I am Loved

I am a believer that all things happen for a reason, and my experience with Mark has shown me something I had overlooked - the fact that I am loved. I am loved by all of you, my friends, and my family. And I should be more than thankful for that.

Magdalene sent me an msn after she read the blog the day before. It said, you're a cheerful and enthusiatic person and one day you will find that someone special. Take care okie? Hugs......

Ian called me up to see how I was even though he himself is just as bad a situation as I'm in.

And other messages and emails came pouring in.

Wendy called me often to check if I were OK. Pris left a beautiful message on the blog. All these brought tears to my eyes. I treasure every single word all of you have left me, to comfort me, and to make me feel better.

I went out with Wendy, Grace and Pamela to watch Hossan LIVE yesterday. We decided to go to the Esplanade after the show to just sit and talk. We eventually came to the topic of men. I could sense that Wendy and Grace felt uneasy, wondering if I'd be OK. I'm glad that I was OK about it. I told them exactly what happened, and I tried to look at the bright side of things. I was glad I didn't cry again. Maybe I'm on the road to recovery.

Grace stayed over at my place last night. I had a good talk with her. I told her that the most hurtful part was not being given a chance. I was also afraid that I had hurt the frienship. That, I felt, was worse than not being given the chance. I knew things would all be for the better at the end of it all, but I was wondering if things with Mark would be back to where it was before - will it be better, will it be worse? Only time will tell.

Uncle Joel sent me a beautiful email this morning - part of it read: What I do want to say is that it's not about you. You are one of the dearest people I know, a good heart and a caring soul. And absolutely deserving of love and happiness. This situation now only means your time has not arrived. Believe absolutely that it will. I do.

The message brought tears to my eyes again. It was as though Uncle J knew what I was thinking all these while at the back of my head "Is it me?". I agree with him - perhaps my time has not arrived yet.

My other friend Grace 1 said something that put things into perspective. She said - Life is like a fast food drive thru. We make our orders to God, but have to wait for our "burgers" to be ready. Mine's a special order. That's why I have to wait longer. She told me "Don't drive off too soon, Deb, or when your burger's ready, you won't be there to collect your special order."

Perhaps I do get hungry once in a while, and am tempted to give up and just drive off. Sometimes, I just get tired and impatient. But with the thought that even God loves me that much to take time to make me my special order, shouldn't I be ever more patient?

So I guess at the end of the day, I should realise that although Mark doesn't love me the way I'd like him to, I need to learn and know that I am still loved in more ways than one. And for that, I should be thankful.

To all of you - you know who you are - thank you for loving me. You have given me strength and courage and confidence to stand up again. I love you too! :)