

It's things like these that keep you going through two hundred over scripts to mark...

:)

Time Fulfilled

Yesterday was a fulfilling day. Somehow, I like my day packed. It's like maximising the limited time I have. Taking stock...

1. 7am - checked emails, got things printed out, replied to email
2. 7.40am - had a good long conversation with a friend on the phone. Managed to get lots of things sorted out.
3. 8.30am - started marking the comprehension exam scripts I took over from a fellow teacher.
4. 8.40am - invigilated a Literature paper for an hour
5. 10.30am - scooted off early from school to get to the polyclinic cos the congestion in the chest still didn't go away.
6. 11.15am - continued marking while waiting an hour plus for the doctor - managed to clear the cloze passage and half of the compre questions from the first passage.
7. 12.45pm - doc told me I was stressed and told me to rest, do light exercise (read walk... am I getting old or what!!?)
8. 1.00pm - took a bus and MRT to HarbourFront. Silly me missed the Outram stop to change to the NEL. Had to take the train back from Redhill.
9. 2.20pm - plonked myself at Starbucks for three good hours with a grande cup of hot cocoa and chocolate biscotti to finish up the rest of the marking.
10. 5.10pm - finished all the marking... all 40 scripts, with marks all tabulated!
11. 5.25pm - replied an SMS to a friend and decided to treat myself with window shopping... OK, shopping. I got myself a good bargain at Fila.
12. 6.30pm - went swimming for an hour... after all, the doctor did say I needed light exercise, right?
13. 8.00pm - met a friend for dinner followed by a discussion of sorts
14. 9.40pm - made my way back home.. well, did a little detour so ended up home later than I should! :)
15. 11.00pm - home. Plugged in my laptop, checked more emails, did some work.
16. 11.30pm - called a close friend, and had a good conversation with her til...
17. 1.30am - sleep!

The morning began again today at 5am. I'm feeling happy. I have a mission today. I must finish one stack of marking. Tomorrow, I have another. I want to be red-pen free by Thursday!

:)

It's things like these...

I was marking the end of year exam scripts for the Sec ones, and it so happened I was allocated to mark a question "The Nicest Person I Know". This is what one of my students wrote...

Among all the people I know, there is a person who I have a deep impression, is Miss Chew, our English teacher. She was a new teacher to us since the last few months.

On the first day when she stepped into our class, she would have the first impression of us which is 'noisy', as we were totally noisy. We were very happy when we saw her. We knew that we could make a lot of noise in her lesson but we are wrong. She asked us to get back to our own place and she introduced her to us and told us what she will do with us every lessons until we had our End of Year Examinatio. Next, she asked us to form our own groups and began to start her lessons. Her lessons are interesting.

The impression I had of her is that she is a caring, kind, friendly and patient teacher. She cares for us fairly like the way she treats her family. She was kind to us too. She was a friendly teacher who will make friends with you in order not to let us be scared of her. She was patuent in teaching those who are weak in the subject. She willf ind some time to teach us after school, going through those things we had made mistakes.

She has totally changed my life. I was poor in my English and do not have any passion in it and now I started to have interest in it. She always tells us that nothing is impossible and telling us not to give up. She had passed her knowledge of English to us and I will promise her to be a teacher when I grow up to pass my knowledge to others like what she did. She was the nicest person I ever knew.

Forgive her for the grammatical errors. When I read the essay, I was lost for words. I didn't know how to give her a grade. To me, it wasn't just any other exam script. It was like a confession in all earnestness. I put down a grade, but will make a fellow teacher moderate the marks in all fairness.

But that aside, I was touched. It brings to mind the starfish story which now almost everyone associates me with. I have tried throwing many starfishes back into the sea, and reading this piece of writing made me realise that though I do not know how many others I have made a difference to, I know I had made a difference to this one.

Another of my Sec 1 kids wrote in a letter as part of a writing practice I had assigned him in remedial class that he was motivated to learn English because of my sincerity to want to help him improve.

Yet another told me that day that he has started to read the newspapers and is beginning to enjoy doing so ever since I started encouraging them to read the newspapers. He told me, "Miss Chew, I learn one new word a day, and I use it." "Good for you," I said. To think he was once a problematic kid in my class.

It's things like these that make my heart warm, that make me feel that this road I chose to walk is all worth it. It makes all the late nights with red pen in hand all worthwhile.

It pains my heart to see my kids try so hard yet they fail to make the grade. Not counting the scores as yet, I am crossing my fingers that they will make it through, especially those that had a change of heart.

Back to more marking. I have just inherited one more pile of marking to lessen another teacher's workload. I volunteered for that, with a smile. Somehow, it just felt right doing it.

:)

Dance Classes

My Sec 2 kids asked me where they can take up dance classes. Apparently, they didn't get into the interest elective programme of their choice.

Fret not my dears. Surf on down to the UAN website at www.uanworld.com Look under What's On > TNS Schedule. There are many dance classes offered by The Next Stage. Whilst there, maybe you'd like to pick up other classes too? Call Paige or Jiahui at 6735 5752 to book for your classes. They're very nice people.

But do remember to study for your exams, ok?

All the best!!!

:)

Busy week

It sure has been a busy week. So much so that I hadn't realise that I haven't been blogging for a while. For those of you who have been faithfully reading my blog, my deepest apologies.

For one, I have been busy preparing my kids for the end of year English exams. That meant extra remedial, extra marking, extra worksheets and notes. I had to make sure that my Sec 2 kids wouldn't fail their English, especially since this is their streaming year. Failing would mean they would be transferred to the Normal Acad stream. None of them want that. Neither do I.

I cannot deny the fact that the paper I had set was a killer paper. But it was good training for them. It was a paper that distinguised between those who are weaker at the language, and those who are better.

I have begun to mark a few scripts and though I am disheartened by the amount of crosses and red marks on the papers, I have a strong feeling they'll pull through somehow.

To my Sec Two kids, don't worry too much about the paper, okay? Concentrate on your other subjects now, and make sure you score for these!

I'd be tied up most of this week invigilating and doing up some report for some SEM workshop this Saturday. At the back of my head, I'm wondering how I'm going to get all those piles of marking done with me being away at the exam hall almost the whole day (and afternoon too, mind you!).

Alright - the truth sets in. I have to go back to my marking now... Tomorrow, I'd be meeting up with Pris and Lee Yee to celebrate their birthdays with them at Gelare... yes, it's Tuesday.. Half priced waffles and ice-cream!!! Yum.... :)

Starfish marking now...

Of Weddings and Marriages

Yesterday, I attended a wedding dinner of one of my JC mates. It was also a reunion of friends made some 12 years ago. We pride ourselves that after all these years, we still keep in touch, and attend each other's weddings.

As I sat down with my six other friends, five of whom are guys, one by one, they revealed when they are going to get married. Come Decemeber, come February, come July, come September - they will all get married. And wasn't it just in the afternoon that I was telling another of my friends that I've got too many friends getting married. Prophesy?

The guys have finally grown up. They look more mature and stable now. Even Raymond looks more grounded - or was he just hung over after the drinks he had the previous night? Raymond and I were the only ones on the table who do not have marriage plans laid out on the table as yet. Steve asked about Max, who couldn't make it cos he was marking. I said I almost lost touch with him. Steve asked why I wasn't hooked up with him since both of us are so close. I had half the heart to tell him that it wasn't so much me, but him. But I decided to keep mum instead. "He isn't ready to commit yet," I said.

Raymond is still looking for that perfect girl for him. I don't blame him. He grew up in a family where a role model never quite existed. As I looked at him, I felt a certain sense of pride that he still managed to hold his ground after all that's happening at home.

I had a good conversation with Adrian after all those years. I never was quite able to have a decent conversation with him face to face after we broke up. But yesterday, I did. I held my ground, and for some reason, the confidence I gained exuded through me. I felt the change in me. And I think that is good. As I stepped out of his car (he gave Wendy and I a lift home), I told him to send my regards to his parents.

I'm glad all my JC mates are all doing fine.

As for me, I felt a change in me as for once, I didn't feel a tinge of pain in my heart nor a longing of wanting to be wedded at a wedding. Have I begun to feel heartless? Or have I changed my perspective of things? Perhaps too much is on my plate right now for me to even want to think about yet another commitment? I mean, isn't teaching already one big commitment? I've got so many kids I'm answerable for!

As for now, all I'm focusing on is to prepare my students for the exams this Friday. I'm not quite pleased that I'd be losing two periods of Enlish with my Sec Two kids cos the VP wants to talk to them tomorrow.

Now, all I want to do is to finish up all the marking before new piles come in on Friday after the exams. This weekend will be burnt with piles of marking to do.... And I don't look forward to that!

:)

Getting it done!

Women's Fitness magazine sends me an email once in a while, featuring their latest articles. I especially like the part where they share motivational words. Here's one I'd like to share with all of you who have been working your hearts out just to see your dreams fulfilled one way or another. It's good to see you all putting in so much effort. I think you're doing well - keep up the fantastic work! :)

Here's the verse from Women's Fitness.....

Get it Done!

You have a choice. You can either get things done or let things happen. Letting things happen is easy. It requires no effort on your part. The problem is, when you just let things happen they will almost never be to your liking.

The other choice is to get things done. That requires your active involvement. It takes effort, as well as focus, commitment, discipline and persistence. Those things sound difficult, and they are. Yet just because they're difficult, doesn't mean they're to be avoided.

When you do what it takes to get things done, you'll get the results you want. The only way you can get what you want out of life, is to put in what you have. And that is done through your own efforts and actions.

Sure, you can take your chances and just let things happen. You might even get lucky, though few do. Or, you can step forward, put all you have into every day, and get things done. That is the only reliable way to build the life you desire.

:)

Yes, it's all worth it.

I was beginning to question if I was in teaching for the right reasons. For some reason, I feel that I've not been giving as much as I should to all the kids I teach. But yet again, I am reminded that I cannot always expect that I can do so all at once.

I am reminded of the the starfish story again as it was read out during the values inculcation programme. Yes, all it takes is for me to make a difference to one, one at a time. Slowly, I'd get them all back to sea.

Remedial class was fulfilling as I read the informal letters I got my kids to write as homework. As I sat down with them one to one, and read through their letter, I was touched that they wrote about how thankful they were that I was giving them the extra lessons at least twice a week for about an hour an a half each. That's like giving free tuition if you like.

I came back to the staff room to continue with marking, trying to rush through another stack of marking to return to the kids their work before their exams next week. My chest feels congested. I feel myself coming down with a bad case of respiratory virus, but I let my mind rule over my head for the moment. I just try to keep warm and drink warm water in the meantime, hoping the virus will pass me by eventually.

Only my co-teacher knew that I headed for the staff room early this morning in the midst of assembly because I was short of breath all of a sudden. I thought I was coming down with an asthma attack! Warm water and a rest on my chair did me good for me to last til now.

The icing on top of the cake came when my co-teacher came by my desk after a long CME meeting to tell me that they are planning for a series of talks on dysfunctional families - to share with students that although your family may have lots of problems, you still can get on with life. She pulled herself together as she told me that she told the P that she'd be glad to share about what she's going through now. I told her I'd be glad to share my story too. She'll give the parent's perspective, and I'll give the child's perspective.

I couldn't help but smile as we discussed about how we could go about doing it. Suddenly, I feel things are all falling into place. One big reason I came into teaching was to be able to share my story one day to teenagers from troubled homes, to show them that they can succeed in life, and do well, only if they change their mindset and perception of things. I wanted to show them that I do not need to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth to be able to do well. I wanted to show them that they too can be like me, or even better. I knew for what I've gone through, there is a greater reason than just building my character. And that is one reason why I've never lived my life with regrets.

Now, I am beginning to see it all as I had envisioned. The power of envisioning.

No matter what you've chosen to do, no matter what you're going through, some things don't make sense sometimes. But one day, when you see it all in a big picture, you'd realise that it was all worth it.

Hang in there, come what may.

As my co-teacher left for the day, she looked back and said to me, "Yes, it's worth it. It's all worth it."

Yes, it is.

Exams!

I'm beginning to feel what every parent feel when exams are near. Over the weekend, I was suddenly struck with a panic attack, wondering what I can do and how best to make my students improve on their English within two weeks. Suddenly, the clock seem to be ticking louder than usual!

It's 1.15am in the wee hours of the morning, and though I must be up again for school in less than 4 hours, I'm wide awake. I have just finished typing out notes for my kids on composition and comprehension skills. I hope that these will help them deal with the questions. I cannot but emphasise the importance of reading.

I think kids have it better these days as skills are explicitly taught to them on how to deal with the comprehension and composition exams. During my time, all the teacher did was to give us topics to practise on, and that was all we did. I never did understand how to tackle a comprehension passage until I entered NIE. Yes, I went through the compre section of the GP paper quite blindly. There wasn't much thought involved, simply because nobody taught us how to deal with the questions or what to look out for. Now I know better!

My drama kids asked me why I didn't teach Literature. Frankly, I'd love to. I guess I never did quite appreciate Lit until JC when I was doing Practical Criticism. Now, that's what I call a paper that encourages critical thinking. Until today, I find that every person I know who has done PC has the ability to think critically and are mostly creative. Now, that is what I call real education.

As I journey on my teaching career, I begin to wonder if we can really do away with formal curriculum, and exams. I am beginning to think if I should shout for a revolution and create an alternative form of education? I am beginning to think I am surely a non-conformist in the civil service. Now, is that a paradox or what?

Just a thought to ponder on before I hit the sack. It's about time. I need to be up at 5am. Good nite!

:)

Invigilating

Yesterday afternoon, I was told that I'd be invigilating today. Once again, I will miss teaching my kids.

As I sat in the cold computer lab this morning from 7.30am to 11.30am, I began to miss teaching my kids, especially my Sec 2 kids. Though I was in the lab, my mind was thinking about them, wondering if they were doing what I had set them out to do - an exercise on Newspaper Report writing. It's going to come out for the exams so I hope they will learn it well and get the hang of things.

Time seems to fly this semester and I hope they feel the same urgency as I do that there is not much time left to study. Half of me just want to drill them on comprehension and composition work, but looking at the piling piles of marking to do, I have second thoughts. I wonder if there can be a better way to do this.

The countdown begins. Come 1 October, they will sit for their English paper. For me, it's a countdown too. I'm counting down til the holidays where I can rejuvenate and recharge so that I will be more ready for next year. I wonder which classes I'd be allocated then....

As for now, I will just return to my marking. There's too much to be done in too little time. Later on, I'm giving my Sec 1 kids remedial...

Apart from teaching, I'm glad that I was able to speak to a fellow teacher yesterday. It was by chance that we engaged in a conversation that saw me getting know more about him. Well, you know who you are (if you are ever reading this), we all go through our own journeys in life. Some get it harder than others. But it's a path we all must take to mould us and make us a better person, the person we ought to be. I have learnt that there are no failures in life, just lessons to be learnt. And lessons are brought to you in life through various modes and medium over and over again until you finally learn it.

It takes time, but one day, I know you would have learnt the lesson of learning to let go, learning to forgive, and learning to accept yourself the way you are. Don't be so hard on yourself because I know you have been blessed with talents that not many take note of. When times bring you down, look at your little gifts and talents, and celebrate your achievements in them. You'd get by. You're not the worse. Nobody is.

As for my other friend who dropped me an email - yes, I look forward to the day when I'll see you all grown up, confident, professional and standing tall with pride, leading in whatever you do. Cast aside your feelings of inferiority and know that you can be who you want to be. Remember, you're not struggling - you're pushing hard towards your goal! :)

Thanks again, Uncle J for your perspective of things. I never did realise the real essence of giving until you pointed it out. Yes, giving is giving and not expecting anything in return.

How many of us can truly say we give?

Crying..

I've been crying quite a bit lately. I don't think it's PMS, nor is it depression. It's just me being in touch with my heart.

Just yesterday, I fought back my tears as I heard a fellow teacher of mine air her views about how youngsters these days take things for granted. About how they don't have the drive to work like the people of their age. About how because parents now provide for everything, the young these days don't see any need to want to study hard so that they can do well in society and earn their keeps in the future. She sounded exasperated as she aired her views, citing examples from her children, then looking at me, she said that it's because of young people like me who have everything in life that take things for granted that there is a lack of drive to want to work hard.

I kept quiet and controlled myself as I tried not to let the rest in the group see the tears that were welling up in my eyes. I wasn't as much angry with her for generalizing, but the memories of old flooded my mind, and suddenly, I fely overwhelmed by the emotions that flowed through. It was a good thing that two other fellow teachers whom I am close to knew my past, and about what I have been through. One of them spoke.. "No, Deb, why don't you tell all of us what you've been through... You're different."

I tried hard not to let my voice quiver as I put it across as succinctly as possible. "I worked and studied at the same time. I paid my way through education. I paid my family's debts." There you have it.

A little voice in me cried victory as I saw her face change from one of arrogance to one of apology. She didn't apologize, but neither was I expecting one. I made my point.

The incident made me reflect on how often we generalise people based on what little facts we have. We assume that everyone's the same. We presume that all naughty kids are bad. We think they will fail in society if they don't do well in their studies. The very same teacher complained about how her children did not do well in school, and how she told them that with their results they will never make it to society. I aired my views. In not so many words, I questioned - why do you judge your kids based on your own yardstick? Why can't you accept your children for who they are, regardless of their results? Support them, nudge them, but don't enforce on them your expectations. Think with them - where can we go from here and guide them to THEIR goals, not yours.

It's very much the same with teaching. Sometimes, we tend to forget that we are teaching individuals. Individuals that happen to be in a class. Individuals that have their own goals, and dreams. Their own gifts and talents. Their own problems and tears. It takes time, and a whole lot of effort to cater to each of these needs. But shouldn't we? Why cut out a kid and label him as stupid just cos he can't make the grade? Why don't we seek to see the other talents the child has? And nuture this talent?

Surely, in Singapore, it's a paper chase world. Qualifications matter. But I believe if you find your passion, and put your heart and soul to it, it doesn't matter if you have a doctorate or not, you'd be an ace at it. Think about it....

Just at church just now, I teared again. This time, it was for a different issue. Mass had ended and Fr Bruno said that his bishop in France told him that before he sleeps each night, to thank God for three things for that day. He asked us to thank God for three things. It brought me to tears as I realised how much God has blessed me. Three wasn't enough. He has given me so much. Suddenly, I felt unworthy of his great love for me. Still, I thanked him...

1. Thank you, God, for my family. For helping us stay together despite the odds.

2. Thank you, Lord, for my friends. For always being there for me, my inspiration, my pillars of strength, and my guiding light.

3. Thank you, Lord, for the love you have shown me. In all the manifestations of all I have been bestowed with, I cannot quanitfy the wonders of your gifts.

I ended my prayer by asking God for wisdom to know how to lead the flock he has given me, and for me to be his guiding light. In the silence of my heart, I offered up a few treasured friends in prayer, that God will bless them too with his strength and love.

Today, start counting your blessings, and be thankful for them.

Back to School

Tomorrow, it's back to school. The one-week break has ended, and like Cinderella, I feel like the fairy tale is over. Pass over the glass slippers and the pumkin chariot. It's back to bare feet and taking of the trusty old SBS bus? Whatever...

In a way, I feel that the hols were too short. For one, I felt cheated of it cos I spent most of it back at school either for some meeting or marking, not to mention more marking back home. Don't get me wrong. I still do enjoy teaching. It's just that sometimes, I feel that I need a break - a well-deserved break.

Well, as a consolation, the coming term will be really short. Two weeks, and it's the school end-of-year exams. There's not much rocket-science lesson plans that I have to think about. It's basically revision for the kids. Revision, and more revision. Which means marking, and more marking!!

Thanks Uncle J for your advice again. (Kids - notice: Advice is a noun, spelt with a "c". Advise is a verb, spelt with an "s") As always, I can count on you to give me another perspective of things. And I appreciate that in every way, really... :)

Watched Man on Fire on Friday night. Cool show! You can never go wrong with a Denzel Washington show. Gory, full of blood, disturbing but true. It grapples with morals - are the acts of revenge right or wrong? It's been a while since I caught a good show like this one. Certainly was a treat for myself over the hols... :)

Now, it's back to reality (ie marking). Is there a better way to do this?

Oh, just found out from a friend that she chanced upon my blog and liked it so much she read even all the archives! Well, welcome to my world, my friend... now you know part of my history!

Fatigue and sleep debt

I am supposed to be invigilating now as I am typing out this blog. But I'm at home resting after the doctor slapped me with a two-day MC to rest at home to sleep. She says it's an occupational hazard for teachers not to get enough sleep, and the aching shoulders I have is a result of bending too much to mark. She packed me off with vitamin B and muscle relaxers and told me to get sleep. She says 6 hours is not enough. I didn't tell her I was having less than that sometimes! 6 hours of sleep these days is like a luxury to me!

Yes, yes, I can almost imagine Uncle Joel wagging his finger at me right now all the way in Paris (Pah-reeee!) saying, "I told you so..." :)

Still, like a typical teacher, I dragged myself to Popular book shop to browse at assessment books for the kids I'd be giving remedial to. I just want to drill them on very basic grammar. It's funny how my Sec 1 kids all want to come for remedial.. I thought it'd be a chore to them... Guess times have really changed.

Tomorrow, I'd be sitting down with two groups of teachers - one to discuss the EOY comprehension paper, and the other to brainstorm on ideas to plan a 5-day work week. I guess with me having so little sleep, I'm certainly one of those who will be looking forward to that!

Marking - I went to Popular to replenish stocks of red-inked pen... Tomorrow onwards, I'd be "mega-marking"!

OK - my Sec 1 & 2 kids who are reading my blog... no, I will not be giving tips nor answers. You'd have to learn. Learn to study smart. Learn to anticipate what you think is important. Learn to observe. Observe what the teacher is teaching. Learn to focus. Learn to prioritise.

Education is not just about getting the correct answers. It's about a process of learning, bringing you from a state of not knowing, to a state of knowing. Knowledge makes you richer as a person as you have more things to talk about with in your interactions with others in the future. Education is about learning to pick yourself up when you fail, and learn to road to success. It's about learning to live and adapt to the contrains of society. It's about being flexible. It's about being creative.

So, although your exams is a guage of your learning process, I'd like you to focus on what you are doing - are you doing it right? Ask yourself - Have I planned my goals? Have I been focused and disciplined? Have I done all it takes to learn? Do reflections - What can I do better? Am I studying effectively? Is there a better way to present my notes for learning? What about distractions? Have I put them aside for the time being? Have I learnt to prioritise what's important now?

Ask yourself these questions, and you'd realise that when you've found the answers, and plan to take action, carry out the action, and find yourself succeeding, then learning will just come naturally. It doesn't matter what subject you've aced in - you'd have learnt what education means.

:)

My dear NIE mates - Addie, me, Chen Ying and Pam.

Teacher's Day

The teacher's day celebration went well... Yes, my first ever teacher's day! I was touched by my kids that wrote me nice cards (thanks, Rebecca! I was really touched by your note... and Desiree too... love the starfish!)... And Wanping and Limin.. love the pink star pillow.. Huimin - thanks for the door sign.. It's hanging on my room door now! And Justin, Sebastian, Maryse, Rachel and Joanna... You just made me a few kilos heavier with those cookies and chocolates! Thanks, guys... And Phyllis - love the cute teddy bear that's sitting on my desk... And all of you who sent me your wishes and other gifts... thank you so much! :) Oh, and my Sec 2 class - yes, I read the note on the wall at the cafe space.. so sweet of you.. really appreciate all your nice words!

And though I still had to finish marking so I could key in all the test marks, and then make my way all the way down to NIE just to return my convo gown, I felt it was a fruitful day. I visited four of my NIE lecturers - Raymond, Alex, Rebecca and Anthony Seow. Managed to speak briefly with Raymond and Alex. Had a good chat with Anthony Seow, but didn't manage to meet Rebecca. She sent me an email though, thanking me for the chocolates I left at her door. :) Yes, my mentor and inspiration... I want to be a teacher like her.

Rebecca taught me my counselling module. She got me so interested in it, I was reading up books on my own just to find out more! Of course, it helped that I scored a distinction for her paper, so I love the module even more! Ha!

Yesterday ended with a sumtuous dinner with teacher uncle, teacher brother, mum, aunt, grand-aunt and grand-uncle at Fish & Co. Yummy, but I think it set me back some mega more calories which I figured needed burning.. Burn I did this morning with a good swim, and just, an evening jog with Wendy. Happy...

I'm glad I refused to pull myself to work today, and decided to spend time doing my stuff. I think I was quite productive, but I wished I could have done more. Met up with Lee Yee too, and got myself another insurance policy through her. Don't ask me what I bought! I just signed and signed... She knows everything so I left it to her to plan everything... All I know is that I'd have less to spend from now on! Bring on the bonus my dear government!! I so need it!!

Oh yes, I've posted a convocation picture of Addie, Chen Ying, Pam and I on the blog... I wonder how we'd look like some 5 years later... I think I looked quite OK in the picture, considering I had not slept the whole night!

Yes, I can't wait for the hols to start, although I've got a whole day on Saturday in school - how to rest? how to have 5-day work week? a real challenge, really...

Checking out to dreamland now....

Chronic Fatigue Sydrome

I must say I'm proud of myself for accomlishing much over the weekend. I finished marking four piles of comprehension, compositions, summary passages, a cloze passage, AND even set a full comprehension test paper for the Sec 2s. I even keyed in the marks in my Excel sheet so it'd be easier to compile it all.

Tomorrow's a half day for us, which is good cos I think I need a break. As I rush through yet four more piles of books to mark, I think I'm suffering from either the after effects of not sleeping much, or from chronic fatigue syndrome. I do not understand why I feel sleepy ever so often these days, so much so all I want to do is sleep... Struggling to keep my eyes open now...

Back to marking... I look forward to the hols somehow...

:)

School life...

I must say I enjoyed leading the prayers in the morning this week. It was a little nerve-wrecking initially, but come Friday, I felt like a pro already. Of course, each time before I started the prayer, I asked God to let his words flow through me. And many teachers have come up to me to say they like my prayers, they like my voice... they said it's very clear.. said I should be the announcer for the next sport's day! Two students came up to me today to tell me they like my voice over the mike cos I sound very sweet and have a sweet face to match too... Aww.. thanks... *blush*

Back to reality, I have about six piles of scripts to mark by tomorrow cos I've got to get the test marks out by today (yes, I'm late!). I should be at the teacher's day dinner now, but I'm not feeling too good - gastric again. Mum's not too well too, so that's two unwell people at home...

Apart from that, school has brought me more excitement as I begin to get my Sec 2 kids better. It reminds me of my days back in school eons ago. Yes, the troubles teens face these days are very much the same as the ones I faced back then. BGR and friendship problems rule. I remember, it seemed like the world was crashing down on me, suffering one unrequitted crush after another. But the world went on, as other problems in life surfaced.

Now, a new set of problems face me as I feel the burden of teaching getting heavier and heavier. Sometimes, I'm just afraid I don't know when to draw the line to say no cos I know myself - there's no limit to my giving.

In a way, I'm glad that Teacher's Day's next week - that's practically two days of no lesson, which in turn isn't all that good cos I'm losing lots of lessons, and I've got to think of ways to make up for the lessons without getting my students to stay back. Anyhow, I'm glad that next term's lesson plans are pretty simple - just drilling the kids with comprehension and composition til they get it right.

Which brings me to a reflection of the PM's ND Rally speech - We should learn to teach our students less so that they will learn more. A powerful line which means lots of things - should we as teachers teach less to allow students to explore more? Or is it a case of less content knowledge at the end of the day?

Sometimes, I just wish schools could do away with formal exams. I showed my Sec 1 kids the musical Annie today. I've never seen a bunch of kids so attentive before as Annie belted out her songs in the orphanage. As I ended the lesson, the kids begged me to let them see the whole show, while some girls decided to make up their own songs as if they were acting in a musical. When I walked back to class, I was wondering - if only they had a subject like film criticism.

My Sec 3 Hope class I taught during practicum invited me for their class BBQ. The invitation came complete with a nicely printed invitation card (although with grammatical errors) and even a map! The name card of the liaison person was clipped onto the map, and the kid that used to sleep at the corner of the lab was bursting with enthusiasm as he told me that transport has also been arranged to the chalet! He had it all planned.

I was impressed. And it got me thinking... if only there was a subject on event management, this guy will get an A! I mean, if you think about it, if I throw him out into the world right now, he'll definitely do well! Now, what are we training our kids for? For the real world? Or the academic world?

All these things make me wonder if there can be an alternative form of education. A strong conviction in me believes that there is more to life than books. Ironical, ain't it, coming from a teacher?

I guess that's why, at the end of the day, I believe that every student has his or her potential one way or another. Instead of moulding them into fixed rigid moulds of the current system, why can't we mould them to what they should be - unique individuals to blossom they way they should?

There I go being philosophical again...

Oh well, I shall leave you with Tuesday's prayer as I return to my piles of marking. I AM ambitious to want to complete it all by tonight with this aching stomach, but I shall give it my best shot!

Here's Tuesday's prayer...

Yesterday, we learnt about GRATITUDE, about being thankful for the "ocean" of opportunities that God has given us. Today, I'd like to share with you a poem on FORGIVENESS.

When Jesus died upon the cross,
It was for gain, not our loss.
Crucified for what others had done,
God gave us His only Son.

We are often hurt by others, too,
And it's up to us on what we do.
Don't hang on, not one more day.
Let God take all your hurt away.

Don't be bitter, but be a better soul.
Don't let resentment take its toll.
Satan wants you hurting, for it's his way.
Free yourself from his bondage today.

If you truly do want to live,
Think of someone that you must forgive.
Is it parents, ex-spouse, children, a friend?
Forgive them today, and the pain will end.

Don't drag around a ball and chain.
Rid yourself of needless pain.
To be like Christ, it must be done.
Isn't it time that you forgive someone?

Let us reflect on this poem.

We all have been hurt before one way or another - be it by our friends, parents, or teachers. We get angry, and it spoils our mood. We hold the anger in our hearts and it disrupts our lives.

Today, this poem reminds us that we have a choice of how we can deal with this hurt. If we choose to dwell on it, the only person who will feel angry is ourselves. IF we choose to forgive and move on instead, then we have just rid ourselves of needless pain.

Let us pray

Dear God

You gave us your son to die on the cross for our sins. He did nothing wrong yet he forgave those who tormented him. Give us the grace to be like Jesus, to forgive those who have hurt us knowingly or unknowingly. Help us to let go of our past hurts, and appreciate the present life that you have given us.

Bless us all with your love as we say the Lord's prayer...

Morning Prayer

Today, another two teachers came up to me to say that they really like the way I prayed with the school. I am glad. But what I've failed to say was that it wasn't me. It was God working through me. Each time, before I lead the prayer, I'd ask God to bless me, and use me to convey his message. This was what I shared with the school on Monday...

The Little Fish

"Excuse me," said the ocean fish to the older fish, "You are older than I so can you tell me where to find this thing called the Ocean?"

"The Ocean," said the older fish, "is the thing you are in now."

"Oh, this? But this is water. What I'm seeking is the Ocean," said the disappointed fish as he swam away to search elsewhere.

Reflection
How many times have we searched and wished we had this and that - the latest handphones, the most fashionable wear? Or we wished we were in a better school, had better teachers? Or even better friends?

The world we live in doesn't always seem right for us, so we continuously seek the elusive "ocean". Everything surrounding us seems to be wrong. Everything, except the way we think.

Today, let us not be like the little fish. Let us learn to stop searching for that "ocean", and instead begin to take a look around us. Let us be appreciative of what we have, and not be critical of what we do not.

The ocean has always been surrounding us. Today, let us thank God for that ocean that he's given us all these while, the ocean that we've taken for granted.

Prayer
Dear God,

We thank you for all that you've given us - the opportunity to come to school, our family, and our friends. We thank you too for all the trials that come our way because it is through them that we learn invaluable lessons in life.

As we begin this day, may you open our eyes to see the ocean that you've given to us, and be appreciative of it.

Bless us all with your love as we say the prayer that Jesus taught us....

I really like the fish story. I think it says a lot. Many people have asked where I get my stories from.. well, it's from this book by Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest. The book's called Song of the Bird. It's a collection of short stories without explanation. It makes you meditate on the stories.

Here's one of the stories that gets the book started. It goes something like this:

The disciple asked the Master, "Why is there no explanation to your stories"

The Master replied, "How would you like it if someone gives you some fruit, but masticates it before presenting it to you?"

Says a lot, doesn't it?

I think I'd want to write a book one day...

:)