The postings are out. And one by one, us trainee teachers open our envelopes with apprehension, wondering where the Minstry have sent us. For those of us who applied directly to schools, our fate also laid in the hands of the Ministry ultimately. The principals of each school had only that much say in requesting for us to teach in their schools.
When it was announced that the number of trainee teachers that got posted into JCs this year had increased by 100%, my heart twitched for a moment. Yes, I did request to get into HIHS as I wanted to teach in a Catholic school. Yet, there was once another part of me that also wanted to teach in a JC. And now with project work coming into place in the school's curriculum, teaching in a JC just became all the more attractive to me. But I knew my name wasn't on that list.
I knew that those who got posted to the JCs had at least an honours degree. I had none to boast about. Not that I couldn't qualify for it back then. I was offered to do honours for both my majors, but I had to turn both offers down as I couldn't afford it. I had to go out to work as soon as I could before the study loans welled up. And so, I graduated without honours.
Part of me began to wonder if I would have been better off just doing my honours back then. In a way, I feel I am losing out now. Not doing my honours isn't a simple case of "I should have studied harder". That would have been easy to deal with. But it was another matter altogether. It isn't always the case that opportunities be served to you on a silver platter. Well, at least not for me back then. And so, I made that choice. And now, I'm living the consequences of my choice.
But I have learnt to live my live without regrets. Driven by the maxim that "Everything happens for a reason", I believe that there is a reason why I wasn't posted into a JC. Recalling my raison d'etre for teaching, I realised that if I would have taught in a JC, then I wouldn't gain the experience I had wanted to gain in dealing with troubled teens. Not that kids at JCs are angels, but deep in me, I knew the kids at HIHS presented me with a challenge and a mission to accomplish within three years.
And so, maybe, it doesn't matter so much if Pam got posted to CHIJ St Joseph's - the school that I had wanted so much to teach in, or that Alvin got posted to his alma mater, NJC, or that Victor's going to teach at NYJC, and Jennifer at AJC, I think each of us teachers-to-be have a mission each in our schools to accomplish.
For a moment, it seemed that our teaching capacity and worth was measured by where we were posted to. But in retrospect, it really isn't the case. I believe the one up there has planned it all out. Some of our loads are heavier than others. Some of us have heavier crosses to carry. But I know that He will never give us a burden heavier than we can bear. All I need is strength, faith, and courage to face what is to come my way.
The grass always looks greener on the other side. It's perhaps time to appreciate the greenery on our side instead.
:)
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