Another post for Justin

OK, Justin. Here's another post for you.

Cross country went on well this year, I thought, even if Blue Eagles didn't win. I think the ladies did us proud this year with Ms Michael (of the Blue Eagles!!) coming in first for the women's staff race, and Joan (Captain of the Blue Eagles!!) coming in first for the AB Girls race. The event ended promptly, and I think almost everyone was happy.

My throat infection the previous day scared some people who wondered if I would be able to perform my task as emcee for the event. The pills the doc gave proved to be good though I think I have put a strain on it cos my throat hurt again today. I hope I can last til the June hols!

My recruitment drive for the media club has been promising. The first newsletter is out! It's a 2-page HI Update that was inserted into the old newsletter. On Thursday, some 300 copies were distributed to some primary school. Hey my media club kids who contributed to the newsletter - well done. Here's what Mrs Wong had to say about your work.. "It's one of the best newsletters I've read for a long while..!" Way to go!!

With CCA stand down this coming week, I think I'd have to keep my plans of meeting up til after the exams. That's when we'll discuss to roll out the plans for our media club, ya? Keep your enthusiasm up in the meantime!

My Sec 2 classes will be going through the longest 2 minutes of their lives this coming week as they present their news reports. Some of my Sec 2 Int kids have already experienced it... It's just 2 minutes, but it's a killer if you're not prepared. Moral of the story? Be prepared! I used to do 4 minute speeches for debates, and really, when you have so much to say, the time just ain't enough! Guess that's when I started to talk faster!

OK - I've got to get back to more marking. The red pen is almost a permanent fixture in my hand.

This entry's for Justin

I promised Justin I'll blog this entry up for him, so here I am, taking a break from marking to do so...

"Yes, Miss Chew's is underblogging and I'm posting this entry cos Justin said I'm underblogging."

There you go, Justin! :)

OK - Before I go, if you know of anyone who can write well, and will be excited in being part of a dynamic team in being the "journalists" in HI, let me know. I'm recruiting for the Media Club...

I need a break

I really do need a break. I am frustrated, burnt out, and tired.

:(

sick...

yes, i am sick again... flu bug...

the bug's going round in the staff room and it has hit me. yesterday, my doc drowned me with four different kinds of tablets, two just to keep the swelling of the throat down. "infection" she says.

still, i dragged myself to school today cos there's just too many things to be done. i sorted out the IEC list, finally! now, to tie down the vendors, churn out lists, chase after students.... i wish i were less sick so i can do more..

i hope justin and ming hui found today's session with sph a fruitful one. ben's experience at the pakistan earthquake's really cool, ya? maybe you'd be like him one day! i'm counting on you two to be the backbone of the new media club i'm setting up, so don't let me down, ya?

as for now, i shall put aside my grand plans and take some time off before my nose falls off...

hope to be well soon.. can't afford to be sick with so much happening!

starfish.. out...

Drumline

I hope my class appreciated the movie I screened at today's LCE lesson. I used it to teach the sec 2 cohort about managing their emotions, anger in particular. I taught them about how to respond to someone who's angry with us, and how to manage our anger. Cos at the end of it all, like they realised in the video, anger gets us nowhere.

Much like the band focused on their goal to win, they didn't let anything come in their way. It didn't matter that their rival crossed the line and drummed on their drums. It didn't matter that they continued to taunt them. They just had one thing on their mind - to win. And they did just that by managing their emotions well.

When we look at our lives, there are many a times when people did us wrong, and naturally, we'll feel angry. But like I had shared with my Sec 2s - we all have choices. We can decide what we want to do with this anger. We can use it for us, or against us. And so, many of my kids were surprised when I told them anger is neither good nor bad - it is what we do with it that makes it good or bad.

I'm naturally faced with circumstances that made me angry many a times. I could choose to fight or argue, I could choose to take revenge, or backstab. I could choose to spin tales and destroy the one that hurt me, but I could also choose not to. Because, I realise that at the end of it all, if I win, what do I win? What good does it do to me to see another suffer because of my doing? What good does it do if I have to resort to such underhand methods just to prove that I am right?

The band didn't have to resort to underhand methods, or cross the line to win. They stuck to their goal, managed their emotions, remained focused, and won at the end. And frankly, all of them are winners in their own right, for not only winning the competition, but their own battles of impulsivity. They won their own internal battle of emotions by learning to manage it well.

I hope my Sec 2s learn this lesson well, and keep their heads above their shoulders in good stead, regardless of the circumstances that may face them.

I hope you all enjoyed and learnt from Drumline as much as I did.

:)
starfish

My Sec 2 class

I was especially sad today. I wondered if anyone noticed. My close friends did cos I lacked that usual smile and somehow I found tears welling up in my eyes as I looked hard and straight at my new Sec 2 class.

It saddened me that for a class that had a perfect score in camp, for a class that put in so much effort to do up the class, for a class that had the best camper, and a class that had its history of being the best decorated class, it was somehow divided.

I'm not talking about cliques here, because that's normal and part of growing up. I'm talking about having such negative thoughts and feelings of others, thinking one is superior to others.

I wondered where all their values have gone to as I wondered how I were to deal with the issue come English lesson. It didn't help that I had a million and one things on my table to do and complete by today. Somehow, I felt like screaming, but I kept it all inside.

I never knew that children of their age could be filled with so much hate, that words that stung hard and deep were used on each other. Nevermind how they were said, or the manner in which they were conveyed. The truth of the matter is that it hurt.

I spoke with my VP on how to deal with the issue. She said they should be warned, that threats are serious issues, and that a case can be made against them. And we're talking about police reports here. It doesn't matter if it be in written form, verbal or via cyberspace or telephone wires. It's all the same. A threat is a threat.

As I entered the class, I couldn't bear to bring any one of the faces I saw in front of me to case. They are too young to know how best to express their anger and displeasure, I concluded. And so, I got themt to write on "What I like/dislike about my classmates/class" in an effort to understand them better and for them to let it all out through writing. After all, that's what I do when I need to get all my emotions out.

It saddedned me again to know that whilst a handful saw the glass as half full, most saw it as half empty. "I hate" filled more papers than "I like". I wondered why the negativity. What is there for me to show them that the world in which they live in is not just about themselves, but of others too.

I'm sure deep in some of their hearts, I am hated for having changed their seats. I guess if I were in their position, I would dislike the arrangement too. But if they could make sense of the benefit they would get in making space for themselves, away from their usual friends, perhaps, they would better realise and make use of the time to do something positive instead, like helping their new friend sitting beside them, knowing them better, or taking that time to pay attention in class and learn more.

It's frustrating having to keep stopping during lessons just to make sure the class is quiet, so that they know what to do, what to learn. Sometimes, I wonder if I am at fault for not engaging them in a way that they would sit up and pay attention.

I look back at my Sec 2 classes I've taught before and I wonder if I can create the same magic I did for 2 Unity. Maybe I'm impatient, but deep in my heart, I do wish they can be more attentive and responsive.

But above all, I do wish and hope that my class will take some time to think about what drew them together during the camp, how they can put aside their differences then, and how they can put aside their differences from now on. Does it really mattter if one hates someone else? Who benefits from the hate at the end of it all? None.

So I ask of my class, to let go of their hate, because it only breeds negativity in them, and really, nothing good comes out of negativity.

Tomorrow, I don't see them, but I hope to feel better by Friday knowing that they have put aside their differences, and work together as a team.

My dear Sec 2 class - I know you can do it!

Zoom... Zoom.. Zoom...

Where did the weeks go? Suddenly, I find myself smack in week five of Term one. And I didn't feel as if teaching has started! Like many teachers, week 3 was a struggle. Many found ourselves tired from the intensity of things to be done and completed. Sometimes, we ask ourselves if there will be a break.

And so, many of us welcome Chinese New Year with open arms. It sets us some time to catch up on all the administrative duties we wished we didn't have to deal with. As one fellow teacher aptly put... "We collect lots of forms... That's why we're called the Form Teacher". Yes, pun intended.

As for me, the past few weeks saw me meeting up with people from various polytechnics as we try to carve out our niche area for the school. Collaborations seem promising, but behind the project is a humongous task to be completed. In another area, the development of the Interest Elective Club for the school saw me and another fellow colleague rushing here and there as we gathered vendors to come in to conduct enrichment lessons for them. Yesterday marked the day of the IEC orientation and more than 200 kids turned up for the open house. It was encouraging to see so many interested in enriching themselves in less academic ways.

Today, as I sat at my desk sorting out the forms, I feel myself overwhelmed by the data that need to be analysed and tabulated. It didn't help that some kids filled up the form wrongly, so I forsee myself chasing after these kids just so that he/she doesn't miss out. Surprisingly, quite a number opted for diving, despite the cost.

Jeannie tells me I'm hardly at my desk right now. She misses my noise in the staff room I guess... and when I'm around, i'm either busy with work or making phone calls. One day, she looked at me and said, "You know, I'd rather mark than be as busy as you." I smiled at her, and that was when I realised what having a passion meant. I felt tired physically, but my mind was energised and full of zest. I couldn't keep it still thinking of how else I can develop the programmes to make it more enriching for the kids as they pass through secondary school education.

Being a supporter of Howard Gardner's Multiple Intelligence theory, I believe that we all have our own intelligences in our own way. And so, whenever possible, I always try to look at intelligence from a holistic perspective. I try to bring out the different intelligences I find in my students.

And so, CCA is a way in which I find myself doing just that. I have seen so many a time, students who aren't academically inclined, yet show so much potential outside of the classroom. Sometimes, i wish I could go into their minds, and find out - what exactly makes them tick.

As for my new class - 2 Integrity - I'm beginning to embrace them like a mother hen. They performed so well in the camp, I was so proud of them. If only they knew that even though I wasn't there with them for the two days, I thought of them often. I hope they will grow up to be as wonderful a class as 2 Unity was last year.

Time really flies. I've only been teaching for about 2 years, and I feel like I've taught so many students already. Next year, the kids I taught in Sec 1 will be Sec 4s!! (Yes, 2 Unity 2005 - that's you!!) There seems to be so much to do still!

Come 2006, I wish for myself to bring about a change in school, a paradigm shift, a breakthrough. It's an ambitious wish, i know, but I'm a fighter, and I won't give up til I'm there.

I've a race to run... and it begins now. Ciao!

Week 2

It's week two of term one and yet it feels as though school had only just begun. Maybe it's because of the holidays in between. Next week my sec 2 kids are off for their camp and I'd be losing yet another three lessons with them.

This doesn't feel good as I don't feel I'm gelling with my class well considering the breaks in between.

I've been very firm still with my Sec 2 kids and I hope they don't blame me. I must say I am a real harsh one compared to my co-form. But I strongly feel that they need the correct guidance or when they move on to Sec 3, things will start to get out of hand. I am pleased so far that they have been handing in their assignments on time. Yet, I don't want every lesson to be one of discipline. Sometimes, I wished I had the class of last year's 2 Unity back. There was just some magic in that class that I enjoyed and loved.

Maybe I am a little impatient. After all, I've only seen them for a total of three lessons. I can't expect a rapport built over a year plus. I think my new class has potential. It's only they have to start to see it more for themselves than for me to see it in them.

I didn't like the fact that i had to pick out a student in class to teach the rest about respect today, but her actions were highly disrespectful, and could not go unchecked. I think it hit her when I highlighted her behaviour. It wasn't personal. It was the behaviour that I could not condone.

Another of my kid smsed me through his friend. He asked me to pray for him as he has been down with fever since Monday. It must be really scary for him to be sick for so long. I said a prayer for him immediately and sent him an sms. I pray he'd recover and be well. There's just too much youth and potential in him for anything to happen to him. I truly hope to see him in school on Monday.

CCA orientation saw me leaving school only at 7pm. That seems to be the norm these days. I guess my new portfolio in school has kept me really busy, and like Jeannie puts it, "you're like a call centre".

But I think I'm juggling well, thanks to good support from some of my colleagues.

It was good to catch some of my former students today at the CCA orientation. Xunfu looked so smart in his uniform. I sure hope he does well in his studies and doesn't slacken again. Lynn's hair grew!! Heard she's the English rep again. Saw Chuan Lian in the morning.. She's the class monitor now... I wonder how the others are doing...

Alright - time to sign off. Back to more work on the drawing board!

:)
starfish

First day at the new campus

It always feels nice to have new things, and so moving into the new campus is surely something I was looking forward to. The air-conditioned hall was a great welcome, so we didn't have to melt in the humidity during assembly and mass. But what I looked forward most to, was to see the familiar faces of my students.

I don't know how many of my former form class will be reading this, but I'd just like to share with them how I felt as I saw them entering the hall. It was a warm sense of familiarity, and like a mother hen, I felt responsible to look out for them. I felt a little sad that I was no longer their form teacher, and really, if I had been more prepared, I would have taken up the challenge. But I couldn't let my sentiments affect the fact that I feel they need and deserve a more experienced teacher for their graduating year. In the deepest of my hearts, I felt sad that I could no longer be as involved in their lives as I would have been if I had been teaching them.

I had to learn to let go as I looked away from my adopted godson. I wondered if he had studied hard during the holidays. And as I went down the row, I seem to have a little message in my head for each of them. I wondered if Michelle is copiing better after the holidays, and if Terence would stop playing and start bucking up in his studies. I wondered if Benson will prove himself of the potential he's worth, and if Clarissa will shine like the natural leader she is. I was happy to note that Yang Jun had been elected Chairman of the class and Chuan Lian the vice chairperson. It warmed my heart when she waved frantically at me as I left school. I wondered if they knew I'd miss them that much.

My new class was great. I've always enjoyed teaching Sec 2s. They are at this in-between age where nothing matters, but yet they want things to matter. They are asserting their identity, yet yearning for guidance. They are trying out things, and really, sometimes, it can get quite adorable observing them. I had fun with them, but it would have been better if all the games I had prepared for them worked. I can't wait to have more fun with them during English!

I hardly sat at my seat today as I shuttled from meeting to meeting after school. I hardly had lunch as I was determined to ensure that the idea I had proposed worked. Never had I expected that a little conversation with my P and VP would result in a shift of focus for the school. I had never thought that my idea would be bought, and it makes me even more determined to make it work for those who believed in me.

It's a new year, and I can feel a new me. I told my good friend today that I feel powerful this year. And I'm gonna make things happen. I'm determined I will.

And for starters... it's back to the drawing board for more planning!

Starfish... out!

Christmas...

Ah yes... this year, I had a Christmas with a difference. My mum, brother and I decided to attend midnight mass. And though I was really tired, having been out of the house since morning, I was glad I made the effort to trod down to church some one and a half hours before mass began. Indeed, it seems for the thousands of Catholics who are usually late for Mass, somehow, the midnight mass drew them in much earlier. It wasn't as if the seats were different, or that there would be a special privilege for people at the front, but somehow, people make the effort to get to Mass early so that they get the best seats in the house.

It took just ten minutes after the wardens allowed us into the church for the whole church to be filled with people - all decked up to the nines - a far cry from the usual bermudas, jeans and T-shirt garb you would usually see on Sunday. It seemed there was a silent rule, that you had to dress up a little to celebrate the birthday of Jesus.

The carols before Mass began was lovely. I love the songs, and having been educated in a school where music was the soul, I immensely loved the praise and worship. I could sing my heart out all night if given a choice! And the choir - my favourite one - was just great! Grace was fantastic as usual, and the young boy (can't remember his name) - he sure has grown up, gained a whole lot of confidence, and was just awesome as he sang solo in latin! Speaking of which, certain parts of the mass were sang in latin, and it really created that prayerful atmosphere of Christmas. For a moment, in church, Christmas was not about shopping, giving and receiving presents, but it was about celebrating the birth of Christ.

And long after mass ended, I still had all the songs in my head! We reached home, exchanged gifts, and my dear brother got me such a sweet card. He even wrote nice messages in it, and took effort to add smiley faces on the stars in the card! We surprised mum with a crucifix she was saving up for. She was really touched... and it made us happy knowing that we had made her happy.

My friends came over today - my four closest friends and their husbands... Two came with their kids, so I had a house full of babies and an active 2 year old who really stole the show for the afternoon! My godson Keith, isn't exactly handsome, but he's a real charmer, making friends with whoever that crossed his path. And he was very intelligent in ensuring he got what he wanted too! When Pris and Roy wanted to leave, he even decided to wave goodbye to his parents to follow them.. All because he thought "Uncle Roy got aeroplane.." Lee Yee just shook her head when he did that!

Pris came with Eshton who cried lots at first because of the unfamiliar surroundings, but after a while, he became entertained by Keith, who was playing "catch" with my mum. Indeed, we all never saw Eshton smile so heartily before and it was just heartwarming to see Pris and Roy's joy when they saw him laugh so heartily.

It was fun making Grace happy with the series of pink items my mum and I got for her... But what made her happy was the yoga mat she had her eyes on for the longest time! Wendy got her a pink sarong too! To match the pink towel and handphone pouch I got her!

I had invited Max over but he had lunch with his family and had a dinner appointment. Every year, it was tradition for him to eat the drumstick of the turkey. Well, it's still there in the fridge if he makes it in time before we wipe it all out!

This year's food was simply fabulous. I ordered it thru Grace, who ordered it from Temasek Poly's canteen chef! Not only was it cheap, it was simply yummy! We had a turkey, ham, roasted beef and shepherd's pie. I got bread and salad, while friends brought over cakes. It was simple, yet filling... and all gave the thumbs up for a superb meal! Juicy and succulent, just the way we had wanted it. Pris said this is the first year she's come to my home and I didn't cook or bake a single thing... Yeah.. that's different.

This year, it's a Christmas with a difference. It was nice. It was peaceful. It was celebrated with the closest friends, and that is all that mattered. We had fun, we shared our joys.

Christmas, my favourite time of the year.

Where has my holidays gone?

I must say that this school holiday is hardly one! For starters, I had to teach extra two weeks for my sec threes. Then it was packing and packing and packing cos our school's shifting back to Hougang. For a moment, I didn't know how to operate as I didn't know if I should report to the new school or the old school. Finally, things began to settle last week as we teachers unpacked our belongings from the Rhema boxes.

For most teachers, December marks the start of the holidays, especially since the shifting seemed to have eaten into our holidays already. But for me, it marks the start of more work. Unknown to many, I am embarking on a new project. I met up with a new teacher, and together, we're on some big mission to ensure things run smoothly next year.

And so, the weeks so far has seen us hopping from place to place, speaking to potential trainers and vendors, chasing for quotes and syllabus. Tomorrow, I will be starting my day again at 9am in school. My new colleague and I will be heading down to the other side of the island to see if it's possible to run a diving course for the school kids.

It's tiring, but it's exciting. And I face my new challenges with a bitter-sweet relish. It is but the beginning, with more to take on next year. I just pray that I will be able to take on this challenge well, and do I was meant to do when I chose to teach.

As for the holidays, I guess I have to wave it goodbye this year as I forfeit any thought of a trip overseas. Maybe one day, I'd have a chance to claim back this holiday!

I'm sick!

It's a lethal combination of the very-cold-ice-room, otherwise known as the staff room and the dust from all the packing that's making me sneeze for the whole of this week. Yesterday, it got so bad that I had to take my cold pills. As I'm typing, my nose is runny and my eyes swollen. My head aches from too much sneezing and my whole body feels sore... Argh... an awful feeling.

Ah yes, my Sec 3 Dil will be pretty happy they don't have to sit through my English class today - ya?

Hopefully, I'd be better tomorrow. I'll do my last lesson for the year, pack my last book into the box, seal it all up and say goodbye to the cold and dusty staff room forever!

But for now, I'll probably take break and cure this cold of mine first...

:|
starfish

It's been a while...

Ah, yes. It has been a while since I last blogged. And i don't have marking to blame now. So, what's been happening in my life? Well, well, it's hard to explain to people not in the teaching force that while the kids are on hoidays, we teachers still have to come back to school for training, workshops, holiday lessons, year-end review, and for my school, packing to shift.

Just had a nice charity gala dinner at Royal Plaza at Scotts. I must say that they did a nice touch up to the place. We had a small private dinner in a function room by the pool side. My ex-colleague from Raffles Hotel invited me and nine others to attend the dinner cos his company bought one table and his colleagues didn't want to attend it.. so... It was good to meet up with my former colleagues again. Some have moved on, and some are still there.

Food was good - the pan-seared cod fish was immaculately placed on a bed of greens, drizzled with some oriental sauce. It was soft and flaky - just the right texture for the discerning palate. And amidst the crowd of "ang mo"s and Chinese - to quote the not-paid-host, Moses Lim - the clinging of wine glasses and clanging of plates mingled with the soothe sounds of jazz from Claressa Monteiro. Child prodigy, nine-year-old Julia Abueva, marvelled the crowd of socialites and businessmen with her child-like rendition of "When you wish upon a star" and became Singapore's Annie with "The sun will come out tomorrow", so much that they shouted for an encore.

Sure I didn't win that 2-night stay in the suite at the Royal Plaza at Scotts I was eyeing at, but it was an enjoyable one, and for a good cause, cos they raised a total of $65K for children's charity. Makes me itch to want to run events like these again!

Well, time to sleep off my dinner now!

Our Greatest Fear...

When I watched Coach Carter a few months back, I was struck by this quote. I was inspired to push myself to take the leap to do things I feared. Once again, a few weeks back, I was reminded of what I was meant to do. At the school's graduation ceremony, one of the teachers pulled out this quote. It has since sealed and engraved the message in my mind and heart, of the challenges that face me, and how and why I should take that leap. I hope it inspires you too, as much as it has inspired me...

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

- Nelson Mandela, 1994 Inaugural Speech

MARKING

Task: To mark the following -
80 compositons about 300 words in length each.
40 compositions about 400 words in length each.
80 formal letters of suggestion, about 300 words in length each.
40 informal letters of persuasion, about 350 words in length each.
80 sec 2 comprehension papers, complete with summary and cloze passage.
40 sec 3 comprehension papers, complete with summary.

Obstacles Faced:
Bad English
Sleep deprivation
Chocolate bars
Runny nose
Forgot to bring red pen home!

Support system:
Music
Camomile Tea
Chocolate Bars/Chocolate Ice-cream/Chocolate Chip Cookies/Chocolate Muffin... (You get the idea)
Starbucks
Changi Airport
United Square
Popular Bookshop
Other teachers marking (and are way behind schedule ... ahem..)

Side effects:
Eye Bags
Lack of sleep
Nightmares
Stress
Runny Nose!!
Chocolate addiction
Lack of a life outside the red pen and paper
Obsession with marking - clearly evident when being seen without fail with a pile of papers and a red pen.

How you know when you've had it
When you give all your students As
When you give all your students Fs
When you only carry a red pen and a pile of papers wherever you go
When you refuse to name your son Mark - or hate anyone who's named that

Ah yes - and who said marking was fun?

I remember when I was a child, I admired how teachers could just sit at their desks while they tasked us with work in the classroom. It seemed so easy that all they had to do was tick, tick, tick. The child in me thought it was all so easy and perhaps, it was then that I started to nurture the thought of teaching. Some twenty plus years on, I don't envy my teachers anynore. Now that I am in their shoes, I finally understood why they never liked marking.

And like a burden lifted from my shoulders, I heaved a sigh of relief as I penned the last grade on the last script. Tabulating marks was never half as enjoyable as when you know this will be the last of the marking for the rest of the year.

Tomorrow, I will release the marks and papers to my anxious students, who are probably enjoying themselves right now. I hope they did well for the rest of the subjects too.

As for me, the sleepless nights has gotten into me, and I am down with a cold. Surrounded by tissue paper, I seek solace in blogging - a luxury I have not been able to afford for a while. I shall savour this moment for a while before new challenges face me tomorrow. For now, peace.

:)

A new trend

I thought that when I started marking at one of the many Starbucks in Singapore last year, I was one of the only teachers in Singapore doing so. And so, when the pile of marking came in on Thursday, I planned yet again on plonking myself in one of the Starbucks to mark. And I thought I'd be the only one doing so. I guess I was wrong!

Today, I met up with a friend of mine who wanted some company as she planned for her coursework for the coming semester in the polytechnic. We decided to meet at United Square. After all, another friend of mine commented they had a nice Starbucks there. And so, with some 60 scripts and my i-book tucked in my bag, I ventured up north, armed with a thick sweater, just in case it got too cold.

Surely enough, the Starbucks there was trendier than most I've been. Yes, the lush couch seats were there, but they were mostly occupied by students. We ordered drinks and food, and I pulled out my pile of marking and my trusty red pen whilst my friend pulled out her textbooks and blank sheets of paper to plan her lessons. As time went by, we realised I wasn't the only teacher around. Tucked in another corner was a girl, armed with a red pen - marking. Beside me, two other ladies in yoga-like gear and earphones plugged into their ears had a pile of paper and a red pen in their hands - marking. Behind us, a couple had another pile of paper. Again, red pens - marking. Yet another couple sat near us. The boy was reading a book while his partner marked. Maths, Literature, English, Physics...

I was amazed. It seems it has become a trend not only to see students mugging at the airport or at cafes. Teachers are doing the same, but marking. The lady in the yoga-llike gear walked past me as she refilled her mug with yet more hot water. "You're marking too, I see?" "Yes, I am. You too?" "Yup. Lit and English. I've been clearing about 100 scripts a day, and more's coming next week!" "Same here!"

Well, it seemed as though Starbucks was incubating a cult of teachers marking in their premises. As we each sat in our little corners slashing marks of red on the scripts, we looked up once in a while, and when our eyes met, we smiled a smile of empathy, as though saying "Yes, we're all in the same boat." We all hate it, but we have to do it. It is after all what we've been preparing our students for. It's a love-hate thing hard to explain.

My friend and I analysed the new trend, and concluded that teachers these days are going out to mark because they are the very group of people who went out to study when they were younger. It seems we find comfort and strength amongst those of us in the same boat. Each of us venture out for various reasons, but it all boils down to the home not being a conducive place for work.

Whatever the reason, I think Starbucks is having a swell time seeing their cakes, pastries and beverages being consumed as they provide fodder for the teachers and students whilst they mark and mug.

Prefixes and Suffixes

I was going through with my Sec 3 Diligence class the notions of prefixes and suffixes to better help them with the vocabulary section of the comprehension paper as preparation for the coming end of year exam. I explained that prefixes and suffixes have defined meanings which give a hint to the meaning of the word.

For example, "auto" means "self" - so you have "auto+matic" or "auto+biography". As I went down the list with them, I asked my class to give me examples for the different prefixes and suffixes.

Here's a few examples of what they came up with -

"Pre-" (as in to come before) : Pretty, Prefect
"In-" (as in not) : Indian, Indonesia
"Bi-" (as in two) : Biology

Well, at least I know they knew how to find non-examples. Which to me meant they knew what the examples were. So there you have it. Learning has taken place.

It was a lesson that made me smile even after class, though. I guess they've learnt one of the Habits of Mind - Finding humour.

Way to go 3 Dil! Don't let me and more importantly, don't let yourselves down! Study hard!!

The Private Doctor vs The Polyclinic

Alright. I've been hit by the bug again. This time with a throat infection, fever and runny nose.

This time, I decided to forgo the Civil Service benefit and go to a private doctor at the nearby White Sands instead of the polyclinic. My past experiences at the polyclinic were less than pleasant. Out of the many doctors I've seen there, only two showed human compassion. Others were forgettable or just plain unsympathetic. The last one I saw after my colonoscopy said that "my staff also go for the scope and they go back to work the next day." Then she had to add, "so what else is wrong with you?"

I guess that was the last straw, and so, this time I decided to trod down to White Sands, risk getting another unsympathetic doctor, and spending more money.

But I was glad I took that risk. The doctor was not only nice, he took time to know my medical history so he could treat me better. In the light of the Prime Minister's call for good service, I must say, this doctor is exemplary.

He sent me off with a dose of antibiotics, cough mixture and cold tablets and two days' MC so I could rest. "All that shouting you do as a teacher is not gonna help with your throat." He was empathetic, and that made the difference.

I thanked him as I left, telling him that I was glad I made the choice to visit him instead of the polyclinic. He understood what I meant. He said he was a doctor there before, and he didn't like the way he had to treat patients. All it took was three weeks for him to feel he had a better way to treat patients. He broke his bond and set up his own clinic. And he's happy now that he's making his patients happy with his personal touch.

Happy people make happy people. Now, that's what service is all about.

Which makes me wonder - happy teachers make happy students?

Weddings, Chemistry, Love...

Hmmm.. The world around me seems to be falling in love and getting married these days. For one, I will be attending yet another of my JC mate's wedding next Sunday. Today, I accompanied one of my best friends to try on a gown. As she walked out of the changing room, I thought she looked stunning. At last, she's getting married!

The designer of the bridal shop asked me when it was my turn. Oh well. That's another on the list who's been asking me that question. I've got to find a man first, I told him. And when I met one of my former colleagues, he too asked the same question. Just like my kids at school, he concluded that I was too fussy.

But excuse me and pardon me if I am wrong, but ain't choosing a life partner quite unlike choosing say a pair of shoes. I mean wear out your shoes and there you go, you can go get a new pair. Or even own a few pairs at a time! Nothing's wrong, no sin done. But to me marriage is something sacred. Choosing a life partner is not settling down for one just cos I can't get another. To me, it's a feeling you get when you just know that you found that someone.

I've known many a friend who had played the field, and when that someone came along, they just knew he or she was THE ONE. They all can't explain it, but they tell me that you'd know. And when you know, you don't have to be dating for ages. You'd just know you're meant to be, and you'd settle down.

Which brings me to remember by friend and my NIE classmate whom I put together two years back. And look now - they're engaged! I guess both of them just knew that they were meant for each other.

Over lunch just last week with my ex-boss, she commented that youngsters these days look for "chemistry" in their marriages. She lamented on how her two children are still looking for that someone they can have "chemistry" with. She was puzzled why it was all so important to us youngsters.

I guess to me, that "chemistry" is the level of communication I can have with one. I value communication very much. If I had a relationship, I would insist on an open communication between me and my partner. No secrets! Because I think with that, everything else will fall in place. Uncle J calls this rapport. When one communicates well with another, there's rapport when you find the other completing your sentences or speaking the words off your mind even before you say it. Of course, I've got to feel comfortable with that person too. Ah, yes... "Chemistry".

And to answer that big question as to why I'm still single? Well, maybe I'm just one of those isolated metals on the periodic table that do not form bonds with other metals. No "chemistry". But don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining about the status of my singlehood. Yes, I am approaching 30, and I'm single and educated, and according to some reports, I belong to the growing number of single independent women who is not contributing to the population growth of the nation. So? I am free, independent, and I can do what I want, fly off to where I want if I want to, and pursue my goals and dreams. No, I am not selfish, but I guess instead of moping on my status as a single, why can't I celebrate it and make the best use of it while I am at it?!

But yes, I'd love to fall in love some day, with that special someone some day. But til that day comes, here's cheers to singlehood, and the freedom it brings!

:)

Why Teachers Quit?!

In a large way, I'm glad I'm done with the O level English Oral Exams. This means that my afternoons are back in order for me to catch up with work and marking... Well, that was what I thought. But no. I am clearing up the backlog of my Sec 2 kids who have yet to sit for their oral exams. And so every afternoon, I see myself staying back again for another two hours or so clearing batches of students as they sit in front of me reading, talking about some picture and some topic I give them. It's tiring considering I start my exams without a lunch break immediately after my last lesson for the day.

And so, lunch these days are at 4pm if I am lucky.

I came across a second-hand bookshop over the weekend and was surprised to find a book written by a local, Enzo Liow, entitled "Why Teachers Quit?!" The first question I asked was "Is this book legal?" Ha.. typical civil servant in me. Out of curiosity, I asked the girl at the counter to let me take a look at the book. Flipping through, I saw familiar words such as HOD, Parents, Students, Marking.... Things we teachers face each day. The book costs $14.90. I thought it was a smart way for the author to make a quick buck. I thanked the girl at the counter. I told her I didn't need to spend $14.90 for all the things I already know.

I wonder how useful the book would have been for aspiring teachers, or for me when I decided to come into teaching. Hadn't I not known all these would be coming? I wonder how my NIE mates are coping. I wonder if they share the same sentiments as those found in the book.

On the other hand, others have written about the joys of teaching, the fulfilment and the rich experience in shaping others' lives. I've known of teachers who stick by their jobs regardless. What makes these stay and others go?

So, does it boil down to the individual, or is it a mixture of both the individual and the system he is made to be put in. Does he grow with the system or does he get trapped in it? Do we blame the individual or the system? What can and should be done?

Oral exams these days and more...

Tired. This is day four of the O Level English oral exams and I feel tired. That's because it means some eight afternoons are burnt just listening to bad English - well almost. Well, to be honest, I was a little entertained by some. I tried hard not to laugh when a student said that "the boy looks very concentrated". I think he meant "he looks as if he's concentrating hard." In my mind, and with a growling stomach, I began to wonder how a "diluted boy" looked like... Heh..

OK - 2 Integrity. You are beginning to make me smile at you. I am impressed by the efforts most of you made today to ensure you did well for your oral presentation. It wasn't easy, I know, but some of you gathered all your courage and did your best. And for that, I applaud you. You made me so proud of you, I really had no qualms giving some of you the full marks. I see that you can rise up to the occasion too if it calls for it. All of you have so much potential, I wonder why some of you decide to keep it within you when you can manifest it. I especially enjoy it when you compete just so to get better marks. Keep that competitive spirit within you and drive yourself to be better always. You can only get better, right? And so, 2 Integrity - don't let me down, but more importantly, don't let yourself down.

:)

Angels Brought Me Here

Yes, it is a fairly old song, sung by Guy Sebastian - Australian Idol 2004. But I'm totally in love with it. I've been listening to it over and over and over again... Too bad I can't fit the song in here, but I'd like to share with you the lyrics... So beautiful...

ANGELS BROUGHT ME HERE
By Guy Sebastian

It's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces, and walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory, where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling, when i look into your eyes...

My dreams came true, when i found you
I found you, my miracle...

If you could see, what i see, that you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

Standing here before you, feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love, every heartbeat speaks your name...

My dreams came true, right here in front of you
My miracle...

If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

Brought me here to be with you,I'll be forever grateful (oh forever Faithful)
My dreams came true
When I found youMy miracle...

If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

Yes they brought me here... If you could feel, the tenderness i feel...
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

I've been on MC

Yes, my kids have been asking me why I haven't been to school lately. They have been asking why I have been on MC so often lately. And as much as I don't want to say much, I think I owe them an explanation - as well as caring colleagues who have been asking what happened to me.

Well, in short, I have been visiting the hospital lately for more checks, and Monday saw me going through a colonoscopy. From morning, I had to take some awful concoction that "prepared" my intestines for the procedure. In the coldness of the various operating rooms in the endoscopy ward at SGH, I was given a jab that saw me passing out so I was spared the discomfort of the whole procedure.

When I awoke, I was glad to find mum by my side, telling me that the doc said nothing seriously wrong was with me. He'd see me again in two weeks to follow up on further treatments if necessary. I couldn't remember when I was wheeled out, or when the procedure ended, or how I got down from the bed. All I remember was I was given a hot cup of Milo by the nurse and my stomach hurt like hell. The nurse promised me the pain would subside. Thankfully, by the time I reached home, it did.

I felt nauseous the next day, and decided that I needed a longer rest than I had anticipated. A big bruise surfaced below the plaster that covered the injection mark. The pain in my abdomen comes on and off - an acute pain that alternates between the left and right regions. I've lost my appetite for my usual sustenance, and I dread meal times. My stomach feels like it is in a mess. Well, at least I am glad it's not as bad as what the other doc thought it could have been - cancer.

So, thanks my kids for your care and concern. This is what happened. This is why Miss Chew has been absent. And she hopes she doesn't have to be absent for so many days for a while...

I must say, when I returned to school on Wednesday, I was touched by my form class, 3 Diligence. For some reason, they decided to clean the classroom til it sparkling clean.. well, almost. It was as if it was their way of welcoming me back. In a way, I missed them. Sometimes, I wished they were more motivated, more driven to want to do well. It saddens me to see some give up so easily. Where is that spirit of resilience? Where is the enthusiasm? Where is the drive, the spirit? Where is the power of their youth?!

If I ever want to see anything, I'd like to see them develop these qualities. I'd love to see them succeed and be so proud of themselves, of their achievements. I'd like them to reach the top and one day say to themselves - yes, I've made it.

This is my vision for you, my dear 3 Dil...

Unity does it again!

This blog entry is dedicated to Sec 2 Unity - yes, you've done it again!

Thanks for today's immaculate performance, for participating, and rising to the occasion when the moment arrived. I smiled when Sam raised his hands to ask a question. Or even when Jason asked a simple question like, "Where did you get the money from, ah?" That put smiles on our visitors' faces.

You see, all of you have the potential. All of you can be up there in the top class. Even our VIP asked if you were the top class. I guess he was pleasantly surprised when I said you were not. And he wasn't the only one asking if you were the top class. You made us all very proud of you, because to us it meant that you need not be in the top class to be good. You can be good where you are. And that motivates us teachers to want to persevere, because we've been encouraged.

Justin - I must say you did a fabulous job! A few teachers came up to me after that, asking about you. Look out for more opportunities to show your talent and strength! :)

I must also commend the panel of speakers - Weiqi, Bryan, Rachel, Maryse and Jackson. I know it's not easy being placed in the hot seat, to be asked question. But you took up the challenge and worked hard to making the lesson work. You put in the effort to read the long articles, to do the research, to rehearse, and to perfect it all. Thanks for calling me up yesterday after school just to make sure you all knew what to do today, and for coming in early today. I hope you had fun doing all the research as much as the class had fun asking all the questions!

Sec 2 Unity - you are a special class, and don't let anyone let you think otherwise. Remember that if you can rise up to the occasion and do so exceptionally well for this lesson today, you can also do equally well in every aspect of your life. It's just putting your mind to it. Believe you can achieve great things and you will. Because when you do, all your actions lead you towards that goal. All of you wanted the lesson to be perfect, and that's why you put in your best effort. Want that perfectionism in the other parts of your life. You'd find yourself directiong your actions to working towards perfect in no time.

Don't give up when difficulties face you, because you've just proven that you've got what it takes to make it all happen despite the odds.

:)

The Cold Bug

I've been hit by the cold bug, and I think my kids are either very happy that I'm not there to teach them, or sad that they have some other boring relief teacher to. :P

Well, I've been fighting the virus since last week, and I guess the additional pressure of some VIP coming over tomorrow to observe my class doesn't help. And so, after being down on Monday, I'm down again with the "haaaahhh choooooo!". Yes, I'm a germ-spreader.

But I'm so proud of my 2 Unity kids, who are so conscientious about making the lesson tomorrow work, that they decided to call me to find out exactly what they should do. And so, all dizzy eyed, I briefed them.. "Are you really sick, Miss Chew?" asked one of them after realising that I'm still working at home to finalise the lesson for tomorrow despite the medicine that's making me all drowsy.

Yes, I've not been well lately and I wonder why. My resistance level seem to have dropped over the years. I remember being able to stay in my cold office at 18 degrees celcius in NUS and not feel cold at all. Now, I shiver and sneeze when it gets too cold. Time to balance the ying yang!

I had a good chat over the msn with one of my NIE mates just two days back. We talked about school, about our kids, about bureaucracies, about future plans, and future partners! She loved my previous blog entry, and told me it was a good one. Thanks for your encouragement, D, for pushing me to pick up more starfishes and throw them into the sea! I guess sometimes, some people don't appreciate or see the effort we're putting in to save these starfishes. Sure, we're not perfect, and we may have to throw the same starfish back into the sea over and over again. But we know what we're doing it for, and we know our conscience is clear. And if it saves starfishes, really, it's all that matters.

My brother was just over the msn with me, and though we're in our 30s, we really are children at heart. We recall our school days once in a while, of how we would smuggle food into the study room so we could eat them without our dad knowing, or of how we used to eat the "pie porridge" my mum used to cook. We joke that it taught us fractions! Remembering our childhood doesn't make us childish. It makes us realise how far we've moved on. And sharing it doesn't make us any weaker. It makes us realise we were strong then. And we can be stronger now.

So don't forget to be a child sometimes. My brother says being a child is good.. He quotes from the bible, "Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven."

:)

Thanks kids!

It's uncanny how life can be when it deals you with a wild card you don't expect.

My student posted a blog entry in the school blog that was set up to participate in a blog competition. In it, he wrote about how he was affected by what I shared with him and a few other students in class, about my life when I was a teenager, about growing up faster than my counterparts, about hitting hurdle after hurdle, and despite all the odds, I didn't even once felt like giving up. In fact, I went on and on. I just felt that there was a necessity to go on, to remain strong for myself and those around me.

My student said that he thought he was stong, but after what I shared with him, he felt he wasn't. He said that if he were in my shoes, he'd have given up. He said that one day, he hopes to have my never-give-up attitude.

I knew I had to go through what I went through for a reason. I knew that for what I went through, I had to share my experience with those around me. It is for this reason perhaps that I found my calling in teaching some two years back. I knew I had to share this part of my life in school.

I don't really know what drove me then, or what made me so strong that I just could go on and on with a stamina even I didn't realise I had. But I know some things made the experience less bitter.

• Firstly, the power of prayer. I prayed whenever I felt low. I asked God to give me patience and strength daily. That was all I asked for. He sent me angels in my life, coming in the form of friends.
• Secondly, my upbringing. I remember that when I was young, mum used to have this small book filled with positive quotes. Almost every day, she'd tell me about the power of positive thinking. Although perhaps too young to understand the full essence of it at that age, somehow, I believed that what you believe in your mind, you will get. In my mind, I believed that home would be a better place. Well, it is now for me!
• Thirdly, this quote - "Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." It gave me strength, and hope. It made me realise that it doesn't matter how often my hurdles bring me down on my journey. It is me picking myself up that matters.

Of course, I have a wonderful brother that I knew loves me although he doesn't say it. Ever since dad left, he's taken on the role as head of the house, ensuring that our daily needs are met.

Today, life isn't exactly luxurious, but we have enough to get by. I'm proud to be able to send my mum on holidays cos that's what she enjoys.

And just as I thought life could be all comfortable, I'm hit with news that may mean I may not be in the best of health for some time.

I've learnt to realise that I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and so I'll do all I can do today.

To my student who wrote that blog entry, I'd like to thank you. And for all of you who have been tagging on the tagboard, and posting your comments, i'd like to thank you too for your concern and encouraging words. Being a teacher can be trying at times, but your words push me on. All of you are angels sent to me by God, to encourage me and push me on when the road gets tough.

Thanks for inspiring me, kids! Don't give up on your dream. I'm sure one day, you'll be an inspiration to others too!

:)

Alright, alright....

I hear the voices of my students - "Miss Chew, you've not been updating your blog!"

Yes, my dears. I've been so caught up with so many things on my hands that blogging becomes a luxury! And since it's a school holiday today, I figured I'd take some time off early this morning to pen down a few thoughts.

It's uncanny that the theme of "death" keeps popping up every now and then, I wonder if I am going to die soon. Tuesdays with Morrie was a book I decided to pick up and read again over the holidays because mum was watching the movie on the Hallmark Channel. One line struck a chord in my heart especially - "You only learn to live when you learn to die."

Indeed, we never know how much we should be doing, or how much we can do, until we are faced with death.

A friend of mine sent me an email on a speech by the CEO of Apple. He was diagnosed with cancer one day, and suddenly, it dawned on him how much he can do and should be doing. And fortunately, there was treatment to cure his cancer. With a new lease of life, he went on to do much more than he ever thought possible.

I shared with my three classes my reflections on Tuesdays with Morrie. I had hoped that through it, they would be motivated to want to do more with their lives, with their healthy bodies. I wonder how many fell on deaf ears, and how many fell on touched hearts. But it touched my heart, and made my day to see one of my students pull out a brand new copy of Tuesdays with Morrie during morning reading a few days after I introduced the book to them.

I look at my life and I wonder how much more time I'd have left to live. And taking stock, I wonder if I have done the best I could. I wonder if I have done enough. Suddenly, when faced with the possibility of death anytime, I find myself wanting to do more than I ever thought I wanted.

If I were to die tomorrow, would I have been satisfied with the way I had led my life? Would I have forgiven all that hurt me? Would I have been forgiven by those I hurt? Have I told those dear to me how much they mean to me? Have I shown my gratitude? Have I been generous in kind words? Have I been a true friend? Have I been a good teacher? Have I touched enough hearts? Have I made a difference? Would anyone remember me? Would they remember me for the legacy I would have left behind? Or would they remember me not? If I were to hear my eulogy today, what would I hear?

No, no, I'm not indulging myself here. I am not craving for praise. Rather, I am wondering if I am worthy of any. Really - what have I done?

And so, I urge you. Take a look at your life right now. Take stock. If death faces you today, and you don't have a tomorrow to live for, what will you be doing? Do all that you plan to do today. For if we have a tomorrow to live for, it is a bonus to do yet more things.

Under-blogging

I accompanied five of my handpicked students today to the launch of the National Interschool Blogging Competition. Amongst the talks and briefings (not to mention the nice sandwiches and samosas), my students once again bugged me to update my blog. "Miss Chew, you're under-blogging!"

Oh yes. They have learnt the fine art of coinages.

And so, here I am with eyes almost half-closed but forcing myself to fill in an entry as if the 120 scripts staring at me isn't enough to keep me awake. I'm hoping I can finish it all by Sunday at least so I can enjoy Monday to myself.

Anyway, if you have time, I'd recommend you go watch Coach Carter - if it's still showing. I caught the movie about two or three weeks back and was deeply inspired and enlightened.

For a while, I think I lost sight of what education was all about. I allowed my students to not focus on their work if they were achievers in other areas.

I was a firm believer of doing whatever your heart desires, whereever your heart lies. It is with this every same philosophy that I chose to take up Sociology, English and Philosophy back in NUS whilst the rest of my friends were busy signing up for the Econs and Stats classes cos "it's the closest you can get to Business Scool".

And when I was left without a friend during Philosophy lectures, I felt lonely only for a moment. But it was also then that I learnt to walk on my own, to be intrigued by the logic of philosophy, about finding sound and unsound arguments, about fighting for or against abortion, or dealing with social issues. It made me think critically. It made me reflective. It honed my inner voice.

And so, back to now that I am a teacher, it seems that I have taken on that role. I figured if it woked for me, it could work for anyone else. Right?

Wrong. Different charachters entail different diagnosis and treatment.

In the movie, the coach decided that education was first priority. So what if they made good or excellent baskstball players? If they were awful in their school work, they won't get to places.

And so, the show evolved to how he, despite the odds, caused almost half the team to earn scholarships and get into universities.

I sat and asked myself - what is the purpose of educating my kids? To groom them to be the person they ought to be, or to make them academically smart? I guess I have failed to realise that these kids are in school to be educated. That in the process of learning their subjects, they develop themselve individually into the persons they ought to be.

If one cannot learn how to apply time management in his school work, or learn to motivate himself, or learn discipline, or precision, how is he able to be able to go on further in life striving to be the best person he ought to be if he never did learn it in the first place in the most basic form of education? And so, I began to see the link with education and character development going hand in hand.

And so, now, when I drive my kids, and push them, it's with a different mindset, a different intention. It is with the aim to enrich the process of character development, with the hope that they see things in a different light soon.

Yes, we all know that once we leave school, we may never use that maths formula we're forced to memorise. Yes, I don't remember a thing about differentiation and integration, but I learnt perseverance. I learnt not to keep things til the last minute. I learnt that even if I have failed, I can still pass if I try hard. And these stay with me for as long as I live.

Being in school and striving to excel has drawn out of me these qualities.

That, to me, is education. And I want to pass it on to the kids I teach.

Paying tribute to Dr Wee Kim Wee

No, it is not the civil servant in me that spurs me to write this entry. It's the man himself. Truly exemplary. And all he believed in, was the simple philosophy of loving everything he came across.

I came back home early yesterday afternoon, in time to catch the last parts of the former President's funeral service. I was especially touched by his grand-daughter's eulogy. Amongst the things she spoke about, about how a wonderful grandfather he had been, a man with a sweet tooth and an equally sweet heart, I was especially touched by what she said about remembering him in our hearts.

She said, "If you wish to honour his memory in your life, then live your life to the full. Stand by your friends, cherish your family, listen to everyone with an open mind, and welcome those who cross your path with an open heart."

Surely, Dr Wee is a humble reminder to our lives, how often we have judged others by our own merits. He didn't judge. He gave everyone a chance. He stayed grounded despite being elevated. He made time for everyone and every living creature. And yet, he had time to enjoy simple pleasures too - of his favourite rum and raisin ice-cream and chocolate.

I never knew the man himself, but he always had a place in my heart. Maybe it was because he was the neighbour of my primary school classmate. I remember she would boast about how Mrs Wee would give them kueh kueh to eat, and how she would call the President then "Uncle". I was envious, and tried ways and means to find a reason to visit her, so that I could see the man himself. Of course, I never did get a chance. But I took advantage of the fact that I had a friend, who was the neighbour of the President, to boast about my "connection" with him.

So maybe, till today, I have a special place in my heart for Dr Wee, and sadly, I only got a chance to see him in person when I paid my respects to him on Tuesday. He looked serene - a picture of peace and humilty. I signed my name on the book, and wrote, "God will be with you and your family always. Will miss you."

Indeed, I will. And so will a lot of others whose lives he has touched.

I'm sick

Yes, I've been hit by the flu bug, and what frustrates me is the fact that my kids are gonna have their exams next week, and I don't know if I've done enough to help them prepare for the exams. What's more, I have piles of marking which I left in school, so I can't even attempt to mark at home... not that I think I can considering I get drowsy with the medication...

My throat hurts, my nose is runny, I think I'm running a fever... But the doc only covered me with an MC for Tuesday, so I had to duly go for my course which I registered for with Jeannie today. I was battling with my eyelids the whole time during the course, trying not to let the effects of the medication get to me.

It was an interesting course or workshop should I say, about getting Singaporeans to read. Indeed, it was time well spent though I wished I had been more well. The effects of the cold air con did little to make me feel better, and so at the end of a long day, I feel more sick than how I felt on Tuesday... Bleah...

Nonetheless, the workshop inspired me and enlightened me personally in a few ways. There were two things that the trainer said that got me thinking. She was discussing about what she was thinking as she was reading the recommended book - she said, "It's funny how sometimes, we want to be alone, but it is during these times when we are alone, that we reflect and realise we need people around us."

The other thing she said was about reading. "How can we be good writers, if we can't be good readers?" It made me realise that my reading appetite is really small compared to other English teachers who are so passionate about the literary classics. I pale in comparison, and blush embarrasingly as others speak of classics like Lord Jim, Pride and Prejudice, the works of Emily Bronte, Jane Austen and the works. Maybe it's time for me to pick up some books like my kids?

It is indeed ironical that I tell my students to read, and yet I can hardly find time to read myself. Shouldn't I be walking my talk? And considering the fact that I love to write, I sure do read too little! What about my dream of becoming a travel writer one day? Shouldn't I be honing the necessary skills now?

Well, I don't know how a literature based syllabus for writing will go down with my school, but it's worth a try. I will have to speak to my HOD when I get back to school. I sure hope I'll be feeling better soon. There's just too much to do to be falling sick!

I'm out...!

Busy Busy!

Ah yes. I have not been updating my blog, and I have to have my dear students telling me "Miss Chew, you haven't updated your blog!"

I find myself in a situation in which the tables are turned. Instead of me chasing my kids for work, they come to me and tell me that I've not been doing my duty in updating my blog. I take it as a compliment, that they find inspiration, joy and perhaps, entertainment in wanting to read my blog.

Days just flew past me since my dive trip. In short, the dive trip was one of the best experiences in my life. I overcame my fear of the open sea, and just yesterday, when I swam in the pool, the feeling of water became all so familiar, except for the fact that the open sea is much more beautiful with its many fishes. Now, my filled up dive log and nice golden brown tan are reminders of my experience. Yes, I finally took up the challenge to face my fear, and I'm glad I did!

Many things happened following that. School work has been hectic. Piles of marking come in day after day, and sometimes, I wonder if marking is all I do as a teacher. I hope not.

Many still ask me til this day, why I chose to quit my job and come to teach. Well, besides the fact that I felt it was a calling, I felt that I needed to go through this experience. I felt that my call requires me to touch the lives of many, and with this in mind, I go through day by day. It's hard sometimes, trying to meet deadlines, follow beaureaucracies, and teach all at the same time, but I try. It's not a bed of roses. It's not my idea of a perfect job. It's not all fulfilling, and exasperation and frustration get into me sometimes. But I take it all in my stride knowing fully well that with each day that passes, I am doing my part in throwing starfishes in the sea.

We had our school's Sports' Day yesterday. And besides the fact that I had real fun with my supervisor taking over the microphone and cheering on for our house, thanks to the fact that we had been tasked to be the announcer for the day, and besides the fact that our house came in first overall, and in the staff race (yipee!!), I had a nice talk with one of my drama kids' girlfriend. Yes, I'm one teacher who knows who's going out with who....

She tells me that she thinks I'm one cool teacher who's more like a friend than a teacher. Well, I guess she's right. When I came in to teach, I had a different approach to teaching. Maybe my work experience and my personality drives me to feel hierarchy is but an illusion. Hierarchy build walls, not bridges. And with this philosophy, I entered teaching. I felt that the way to nurturing a positive attitude towards learning, is not about pulling weight always in class. It's about building bridges. It's about making connections. Of course, once in a while, I'd have to pull rank and show the kids who's in charge, but it doesn't happen always - only when the occasion calls for it.

And kids realise too their positions. They know it when I'm serious. They know it when they can treat me like their friend. Like what my Principal would say, "They know how to dance with you."

Yes, isn't it so? Isn't all relationships about dancing? Be it with a friend, a student, a boss, a parent, or a loved one, keeping a relationship strong and going, is all about knowing how to dance. It's about knowing when to step back, when to step forward, when to twist and turn, and how to move with the music. It's about knowing when to demand, when to give in, when to surprise and appreciate the moment, as both parties go through life.

Some dances are harder to learn than others. It takes time to master it, and sometimes, we need lots of practice. As for me, I am learning to dance in other areas of my life as well. It's not always easy, but at least I know I'm trying.

:)

I'm learning too...

It's cliche I know, to say we learn every day. Even as a teacher, I find myself learning every day. I learn from my friends, from my brother, from fellow colleagues, from the newspapers and yes, even my students.

I am glad that despite my busy schedule, I have put aside some time to learn something new. I had intended to take this up last year, but the sudden back ache got me postponing it till never ever, until this time, I decided that it was about time I faced my fears and challenged myself. After all, there was a little incentive in going. My good friend, Priscilla said she wants to go on a trip with me after she gives birth.

And so, I've gone back to lessons, took my quiz and I don't really believe it but I'm actually reading my notes in preparation for my exams tomorrow. Though everyone tells me nobody has failed the exams before, I don't think I want to be the first. Tuesday onwards, I'd be going on my practical lessons, and this weekend, I'd be overseas bound on my first ever open water dive! Yes, I'm learning to dive.

Over the past two days, I've learnt about buoyancy, and what happens to you when you have too much oxygen and nitrogen in your body, why you have to ascent and descent slowly, what causes the bents, and cute hand signs for the different aqua life. It's amazing. Now, I understand why Pris got hooked to diving. I sure hope I can equalise when I get underwater so I can see the marine life that I've been observing only through the Discovery Channel so far!

This will be a challenge for me even more as I will be facing my phobia of the water.. no, I'm not really afraid of water. It's just that I panic when I can't catch my breath. I just decide to hold my breath, and if you dive, you know that that really isn't a very good idea cos your lungs may burst!

Learning diving brought me to realise something - I miss studying. I miss learning things in an educational institution. I miss discovering new things. Maybe sometimes, I get so bogged down with work, and marking and teaching, that I forget to sit back and take time to learn myself. My kids I teach will probably not understand the value of education, the joy of learning and discovering until one day, when they are old enough to work, will they then miss the joy of being a student. Mark my words. I know because I was in their shoes once.

Learn. It's about enriching your life with knowledge.

Sick, but surviving...!

Yeah, nobody likes that four-letter word. Neither do I. But I've been struck by more virus than one, and now I feel like a lethargic old girl with loads of marking to do. I straddle between trying to get my fair share of rest, and trying to meet my deadlines for marking and setting of exam papers.

But putting that aside, I think I had a swell of a week. When the new term started, I was already trying to fight off the flu bug. I pressed on. I had my lesson observation coming up and the last thing I needed was to fall sick.

It didn't help that I wanted to deliver the best lesson I could for the lesson observation. I tried not to pressurise myself, but the perfectionist in me just couldn't do less than what I was capable of. On the other hand, I was also afraid of over-taxing my poor old body. It needed rest, I know. But I had to push myself too.

Actually, I was more concerned if my kids would learn what I had intended for them to learn. Will they see what I wanted them to see? I tried to focus my lessons, and cut short activities that didn't seem to contribute to the lesson. Finally, on Tuesday, I felt I had what I wanted to teach. My supervisor saw my lesson plan and said it was OK. She said it'd be pretty interesting to see how it would unfold. I prepared my materials - colourful cards, papers, worksheets.... It was now all up to me, and my students.

My kids at 2 Unity are a wonderful bunch. I have a love-hate relationship with them. I know how boisterous they can be sometimes, and it can get pretty draining when I try to teach and there I have a bunch of kids just doing their own thing. But on a whole, I find them really endearing. My fellow teacher tells me that each time I speak of them, there's a sparkle in my eyes. Yes, in a way, they are my favourite students. After all, amongst all my students I have this year, I've taught them for the longest.

I didn't know how they'll be for the lesson observation. I did tell them my supervisor and the Principal will be coming in. I did tell them to ensure the classroom was clean. I did tell them to make sure they are neat and nice so they won't get into trouble. But I didn't tell them how I want them to be for my class. I just felt that that would be too make believe. I just hoped that they would rise up to the occasion during the lesson.

Well, my kids did surprise me that day. The classroom was sparkling clean. The tables were in neat rows. They got themselves ready into groups even before I told them to. And when I started the lesson, they were all ears. I love it when they look at me and listen earnestly with that look of enthusiasm in their eyes. They don't know it, but seeing this just makes my day.

They knew when to stand to greet the Principal when she walked in, and they knew when to reply to my questions. When it came to group work, all were engaged in the activity - every single one of them. But the best was yet to come. It was time to discuss their answers, and those that I called to present did so with such eloquence and intelligence, even they marvelled my observers, not just me. Indeed, the ideas and thoughts that ran through their minds, verbalised in words made the lesson much better than I had anticipated. Surely, they rose to the occasion higher than I ever thought possible.

My lesson ended well on time, and left them yearning for more. My Principal was so pleased with them she gave them a little speech at the end of the lesson, praising them for their behaviour. She said she was amazed at how each one of them listened when another classmate was presenting in class. She said she only saw this in Sec 2 Unity.

I felt proud of them. Like a parent seeing her child go on stage to receive her award, I was proud of these kids of mine. Suddenly, all the shouting to get them to listen when another was presenting seemed worth it. Suddenly, teaching them respect paid off. And maybe they didn't realise what they had done or learnt, but they had manifested it, and it showed it was in them. They are capable of exceeding expectations. They are capable of excelling. It's now just up to me to push them in the right direction.

And so my Sec 2 Unity - if you are reading this. Yes, thank you. Thank you for making my week a special one. Thank you for showing me that with perseverance, hard work will pay off. Thank you for encouraging me and letting me know that my mission of throwing starfishes in the sea is not an aimless one. You are a constant reminder for me, that I have a mission, and that I have to push on come what may. Thanks for making me smile. I hope I can do the same for you too.

:)

My Report Book

I did something strange today. I pulled out my report book from my secondary school days, and flipped through the pages, one by one. I vaguely remembered that I was strong in Geography and perhaps Biology, but I never quite remembered the rest of my subjects - except for A Maths of course, where I had an F9 right down to the O Level prelims.

Something struck me as I was flipping through the pages. The results I had back then were not very far from some of my students right now. I looked at the remarks my teacher wrote of me. "Shows great potential", "Responsible", "Conscientious", "Independent". As far as I could recall, I didn't think so highly of myself back then. All I remember was mugging at the last minute - just one day before the test. Somehow or other, I managed to pass quite OK - well, at least I got A1s to show for some subjects. Surprisingly, I did quite well for A Maths in Sec 3!

In any case, I wasn't too concerned about the marks. As I put my report book back on the shelf, I asked myself - what would my teacher think, say or feel if they meet me now. How would they feel if they knew what they had written, or what they had said to me affected me and moulded me into the person I am today. I reflect on my character right now, and yes, in a way they are right. They could see these qualities in me back then when I couldn't even see it for myself.

It brought me to wonder how and what I say to my students will affect their lives in the future. Will they look back one day when they are all grown up and successful, and say, yes, I got this far because my teacher believed in me?

And so, in reflection, sometimes, I feel as teachers, we should really watch what we say to our students. I subscribe fully to the labelling theory. Call a kid a trouble maker and he will be. Tell him he's good, and he will be. Of course, there are a few exceptions, but maybe we're not trying hard enough?

Yes, teaching is tough. As I sat with my NIE mates on Friday over dinner, we all agree that it's not easy to teach. It's not just teaching. It's the responsibility of so many lives that you're affecting every day. It's dealing with the stress and pressure of discipline, of classroom management, of administrative details, of planning, of marking, of dealing with parents, of meeting school expectations. And sometimes, we wonder how much thanks do we get in return.

An article appeared on Thursday's forum page. Someone wrote in to elaborate on the pressures of teaching. Yes, we all agree. It's a heavy burden to bear. It's a noble profession. It's tough. But some of us stick around anyway because we find fulfilment in moulding young minds and hearts.

As I start Term 2, I renew my objective and mission of why I came into teaching - to touch the lives of as many students as I can. It's a mammoth task, I know. But if like the boy who threw the starfishes back to sea, if I can do it one by one, bit by bit, I know I've made that difference.

Priscilla

Met up with Pris yesterday after the conference on Teaching with Newspapers at the Grand Hyatt. Well, you could say yesterday was a day of "catching up", since I also met up with Elaine, whom I got in touch with when she was working at the Ritz Carlton when I was running the ASEAN Lecture event whilst working at NUS. Glad to see that she's doing fine. Also ran into Debby and Mag - great to see you gals again.. Well, we'll meet again on Friday, yah? Can't wait!!

As usual, I enjoyed my meeting with Pris. It's always nice to meet up with her. Sometimes, I feel I talk too much each time I meet with her. It's like I'd pour out a whole baggage of news for her, and she'd just patiently listen. Each time I meet up with her, it's like getting back in touch with my true self.

It's funny but our lives seem so much alike, our characters and our thinking, that we wonder if we were related in some way. It's amazing to see how our friendship dates back since Primary One, and I'd say she's been a dear friend to me since. I remember how she'd give me 50 cents a day when I was in Primary school so that I could have money to buy a plate of mee rebus and have some left over for a popsicle. Not that I was that poor, but that my pocket money was whatever that was leftover from the household money set aside for that week. Some days, that meant nothing since my brother had to have his pocket money too.

I never did ask my mum how she managed to juggle it all, but somehow she did. Things got better when she went out to work, but that meant going back home to an empty home and a plate of cold porridge awaiting me. But I got by. I was fine. I had fun instead with my brother as we played fractions with our cold curded porridge.

Back to Pris - she's giving birth in June. About the same time as Lee Yee. I can't imagine. I'd have two new godsons within the same month! Pris has decided to name her son Christian. Nice. Says a lot, and I bet he'd be a hell of a handsome guy!

We spoke much about lots of stuff. About what has kept me busy, about kids, aboutd disappointments, about aspirations and about making ends meet. Yes, we're going through the same things ironically though we're leading separate lives. She understands how I feel. I understand how she feels.

We both parted with corny jokes that put us in higher spirits despite our fears. I guess we knew that the big guy above will watch over us somehow.

Term Break

Yes. Finally. The term break has started. And whilst others may envy at the one week breather, I am far from their envy. I realised that I have to be down in school everyday. It's worse than normal school. I have piles of marking to do, and students to meet, drama kids to train, and lesson preparation to do for me lesson observation. So, what's new?

Well, for starters, I'm taking this one week break to reflect on what I could have done better. What worked? What didn't? Why didn't it work?

As I set goals for my students, I have also begun to sit back, take a breather and set goals for myself. What is it that I want to achieve this term? Have I achieved any goals myself? Why am I on this mission? And have I begun to head towards the goal of this mission that I have embarked on?

Maybe yes, maybe no. I am glad that I have continued my good rapport with 2 Unity although sometimes, they climb over my head. And I have established good rapport with my form class. I think I need more working on for 2 Integrity. Slowly, but surely, I will get there! And my drama kids - what a lovely bunch! Put the rapport aside, I have to ask myself if I have been an effective teacher. Was I able to teach such that they understand?

It's time to think and reflect...

Morning Run

I must say it has sure been a while since I last ran, and so this morning's mass run with my students was a refreshing one, and one that brought back fond memories of old school days. It also got me reflecting about life...

As I observed whilst running, some students refused to run, deciding that they are not the "running type". Some chose to walk instead. Some were influenced by others, either to walk or run. Some were coerced, yet some were motivated just to do the best they could to do the run.

It got me reflecting about how we pursue our goals in life's journey. Each time we watch a sport's meet, we marvel at how someone else can run, or swim, or jump. Somewhere deep inside us, we wished we could be like that someone else.

In the very same way, I think some of my students and colleagues wished they could run faster. They wished they were fitter. They wished. But don't most of us do? I think the difference made is do we just wish, or do we do something about that wish?

For the runners who decided they were not the "running type", could they be a reflection of those of us who decide right from the start that we will fail even before trying? How do we know we are not the "running type" if we never try to put in all our best efforts to run? Similarly, how do we know we will succeed in anything if we never did try? Mostly, we are afraid to attempt anything because we are afraid to fail. Failing mars our image. Failing mars our perfect score. Failing highlights our weaknesses. Yes? No!

Failing per se is not good or bad, but what led to the failure and how we deal with it determines its value or non-value. If we tried our best yet we failed, we can stand proud and say - well, at least I tried. If we didn't put in our best effort, then hasn't it already given us the answer of what we should do? We deal with failure constructively. I once read somewhere that there is no such thing as failures, only lessons to be learnt. What have we learnt if we failed? Can we do anything about it? Have we put in our best?

Yet on the other hand, there is another group of people who haven't quite decided for themselves where they'd like to stand. And so they follow all those around them. If one runs, they will run. If one stops, they will stop.. Yes, my friend calls this the "Titanic Sydrome" - "You jump, I jump" *cringe*.

The problem with such a group of people is that they have not begun to develop their individualism. They are influenced by peer pressure. They cannot stand on their own two feet and say proudly - yes, this is what I stand for and believe in. It's about being confident about who you are and what you do.

I've told my students many a time when they are disruptive in class - if you want to fail, then go fail, don't pull your friends along with you. Someone who has a mind of his/her own will be able to decide for oneself what he or she wants. It's a matter of focus. It's a matter of choice.

I remember when I was in Secondary One, after the year end examinations, when the rest of my friends were playing in class, I had my mind on how to take care of the home whilst mum remained in hospital after an overdose of sleeping pills. My friends planned on going out, of having a chalet, of shopping. But I had my mind focused on my mum and brother. I had to be there for them, not to mention the fear of my dad. I stood my ground. Nevermind if it was uncool not to go out then, or if I wasn't included in the "in" group cos I couldn't afford their tea dances and expensive clothes, I stood my ground and believed in what I stood for and what I had to do.

If you think about it, life is like a run. Those who ran because they were forced to by their teachers were a reflection of those of us who go about in life because we were forced into such and such a job, such and such a life, such and such a partner.

But if you think about it, there were runners who were self-motivating as well. They just ran because they knew they could. They ran because they had their mind focused on it. And they did it well. And those that walked reminded us that we don't always need to rush through things to succeed, or do things in a haste. Somehow we will reach our goal as long as we're focused, systematic and persevering.

I want my students to think and reflect on their motivation level when they did the morning run - did you feel excited about the run?
- when you ran, how were you as a runner - passive, coerced, or active?
- use the running style you have identified and relate this back to your own life. How are you as a person as you go about achieving your life's goals.

Think about it the next time you run. What kind of runner in life are you? Run your life like a runner and head for the first always!

Valentine's Day

Tomorrow's Valentine's Day. It sure has been a while since I last experienced VDay being celebrated in school. I wonder what my kids will be up to. Let's see. The last I remembered celebrating that day in school was when I was in JC. I remember spending the night baking heart-shaped cookies to give away to my friends and classmates. The VDays that came after that were less memorable though along the way I did have that special someone to celebrate with. But somehow, it wasn't anything fancy since he didn't feel very strongly about celebrating it.

In any case, that was some 7 years back? I must say my most memorable Vday was the one last year, where I planned for Jeff to propose to Wendy - where I conspired to get her favourite food, music and flowers - set it all in her new home complete with tealight candles and jazz music. And how the taxi driver who sent me to her home said that "someday, somebody's gonna do the same thing for you." (You can read the whole story in February's archives if you know how to get there!)

Well, it's been a year since that happened, and hmmm... nobody has done that for me as yet. Well, I guess my gifts from God come in different packages!

Tomorrow, I will be celebrating VDay with three other girls - close friends of mine who reckon that being attached or married doesn't entail that they have to celebrate and be all romantic just on this particular day. They tell me love can be expressed on any other day just as well. I agree....

On another note, I guess on some other part of the island, two of my other friends will be celebrating this special day for the first time since he proposed to her. Yes, I've played cupid on my birthday two years back, and now I'm seeing the fruits of my labour! I'm glad for you, my friends!! I hear wedding bells!! How nice!!

Yes, I am still a romantic at heart!! Happy V Day to all my kids - I really shouldn't be encouraging teenage relationships, but go on, use this day to tell whoever you love that you love them, because you'll never know when the moment will slip you by.

:)

New blog design and CNY so far...

I figured I'm tired of the old design, and I thought this one better reflects the starfish icon that I've been associated with... it took me a while to transfer the stuff over, and I must say, I'm quite proud of myself to able to do all of it in less than an hour!

Well, the new year has started out ok so far. I wouldn't say it's fantastic considering the fact that on new year's eve, my mum announced to all of us that her brother (my only uncle from my mum's side) has been diagnosed with nose cancer. It came as a shock to us as he has been well all along, disregarding the fact that he has lost 7kg over the past year. We didn't really think it was anything to take note of since he's always known to be thin.

And so when I got back from school, mum gathered my brother and I in a room and asked us if it was OK if we pooled together what we had to help cover for uncle's medical bills. She asked us if it was OK if we let uncle and his wife stay over at our place. She asked if it was OK if she stopped work for a while to take care of uncle as he undergoes radiotherapy and possibly, chemotherapy. My brother and I were of course supportive of whatever mum decided. We understood that uncle always treated us as his children, having no children on his own. It was the least we could do.

She was relieved to see that we were so supportive. Across the island, my cousin sent her an sms telling her not to worry cos she too will support in whatever way she could.

Reunion dinner was a little tense as nobody really knew if they should bring up the issue or not. Thankfully, the ice was broken and we all started talking as if it was nothing serious. Some brought out instances of friends suffering from cancer for the past 17 years. To uncle, it meant that he wasn't really going to die so soon. There was hope.

But deep in our hearts, we are preparing for the worst. If all works out well, we'll thank God for giving him the chance to live a longer life. If not, we'd thank God too for not prolonging his suffering.

Uncle told my mum that he dreamt of my grandmother, and she told him that she was going to take him "home". We all knew what that meant, but still, we pray, that uncle thinks positively and do what's best for him.

For now, for everything that has happened, it has brought me to reflect how precious life can be. I've begun to think if this were my last days on earth, what will I do?

I'm glad that my family has rose up to the occassion to show generosity, love and compassion. It isn't so bad a start of the new year after all on hindsight. I feel my family bonding together again.

Let's appreciate what we have, and count our blessings...

happy new year

I really should be baking right now. Every year at this time, my granduncle waits in anticipation as I deliver to him without fail since some six years ago freshly baked sugee cake complete with extra almonds, brandy and decorated with mandarin oranges made out of marzipan.

I bask in pride as I see my relatives relish my creation, a recipe inherited from one of my mum's friend who guarded it with much secrecy since many would want to make a living out baking the dying recipe. Fortunately for me, she favoured me, considering me "kwai" (or obedient in teochew). She told my mum, "I'll only give Deborah the recipe". I felt fortunate.

Since then, I've received requests from relatives and friends far and wide, asking me to sell the cake to them, but I refused. I didn't believe in selling anything I baked. Nevertheless, I didn't guard the recipe as much as my mum's friend did. I gladly faxed over or photocopied the handwritten recipe, now all yellow, crumpled and with stains from vanilla essence. Still I kept it as such. It felt more authentic keeping a recipe on a yellowish piece of paper.

Chinese New Year reminds me of the days when I resigned from Raffles Hotel without a job. Grace and I decided to sell pineapple tarts to make a living whilst finding another job. We started taking orders and sampled with recipes. We didn't know what we did but the orders started pouring in, and before we could say no, we had expanded our business to included other new year cookies too - all authetically made by hand. I was working 24/7. Going to the market every morning to get 10 fresh pineapples from the uncle at the fruit stall was de rigour. And when all was done, we did our calculations, split the profits and took home each about $100, not to mention a lack of sleep and life for two months.

Perhaps it was from that day on did I decide I would never sell what I baked. It's not worth it. But more so, I believe that when I bake, I have to add in lots of love in it for it to turn out nice. How can I put in love in something I'm making a profit from? It just didn't seem right.

And so, now I just give away the stuff I bake. Tonight, on the baker's list is four loaves of sugee cake and one loaf of banana bread. If time permits, maybe a batch of brownies.... I don't think I'd be sleeping much tonight. It's a good thing I don't have to teach tomorrow. I'll squeeze in some marking in between the baking...

To all my students - XING NIAN KUAI LE, XUE YE JIN BU, SHEN TI JIAN KANG!
(there you have it, me speaking mandarin to you!! :P)

:)

Dear God...

Dear God
Thank you for today. Today's my brother's birthday and I pray that you will bless him.

God, I was angry today. Well, actually more like frustrated. Frustrated because one of my Sec 2 classes didn't seem to be listening during the presentation I had planned for them. This is not the first time they have acted this way. It's been five weeks since I started teaching them, and I thought I should be doing better in establishing rapport with them. Somehow, I can't seem to connect with them the way I want to.

But God, you are kind. Thank you for blessing me with the other two classes I teach. Today, one of the students from the other Sec 2 class reassured me that things will be better. He said, "Last year when you first taught us, it wasn't like this easy too." He is right. Rapport takes time to build. Maybe it's me being impatient again. I guess it's easier for me to connect with my form class too cos I taught some of them last year and I've spent more time with them as compared to the new Sec 2 class.

God, I'm beginning to feel drained teaching the new Sec 2 class. Thankfully, I have the other class to replenish the lost energy. Today, as I stepped into the old Sec 2 class, I looked at them in a different light. The faces were familiar, and they were familiar with my rules. As they completed their worksheets, I felt a need to want to nurture them more. In a way, I felt that I owned them. Yes, I think I'm beginning to be fond of this class. Reading through their answers on the inner monologue was a joy. Bless them, Lord. They have so much potential in them. Guide me so that I may guide them, to bring out the best in them, to help them fulfil their dreams.

Tomorrow is a new day, God. Please bless all my students with wisdom, patience and grace.

Thank you God for today. Please continue to give me patience as I journey through this life doing your work.

:)
PS - God, my optical mouse and mini hifi and microwave oven's spoilt... :(