Yesterday

I decided to stay at home yesterday, and have a well-deserved rest. In short, all I did was eat, sleep, watch TV, sleep, watch TV, ate and sleep. The cold came back, and I was afraid that the flu would too. So I popped in another two pills, took a long afternoon nap, and got up refreshed. I'm thankful I decided to do that instead of catching a movie, which I had planned to do. Today, I feel a whole lot better. :)

I'd be spending my day today with my mum. She's taken the day off, and both of us will be going for a massage at some spa at Stamford Court. It was a promotion thing - buy one get one free. It'd be a first massage for me in Singapore. Have had all my massages so far in Bangkok only. I hope it's good, and that I won't have some ah lian speaking to me!

After that, I will be meeting with the principal of St Michael's school. It's a primary school, but the principal said that if I was interested, she'll arrange for me to teach there. I don't know how she's gonna do it cos I'm trained for secondary school teaching... Oh well, I'll just leave my options open and let the Big Guy above lead where he wants me to go. Tomorrow, I'd be meeting up with the principal of Holy Innocent's High School. My friends tell me that's a highly chinese-speaking school. I ask myself if I can survive there... My Mandarin is as good as my Malay.

Wendy has not been feeling too well too. She's down with the flu bug. Had two days' MC but still went to work cos "there's so much work to do". I worry for her as she starts to work late again. I told her it's not a healthy work habit. I hope she breaks it. She went down to the docs again yesterday to get a stronger medication, but still went back to work. I hope she's managed to get some rest and is feeling better now. No coffee for you, Wendy!

I was supposed to meet up with Mark this week - perhaps to tell him how I feel, but he's busy this week. We'd probably meet up next week.

I was trying to retrieve some old documents the day before, and was going through all my back-up CDs. Then I came across letters I used to type out when I was feeling blue, stressed and confused. There were a few dated some 2 years back, and it wrote about how I felt about Mark then. I read and re-read them and realised that I felt the same way all these while, even way back before I wrote the letters two years ago. Tears welled up in my eyes. I don't know why, but I guess it's a mixed feeling of happiness and helplessness.

I guess I'm happy in a way that I know that this is not just a passing phase. It's something that has been in me for the longest time. I guess I am happy that I am sure of this feeling I have in me. In a way, I guess I am proud that I have been faithful to this feeling all these while. Yet, I feel sad and helpless that I cannot control the consequences of this feeling I have. I cannot force him to like me back. I cannot do anything. And being so much of an anal-retentive person who must always have some sort of control in her life, I guess it tears a big part of me to not be able to control something like that. This sense of helplessness is almost painful. Ahh... Love hurts!

Well, I guess til next week, I can only sit and wonder what will happen. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. And as I had mentioned to Pris once, we should worry less about the past and the future and focus on the present - so that I will TRY to do.

I will enjoy my today with my mum - it's been a long time since we went out together... I hope you enjoy your TODAY too.