3 Diligence

Dropped by school today to grab some materials for the English package. One of my fellow teachers came by my desk and asked if I were free on 23 December - yes, I'll be. (gulp!) "You do know you're a form teacher of a Sec 3 class, don't you?" "Err - now I know!"

Sec 3 Diligence. That's my form class. So, my kids. Now you know.... For those of whom I'll not be teaching, do continue to work hard, ok?

My ex-Sec 2 Sincerity kids - remember what I told you on the last day of school, ok? Especially those of you who are weak in Maths. Please make full use of your time to revise your Maths. Sec 3 is gonna be really different, and you'd really would like to be ready for it. You've only got three more weeks before school starts!! Start working now!!

Renovation Works...

My home's a mess cos mum decided that it's about time we changed the aircon which was a leftover from the previous owner of our flat. The wooden partition in her bedroom is corroding because of the water that seeps in and ever so often, the aircon decides to rain in my room. Just as I shifted the book shelf below it did I realise that the wooden platform is corroding as well.

The aircon's people here in my room, clicking and cracking away trying to fit in the new unit. Just now, one contractor came to see the windows cos mum wants it fixed. She has this paranoia that if we don't fix it soon, the window may drop one day. Brother's not really pleased with the idea cos that means additional expenses. "Is it really necessary?", he questioned.

She wants the house painted too. Just last week, the Elvis Presley pictures that I had framed and mounted on the wall in her bedroom came crashing down. Yes, all of it. So, now, the wall is patchy. With the corroding wood, the paintworks by the window has faded into a dirty brown. I guess she couldn't live with it. With Christmas approaching and guests coming over, my mum just has to have the house in what I call "showroom condition".

And so, Wendy's contractor just came by to see how much it will cost to give our home a fresh coat of paint, excluding my room cos I've managed to keep it in pristine condition.

Mum wants my curtains changed too. It doesn't matter that the curtains she wants hung up is just hanging halfway down from the ceiling. She feels it looks better. I didn't think so, but I can only prove my point when it's all hung up and I've to show her it looks ugly. For now, I shall let her have her way.

Yes, and my mum also wants a new Christmas tree cos the one we have is too empty for her liking...

That's my mum for you. No, don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. I feel it's all so amusing sometimes the extent to which she makes this house a home. If there were a Martha Stewart of the East, I'd think it's her.

Now, you know where I got my traits from.... :)

As for me, I wish I had more energy to motivate me to make a trip to school to get the work I'm supposed to be doing for the English package that all teachers were tasked to do. I keep telling myself tomorrow, but tomorrow doesn't seem to come. I'm embarrassed even to say this. I kinda like my home office which I set up in my room yesterday. There's more to be done. But I have to let the aircon and window renovation works be done first before I can do it.

Mum doesn't get it that I still have work to do although I'm home. It's funny how she nags at me to clean my room when she doesn't my brother. He gets to do what he wants while I have to do my part.

Ha.. I guess my students will find all these familiar! You see? Even teachers get it from their mums!

Gotta chao now. I hear yells of "clean your room" coming soon!

Sometimes...

Sometimes in life I wonder
Why things happen the way they do
Why we have to suffer
Why we have to go through what we go through

Sometimes in life I think
Why paths of people cross along the way
Why some make good of the link
Whilst others decide to walk away

Sometimes in life I feel
The beauty of nature slip through our hands
As we proceed to seek another thrill
Forgetting God's gift to man

Sometimes in life I love
Far less than I think I should
Loving unconditionally like the one above
Embracing people around me for good

Sometimes in life I touch
The heart of someone with my words
Sharing the inner voice as such
Better heal all wounds and hurts

Sometimes in life there are sometimes
Where nothing seem to make sense
But we go on walking this journey anyway
Cos sometimes, it's just some time to the end.

Deborah Anne Chew

Life and Lemonade

I've been hit by the cold bug that got me sniffing since last Friday. Maybe I was just allergic to work.. Ha..

I've got a pile of things to do for school, but somehow, I'm less than motivated to get started. Perhaps it's the holiday "nua-ness" that's kicking in. Doesn't help with my brother at home being equally "nua".

Today, I got up, switched on my PC, and the fitness magazine automatic wallpaper changer gave me this message: The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are. - John Pierpont Morgan

Which brought me to reflect on life and the difficulties some of my friends are facing right now. I wondered where I got my never-say-die attitude from. Perhaps, I've learnt how to cut the threads, to be less hard on myself, to stop blaming the world, but to decide that whatever comes my way, I'm just charging forward towards my goal. I remember the old adage : "If life brings you lemons, make lemonade."

I'm a determined fruit juicer now!!

:)

Starting the day right...

It's been a ritual ever since I felt right about it. At around this time every year, I'd start the day with Mass. The big guy above gets the first and best part of the day. It's about starting the day right, I feel. It's about starting the year right. It's thanking Him for all that I've been blessed with and a humble plea to give me strength, patience and grace as I journey on through life.

In silent serenity with the sounds of hymns and familiar prayers in the background, I am reminded that no matter what, I always have a save haven. I always have someone who will love me unconditionally and be there for me when I am tired. I am reminded that I AM blessed.

I begin to see my role in life as a guide. I am beginning to feel that God put me in the position that I am in for a reason. I remember my brother calling me "light of everyone's life". He said I brighten up people's lives and now, I also see myself also as a light to guide.

The starfish story has now been associated with me. Now, everyone associates me with the starfish. Thanks to my brother, who gave me that nickname cos he thought I was like Peach the Starfish in Finding Nemo - always looking out and reporting the latest happenings (in short, a kay-po!). But the moniker has since been stuck to me in more ways than one. And the more I learn about the starfish, the more I feel that yes, indeed, I am like the starfish.

I wear the starfish pendant my friend gave to me almost everyday to remind me of all the ways I am like the starfish, and of course about the starfish story... that I don't have to create a big impact to make a difference. Little by little, in my own small way, I can also make a difference.

Yesterday, a bunch of friends wrote me a card, penning down their words of appreciation and good wishes. It touched my heart. For all the things I did, I never thought I was throwing starfishes in the sea, but in fact I was. And I'm glad. Mum read the card and I could see her beaming with pride. She didn't say it, but I knew she was beginning to see the fruits of my labour. Thanks, mum for loving me and believing in me...

Somehow, I feel things will get better for this year. Yes, I feel it. :)

Poetic mood again...

I couldn't get to sleep last night. Somehow, pen and paper came into view and at 3am, the following poem was born... It reminded me of my JC days when I took up Literature. The works of Andrew Marvell... I really loved Practical Criticism cos we didn't have to study for it. Just analyse and criticise. How much easier can that get? :)

Anyhow, I used to write poems with Priscilla back in secondary school days and we promised each other that we'd compile a book of poems. We had the idea shelved along the way when we both became busy with our own lives. Somehow, we dug out our poems one day, and it got me writing since. Maybe, just maybe, a book of poems may materialise one day...

This poem is about love, about the voice of the heart speaking to another. When I was crafting this poem out, I had at the back of my head a story of romance, a war of emotions, tugging at two hearts, both feeling somewhat different. One loves and the other's afraid. But although different, they are somehow tied together by the sameness of a tension within themselves in deciding whether to give in or give up eventually. Finally, one heart speaks to another. Here is their story...

MY HEART TO YOU

Sometimes, I only wish I had all the words to say
How the heart feels; why it feels this way
I've never felt like this before
I don't know the future, don't know what's in store.

You tell me to give up, and to leave
This may be a fleeting moment, something too brief
You don't know what the future will hold
Neither do I; I just may be left lonely and cold.

But what I have in my heart keeps me strong
It keeps me going, it keeps me warm
Through sleepless nights just thinking of you
Wishing that one day, my dream will come true.

And whilst I take the risk that that day I may never find
I cling on to that picture I have in my mind
The day when your heart will give in to mine
That you'd love me like I did you all these time

And even if it takes eternity for you to feel this way
I'd wait and be glad enough to know that you will never stray
I'd travel the world with you and be your best friend
I'd walk with you through life's road, I'd hold your hand
I'd trace your footsteps and back you up should you fall
I'd go before you and be your shining star through it all.

For I've had my mind made up to love you true and through
Right from the very day I set my eyes on you
Call it chance or even an inkling of fate
I'd call it a meeting of souls none other can dictate

For who's to know what is to come
Beneath the skies of the setting sun
Shades of blue and hues of autumn red
Feelings of love were never meant to make you afraid

So slowly and gently I'd take your hand
I hear the voice of your heart, I understand
You don't have to explain, nor feel the way I do
Just follow your heart to guide and lead you

Take your time and find your pace
In this labyrinth of emotional space
Time waits for no other but for a love that's true
Words coming from my heart to you.

Deborah Anne Chew

Moving on...

Ah yes. I admit it. I've been neglecting this little child of mine. It's just that so many things have been put on my platter, I've for a moment pushed aside this side dish of mine.

But sometimes, too much of the main dish is too much to bear. And so, today, I've decided to return to my side dish, and seek a little consolation in the haven of my blog.

I hadn't really noticed til a friend of mine asked me - "So, you haven't been in a relationship since your last one six years back?" Wow - six years has just flown past, and now, he's going to get married to the girl that stole his heart from me next month.

Whilst the pain was immense when that happened, I'm glad it did. I don't think I'd ever be doing what I'm doing now, or be the person I am now if I were still with him. It made me think that sometimes, life brings you hard knocks so you know how to be resilient.

Sure, it's painful to always be at the losing end, when someone you love so dearly walks out on you, and even more so to someone else. For a long while, I felt it was my fault. I blamed myself. But after a while, I decided to walk out of it. Along the way, God planted people who showed me in more ways than one that I was far more worthy than the love I would have gotten if I were with him.

I've moved on since.

A few of my friends were left single somehow this year. People walked out on them. They were left alone. And as I hear and see their tears of hurt, of a yearning wishing that it didn't happen, I am reminded of my past. I empathise with them, but at the same time, I'd encourage them to move on. It's not good sitting in a pool of pity when you can move on and take flight.

I remember what Max said when Adrian left me. "Now you're free."

Yes, I appreciate that freedom now. A freedom to develop myself the way I should. A freedom to grow, a freedom to share my love and time to whoever I want. And a freedom to choose to love someone else who is worthy of my love.

And whilst I wait for that someone else to love, I enjoy life's experiences. I see it all as a journey to mould me into that someone I can be and should be.

We can't run away from the hurt, or what faces us always. Be brave. Face it. You'd get over it. And one day, you'll turn back like me, and appreciate all that had happened. Because you will never be the person you ought to be, if you had walked any other way.

To the two of my friends - you know who you are - take heart. I mean it when I say I see lots of potential in you. This is your freedom. This is the time for you to take flight. This is your opportunity. Seize it. Some things in life only come once.

And as you embark in your new journey, take heart and know that there's lots of people around you are supportive of you. And yes, that includes me.

Go on, move on. You'd do just fine.

:)

Tired?

Yesterday, I spoke with Pam briefly. I was supposed to meet up with her and Chen Ying later in the afternoon after my appointment, but the rain came pouring down and got me stranded. And so, I couldn't move off from where I was til the rain stopped.

While I wished I could have met up with them, the brief conversation I had with Pam got me thinking. Among the things we talked about, she asked, "Don't you ever get tired?"

It struck me hard, but the reply came out almost immediately. "Nope!"

Maybe I was on a high. I don't know.

Today, I read an article in one of the many publications we teachers get. It was an article about how a couple with 8 kids still manage to keep the family going on a single income. And all of them are happy. One thing came to mind - unconditional love. That kept them going. Yes, finances get strained with each birth of a new child, but he says it's all worth it. It's just a matter of juggling things around, and making some sacrifices.

Reflecting, I ask myself, why do I do the things I do? Unconditional love? Yes, sacrifices are made. I'm far busier than I was when I was working at NUS, where I could spend my evenings shopping along Orchard Road, or bake every weekend, or meet up with friends frequently. Now, I do these things far less often. Punggol is my usual haunt. I hardly step foot on Orchard Road, not to mention Suntec City. How does Carrefour look like now? TV Programmes? I don't even know what's on! But once in a while, I make it a point to take some time to give myself a treat, just to be by myself so that I can rejuvenate. Maybe that's why I don't get tired?

My counselling tutor from NIE dropped me an email to say she's glad to hear from one of the trainee teachers who was on attachment at HIHS that I'm doing well in school and that the kids are responding well to me. She warned me to take some time off for myself too, lest I get drained.

Yes, it can get draining at times. Doing the work we do is not easy. So sometimes, I remind myself that it's OK to slow down, to take a step back, to be less than perfect. After all, as Uncle Joel shared with me - sometimes, when you take a step back, it's only because it lets you make a greater leap forward.

Sometimes

Sometimes, life brings you humbling experiences
So you learn to appreciate what you have.

Sometimes, life brings you hard knocks
Just to keep you in check.

Sometimes, life brings you the unexpected
So that you'd be surprised.

Sometimes, life brings you treasures
But not always wrapped in gold.

But life always brings you lessons
You will always need to grow.

Something happened to me last night, and though I feel pretty uncomfortable with the fact that I have been misunderstood, nevertheless, it has kept me in check once again. It has brought me to reflect the things I have been doing. Humilty. I've to keep that in mind. That amidst the responsibilities, that I don't get too big for my shoes, that I don't be self-centred, that I look upon myself as no greater than any other, that I have lessons to learn, to share and to discover. Each of us have our own talents. But this does not mean that I am better in any way to any one else less that one talent. What one lacks, one makes up with another.

Philosophical?

I've only had half an hours' sleep since last night, or the day before, to be more accurate. I'm supposed to be sleeping, but there's too much on my mind now. Until I get that misuderstanding cleared, I don't think I'd be able to rest in bed with a clean conscience tonight. It's not a matter of who's right or wrong. It's a matter of learning to know each other's personalities better so as to better understand what's being said and the intentions attached to them.

Sometimes, I wish life didn't have to be so complicated. Like I tell everyone else - I am but a janitor.

:)

Back!

Hah.. yes, I've not been blogging for a while. For some strange reason, I thought that I'd be more free after the exams, but no! For a few days, I was hardly at my desk... Running around from class to class, doing relief and then invigilating for the O-level practical exam.

So, that got me busy for a while, then it was just meetings and meetings and more meetings!

Yes, I'm finally seated in front of my trusty notebook, trying to recall any significant events...

HIHS had their thanksgiving mass today. I love masses. Somehow, I feel that it's my moment with God. I speak to him, and pretend I'm leaning by his knee, resting my heavy head and pouring out my heavy heart of worries. Sometimes, I feel comfort just knowing he's there.

These few days saw me crying each time I talk to God. Maybe there's just too much in me to pour out. Maybe I've been keeping my thoughts and feelings in me for too long, and now, I'm just pouring it all out. Well, at least I know the big one up there is listening!

Somehow, I am looking forward to the hols. The last day of school on 19 Nov marks a significant day for me where I intend to run away and hide and hibernate. I just feel tired. No, don't get me wrong. I haven't lost the zest for the work I do. I find tremendous fulfilment in teaching my kids, in seeing them laugh, in seeing them achieve. It pains me to see them cry, or get into trouble. I see them as my friends. Friends whose lives I want to nurture and develop into mature thoughtful adults who will be able to contribute to society and for the good of others. I see myself as a beacon of inspiration for them, to show them that they can succeed in life no matter what happens in their lives.

This afternoon, one teacher realised that I came from a single-parent family. Slowly, she realised how I struggled through uni financially. It brought back memories. I'd rather leave it there behind, but somehow, it gets back to me. "It's OK." I said. "Eveything happens for a reason." She agreed.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter what backgrounds we come from, whether we are rich or poor, or whether our families are perfect or not. What matters is that we are unique individuals that have our talents and gifts. It is really up to us to make use of our talents to drive us to high levels of achievement. It is up to us to decide if we want to take things in our stride, or make that difference. I decided the day my dad walked out on us that I wanted to make that difference - and I did it.

I remember in sociology class, I read about how divorce and deaths can affect children negatively. Sociologist found a clear link bewteen children from divorce families and delinquency. But yet, they also found another group of children they termed as superteens. This group, as obsorved, seem to display exceedingly postive habits, and even excel beyond normal standards despite the trauma in the family.

When I read that, I made up my mind - I want to be a superteen. And I worked towards that.

Think about it - when was the last time you said you wanted to be something, do something, be someone, and did something about it? It's called challenging yourself.

I've been challenging myself in more ways than one thought possible, even right now. It's not easy, but I know I'm learning.

Learning. It's not all about books, sometimes...

Marking Done..

Finally, markings done and scores tabulated. Along the way, I've learnt how to key in formulas on Excel sheets so that it automatically converts the scores into grades, and then another formula that tabulates the grades to churn out what we call MSG - no, it's nothing to do with the seasoning you put in your food. It's kinda like the average score of grades for the whole class... Yes, enlightenment...

I was busy prancing around from place to place helping teachers keying in the formula. I seemed like a guru for a moment.. Ha.

I've fulfilled my teaching objective for today. To mark one pile of journals. I could have done more if i didn't need to help with the formulas, but hey, as long as I can, why not? Tomorrow, I will continue with the next pile of journals. Then it's filing cos all the papers are all on my desks unfiled.
____________________

Babies...
Yes, two of my closest friends are pregnant. And they are both due next June! I will have my hands full as Godma again... But I'm so happy for them! :) I think my mum will have a nice time playing with two babies at the same time too

:)

Marking Humour

I really shouldn't be doing this, but I can't help it. Like Addie, I have begun to find humour in my students' work while marking their compositions... No names shall be mentioned here, but my Sec 2s - if you're guilty of it, you know it's you! :)

On writing about a traffic accident:

1. The police have classified the case as murdering. Fortunately, the boy did not die.
2. It was a fatal accident. The boy was sent to the hospital with only minor injuries.
3. Yesterday, Dennis Tan had a car crush.

On writing about "Students should never work part-time"

1. A student's role is to study. An adult's role is to work and raise a family.
2. Students will learn the value of money. They will save and be more spendthrift.

That being said, there were some words of wisdom...

"If you find yourself working so hard til you drop just to earn as much money as possible, then there is something wrong."

"If students work part-time, they will not have enough time to do their homework or spend time with their family."

It's things like these that keep you going through two hundred over scripts to mark...

:)

Time Fulfilled

Yesterday was a fulfilling day. Somehow, I like my day packed. It's like maximising the limited time I have. Taking stock...

1. 7am - checked emails, got things printed out, replied to email
2. 7.40am - had a good long conversation with a friend on the phone. Managed to get lots of things sorted out.
3. 8.30am - started marking the comprehension exam scripts I took over from a fellow teacher.
4. 8.40am - invigilated a Literature paper for an hour
5. 10.30am - scooted off early from school to get to the polyclinic cos the congestion in the chest still didn't go away.
6. 11.15am - continued marking while waiting an hour plus for the doctor - managed to clear the cloze passage and half of the compre questions from the first passage.
7. 12.45pm - doc told me I was stressed and told me to rest, do light exercise (read walk... am I getting old or what!!?)
8. 1.00pm - took a bus and MRT to HarbourFront. Silly me missed the Outram stop to change to the NEL. Had to take the train back from Redhill.
9. 2.20pm - plonked myself at Starbucks for three good hours with a grande cup of hot cocoa and chocolate biscotti to finish up the rest of the marking.
10. 5.10pm - finished all the marking... all 40 scripts, with marks all tabulated!
11. 5.25pm - replied an SMS to a friend and decided to treat myself with window shopping... OK, shopping. I got myself a good bargain at Fila.
12. 6.30pm - went swimming for an hour... after all, the doctor did say I needed light exercise, right?
13. 8.00pm - met a friend for dinner followed by a discussion of sorts
14. 9.40pm - made my way back home.. well, did a little detour so ended up home later than I should! :)
15. 11.00pm - home. Plugged in my laptop, checked more emails, did some work.
16. 11.30pm - called a close friend, and had a good conversation with her til...
17. 1.30am - sleep!

The morning began again today at 5am. I'm feeling happy. I have a mission today. I must finish one stack of marking. Tomorrow, I have another. I want to be red-pen free by Thursday!

:)

It's things like these...

I was marking the end of year exam scripts for the Sec ones, and it so happened I was allocated to mark a question "The Nicest Person I Know". This is what one of my students wrote...

Among all the people I know, there is a person who I have a deep impression, is Miss Chew, our English teacher. She was a new teacher to us since the last few months.

On the first day when she stepped into our class, she would have the first impression of us which is 'noisy', as we were totally noisy. We were very happy when we saw her. We knew that we could make a lot of noise in her lesson but we are wrong. She asked us to get back to our own place and she introduced her to us and told us what she will do with us every lessons until we had our End of Year Examinatio. Next, she asked us to form our own groups and began to start her lessons. Her lessons are interesting.

The impression I had of her is that she is a caring, kind, friendly and patient teacher. She cares for us fairly like the way she treats her family. She was kind to us too. She was a friendly teacher who will make friends with you in order not to let us be scared of her. She was patuent in teaching those who are weak in the subject. She willf ind some time to teach us after school, going through those things we had made mistakes.

She has totally changed my life. I was poor in my English and do not have any passion in it and now I started to have interest in it. She always tells us that nothing is impossible and telling us not to give up. She had passed her knowledge of English to us and I will promise her to be a teacher when I grow up to pass my knowledge to others like what she did. She was the nicest person I ever knew.

Forgive her for the grammatical errors. When I read the essay, I was lost for words. I didn't know how to give her a grade. To me, it wasn't just any other exam script. It was like a confession in all earnestness. I put down a grade, but will make a fellow teacher moderate the marks in all fairness.

But that aside, I was touched. It brings to mind the starfish story which now almost everyone associates me with. I have tried throwing many starfishes back into the sea, and reading this piece of writing made me realise that though I do not know how many others I have made a difference to, I know I had made a difference to this one.

Another of my Sec 1 kids wrote in a letter as part of a writing practice I had assigned him in remedial class that he was motivated to learn English because of my sincerity to want to help him improve.

Yet another told me that day that he has started to read the newspapers and is beginning to enjoy doing so ever since I started encouraging them to read the newspapers. He told me, "Miss Chew, I learn one new word a day, and I use it." "Good for you," I said. To think he was once a problematic kid in my class.

It's things like these that make my heart warm, that make me feel that this road I chose to walk is all worth it. It makes all the late nights with red pen in hand all worthwhile.

It pains my heart to see my kids try so hard yet they fail to make the grade. Not counting the scores as yet, I am crossing my fingers that they will make it through, especially those that had a change of heart.

Back to more marking. I have just inherited one more pile of marking to lessen another teacher's workload. I volunteered for that, with a smile. Somehow, it just felt right doing it.

:)

Dance Classes

My Sec 2 kids asked me where they can take up dance classes. Apparently, they didn't get into the interest elective programme of their choice.

Fret not my dears. Surf on down to the UAN website at www.uanworld.com Look under What's On > TNS Schedule. There are many dance classes offered by The Next Stage. Whilst there, maybe you'd like to pick up other classes too? Call Paige or Jiahui at 6735 5752 to book for your classes. They're very nice people.

But do remember to study for your exams, ok?

All the best!!!

:)

Busy week

It sure has been a busy week. So much so that I hadn't realise that I haven't been blogging for a while. For those of you who have been faithfully reading my blog, my deepest apologies.

For one, I have been busy preparing my kids for the end of year English exams. That meant extra remedial, extra marking, extra worksheets and notes. I had to make sure that my Sec 2 kids wouldn't fail their English, especially since this is their streaming year. Failing would mean they would be transferred to the Normal Acad stream. None of them want that. Neither do I.

I cannot deny the fact that the paper I had set was a killer paper. But it was good training for them. It was a paper that distinguised between those who are weaker at the language, and those who are better.

I have begun to mark a few scripts and though I am disheartened by the amount of crosses and red marks on the papers, I have a strong feeling they'll pull through somehow.

To my Sec Two kids, don't worry too much about the paper, okay? Concentrate on your other subjects now, and make sure you score for these!

I'd be tied up most of this week invigilating and doing up some report for some SEM workshop this Saturday. At the back of my head, I'm wondering how I'm going to get all those piles of marking done with me being away at the exam hall almost the whole day (and afternoon too, mind you!).

Alright - the truth sets in. I have to go back to my marking now... Tomorrow, I'd be meeting up with Pris and Lee Yee to celebrate their birthdays with them at Gelare... yes, it's Tuesday.. Half priced waffles and ice-cream!!! Yum.... :)

Starfish marking now...

Of Weddings and Marriages

Yesterday, I attended a wedding dinner of one of my JC mates. It was also a reunion of friends made some 12 years ago. We pride ourselves that after all these years, we still keep in touch, and attend each other's weddings.

As I sat down with my six other friends, five of whom are guys, one by one, they revealed when they are going to get married. Come Decemeber, come February, come July, come September - they will all get married. And wasn't it just in the afternoon that I was telling another of my friends that I've got too many friends getting married. Prophesy?

The guys have finally grown up. They look more mature and stable now. Even Raymond looks more grounded - or was he just hung over after the drinks he had the previous night? Raymond and I were the only ones on the table who do not have marriage plans laid out on the table as yet. Steve asked about Max, who couldn't make it cos he was marking. I said I almost lost touch with him. Steve asked why I wasn't hooked up with him since both of us are so close. I had half the heart to tell him that it wasn't so much me, but him. But I decided to keep mum instead. "He isn't ready to commit yet," I said.

Raymond is still looking for that perfect girl for him. I don't blame him. He grew up in a family where a role model never quite existed. As I looked at him, I felt a certain sense of pride that he still managed to hold his ground after all that's happening at home.

I had a good conversation with Adrian after all those years. I never was quite able to have a decent conversation with him face to face after we broke up. But yesterday, I did. I held my ground, and for some reason, the confidence I gained exuded through me. I felt the change in me. And I think that is good. As I stepped out of his car (he gave Wendy and I a lift home), I told him to send my regards to his parents.

I'm glad all my JC mates are all doing fine.

As for me, I felt a change in me as for once, I didn't feel a tinge of pain in my heart nor a longing of wanting to be wedded at a wedding. Have I begun to feel heartless? Or have I changed my perspective of things? Perhaps too much is on my plate right now for me to even want to think about yet another commitment? I mean, isn't teaching already one big commitment? I've got so many kids I'm answerable for!

As for now, all I'm focusing on is to prepare my students for the exams this Friday. I'm not quite pleased that I'd be losing two periods of Enlish with my Sec Two kids cos the VP wants to talk to them tomorrow.

Now, all I want to do is to finish up all the marking before new piles come in on Friday after the exams. This weekend will be burnt with piles of marking to do.... And I don't look forward to that!

:)

Getting it done!

Women's Fitness magazine sends me an email once in a while, featuring their latest articles. I especially like the part where they share motivational words. Here's one I'd like to share with all of you who have been working your hearts out just to see your dreams fulfilled one way or another. It's good to see you all putting in so much effort. I think you're doing well - keep up the fantastic work! :)

Here's the verse from Women's Fitness.....

Get it Done!

You have a choice. You can either get things done or let things happen. Letting things happen is easy. It requires no effort on your part. The problem is, when you just let things happen they will almost never be to your liking.

The other choice is to get things done. That requires your active involvement. It takes effort, as well as focus, commitment, discipline and persistence. Those things sound difficult, and they are. Yet just because they're difficult, doesn't mean they're to be avoided.

When you do what it takes to get things done, you'll get the results you want. The only way you can get what you want out of life, is to put in what you have. And that is done through your own efforts and actions.

Sure, you can take your chances and just let things happen. You might even get lucky, though few do. Or, you can step forward, put all you have into every day, and get things done. That is the only reliable way to build the life you desire.

:)

Yes, it's all worth it.

I was beginning to question if I was in teaching for the right reasons. For some reason, I feel that I've not been giving as much as I should to all the kids I teach. But yet again, I am reminded that I cannot always expect that I can do so all at once.

I am reminded of the the starfish story again as it was read out during the values inculcation programme. Yes, all it takes is for me to make a difference to one, one at a time. Slowly, I'd get them all back to sea.

Remedial class was fulfilling as I read the informal letters I got my kids to write as homework. As I sat down with them one to one, and read through their letter, I was touched that they wrote about how thankful they were that I was giving them the extra lessons at least twice a week for about an hour an a half each. That's like giving free tuition if you like.

I came back to the staff room to continue with marking, trying to rush through another stack of marking to return to the kids their work before their exams next week. My chest feels congested. I feel myself coming down with a bad case of respiratory virus, but I let my mind rule over my head for the moment. I just try to keep warm and drink warm water in the meantime, hoping the virus will pass me by eventually.

Only my co-teacher knew that I headed for the staff room early this morning in the midst of assembly because I was short of breath all of a sudden. I thought I was coming down with an asthma attack! Warm water and a rest on my chair did me good for me to last til now.

The icing on top of the cake came when my co-teacher came by my desk after a long CME meeting to tell me that they are planning for a series of talks on dysfunctional families - to share with students that although your family may have lots of problems, you still can get on with life. She pulled herself together as she told me that she told the P that she'd be glad to share about what she's going through now. I told her I'd be glad to share my story too. She'll give the parent's perspective, and I'll give the child's perspective.

I couldn't help but smile as we discussed about how we could go about doing it. Suddenly, I feel things are all falling into place. One big reason I came into teaching was to be able to share my story one day to teenagers from troubled homes, to show them that they can succeed in life, and do well, only if they change their mindset and perception of things. I wanted to show them that I do not need to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth to be able to do well. I wanted to show them that they too can be like me, or even better. I knew for what I've gone through, there is a greater reason than just building my character. And that is one reason why I've never lived my life with regrets.

Now, I am beginning to see it all as I had envisioned. The power of envisioning.

No matter what you've chosen to do, no matter what you're going through, some things don't make sense sometimes. But one day, when you see it all in a big picture, you'd realise that it was all worth it.

Hang in there, come what may.

As my co-teacher left for the day, she looked back and said to me, "Yes, it's worth it. It's all worth it."

Yes, it is.

Exams!

I'm beginning to feel what every parent feel when exams are near. Over the weekend, I was suddenly struck with a panic attack, wondering what I can do and how best to make my students improve on their English within two weeks. Suddenly, the clock seem to be ticking louder than usual!

It's 1.15am in the wee hours of the morning, and though I must be up again for school in less than 4 hours, I'm wide awake. I have just finished typing out notes for my kids on composition and comprehension skills. I hope that these will help them deal with the questions. I cannot but emphasise the importance of reading.

I think kids have it better these days as skills are explicitly taught to them on how to deal with the comprehension and composition exams. During my time, all the teacher did was to give us topics to practise on, and that was all we did. I never did understand how to tackle a comprehension passage until I entered NIE. Yes, I went through the compre section of the GP paper quite blindly. There wasn't much thought involved, simply because nobody taught us how to deal with the questions or what to look out for. Now I know better!

My drama kids asked me why I didn't teach Literature. Frankly, I'd love to. I guess I never did quite appreciate Lit until JC when I was doing Practical Criticism. Now, that's what I call a paper that encourages critical thinking. Until today, I find that every person I know who has done PC has the ability to think critically and are mostly creative. Now, that is what I call real education.

As I journey on my teaching career, I begin to wonder if we can really do away with formal curriculum, and exams. I am beginning to think if I should shout for a revolution and create an alternative form of education? I am beginning to think I am surely a non-conformist in the civil service. Now, is that a paradox or what?

Just a thought to ponder on before I hit the sack. It's about time. I need to be up at 5am. Good nite!

:)